God said I would meet you

There were three times in Lin Huainan's life that he was extremely shocked. The first time was when he saw Lin Jinyu's mother, the second time was when he saw Lin Jinyu's diary, and the third time is now.

When that tall and straight figure stood in front of him and told him a long-established fact, Lin Huainan only felt that this seemed to be more absurd news than Tagore's death.

Zhang Xinli's tone was not aggressive, but every word fell to Lin Huainan's ears like thunder.

He was so calm, but there was no room for refutation. He told Lin Huainan that he and his son were lovers.

"You..." Lin Huainan was so shocked that he couldn't even speak. He raised his finger to Zhang Xinli, his fingertips trembling slightly: "How could you..."

How can such a thing be done?How could he bring his only son...

"I'm sorry," Chang said, "...although maybe I don't have to feel sorry for it."

Lin Jinyu once told him that no matter what the other party has paid for them, they don't have to feel sorry for it, because love is not a two-money transaction, love is a noble giving.

It was Lin Jinyu who chose him, and they chose each other at the same time.

"Why..." Lin Huainan's lips turned white. It's not that he didn't doubt the person in front of him. During those tossing and turning nights, he almost screened every possible person in his mind, from Lin Jinyu's classmates to friends. , to roommates, he thought over and over of everyone whose name he knew or didn't know, but Zhang Xinli was always excluded again and again.

Geographical conditions are one aspect, the grandson of a father's comrade-in-arms is another aspect, and emotional speculation is another aspect.Lin Huainan thought that even if they had any impulse towards each other when they were young, Zhang Xinli would never cross the line that should not be crossed.

He said: "I brought you from the mountains to Shanghai... I will find connections for you, pay school selection fees, run up and down to arrange everything for you, find classes and teachers... During the holidays, I give my son No matter how much money, I will give you the same amount... I don't owe you anything."

"No one said you owed me, uncle," Zhang Xinli said, "...I owe you, I will pay it back."

"What do you pay back?" Lin Huainan was on the verge of fury: "I sent you to study to give you a chance to get a better education. I never thought of asking you to pay back, but you! Why did you do that? ?”

The fingers he pointed at Zhang Xinli were so close that they almost poked a hole in him. Faced with such unreasonable accusations, Zhang Xinli just lowered his eyes and did not fight back.

"I don't know why..." Zhang Xinli said slowly, "Uncle, we just fell in love."

They just fell in love.

Lin Huainan felt incomprehensible, how could love arise between two men?

He still pointed at Zhang Xinli until Lin Jinyu suddenly came up and pushed his hand away.

"That's it." It was as if the pressure of many days had finally found an outlet. He no longer had to hold on, carrying all his things and walking forward silently. Lin Jinyu suddenly became smooth. He looked at his father and said, "Dad... ...it's always been like that."

From the age of 16 to 21, from high school to university, the person he loved in his best age has always been Zhang Xinli.

Lin Jinyu said: "Dad, do you remember, you said, one day I still love him, you won't stop me anymore."

The past promise did not dissipate in his memory, on the contrary, Lin Jinyu always remembered this sentence, and he had been waiting for it for many years.

Lin Huainan felt that he was exhausted to the extreme: "Isn't it good for you to find a girl to date and marry?" He gathered his last breath and asked loudly: "Isn't it completely impossible for you to like girls?!"

Boys and girls, tall, short, fat and thin, these are just a person's physical characteristics. Although love begins with the surge of hormones, the essence is that the lover and the soul of the lover stay together for a lifetime.

Like Schrödinger's cat, possible, or impossible, what's the point?

"But... I already have someone in my heart." Lin Jinyu looked at his father's red eyes, which were also filled with tears: "I think... I will never love anyone like him again." people."

There will no longer be someone carrying him in the pouring rain like Zhang Xinli when he was 16 years old, no one will call him home with a flashlight and a cloud of mosquitoes in the middle of the night after he loses his temper, and no one will be in the empty , In a family with only the two of them, cook him a table of Shanghai cuisine, which is not like Shanghai cuisine, and Sichuan cuisine, which is not like Sichuan cuisine.

No one will walk into his life just right again and bring him the precious throbbing in his life.

In his father's heart, Lin Jinyu always has a childish air, can't bear hardships, 3 minutes of heat, like this one today, want another tomorrow, but maybe people grow up with a shell, it is more and more difficult to be irritated and moved, There are no tears or naive and simple joy in the adult world. The first love and touch come from youth.

In fact, Lin Jinyu is more stubborn than anyone else, stronger than anyone else, and has more courage than anyone else to not look back after bumping into the south wall.

He is the moth that chased the fire in his own mouth.

"Do you know what you might have to face in the future?" Lin Huainan seemed to be exhausted, he sat down on the edge of the table with slightly trembling hands: "You can't get married, and you can't have children, just plan to live like this forever go down?"

