God said I would meet you

The world suddenly became quiet.

For a second, Lin Jinyu wanted to disappear immediately, from the front of this building, from the door of the house, from Zhang Xinli's sight.With his back against the door, he slid down silently and sat down, burying his face in the crook of his arms.

"Why..." Zhang Xinli looked at the case for a long time, looked at the doctor's "chic" handwriting on it, and said, "Why didn't you tell me?"

For more than two months and more than 60 days, Lin Jinyu just left him.

"Tell you... what's the use?" Lin Jinyu's face was blocked by his bent elbow, and his other hand on his side was tightly clenched into a fist, and his nails made deep marks on the palm.

Lin Jinyu looked at the small piece of floor exposed between his knees, his voice suddenly became calm, and he said, "Anyway, you are just as scared...you are more scared than me."

He didn't tell him, because he wanted to protect him, just like how Zhang Xinli protected him in countless yesterdays when he was young.

Lin Jinyu lowered her head and didn't listen to his reply, she just murmured suddenly, "You don't want to, you don't want to come out, you don't want to make it public, you don't want Xu Zhao, Wang Xiu, and everyone else to know, you're afraid of me Mom, dad, grandpa, my family, all of my family, you feel ashamed, ashamed, ashamed, I can't handle it, I'm so bad, I'm bad, I'm the most useless person in the world, I can't do anything..."

Zhang Xinli was still listening to him carefully at first, but later he gradually realized that something was wrong. Lin Jinyu's mood seemed very depressed. He kept nagging, as if he wanted to use the worst words in the world to describe himself.

"Jinyu," Zhang Xinli knelt down, grabbed his shoulder and called his name, "raise your head."

Lin Jinyu didn't respond, as if she didn't hear him calling her, she just kept saying "You don't want to" and "I'm so bad".

This is the second reason why he is unwilling to tell Zhang Xinli. Just like a dog who is sick or dying will hide secretly or go far away from home, people always want to leave the best and shining side to others. For his family, for his lover, he didn't want Zhang Xinli to see himself like this.

The entrance of the unit is the main road. Residents from the community pass by from time to time. It is very eye-catching to squat at the gate and talk about the truth. Those strange and strange eyes are the last thing Zhang Xinli wants to face. Completely ignored those people.

"Jinyu...Jinyu..." He patiently called his name over and over again, hoping to get Lin Jinyu's attention back, but to no avail, Zhang Xinli changed his address and said, "Xiaoyu," he said Holding Lin Jinyu's cheek with his hand, he used a little force to raise his head half-forced, and said, "Xiaoyu, look at me...you look at me, okay?"

Under his pressure, Lin Jinyu's dull gaze finally fell on his face... It was a face that Lin Jinyu was very familiar with, and familiarity always brings people a sense of security.

"I feel very boring, very bad, my parents are not satisfied, and you are not satisfied, I can't do anything well..."

Zhang Xinli interrupted him and said, "You're not bad," he said, "Listen, you're not bad at all, okay?"

Lin Jinyu still looked at him and said, "No, no, it's just bad, it can't be done well..."

Zhang Xinli tried to talk to him according to his logic: "Nothing, you have done a lot of things, think about it, you can skateboard, right? You also have the violin, you are very smart, and you can get good grades even if you don't study hard. You will A lot of things I don't know."

"That's useless," Lin Jinyu murmured: "It still makes everyone unhappy, my dad will send me to the doctor, and then tell your parents, you will be like me... I don't want to, I have experienced it alone It's okay, but maybe it's still useless, I can't do it well, I'm too bad..."

"..." Zhang Xinli found that what he said always seemed to run in a strange circle. No matter what the starting point was or what others said, it would always return to the end point of "I'm terrible".

He tried to pull Lin Jinyu out of this vicious circle, telling him "no such thing" and "you're fine", but it didn't seem to work. No matter how Zhang Xinli told him how good and great he was, Lin Jinyu just refused to follow his words.

Zhang Xinli tried several times from different starting points, and Lin Jinyu was always circling around: "You don't want others to know, but I did a terrible job, I..."

He was finally so powerless that he couldn't take it anymore, Zhang Xinli grabbed him and said, "Okay, bad, but so what!" He said, "...Xiaoyu, it's not your fault, you should think I'm terrible, Not yourself."

This time, Lin Jinyu said, "I don't think so."

Zhang Xinli said: "...I think I am very bad."

It was actually his fault that things turned out like this, it was because he was always unwilling to face it, it was because he always wanted to procrastinate for a day, and it was also because he had always intentionally or unintentionally expressed love to Lin Jinyu since the first day they were together. Conveyed a message that they did not want anyone to know about their relationship.

Zhang Xinli said: "Don't say you are useless anymore, let's go together if there is anything to do, okay?"

Lin Jinyu hesitated for a moment, and said, "But...you don't want to," he said, "You have never been willing, not even if I send you a photo."

What photo... Zhang Xinli's eyes flickered, and he remembered that Lin Jinyu had sent a very cryptic message on the first day they were together. He wanted to tell everyone that he was no longer Alone, but even if it was so cryptic, he told him not to post it almost immediately.

Also, when Lin Jinyu confessed to his little cousin, when Xu Zhao asked him who his partner was, when Wang Xiu lived in Lin Jinyu's house, when his parents came, and even when he was in front of Zhao Wujie, he was so inactive... a lot of things In fact, it didn’t happen suddenly today. It actually started early, like an iceberg dormant under the sea, only waiting to surface one day.

Zhang Xinli looked at Lin Jinyu, saw his much thinner face and the bloodshot eyes, he finally realized that he had made a huge mistake, and escaping and shelving could not solve any problems.

