writing coffee

In my junior year, I had...an accident, and I haven't been on a plane for a long time.Until Yan Jin's mother passed away, I met Yan Qian.

That day, after I left the hospital, I took Yan Jin back to my home, and Yan Qian stayed opposite.I never knew it took so much dedication to take care of a child, especially one who had just lost a mother.I quit work completely and still feel drained.

In the first week, Yan Jin had nightmares every day, woke up from the dream crying, and then cried all night, no matter how coaxed, it was useless, crying until she was tired before going to bed.

Once, it was early in the morning, and the sky had already faded to pitch blackness. I left Yan Jin's side and walked to the living room, and found Yan Qian sitting in the dark, like an omnipotent ghost without sorrow or joy.

For some reason, I felt overwhelming pain and grievances welling up from the bottom of my heart and welling up in my eye sockets, but stubbornly lingered in my eye sockets, and the tears never flowed down.

She looked at me motionless, unable to see the emotion in her eyes, but I was drawn and walked to sit opposite her.She suddenly opened her mouth and said in a deep voice, "It's hard for you, you are just a child."

I finally couldn't hold back the tears that broke the embankment, and looked at her silently and hazily across a coffee table.Her gaze seemed to have always been so firm and tolerant, as if it could appease all restlessness, but there was no more tenderness.But enough for me.

Later, Yan Jin slowly regained his spirits, and his mother's ashes were to be brought back to Germany, where they were buried in Yan's family.There are also Yan family affairs that I can't and dare not explore, Yan Qian must go back and deal with them.She definitely wanted to take Yan Jin away, they had to leave.

When Yan Jin knew about this, he tightly grabbed the corner of my clothes, he didn't cry or make trouble, just raised his head and begged silently, as if I was his complete dependence.I could hardly bear his gaze, I raised my head and silently begged for Yanqian.

"Murong, if you want, my sister-in-law should very much hope that you can give her a ride."

So, I promised Yan Jin that I would accompany him back to Germany to attend his mother's funeral.At that time, I didn't think about flying at all.

When I really stood in front of that huge monster, a huge panic overwhelmed me in an instant. I dared not move forward, and I couldn't retreat.

"Sister! Sister!" I heard Yan Jin calling me, and felt him holding my hand and shaking it quickly, but these were all like dreams, just like you clearly know that you are dreaming, but you can't wake up.

"Murong!" Yan Qian suddenly appeared in front of my eyes, she shook my shoulders with both hands, "You scared Xiao Jin."

I just heard Yan Jin call me "Sister, Sister..."

I came back to my senses, removed Yan Qian's hands expressionlessly, knelt down and hugged Yan Jin into my arms, and said softly, "Sister is fine, I'm sorry."

After comforting Yan Jin, I stood up and led him to continue walking towards the boarding gate. Yan Qian suddenly grabbed my arm.

"Murong—"

I looked back at her, I knew what she wanted to say, but I didn't give her a chance to speak.

She must know something, she knew it the other day when she pushed open my door and asked me if I was Miss Murong...

On the plane, Yan Qian asked others to take Yan Jin away on the grounds that "Sister Murong is not feeling well and needs to rest", and she and I were left in a small closed space, holding her hand Curled up in a corner trembling.I don't know how I spent the ten-hour flight, and I don't even know when the plane will land in Frankfurt.

When I woke up, I saw Yan Jin hunched over beside me and looking at me. He let out an inaudible cry like a stray cat, sister...

Then, he told me that I slept in a hotel at the airport for the day.

He also said that it was Yan Qian who carried me off the plane.

After arriving in Germany, I discovered that Yan Jin could speak German.Moreover, the Yan Jin who came back to Yan's house was completely different from the Yan Jin who was eating ice cream in my shop.

I suddenly realized that regarding her mother's death, Yan's family, and the future he was about to face, Yan Jin was actually prepared.Born in such a family, after so many hiding and fleeing, how could that textbook mother, that wise and calm woman let her clever and precocious son know nothing?

She must have even paved the way for the ending of life and death for him, but he is only a 12-year-old boy after all, how can his shoulders bear the weight of death?

I looked at the little figure in front of the coffin from a distance. He offered her the last white rose, and then quietly watched the soil bury her.

I stared at his figure, not daring to move away, because I promised him that I would always look at him, and I was afraid that he would not be able to see me when he turned his head.

