writing coffee

The last time I saw Yan Jin's mother, like the first time, I was "writing coffee".

This is also the midsummer season, when the venomous sun is filtered out by the window glass, and when it is projected on the floor, it only feels bright, but it is dazzled by the shards of glass all over the floor.

It has been more than half a year since we first met.There are always a few days in a month when my mother will appear in my store with Xiao Yanjin, she reads the books in my store, and Xiaoyan reads the books he brought over.She always just drinks hot Americano with a little fresh milk.She has always been calm and decent, polite and gentle.

Therefore, even though she only slightly wobbled against the bookshelf when she stood up that day, and even though her face was only slightly bewildered, I was still full of surprises.Later I thought, maybe it’s just that the sound of glass shattering on the tiles is too shrill. How can I understand a ten-thousandth of her movements and expressions?I don't know anything about her at all.

Subconsciously, she took Yan Jin's hand to check if he was injured. She was stunned for a few seconds before realizing that she broke my Irish baking cup.

"Ah, I'm sorry," she said, looking up at me, and it seemed to me that she wasn't looking at my eyes, or my face, but just my shadow, "I'm really sorry, I—"

"Are you all right? Did you get cut?" I interrupted her.

"Ah, it's okay...thank you!"

"It's fine, Xiaojin, don't move around, wait for my sister to clean up." After I finished speaking, I turned around and wanted to get something to clean, but she stopped me abruptly.

"Murong! Uh... I'm sorry, I'll buy a new one another day..." She looked at me, and then at the debris on the ground, feeling a little at a loss, in a dilemma, and finally let go of Yan Jin's hand, " Let me clean up..."

No matter how shallow our friendship is, no matter how little I know her, I can see that she is in a hurry to leave at this moment.

"If you have something urgent, go and deal with it first." I looked into her eyes and said earnestly, pointing to the pile of things on the ground, "This is not important, I'll clean it up first and talk about it another day, is that okay?"

She took a breath, returned to her usual posture, and took a deep look at me, "Thank you, then let's go first, I will trouble you here, and I will apologize to you sometime~" Then she led Yan Jin in like the first time Same, led him away.

never came back.

I guessed that something bad happened, the promise of "I will make an apology another day" has not been fulfilled, and I also thought that they might just disappear, just like when they appeared, in my life Come and go freely.But it never occurred to her that she left so completely without leaving any room.

Nearly a month has passed since that day, and one night when the last guest was sent away, it was almost nine o'clock, just in time for closing.I took the "resting" sign and prepared to hang it outside the door. Before I reached the door, a person pushed the door in from the outside.

Maybe it's been many years, the memories have blurred too many edges and corners, and whitewashed too many random thoughts. I have always boasted of being quick in writing, but now I think about it, but I can't describe her appearance at that time. I just feel that I have never seen her. I have lived through such a woman who is elegant but not clear, quiet but not silent, cold but not cold.She should have carried the hot wind outside the door, but when she walked in, she was refreshed with a light fragrance.

She looked down at the sign in my hand, and said reservedly and sincerely, "Sorry to bother you!"

"No interruption." I said.

I thought she was going to drink coffee, or buy a book, put away the sign, and signaled her to sit down casually.But she asked me: "Excuse me, is this Miss Murong?"

I was very surprised, my mind turned sharply for a moment, but I didn't have a clue, so I had to calmly say: "Yes, who are you?"

"Hello, sorry for being so presumptuous, I am Yan Jin's aunt, and my name is Yan Qian." She spoke politely, but there was no smile on her face, she looked straight into my eyes, her eyes were as deep as water, when I was about to drown Throwing down a piece of driftwood, "I want to ask you a favor."

I don’t know why, maybe the color of her eyes is too similar to Yan Jin’s. I immediately thought of the shattered Ireland, and there was still no news for nearly a month. There was a panic in my heart for no reason, and I was silent for a few seconds before asking. : "What's wrong with Xiao Jin?"

But she didn't know what tact was, she went straight in and pierced through my heart. "Her mother died."

I just felt that the world was spinning suddenly, and I kept repeating that sentence, that title, and those few words in my mind: his mother passed away...his mother passed away...his mother passed away...for a moment, I froze in place, not knowing Tonight is what night, I don't know where I am.

"In the hospital, Yan Jin grabbed her mother and refused to let go. He didn't know me, and it was useless to persuade the doctor, so I thought, if there is someone he trusts—"

I woke up instantly and looked up at her.

She met my questioning eyes calmly, "He seemed to be stunned. The doctor didn't dare to calm him for fear of leaving irreversible trauma. I talked to a psychologist and he only called She said 'Sister Murong'. That's why I'm here, Miss Murong," she paused, and put on a very serious expression, "Yan Jin, can I ask you?"