Just like Lin Jinyu's father once made the mistake, he thought that as long as the two of them get along harmoniously, as long as they make more concessions in other places, this problem can be ignored, just like Lin Huainan once thought, as long as he changed jobs, had Money, no need to go through qualifications, Lin Jinyu will grow up freely without worries, but it turns out that many things, two aspects are two aspects, no matter how much you do materially, you still have to face what you should face.

He used to have many opportunities to avoid all this from happening. As long as he was a little more brave, said a little more, and gave Lin Jinyu a little more courage, even if he had discussed the specific plan with him, Lin Jinyu would not be discovered by his parents again. After that, I didn't even tell him a word.

But all he said to Lin Jinyu from the beginning to the end was "give me some time" besides "don't...".

How long?One year, two years, ten years, or a lifetime?

"Xiao Yu," Zhang Xinli moved back his hand on his shoulder, trying to hug him: "You are not bad... the bad thing is me." He whispered: "No matter what happens, I will be with you... …I'm not afraid of that."

Listening to his words, Lin Jinyu was a little dazed, as if he was still reacting, and seemed not sure if what Zhang Xinli said was true, but he didn't resist, and didn't move much... After a while, Zhang Xinli felt that he gently put his chin on the own shoulders.

The passing neighbors poked their heads in this direction curiously, Lin Jinyu reached out and grabbed the clothes on his back tightly... really tightly, pulling out five or six hideous creases.

Zhang Xinli patted him on the back lightly and said, "Do you feel better?"

Lin Jinyu's breathing trembled slightly, and he calmed down in Zhang Xinli's arms for about half a minute. Just when Zhang Xinli thought it was over, Lin Jinyu lowered his eyes and inadvertently glanced at the watch on his wrist. The small movement suddenly made him nervous again.

The long and short pointer points to 05:30... Lin Jinyu kept looking around. At this time, his father was coming back.

"You go first." Anxiety replaced the depression just now, he let go of Zhang Xinli, separated from him, and said, "Don't be here, my dad will see you, he will take you away, so I can't find you." The place."

Zhang Xinli made a comforting gesture: "No one is going to send me away," he said, "Calm down, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, just stay with you, okay?"

But Lin Jinyu didn't believe it. He now distrusted his father extremely. He felt that his father was the most unlikely person in the world to be persuaded. Don't try to communicate with his father. Go now, get out now.

They pushed and stood up, and Lin Jinyu started yelling at him, saying that he was annoying and telling him to get out of his sight.

Zhang Xinli was very helpless, he knew that Lin Jinyu was just sick, but he couldn't help it.

They chatted for a while, it was impossible for Zhang Xinli to just leave him, but he couldn't convince Lin Jinyu, he could only try his best to calm his emotions and calm him down.

Time passed by, and just as Lin Jinyu was anxiously trying to break free from Zhang Xinli's hand that was holding his wrist, the automatic license plate recognition system at the far door issued a notification that the verification had passed. Lin Huainan drove a silver Land Rover along the main road. Road, drive all the way here.

The garage of this community is built at the back, and Lin Huainan will definitely pass by here if he wants to park his car.

Lin Jinyu didn't pay much attention to the surrounding environment, but Zhang Xinli saw it at a glance, but he still grabbed Lin Jinyu and didn't walk away.

The four wheels ran very fast, Lin Huainan drove here in a short while, and saw two people standing at the door shoving and shoving.He was obviously a little surprised. He stepped on the brakes, lowered the window and poked his head out, and said, "What's wrong with Xiaoyu...you are... Xiao Zhang? Why are you here?"

Lin Jinyu yelled at his father in a tone ten times more malicious than before: "What does it have to do with you?"

Lin Huainan was irritated by that tone, and said: "You are my son, you ask me what is the relationship with me? I run up and down for you every day..."

Here it is again, his dad seems to always feel that he will grow up freely if nothing happens, and when something does not meet his expectations, he will intervene again, why must he do his best to torture each other?

Standing in front of Lin Jinyu, Zhang Xinli pulled Lin Jinyu to prevent him from doing any aggressive behavior, trying to ease the emotions of both parties, and said, "Uncle, he is just...just in a bad mood, don't take it to heart."

Lin Huainan doesn't take it to heart, he feels that the next generation will somewhat disobey the previous generation when they are young, and it will be fine with time.

"You are all fucking good, only I am not good," Lin Jinyu pushed Zhang Xinli away vigorously, wanting him to leave quickly, leave his father, and go to a place where his father can't see, he said, "I don't want to see you," and then Turning to his father again: "And you!"

"Try another swear word?" Lin Huainan pulled the handbrake and got out of the car. Zhang Xinli blocked Lin Jinyu and said, "Uncle, we had a quarrel just now. He is not in a good mood. You should not be as knowledgeable as him."

Blocked by him, Lin Huainan temporarily stopped in his tracks, and his eyes under the glasses were full of fatigue... After a while, he sighed: "I'll show you a joke."

"No," Zhang Xinli said, "it's inevitable between father and son."

He could hear Lin Jinyu's breathing behind him, it was so deep and heavy, people would only breathe like this when they felt extremely anxious and distrustful.

Lin Huainan asked: "By the way, why did you come to Shanghai? Still...here?"

Lin Jinyu's breathing rate became faster. He was afraid of every question from his father, afraid of what he would see, and also afraid of Zhang Xinli.

Zhang Xinli stepped back a little bit, with most of his shoulder blades pressed against Lin Jinyu's chest, the touch was secret and intimate, like silently telling him not to be afraid.

"I came here on purpose." Facing Lin Huainan's question, he seemed very calm. Zhang Xinli's eyes were casual and flawless, and he said, "... Grandpa asked me to come here."