because i'm pretty

In the early spring, the concrete floor was still cold, so Li Yikai moved the lamp away a little, and sat next to him leaning against the wall.

The moonlight outside the window gradually brightened. Yuan Zhiming's narration was very simple, without any complicated causes and consequences. Xue Ming asked him to meet and told him that the contract was terminated.

Li Yikai is better at helping people solve problems than comforting them.But the current problem he can't solve, even hard to explain.

Xue Ming's refusal seems to him to have no reason, but there are too many unknown reasons in the world. If it is really like what Xue Ming said to Yuan Zhiming, it is because his painting style does not match Xue Ming's expertise. What is the purpose of all kinds of proactive help for a while?

"I can't guess Xue Ming's true thoughts, but there is no end to guessing other people's thoughts. But you have to know, this is not your problem," Li Yikai said, looking sideways at him.

When Yuan Zhiming heard this sentence, he didn't seem to listen to it.He put his hands on his knees and looked at the floor obliquely in front of him blankly: "But the result is like this, don't you care about the result the most? You see, no one is willing to sign me now, no one thinks that I can sell Painting. If it weren't for the gimmicks at the auction, no one would pay attention to me."

"Don't get stuck, Yuan Zhiming," Li Yikai patted his back.

Yuan Zhiming felt that he was out of balance, but he couldn't control it.

He even thought that if he didn't pursue this goal at the beginning, he should be more free and happy now, immersed in the real imaginary world as before, and be a pure creator with Lucifer, regardless of whether most people understand or not.

It would be fine if there is no burden to worry about, if there is no need to compare, measure, and plan, if only a wisp of dust floating in the air, a gust of wind, only needs to leave traces without leaving weight.

"I don't want to be like this, and I don't really, I don't really think that my work is bad." Yuan Zhiming looked at him, the corners of his mouth were still drooping slightly: "But I..."

He thought for a while, and then simply changed to a question: "Li Yikai, what do you actually like about me? I still can't figure it out. Is being able to draw a good thing? No one looks at this when you are in a relationship, right? Good looks are only temporary Yes, and there are so many good-looking people."

"You have everything, but I can't even find a job. If it weren't for you, I might still be able to do odd jobs now. I need you to worry about everything. I thought I didn't need it, but I still keep messing with you." Trouble, and besides, I might get sick someday." Yuan Zhiming shook his head: "I'm not well at all."

Li Yikai gently pinched the back of his neck: "Why mention this again, isn't it already agreed?"

Yuan Zhiming flinched: "I can't control it."

Li Yikai's hand left Yuan Zhiming's shoulder, he turned his body a little bit, and asked somewhat formally: "Yuan Zhiming, the purpose of falling in love is to have fun, if you are with me, I will put such pressure on you invisibly, let you Not as happy as before."

These words are a bit out of date, maybe they shouldn't be asked in Yuan Zhiming's state, maybe asking like this will only aggravate Yuan Zhiming's exhaustion for this relationship.But Li Yikai is soft-hearted to others and cruel to himself.He felt that perhaps only in such a low period could he hear Yuan Zhiming's sincere words.

He said: "I am not that interesting, not even relaxed enough. The external conditions look good, but I often think, why do you like me. I even think, if the other party is a free person like Lucifer, Maybe you'd be happier."

After leaving Xue Ming's place, Yuan Zhiming's nerves seemed to be suspended in liquid, soaked in self-denial.Even Li Yikai's consolation did not get into his brain much.

Until these words fell into his ears, he suddenly seemed to be pulled back by a force, landed on the ground of reality, and came into contact with real gravity.

He came back to his senses in a trance, looking at the face of Li Yikai who was close at hand, people who worry and blame themselves because of themselves are so fresh, this kind of relationship will never exist in the empty self-world.

"No, no," Yuan Zhiming reached out to hold his hand: "I don't know what to say, I know the difference, it's not you who put pressure on me, it's my choice, I want to land."

Li Yikai smiled: "It's quite abstract."

"Then I'll draw it for you later," Yuan Zhiming said in a low voice, "Don't think about leaving me."

"How come?" Li Yikai rubbed his head with his other hand, and pulled him over to lean on his shoulder: "As long as you need me, I will always be here, waiting for you to land."

Yuan Zhiming's mood improved a bit. In fact, he calmed down and knew clearly that he was not useless. For example, he won an award, his work ideas were adopted, and his paintings were recognized by people like Gu Changfeng.

"Maybe I was expecting too much." Yuan Zhiming lay on the table, scratching the rubber on the CNC pen, and said in a low voice, "I don't think being rejected or anything was so sad before."

The hot smell of wheat wafted from the kitchen, Li Yikai didn't say anything, just brought him a big bowl of noodles in clear soup.

Yuan Zhiming went to see Xue Ming after taking two bites indiscriminately in the morning. He sat there and drank several cups of black tea on an empty stomach.The soft noodles don't have much seasoning, but they fill your heart with warmth.

Li Yikai stared at him and ate bite by bite, not to gobble it up.

"Do you want more?" Li Yikai asked.

Yuan Zhiming shook his head, he took the empty bowls and chopsticks into the kitchen, and filled half a bowl for himself when he came out.

"You haven't eaten yet?" Yuan Zhiming asked in a low voice.

