East Berlin's June Boat Song

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So in the summer of 1951, I became a Stasi with honor.

The night before going to the headquarters building to report on his duties, Julian told me to wait for him in the piano room of the white mansion at night.

For the first time, I'm not a weekend but still in Karlshorst.This Soviet military headquarters, this KGB headquarters, this place is full of dangerous lies and conspiracies.

I sat in the piano room blankly, watching the sky getting late, the night sky in June was bright, and the stars were hanging in the sky.

Before I knew it, that poem flooded into my mind.

*"Walk to shore--*

*Waves there,*

*will come to kiss your feet,*

*mysterious and melancholy stars,*

*will shine over our heads. "*

I lifted the lid of the piano and played the boat song in June.

You see, how ignorant Rhine is.

He was a gangster a year ago, but now he plays the piano in a high-end general's mansion.

A few days ago, he became a senior police officer of the Ministry of National Security, holding a job that no one can imagine.

No need to worry about food and clothing, his appearance is all stretched out, and wherever he goes, he is said to be a handsome Germanic boy.

But this man was crying while playing the piano, even he himself couldn't explain why.

After the sound of the piano fell, another voice that was more moving than the sound of the piano sounded.

"You cry all the time."

Julian came in wearing a military uniform, and closed the door with a tired face after a day's work: "I hate men crying the most."

I twitched the corner of my mouth: "I can't help it, I don't look like a man."

He went straight to the marble table, poured a glass of vodka and drank it down. Putting down the glass, he looked out of the window dreamily.The Adam's apple rolled up and down on his fair neck, and a trace of the strong wine remained on the corner of his lips.The light golden eye feathers reflected the night, as if there were stars twinkling on it.

He stood there for about a few minutes, silent, just looking out the window.

Silence spread, and his words were always few and far between.

After a long time, he suddenly spoke.

"Are you afraid of the KGB?"

"Everyone is afraid."

"Even if that person is Sasha?"

He turned to look at me, as if expecting my answer.

I put my head down, if it was Sasha, honestly, I don't know.

Even if he was a senior KGB officer, I don't know if I should be afraid of him.As soon as his gentleness is revealed, it will flood in like a tide, and I will fall into it instinctively.

"You like him?" Julian walked up to me, reached out and rubbed my chin.

Alas, this man, why does he always use this action?

I sighed, and to be honest, I didn't know either.Whether I like Sasha, or the dream of being bound to him, this question has troubled me for a long time.

I don't know if it's love for him, but I know that I really like him.

"I like him." I said, "I really like him."

Julian's eyes trembled imperceptibly, and he asked, "What about me? Do you like me?"

I was a little surprised, I didn't expect him to ask so directly.

Allen told me that when you can't answer a person's question, you ask the same question back.

"Do you like me?"

I stared into his eyes as if looking into his soul.

Green, deep, a soul hidden like a lake.

After a moment of silence, he let go of me and said, "Rhein, stand up."

I stood up honestly. It has been a year, and I am used to listening to him. I am very used to it, as long as he is happy.

He took a step towards me, put me face to face, bent slightly, and pressed my hands on the piano.

Hum... The piano hummed a long time.

The distance between us was eliminated, and he stuck to me completely, holding me in front of the piano, letting the tip of my nose lightly touch his jaw, making me unable to move.

Without any extra movement, without any extra words, he kissed her.

The soft lips that make people think infinitely, kissed my lips.

Breathing shallowly intertwined, I trembled because of throbbing, but I was no longer afraid, as if this kiss was destined long ago, I responded to him clumsily, the tip of my tongue was entangled gently, our breaths were exchanged in the smell of fir forest In the still air.

After a kiss, he stared into my eyes.

"Rhein, you can like others, but you have to love me."

He kisses my eyes.

"You can only love me."

I didn't sleep on the sofa that night, and after taking a shower, he led me into his bedroom.That was the first time I walked into Julian's bedroom, with a simple layout, dark green bed curtains, and white and fluffy quilts.

We never kissed again, nor did we have any other conversations, nor even a corresponding explanation of the situation.He just held me by the hand and made me sleep in the same bed as him.

He doesn't say he likes me, and I don't say I like him either.

And for him to say, I have to love him, I didn't make any response.

That night, we just slept together, like two innocent teenagers, the most intimate gesture was just him wrapping his arms around me from behind.

If my memory serves me right, that was the first time he hugged me.

Gentle and gentle, there was a warmth in his chest, like a cluster of bonfires burning on the snowy field.The heat flows from my shoulder blades to my whole body, warming my throbbing body and soothing my wounded soul.

Until the next day, the first rays of sunlight fell on the bed through the cracks in the curtains, and we woke up hugging each other.

I said goodbye to him and he planted a kiss on my cheek.

"Remember what I said."

His blue eyes were full of affection, I nodded with a slight smile, and for a moment, I felt that I really remembered his words in my heart.

I can like anyone, but I have to love Julian.

I walked to the door, stopped, and turned to look at him standing in front of the white gauze curtain.