Lin Jinyu said: "So what if you can't have children, is it really that important to pass on blood?"

However, Lin Huainan said: "I never thought about giving birth to you."

It was 1991, and Lin Huainan, who was in his early twenties, graduated from university. As the proud son of that era, he was also very high-spirited.

"... At that time, the society was changing drastically, and everything was new, except getting married and having children." Lin Huainan said, "I never thought about getting married, nor did I think about having you...until I met your mother."

Lin Jinyu's mother stood on the other side, watching them silently. She used to be her husband's student.

"Xiaoyu, I don't think you get married and have children because you want to inherit any blood, but just want you to experience more things," Lin Huainan said: "Those things I have experienced from you, the birth of a life , and growth, I want you to experience the feeling of being willing to give and struggle for a life, and to do things that you were not willing to do."

He said: "If you are like this, one year, two years, or ten years may be fine, but when you are 50 or [-] years old, you are all old, and you have no love and no novelty. Can you still be as sure as you are today?"

Lin Huainan said: "You regretted it at that time, what should you do? Son, you were already old at that time, and there was no chance to do it again."

Lin Jinyu didn't know what would happen in such a long time, but who would know?No one can predict the end of the story from the beginning, but human beings still love each other for thousands of years.

"That will be a long time later." Lin Jinyu was silent for a moment, without crackling a series of pledges or oaths, he just looked at his father and said, "You taught me to fly freely and love yourself The person you want to love, walk the way you want to go, and become the person you want to be, isn't it?"

You don't know if the road will pass until you leave, and you don't know the pain until you get hurt. Lin Huainan finally understood that it was impossible for him to convince his son.

The food on the dining table is messy, just like the current family.After a long time, Lin Huainan took off his glasses, lowered his head slightly, and said, "... let's go."

"What?" Lin Jinyu didn't understand this sentence at first.

"Let's go." Lin Huainan's brows and eyes were full of tiredness. The high-pressure atmosphere not only destroyed Lin Jinyu, but also destroyed him. He felt that he had really done everything he could to protect Lin Jinyu and keep him away from those people. Pain that could have been avoided.

Lin Huainan repeated again: "I won't take care of you anymore, but you can no longer rely on your family. Since you think you are right, then Xiao Yu, you have to walk your own way in the future."

Zhang Xinli raised his eyebrows slightly, and Mama Lin also stood up straight.

He wanted to let his son know for himself how fragile the relationship between two men who could never enter into a legal relationship can be in society, and let him know what they were going to face.

Lin Jinyu didn't speak, he didn't know what to say, but Lin Huainan put his glasses on the table and started calling Uncle Zhao, asking him to come and see them off now.

He was tired and needed to be quiet, right now.

"...You can keep the money in the card now," his father said: "How much you left in the past is up to you. You can go back to school or not. I won't interfere with your choice, but Society is not home, you have to understand what you may encounter."

His father's advice seemed to end here, until Uncle Zhao came, Lin Huainan didn't say anything.

Mother Lin couldn't bear it, she opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but in the end she didn't speak out against her husband in person... It was a kind of psychological inertia, her husband was also her teacher at the same time, no matter how arrogant she was at the wine table Yun, whose heels are so high that he hates the sky, and whose eyes are flying to the back of his head, Lin Huainan will always be her closest and most respected person.

Lin Jinyu was a little at a loss, looking at her father blankly, not understanding what this meant, was it abandonment?Or sever ties... like Wang Xiu did?

Just when he was in a daze, he felt a hand suddenly hold his clenched hand.

Zhang Xinli's generous palm was like a source of warm fire, slowly loosening his tightly clenched fists.Zhang Xinli looked at Lin Huainan and said, "...Thank you, uncle," he said, "I will take good care of him."

Lin Huainan did not answer, nor did he look at them, but just sat silently, like a motionless statue.

Not long after, Uncle Zhao came, and Lin Huainan said, "Send them where they want to go...it's the last time Dad will help you."

Zhang Xinli patted Lin Jinyu on the shoulder, put his arms around him, and walked towards the door with Uncle Zhao.Walking out of the gate where he had been in and out for 20 years, Lin Jinyu turned his head and looked in for the last time, and saw his mother nodded slightly to him.

Half of Lin Jinyu's body was already out the door, but he stopped suddenly and turned back.

His parents were standing and sitting one by one, with their backs to him and the other facing him, staying quietly in the dining room, with four pairs of bowls and chopsticks on the table.

Lin Jinyu suddenly asked: "Father, if... Mom becomes a man, will you still love her?"

This was the last question his son asked him before he left. This time his father raised his head and turned to look at him: "..." Lin Huainan's thoughts were confused, and finally he said upsetly: "No."

Lin Jinyu nodded, stopped at the door, and said after a while, "But I will."

He said: "No matter what mother and you are, I love you."