I didn't answer her, just asked: "How... died?"

Her probing eyes projected on my face as if there was substance, and I pretended not to be moved. After a long time, she softly uttered two words: "Assassination."

I couldn't stop the trembling in my heart, but tried my best to maintain the calm on the surface.Should have thought of it a long time ago, right? There are too many clues. They are people from different worlds.This person, too, is from another world.

"Does Xiaojin know?"

"He is here."

God!He's only 12 years old... I stared closely at Yan Qian's eyes, not knowing what I wanted to see.But I didn't see anything, she just caught my gaze firmly, like the ocean accepts rainwater, leading it to the deep sea to return to silence.

I struggled to look away, my eyes were dry to the point of tingling, tears seemed to flow back to my heart, burning a hole in my heart, leaking out my anger.

Even though I had prepared for it, when I actually saw Yan Jin, I still had a sore nose and almost burst into tears.

He was so small, so small... Standing by the hospital bed, holding her mother's hand, his expression was empty, like a doll without a soul.This little prince-like boy lost his rose and planet in one breath...

I was fixed at the door, unable to move my footsteps.Close your eyes, squeeze out a tear, and wipe it away before it rolls off and quickly evaporates in the air.At least he can have a fox.

I walked over and stood beside Yan Jin, looking at the bleak face of that person on the hospital bed, I suddenly felt that being there and watching your dearest and favorite person die with my own eyes, isn't it a kind of luck?At least, you can see her for the last time, and if you are lucky, you can listen to her last wish, hear how much she loves you, promise her that you will live well, and kiss her hand so that she has nothing to worry about...

"Xiao Jin..." I bent down, gently held his mother's hand, and whispered in his ear, "Sister Murong is here."

Perhaps because of hearing a familiar voice and feeling a familiar breath, he finally slowly, slowly, broke free from the prison of his soul, trembling, and called out in an inaudible way: "Sister Murong..." Immediately afterwards, It was a whimpering sound: "Mom...Mom..."

I was suffocated, suppressing my sadness, and hugged him into my arms, but I didn't dare to hug him tightly, for fear that he would be broken in my arms.

"Xiao Jin..." I spoke again, only to realize that my voice was trembling, I stopped, took a deep breath, held his small shoulders, and said with difficulty, "Look at your mother's face, did you see it? "

"Do you still remember how your mother smiled at you... Do you remember the way your mother talked... the way your mother cooked for you, the way your mother told you stories, the way your mother fell asleep, the way your mother comforted Xiao Jin... Do you still remember Xiaojin?"

"Remember……"

"Remember it in the future, okay?"

"Mmm... woo..." He wiped away his tears and agreed in tears.Such a strong child...

"What did mom say to Xiaojin? Can you tell my sister?"

"Mom, say..." He spoke intermittently, whimpering, "She loves Xiaojin... Xiaojin is not sad... And, there is aunt... Mom said, Mom and Dad will watch Xiaojin grow up obediently ..." At the end, he burst into tears with a "wow".But he never let go of her mother's hand.

"Then, did you promise?" I wiped away the tears on his face, and he raised his head and looked at me ignorantly, "Did you promise mom that you would grow up obediently? Tell her that you love her too ?"

He sobbed, blinked, and blinked a few more tears.

"Mom is waiting for Xiaojin to answer. Xiaojin tells mom, promise mom, okay?"

So he cried and repeated those words again, and the tears fell on my heart one by one like gravel, and sharp bloodstains were drawn on the hard edges and corners.

I was ruthless, held his mother's hand firmly, looked him in the eyes: "Now, Xiaojin is going to let her go and let her mother go to find her father, okay?" Then I carefully broke his hand little by little. .

He let go of his hand unknowingly, and watched them push his mother out of the ward. When he was about to disappear, he suddenly came back to his senses, crying loudly to chase her out. cry……

I am sorry.

Yan Jin kept crying, crying until she was tired, crying until she had no strength, and passed out in my arms.

I watched the doctor come over, open his eyelids to check his pupils, put a stethoscope on his chest to listen to his heartbeat, and said, I'm just tired, just sleep and wake up.

It will be fine if you wake up...how can you be fine if you wake up?Waking up is the beginning of a long period of pain... What will he do in the future...?

"I'll take him back to Germany after his mother's affairs are settled." Yan Qian stood in front of me at some point and answered my question.

Did I ask it out?

She stretched out her hands and took the little Yan Jin away from my arms. Feeling the emptiness in my arms, I looked up at her blankly.

She seemed to be waiting for this glance, met my gaze impartially, and said every word as if she had made a promise to me, "I will bring him by my side and raise him personally."

I stared at her blankly, as if a certain part of my heart had been scalded.It seems that the seed of that flower is breaking through the ground and sprouting.

Shallow words, shallow words and deep feelings?