"Can I trust you, Julian."

The corners of his lips raised slowly, and a sincere smile bloomed on his beautiful face as clear as morning dew.

The summer sun shining through the window enveloped him inside, and there was a gust of breeze blowing in his green eyes, which were as calm as water, rippling slightly.

"You can always trust me, Rhine."

I looked at him deeply, maybe it was this morning that I fell in love with Julian.

Or maybe, what I love has always been Julian.

But it took me a long time to understand.

Glanced and glanced.

Julian in the sun.

Oh, the Julian I both love and hate.

My Julian.

In the blue sky of East Berlin, a flock of gray pigeons circled.

Circling, looking down.

I looked up at them, and they seemed to be looking at me too.

I smiled and looked away.

At 103 Ruthchester Avenue, a group of 49 large gray buildings form a regular closed rectangle, like a high wall.Each building has no obvious house number identification, but stands there silently, as if examining a giant.

In the Stasi headquarters, the cold wind blows through it. People standing in the buildings are so small that it is easy to be ignored, and they can't even feel their own existence.

This East German country, which studied under the KGB of the Soviet intelligence agency and inherited the experience and work attitude of the Gestapo during the Nazi period, with a meticulous and rigorous style, has developed the secret police and intelligence services to a terrifying height in just over a year. Institutions are embracing me with open arms.

"WIRSINDUEBERALL (WE ARE EVERYWHERE)."

Looking at the slogan posted in the headquarters, I looked up at the sky again.

The gray dove is gone, only the sky of East Berlin remains.

gray day.

I'm wearing a khaki trench coat and carrying a handbag that Allen picked out to keep me looking elitist.Led by a man in a Stasi civilian uniform, I walked through the complex to the deepest building, Building [-].

"Minister Zeisel will receive you personally, Mr. Muller."

After speaking, the staff member left in a hurry, and my footsteps echoed in the cold corridor. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Come in."

The voice from inside was unexpectedly gentle and mellow.

I pushed the door open and saw a black desk in the huge office, behind which sat a middle-aged man in his 40s.He was wearing a sharply tailored suit and his brown hair was scrupulously combed.He is not tall, but he exudes a majestic aura around him.But his eyes were very kind, and the smile he stood up and stretched out his hand to me could be regarded as sincere and amiable.

"Hello, Mr. Mueller."

Polite and suave, no one could have guessed that this man would be the dreaded head of the Stasi, Minister Wilhelm Zeisel, first-class general in charge of the entire secret police.

"Hello, Mr. Minister, I am Rhine Muller, here to report..."

I was a little nervous. After all, the notification I received was to report here today, and I didn't even know what department I was assigned to.

Minister Zeisel saw my embarrassment, and he eased the atmosphere very intimately: "You were directly introduced by the Military Control Commission, Rhine, oh, I hope you don't mind me calling you Rhine, because you look very young, how much do you Years old?"

"Twenty years old, Mr. Minister."

"Twenty years old is indeed very young. If my son is still alive, he will probably be as old as you." He seemed to start chatting with me, bending his eyes and smiling kindly: "You have never received any intelligence work or security work. Training in conservation work?"

"Yes, Mr. Minister, I was only a medic for a few months during the war."

"Oh, medical soldiers." Zeisel raised his eyebrows: "The greatest on the battlefield is the medical soldiers."

I twitched the corners of my mouth, not knowing what to reply, so I asked, "Mr. Minister, what should I do now?"

Zeisel glanced at me, and for the first time there was a look of ambiguity in his gentle eyes.

"You will work in the Counterintelligence Intelligence Reconnaissance Division, Rhine, this is General Azrael's order."

I was a little surprised, I didn't expect that he had already made this step, and even arranged for which department I was in.

"However, my ability is very limited." I lowered my head: "Why would you allow me to come in through the back door? Oh, I mean, I really don't understand..."

"The military control committee wants to know our news. We also know that they want to know our news. They also know that we know that they want to know our news. The news needs a messenger." He took a deep look at me: "Rhein, this It's a mouthful to say, but I'm sure you'll understand, and it won't take long for you to understand everything."

It suddenly occurred to me that Julian once said that the world is much more complicated than I imagined, and it seemed that I had touched some things unconsciously.

So I stood up and bowed to Minister Zeisel.

"No matter what, I will try my best to do my job well, please rest assured."

Zeisel showed a warm smile, stepped forward and patted my shoulder.

"Then, my dear Comrade Müller, remember our motto—"

“The sword and shield of the party.”

He pointed to the huge Stasi symbol on the wall, a powerful hand gripped a gun with a bayonet, a bright red flag fluttered on the gun, black and yellow horizontal bars, dark golden ears of wheat Around a symbol that looks like a ship's anchor.

"WIRSINDUEBERALL." He looked at me.

"WIRS INDUEBERALL."

I read it to him blankly, and then saw a satisfied smile on his face.

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PS: Wilhelm Zeisel, the first Minister of State Security of the GDR.This article is roughly based on real experiences, with slightly adapted emotional relationships and characters.