God said I would meet you

"Did you really tell him?" Zhang Xinli thought that Lin Jinyu would refuse a little: "What did your cousin say?"

"Yeah, you can say whatever you want, are you just joking?"

Of course Zhang Xinli wasn't joking casually, he just felt a little surprised, after all... In his impression, Lin Jinyu was still very repulsed to see his family members, so much so that he didn't want to mention any words related to "family" or "father".

Lin Jinyu continued: "He didn't say anything, he just asked where we lived, and thought he would come to see us, maybe he was too busy with work."

The little cousin only focused on inquiring about their recent situation on the phone, and didn't insist on asking Lin Jinyu to keep the 2 yuan, nor did he ask to see them or anything.

Zhang Xinli said, "I thought I would come to see you."

"Me too," Lin Jinyu said, "I thought I'd come to see us. The little cousin... is actually pretty good."

Zhang Xinli thought that he was still very sensitive about his family and so on, while Lin Jinyu thought he was still prejudiced against his little cousin.

To his surprise, Zhang Xinli agreed: "Yes, if he hadn't put down his work and came to change shifts with me on time every day, I might not be able to take good care of you."

Real contact and getting along is the best way to change two people's views on each other, Lin Jinyu said: "I thought you still hated him."

"No, why would you hate it? It's your family," Zhang Xinli said, "It's just that I didn't like it because of some misunderstandings."

He wanted to explain this thoroughly, because he didn't want Lin Jinyu to think that he hated his relatives: "It was really hard at that time, you were in a bad mood, you didn't want to take medicine, you didn't talk to me, you didn't move all day, No energy. We were afraid of you for a while... Self-harm and suicide, your cousin helped a lot. Because the disease is unpredictable, you must take care of it all the time, your father doesn’t care about you, and you don’t want to go to the hospital, so ..."

In the middle of speaking, he suddenly shut up.

People are easy to get carried away, probably because the days have been too peaceful recently, and his sense of crisis has weakened. When this topic happened to be discussed, Zhang Xinli realized after a while that what he said just now can be said to have said all the "prohibited words" over and over.

For example, "take medicine", "suicide", "dad", "hospital" and so on... It's like thunder everywhere.

Moreover, recalling the extremely negative past episodes in detail may also suddenly bring the patient back to the negative state at a certain moment in the past. To be on the safe side, the doctor once reminded the patient that he could not control himself during the episode. As a family member, it is best not to blame him. Don't mention to Lin Jinyu himself the excessive actions he made because of his negative emotions. You don't need to take him back to the negative past, just teach him to look forward to the bright future.

The casual and comfortable atmosphere of the dinner just now disappeared without a trace, Zhang Xinli only felt his heart hang up, his hands holding the chopsticks stopped in mid-air, and his whole body froze, as if he was waiting for some judgment.

Lin Jinyu also paused for a moment, but only for a moment. After a moment, he resumed his movements. Ma Liu put a piece of chicken into his mouth, and said with a normal expression: "Oh, really," he said while chewing, "Maybe The brain compulsively forgets, I don't remember many details."

I don't know if this is true or not, but Zhang Xinli would rather it be true. Forgetting is a self-healing ability of human beings, which is sometimes lost by patients with depression.If Lin Jinyu repeatedly ruminates on the unhappy memories of the past, it means that he has not improved, and is still like walking a tightrope at a high altitude, and he will fall off one day.

"...Really?" Zhang Xinli relaxed a little, and continued to eat as calmly as possible: "It's good, there are some things that don't need to be remembered."

"Haha, indeed," Lin Jinyu picked up the bowl, and began to eat quickly, "But you can't forget it all," he said, "I have to remember how kind you are to me."

He ate faster than before, he seemed to have a great appetite, and his expression was normal, but maybe the lessons from the past were too painful, Zhang Xinli always felt uneasy.

"Jinyu," he said, "just now... I didn't mean to."

"It's okay." Lin Jinyu was still just eating: "You are just stating the facts. I actually... don't feel much about the hospital now. When I took care of you, I slept in the hospital every day and smelled the disinfectant. The stool in the corridor is really not for people to sleep on. Seeing an empty white sheet is nicer than seeing my mother."

It may be considered wrong, and going to the hospital every day to take care of Zhang Xinli acted as desensitization therapy to a certain extent. Although Lin Jinyu was in an environment that she rejected at the time, she didn't care about it at all. At that time, taking care of Zhang Xinli became the only one. So high a goal that he neglects everything else.

"Really?" Zhang Xinli breathed a sigh of relief: "During this time...do you feel okay?"

He was not good when he didn't get back together before, and he didn't dare to ask. He just worried silently in his heart. Now he can finally ask: "I remember you can't drink, but..."

However, whether it was at the dinner party for Lalong's welcome, or at the dinner with Lin Ye, or on her birthday, Lin Jinyu didn't seem to be taboo.

"Me?" Lin Jinyu was still eating, and he seemed to have suddenly focused on eating from the beginning: "It's good, we stay together 24 hours a day, you should feel it. Drinking is because the dose of medicine has been reduced, drink normally It’s okay not to drink too much, and it enhances your sense of community.”