Li Yikai glanced at him with a bit of condemnation in his eyes, do you still have the nerve to ask?

"I fell asleep in a daze, and forgot that my phone was out of battery." Yuan Zhiming apologized and said, "Actually, I am not angry with you, nor was I yesterday. I was just angry with myself."

"I'm also wrong," Li Yikai said while eating, "I've been used to making my own decisions since I was a child, and even my mother needs my care. So it takes a little time for me to change in a relationship."

"I shouldn't have kept it from you." He raised his head and rubbed the back of Yuan Zhiming's head while taking a tissue: "You are my boyfriend, not a child, nor my subordinate."

Yuan Zhiming rested his chin on the back of his hand and raised his eyes to look at him: "I'm still a macho."

"Okay, hunk," Li Yikai asked with a smile, "Want to go see the sea?"

"Now?" Yuan Zhiming sat up and looked at the time, "It's past 9 o'clock."

"Tomorrow is your day off, I asked for leave," Li Yikai said, "We drove there for 2 hours, and we can live in a wooden house by the sea..."

Yuan Zhiming hesitated for a moment, but couldn't resist Li Yikai's temptation to sketch on the beach, so he went into the room and started packing up the drawing boards.

The sea breeze at night obviously has not left the spring, they drove Yuan Zhiming's car, opened the trunk enough for the two men to look at the sea side by side, the whistling wind blew their jackets, and the whole car was filled with fierce salty wet.

Li Yikai took out the spirits in a rare way, and facing the bottle with Yuan Zhiming, you drank the whiskey one by one.

His stomach started to burn hot, Yuan Zhiming returned the bottle to Li Yikai, freed his hands, hugged his waist from behind and pressed them together.He suddenly remembered what he had heard before, and asked him: "You said that work was not going well, and you watched the sea alone, so you are here?"

"Yes," Li Yikai said, "Actually, it wasn't just that one time. The earliest time was when I didn't win an art competition when I was young, and my grandfather brought me here."

"Have you ever participated in an art competition?"

Li Yikai smiled sideways: "You are only allowed to draw?"

"That's right," Yuan Zhiming thought, Li Yikai was also a designer at first. "Then why don't you draw any more?"

"Later, I realized that I was not talented enough to be a painter, so I switched to design," said Li Yikai lightly.

The waves are higher and higher one after another, sweeping in without boundaries.Yuan Zhiming lay on Li Yikai's shoulder, wondering what he was thinking.

After a while he asked, "What were you thinking when you were looking at the sea?"

"Though the wind and waves are so big, we are just a small boat," Li Yikai said slowly: "Sometimes we are pushed up, sometimes we fall down, sometimes the wind is too strong and we can't control the direction, but these are not our fault. "

"I thought you would hate the feeling of being unable to control your direction," Yuan Zhiming said.

Li Yikai's smile was blown away by the sea breeze: "I hate it, but I have to learn to accept it. When I accept it, tell myself that the next wave will come, and it will be fine. I just need to wait for it."

You may not be willing to listen to the great truth, and you may not be able to understand it after hearing it. Everything is better than blowing a sea breeze and watching endless waves.

Yuan Zhiming felt the scorching heat in his stomach burn into his heart, and the enthusiasm that had cooled down gradually recovered. He squeezed Li Yikai's earlobe, turned his face, and exchanged a kiss mixed with the bitter cold wind.

"But you are on the top of the wave, and I am at the bottom, what if I can't catch up with you?" He thought in random.

"I'm not on the waves either." Li Yikai backed away a little, and helped Yuan Zhiming brush his hair with the help of the dim headlights: "And now I want to throw away this boat and start over."

"What do you mean?"

"I plan to leave Muga and form my own team."

"Starting a business?" Yuan Zhiming asked.

"Yes", Li Yikai said.

Yuan Zhiming was a little unhappy: "Did you tell me now after you have been preparing for a long time?"

"I'm sorry", Li Yikai kissed his hand: "I was really thinking before, your contract is not stable, and I'm in such a big risk, will it put you under pressure... Anyway, I thought a lot, Afraid of this and that.”

"But now? Is the jar broken?" Yuan Zhiming asked.

"Yes", Li Yikai hugged him with a smile: "I figured it out myself when I persuaded you. Anyway, we are all high and low, so we don't have to be burdened, just go for it together."

Artists naturally like waves, broken romance, and rushing forward recklessly.This sentence brought a little spark to Yuan Zhiming, maybe it was the effect of alcohol, he thought it was really good.

This is the real togetherness, together we have nothing, but we already have everything.

"But I'm still very angry with Li Yikai," Yuan Zhiming said.

"Then what should I do? How can I coax you?" Li Yikai's voice was low behind his ear, as if vibrating through the eardrum, and because of the cold wind, it was obviously hot.

Yuan Zhiming felt that he had learned badly from Li Yikai, he bit his lip, and stretched his hands through Li Yikai's sweater, layer by layer, until he touched the edge of the jeans.

Amidst Li Yikai's suppressed laughter, he pretended to be calm and continued down to the deep ravine.

"Is it possible?" Yuan Zhiming asked.

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I thought I could write this chapter, but I didn’t expect it to be written yet. In short, I will definitely write it tomorrow!