East Berlin's June Boat Song

===========================

Passing through the unforgettable Dresden urban area full of Baroque buildings, we came straight to the countryside of the city.In the green and quiet forest, our car was driving on a gravel road that was not smooth. Thanks to the conscience of the German manufacturing industry, otherwise I was really worried that the tires would not last the village that Sasha mentioned.

In a valley in the rolling forest, this beautiful village called "Geheimnis" was built on the edge of the Elbe River. We arrived just at dawn, and it was like a sleeping girl, slowly waking up in the transpiration of clouds and mists. A little smoke rises in the cold sky, and the golden morning glow pours on the ancient Germanic houses through the mist.

As a flock of titmouse streaked across the blue and gold sky, I looked up and smelled the smell of toast on the wind.

I don't know why he, a Soviet, came to a village in the mountains of Germany on purpose, but Sasha just explained, because he had been here to do missions and recorded the beautiful scenery here.

We walked along the banks of the Elbe River and drank coffee in a simple and quaint cafe in the village. During the war, this place was not affected by the flames of war, and the serene smiles on people's faces were as clear and transparent as sunlight.We also wandered the market in the center of the village, where women sold goat hair blankets and young girls made some beautiful handicrafts to display on linen.

"Maybe we can buy some local products and give them to our friends." Sasha went to a vendor, knelt down and picked up a fir tree sculpture. He said with a smile, "Look, this is very suitable for Julian, right?"

I nodded and knelt down beside him: "I have a friend, yes, you have met before, I don't know if you remember him, Alan Crowder, a student at the University of Berlin's medical school, he is Dres Don, I think he'll be very happy with my gift."

"Yes Rhine, there is nothing more touching than a gift from your hometown. So, let's pick some together."

In the end, Sasha bought a fir tree sculpture and a pair of silver earrings with green onyx, and I bought a glass globe with snowflakes in it and a dreamcatcher with purple feathers woven from coarse twine, and a An antique cigarette case in mahogany, and, in my selection of gifts for Ellen, I bought a silver cross necklace at Sasha's suggestion.

The crucifixion of Jesus is carved so lifelike that people can't help but move.

"Does he have faith?" Sasha asked.

I nodded: "Yes, Allen believes in Christianity."

Armed with gifts, we embarked on the return journey.When leaving, Sasha looked at Geheimnis in the valley and said in a daze, "Rhein, if one day you can't find me, come here."

I asked inexplicably: "Why can't I find you?"

Sasha slowly raised the corners of his mouth, his eyes were clear and clear, and the light of a saint appeared again. He didn't answer, and the silence spread in the wind.

In October 1954, after a six-month mission, I finally returned to East Berlin.As usual, obviously as the senior police chief of the Stasi, I still have to go to Karlshorst to report first.

I miss Julian so much. As soon as I entered the white mansion, I gave the dream catcher to Sonia who was surprised, and the cigarette case to Ansolov who was a little shy, and then ran up to the third floor with Sasha piano room.

Pushing open the door, Julian stood upright, turned around slowly, with a slight smile on his lips.

This person always looks so calm that he would die, and he definitely wants to kill me in his heart.I rushed up to hug him, and took a hard bite on his soft lips.He also hugged me and kissed me passionately.

"Miss me?" I rubbed against him coquettishly, and he took two steps back, leaning on the piano.

A muffled laugh came out of his throat, and he patted me on the back lovingly: "Hey, let me talk to Sasha first."

Only then did I realize that Sasha was still standing at the door, I quickly took myself off him, and then walked out of the piano room.Sasha's eyes were indifferent, and there was no reaction.I went out and closed the door, and my mood sank to the bottom.

I haven't seen you for six months. Is this his attitude?

I smiled and squatted in the corridor.Also, they are senior military officers, and Sasha needs to report the results of this mission to Julian.In their world, feelings should be ranked behind many things.I get it, I understand it, but the heartache is real.

I played with the glass ball in my hand, a hexagonal snowflake was carved in it, and it shone like a diamond under the light.I flinched, crossed my knees, and stared at the snowflake in a daze.

The first time I saw it, I thought the snow was from Siberia.

After more than half an hour, Sasha came out and saw me squatting in the corridor.

"Okay, you can go." He walked up to me, stretched out his hand and pulled me up: "Don't be depressed, he misses you very much."

I dodge my eyes: "I'm not depressed..."

"Just smile." Sasha pinched my cheek, and then went straight down the stairs.

I walked into the piano room, Julian leaned on the piano, put his hands in his trouser pockets, crossed his legs, tsk, those straight and slender legs.I sighed, stepped forward and put my arms around his thin waist.

"You make me sad, you are so cold." I stared at his green eyes and stroked his soft hair.

He smiled lightly, lowered his light golden eyelashes, and lifted them up suddenly, God, I can't stand his playful look, which makes me very urge to fall in love with him.

So I touched him: "Speak, honey, say you miss me."

