God said I would meet you

Lin Jinyu once thought that if something happened again, his heart would not fluctuate too much.

Because it wasn't the first time he separated from Zhang Xinli, he had already gone through all the mental journeys in the summer vacation after the end of the third year of high school, this time it was just the same.Whether Zhang Xinli doesn't look back, or goes to get married, he will only feel "Oh, that's it", and he will be expressionless, or at most laugh mockingly--mocking himself, waking up from a dream.

But when Zhang Xinli held his hand tightly, Lin Jinyu's feeling was not what he thought.

It's not joy, it's not sadness, it's hard to tell what it feels like.

He twitched, wanting to pull his hand back, but Zhang Xinli held him tightly, still holding him firmly.

"You go ahead of me," he said, "too many people."

Most of the people are visible to the naked eye, so he doesn't need to repeat. They were too close, Lin Jinyu couldn't turn around, so he just stood still and said, "Of course I know. No need, just be a three-year-old child."

Zhang Xinli paused for a second, then said, "I have something to tell you."

"What are you talking about?" It was very difficult for Lin Jinyu to speak in the crowded crowd, while trying to maintain his balance, he said, "Just say it here."

"No," Zhang Xinli said, "I want to talk to you alone."

Mysterious and secretive.Lin Jinyu said, "What's the difference?"

Zhang Xinli replied: "There is a big difference."

He felt that these words were very important, so important that it would affect everything else, so he hoped to find a quiet place and speak to Lin Jinyu well.

Originally, he had this idea in mind when he invited Lin Jinyu to "go and sit with me". In the closed room, everyone faced each other face to face, and explained why he broke up.However, Lalong stepped in and decided to come to the Bund to play.But luckily he is now alone.

The crowd struggled up the steps, out of the exit, and onto Broad Street.Zhang Xinli thought that with Lin Jinyu's current angry state, he would have to spend a lot of time to convince him to agree, but unexpectedly, Lin Jinyu stood at the street corner, patted the ashes on his trouser legs, and said, "Since you insist on ,Well."

Ordinarily, it seems to be just middle school students agreeing to go to the bathroom with their friends.

……

It was very windy on the terrace, and when you looked down, the brilliant lights looked like a swarm of golden fireflies.

Lin Jinyu leaned against the railing, lit a cigarette in the cool night wind, and said, "Say what you want to say, and we're done."

Such a casual gesture somewhat displeased Zhang Xinli, but he believed that as long as he talked about it, everything would be fine.

"I didn't mean to separate from you," he said, "Actually, at that time I..."

The phrase "in fact, I" that had been suppressed for a long time finally came out, and Zhang Xinli felt a sense of relief: "...At that time, I had no other choice. In that case, we could only separate first, go home separately, and organize ourselves... I thought you would go home after breaking up."

Half of Lin Jinyu's profile face was hidden in the dark shadows, and under the short stubble was a white and smooth forehead.After hearing these words, he was not as stunned, surprised, or unbelievable as Zhang Xinli expected, and the expression on that handsome face did not even change a bit.

"So?" Lin Jinyu exhaled the smoke, and only said this: "Is there any more, let's talk about it together."

"I saw the text messages and payment records on your mobile phone... I secretly read them while you were asleep, and I shouldn't admit it," Zhang Xinli said, "At that time, your mood finally stabilized, and the internship was also at a critical stage. We went to the street to sell flowers, everything was going well, but..."

But he happened to be lying in the hospital, and he was the only one lying in the hospital.

"...I've discussed it with your cousin," Zhang Xinli said in a low voice. This may be the first time he explained the misunderstanding to Lin Jinyu seriously: "We are separated, you have to reconcile with your father first... you must reconcile. , I went back to school, waited until graduation, graduated..."

After graduation, they will all have their own formal jobs, have a stable income, and have a clear direction in life. At that time, it will be good to turn around... He thought he could turn back.

Zhang Xinli said so much, all for the last sentence: "I told you to break up, not because I don't love you anymore."

After finishing speaking, he looked at Lin Jinyu, his eyes were dark and hopeful.

He thought that it would be all right to say these words, as long as he admits that he loves him, Lin Jinyu will come back to him.As for Lin Ye, it was just a casual and half-hearted attempt on his part. Lin Jinyu didn't love Lin Ye.

however--

"Finished?" Lin Jinyu's tone was still calm, and he said the same three words: "So?"

"So..." Zhang Xinli was thinking about what to say.

So come back, make up, be together, be happy.

He wants to say a lot.

Lin Jinyu's fine eyelashes cast a light gray shadow on her face.He said: "Do you think that as long as you admit that you love me, I will abandon Lin Ye and be with you again?"

This is a rhetorical question, and a rhetorical question means no. Zhang Xinli's eyes trembled, and he began to change from calm and certain to flustered and uncertain.

Lin Jinyu looked into his eyes and thought it was very funny: "You think I'm an idiot, don't you? You were lying in the hospital and you suddenly broke up. Do I always think that the reason is that your relationship has deteriorated? You empathized and fell in love with me. other people?"

Of course this doesn't make sense, Zhang Xinli said: "I don't know, but at the time... I don't know what happened."