His life in the past year has been very fulfilling. He was busy with his studies in the first half of the year, flirting with his ex-boyfriend in the second half of the year, and recently he was busy with his relationship. He lived a very comfortable life. Although he was not happy every minute and every second, he was in the normal range of mood swings. , There is no time when you are so low that you feel that the whole world is dark and the sun and the moon are dark.

That's great... Zhang Xinli said heartily.He asked, "When is the next visit?"

He is very concerned about this, even though he has been with Lin Jinyu for more than half a year, but he has never seen Lin Jinyu go for a follow-up visit. Generally speaking, he should go back for a follow-up visit in three months, right?

Lin Jinyu stared at the dishes in the fast food box on the table, stuffed her mouth, and said quickly: "The more serious it is, the shorter the interval between follow-up visits. Last time, the doctor said to go in half a year."

Half a year later... In other words, it's time to go soon.

"Then," Zhang Xinli thought for a while, and said, "Let's go together sometime someday."

"Yes." Lin Jinyu agreed unambiguously, but then he immediately said, "Let's eat now, don't talk about it."

Zhang Xinli continued to eat, ate for a while, and said: "If you feel bad, you must tell me. We have started again, and this time we must be honest."

This is already unknown how many times he said this sentence, dozens of times, or hundreds of times.

Lin Jinyu was eating like a storm, his mouth was full of food, but he was still pinching it with his chopsticks on the table. He looked a bit like the Heiwa in the movie "White Deer Plain" eating and chatting!) The demeanor in it looks delicious.

Lin Jinyu didn't answer this time.He probably choked on eating too eagerly, so he suddenly put down his chopsticks, stopped eating, and stayed still on the table, as if he was slowing down.

Zhang Xinli also stopped moving and looked at him.

About eight or nine seconds later, Lin Jinyu suddenly got up, rushed to the bathroom, lifted the toilet lid and began to vomit the food she just ate.

Zhang Xinli quickly followed behind him, all the way to the bathroom door, but didn't make a sound, just stood at the door, waiting quietly.

I don't know whether Lin Jinyu vomited in his mouth or in his stomach. It seemed that he just vomited what was in his mouth and what was in his throat.After vomiting, he wiped his mouth with his arm and pressed the flush button.

The viscous saliva was washed down with the messy filth. Lin Jinyu walked to the sink, put his hands on the edge of the table, lowered his head and breathed heavily, suppressing the nausea caused by vomiting.Zhang Xinli walked a few steps in, and called him, "Jinyu."

"Don't come over," Lin Jinyu still lowered his head, and raised his hand to signal him to stay where he was: "...I'm fine," he said, "Just take a while... just a little while."

Zhang Xinli wanted to say something, but Lin Jinyu smiled and said, "Eat too fast...Occasionally, I feel bad for a few minutes, it's okay. Don't...don't talk to me, let me stand alone for a while."

Then no one spoke. Zhang Xinli did not speak according to his wish, but he did not leave either. Instead, he walked over, stood behind him, and gently put his hand on his shoulder.

About 10 minutes later, Lin Jinyu bowed her waist, turned on the water and rinsed her mouth, then splashed cold water on her face with her palm, straightened up, and said, "Okay, it's all right."

Zhang Xinli's face was relaxed and not serious. Seeing that he was fine, he didn't ask questions such as "why did he suddenly feel uncomfortable" or "what happened just now?" and just said: "Well...it only took 10 minutes, it's much better .”

Lin Jinyu pulled up the hem of her clothes to wipe off the dripping water from her face and neck, smiled, and said, "It's much better."

In the past, his sudden unhappiness would last for a long time, as short as half a day, more than ten hours, or as long as there is no certainty, but now it is much better, but Zhang Xinli is smart enough not to mention the past, only talking about the present.

Lin Jinyu's crux lies in his family, his parents, and not in other places. Although follow-up visits are very important, but I am afraid that if he wants to get rid of the shadow completely, he can only start from the home where he was born and raised for 20 years.

Zhang Xinli's dark eyes seemed to have unclear plans, he patted Lin Jinyu on the back, and signaled him to go out for a rest or continue eating.Lin Jinyu grabbed his hand and squeezed it, and said with a long breath: "Phew—it's okay, I've been feeling blocked occasionally this year, it's normal... It's just that I pretended to be brave in front of you today, not pretending to be real." A few minutes of silence passed."

Only occasionally, the frequency is already very low.

"You don't need to be brave in front of me," Zhang Xinli said, "I've seen everything you look like...you see me too."

"Okay," Lin Jinyu said, "It won't happen in the future."

Zhang Xinli opened the door and went out with him. The dog outside the house didn’t see them for 10 minutes. It seemed like reunion after a long time. Lin Jinyu hugged him like he was hugging a huge, president Mao's child, tease back and forth.

His mood improved immediately when he saw the dog.

Zhang Xinli watched his partner kiss and hug Hao Daer, and began to think about something in his heart.This does not seem to be able to solve the fundamental problem. Lin Jinyu has improved a lot, but if the last straw that crushed him at the beginning is not resolved, I am afraid that he will only get better forever, but may always relapse, and cannot completely get rid of the medicine.

He thought: Lin Jinyu, his lover, he must recover completely and become what he should have been.

Maybe they should go back and see Lin Huainan.