He hugged me: "You've lost weight."

"But it hasn't rested for six months."

He nodded, as if agreeing very much, held my face in his hands, and observed it carefully.His gaze was substantial, scanning up and down, as if reviewing his army, which made me a little uncomfortable.

"What's wrong?" I frowned.

He chuckled: "Not bad."

He kissed my eyes: "You still love me."

I let go of him, angry: "You don't believe me so much? Then why did you arrange this training?"

He bent his eyes and pulled me into his arms: "Okay honey, if you have time to quarrel, why don't you take a good look at me."

Sadness welled up in my heart: "You don't even say you miss me."

He stroked my hair, kissed my earlobe, then put his hands inside my clothes and pulled me forward so I could feel his reaction.

"Isn't that enough to show that I'm thinking of you?"

He was rarely naughty, and I was satisfied, so I put my arms around his neck: "Tsk, you pervert."

He raised his eyebrows: "It's the first time I've heard someone say that about me."

"Is that because you only react to me?" I rubbed against his neck: "You love me."

He held my hand trembling, but did not speak.My heart was beating wildly because it was the first time I tried to get him to admit that he loved me.

I am so timid and inferior. Over these years, he never said he loves me, and I never asked him to say so.For fear of getting an unacceptable answer.

He likes me, but does he love me?

I keep hypnotizing myself that he loves me, but he never said he loves me.Even though I just said that, he just hugged me in silence.He kept trying to change the subject with his hand movements, he knew that I couldn't help his touch and kiss, so some things could be passed on lightly and skillfully.

My heart throbbed, and I took out the glass ball from my pocket.

"Look, it's Siberian snow."

I handed it to him and said, "A gift for you."

"Thank you, Rhine." He looked at the glass ball with a bright smile, and instantly the whole room lit up a bit: "It's very beautiful, I like it very much."

He put the glass ball on the piano, and placed it with the fir tree sculpture that Sasha gave him.I don't know how to describe that feeling. Against the backdrop of the wood carvings, the snowflakes suddenly become frivolous. Unlike the wood carvings that carry the traces of time, the snowflakes are light and fluttering, as if they will disappear when the wind blows.

I opened the corner of my mouth and smiled: "Sasha has much more taste than me."

"Really?" Julian put his hand on my shoulder: "Play me the June boat song, and I'll go downstairs for dinner later. I know you're coming back. Comrade Ansolov has prepared a lot."

I nodded, and played the June boat song.

Although it is not the first time, I always feel that today's performance is particularly sad, the sadness soaked in the bones, but I can't explain the reason, this inexplicable emotion makes me lose my appetite when I eat dinner.

"Little Rhine is overtired." Sonia wore beautiful green agate earrings on her ears, and her eyes were full of smiles: "You need some champagne."

Ansolov took out a bottle of Soviet brand champagne and handed it to me: "This is a good one, we all like it."

I thanked him and drank a small glass, my face turned rosy, and Julian cut a piece of smoked chicken and put it on my plate.

"You can try some milk."

Sonia handed me the milk jug as soon as she finished speaking.

"Little Rhine, we miss you very much." Sonia said, "Tell us, what did you and Sasha do outside? Have you learned all his tricks?

I dipped the smoked chicken in some milk, and this strange Russian way of eating it was somehow delicious.

"Yes, my dear Sonia, I have learned all of that set of pharmacy, but it still needs a long time of practice."

"That's right, that's right." Sonia nodded with a smile: "Sasha's tricks are indispensable for the Second Directorate General. It's difficult. You need to spend some time. I think there are laboratories inside the Stasi?"

"Yes." Julian smiled slightly: "Theirs are pretty good."

"Have you been there?" I asked him, but he took a sip of champagne and didn't answer me.

"Rhein, have you been to Belgrade? Isn't the Sava River very beautiful?" Ansolov rescued me intimately: "You must know that my dear Sanania and I met there."

"Sanania?" I looked at him curiously.

Old Comrade Ansolov's cheeks flushed plainly again: "It was my late wife, she was beautiful, she was a dancer in Belgrade."

I remembered the dance in the square that day, the blade in Sasha's hand.Suddenly, the dangling green agate on Sonia's ear rushed into my eyes, and the beautiful green was blurred into pieces, turning into a green shirt under the rain.

Feeling nauseated in my heart, I covered my mouth in panic and ran towards the bathroom.Retching for a while, I washed my face with cold water and looked up at myself in the mirror.

Wet pale face, blue lips, tired eyes.

Rhine, Rhine, you are enough, how long will you be weak?

Counting the people you killed with your own hands, you can’t count them with just one hand.

What kind of saint are you still pretending to be here, what kind of good person are you pretending to be?

You should put aside that damn hypocrisy as soon as possible, and understand the cruel truth of the world, otherwise you will not be able to catch up with them, you will let them down, and then lose all their affection for you.

Don't you understand this truth?

--------------------

PS: geheimnis, German "secret" means.