Generally, people may think that in that case, the one who said to break up must be the one who paid, not the one who was lying down, but from a psychological point of view, it can explain why Zhang Xinli said to break up, because he also suffered a lot of mental pressure. Stress is sometimes more painful than physical pain - especially if he is a strong person.

Moreover, Lin Jinyu had experienced a long period of illness before. Zhang Xinli appeared to be fine on the surface, but in fact he was inevitably affected by Lin Jinyu. This is the situation that many family members of depression patients will fall into.

"I understand," Lin Jinyu said, "It's your right to break up, and you don't owe me anything."

Zhang Xinli didn't owe him anything, it was his right to break up, and it was also Lin Jinyu's right to be disappointed.

"I'm really doing it for you, for the good of both of us," Zhang Xinli said, "I told your cousin that we're going to separate, and in exchange he'll get a sum of money so that you can pay that kid's compensation. And those people with Mustache, he will also find a way to solve it, the money will be paid back to him on time every month after I graduate and work, and after I finish paying... I will come to you. "

The plan can never keep up with the changes. God may have tied positive and negative magnets to the two of them. There are 8 or 9 months before graduation, and they meet again unexpectedly.

"When I was talking to Lalong, you were by the side, right?" The cigarette between Lin Jinyu's fingers had already burnt half, leaving only a short cigarette butt: "You should have heard what I said. "

Those words were not just for Laron, they were for him too.

Lin Jinyu said: "'I always feel that I am the only one who is mature and thinks foresight', and 'before the dust settles, I feel that it must be the worst outcome'."

"..." Zhang Xinli heard it, but couldn't refute it.

"You told me to break up, not because you don't love me anymore, so what?" Lin Jinyu thought to herself: Damn it, you didn't even say 'I love you'.

He said: "If you love me, I must love you? I loved you in high school, and you don't have to love me."

Zhang Xinli was obviously surprised, obviously at a loss, and obviously flustered.

Really cool, but painful.It seems that four or five years ago, it sprouted in a dark alley. The fishbone stuck in the throat was finally swallowed, and I suddenly felt comfortable, but the fishbone left a wound on the esophagus due to the swallowing action.

"...And you went on a blind date," Lin Jinyu said, "The beautiful girl introduced by Aunt Seven is very good, congratulations, you are free."

"It's not like that," Zhang Xinli said, "I just went to meet my relatives. I sat in the teahouse and drank a cup of tea. It took a total of 10 minutes before and after, and I didn't leave any contact information."

"That's your business, it doesn't matter if it doesn't match up," Lin Jinyu said, "Anyway, there are countless relatives who will introduce you to countless beautiful girls. You can get married as much as you want. A family of three is much happier than being gay. times."

The picture of Zhang Xinli having a wife and children after getting married unconsciously appeared in his mind... What a happy picture, he is still so handsome, with a pregnant wife standing beside him, Lin Jinyu knew that he would be a good husband, and his wife would be single when she was pregnant The kind who knelt down to tie her shoelaces, he would let his wife do anything.

It's so warm, Lin Jinyu's heart suddenly felt sore.

"I won't get married," Zhang Xinli said, "You always like to think about things."

"Come on, it's fine. If you confess your relationship history with the woman, if the other party accepts it, everything will be fine," Lin Jinyu said, "Anyway, you don't actually have sexual impulses towards men."

"..." Zhang Xinli said, "Who told you?"

"Yourself," Lin Jinyu said, "isn't it? 'Actually, I'm not very impulsive about men's bodies'."

Sure enough, when they quarreled, they could turn over any old accounts. Lin Jinyu cared so much that he selectively ignored the sentence after his sentence, "There will be one for the pretty and good-looking".

Zhang Xinli had long forgotten about it, but when he said it, he recalled it in a daze, as if he said it casually when he was sleeping, but...

"That's not what it means," he said. "If I didn't have any impulse towards men, how could I have done it with you so many times."

"It's easy to explain, men can get hard anyway," Lin Jinyu said: "In addition to the real sexual impulse, the sense of conquest, possessiveness, and physical stimulation, there are many ways."

"..." Zhang Xinli was so nonsensical that he didn't know what to say: "That sentence means that I am not too impulsive towards men with obvious masculine features and big muscles." He said, "I don't like people who are taller and stronger than me. ...those with male organs are not impulsive."

Straight men basically don't like to have sexual contact with the organs of the same sex, which will make them feel disgusted at the physical level, but Zhang Xinli does not have this kind of physiological disgust.

It turned out to be like this, Lin Jinyu said in her heart: Sir, it caused me to struggle for a long time at that time.

but--

"That has nothing to do with me." He has learned to hide his inner thoughts from showing on his face, which happens to be what he learned from Zhang Xinli: "You love me, right? I don't love you anymore, I I'm very good with Lin Ye, he can talk to me about a lot of things you don't understand, I love him."

"I'm not something you can pick up if you want," he said.

Every word was clearly clear, but Zhang Xinli had a feeling that he couldn't hear clearly. He finally understood how Lin Jinyu felt when he said it was just a physiological reaction when he was 17 years old. He never loved Lin Jinyu.

He thought: So it’s not that you can turn back if you want to.