"I will take good care of him, don't worry." Yan Qian stood beside me, and gently made a promise that weighed heavily.

"How good?" I couldn't help asking.

"As if it were your own," she replied.

Unfortunately, I couldn't see the expression on her face.

When I returned to China, the Yan family directly sent a private plane to take me off.I wasn't very surprised by this arrangement, what was surprising was that Yan Qian decided to send me off in person.

"Yanqian, thank you! But it doesn't need to be so troublesome, I can do it by myself." I looked at her sincerely, trying to show a calm and unwavering determination. I really didn't want her to do her best, I was afraid.

She glanced at me, and said lightly, "Do you want them to take you off the plane on a stretcher?" Then she boarded the plane, leaving me alone, with my heart racing and my imagination running wild.

Maybe it's because the private jet is too small. When I faced it, I didn't have the familiar sense of oppression, but when the door closed, I still felt a sharp throbbing, as if someone was holding my heart, Will be ripped out of the body at any time.I sat on the seat, clutching the armrests tightly with both hands, and endured the panic with my eyes closed before leaning back against the chair back.

Yan Qian was sitting next to me, and she only spoke at this time, "Murong, Tony is a very good psychiatrist, if you want to chat with him, he will sit in the back."

I didn't move, didn't even open my eyes.I had seen that there were more than two of us on the plane, but I didn't expect that she was so thoughtful that she even brought a psychologist with her.

She seemed to sigh, "Or, if you're really uncomfortable, I'll give you a calming shot."

I opened my eyes and looked at her through the glass of the window.Her face was blurred and couldn't be seen clearly.I replied in a low voice: "It's good like this, maybe it's uncomfortable, I just get used to it."

"Murong," she answered quickly, but called my name, and remained silent for a few seconds, "It's not your fault, you don't have to do this...it's just an accident, not anyone's fault. "

I close my eyes in pain.

I know it's not anyone's fault, I've learned this from a very young age.

At that time, I had just finished elementary school, and my parents finally decided to separate.

My mother walked into my room without any foreshadowing or prelude, and asked me: "Xiaoshi, if mom feels that being with dad becomes very unhappy, can mom not be with dad?"

I looked up at her, feeling uncomfortable and confused, "Is it because Dad did something wrong? Or did Xiao Shi do something wrong to make Mom unhappy?"

"Of course it's not your fault baby, you're the best gift Mommy ever got! You're Mommy's pride!" she said.She squatted down, squatted in front of me, took my hand, and instead looked up at me, "It's not Dad's fault."

I do not understand.

She simply sat down, sat on the floor of my room, thought for a while, and then spoke again: "It's not anyone's fault, Xiaoshi. It's just, just like you like lollipops but not jelly, jelly doesn't Didn't do anything wrong, right? The other kids loved it~ you understand? It's not anyone's fault."

After that day, they separated.

I take my mother's words to heart and believe that it is no one's fault.I didn't blame anyone until she found the man who made her happy in a foreign country, and until my father also married a woman who made him happy.

Because, at least, I didn't really lose them.

But what if I lose it?If I'm lost, if I have hatred in my heart, and no one's fault, then who am I to blame?Is fate unfair?Fate has never been merciful!

I can only punish myself as a kind of nostalgia...

"Hello, do you need to collect the empty glasses for you?"

"Ah, okay, thank you!" I regained my senses and handed the cup to the little girl in the apron, "Please order another cup for me... pour it by hand."

At first I wanted to order another latte, but on second thought, I will never forget it if I have a little regret. Maybe I will get tired of drinking half of the second cup.

"We have several types of beans for hand pouring, may I help you get the menu?"

"No, just order the one you like the most." I was too lazy to look at the menu.

"Okay~" She smiled sweetly, "I'll get it for you later~"

"Thank you."

After a while, she brought me a glass of "Guatemala-Antigua".

"Sorry, I don't know much about coffee, so I asked the barista at the bar to recommend it... He said that Guatemalan coffee has a unique tobacco taste in the world, which is very special and has the reputation of 'cigarette coffee'. He saw you Sitting here, I immediately thought of this bean, I hope you like it too!"

Hehe, it's really interesting.I picked up the cup and tasted it. The entrance is smooth, the taste is rich and rich, the acidity is sharp, and the taste of tobacco lingers in my mouth-these are all derived from the affectionate nourishment of the volcanic ash on Antigua Island.

"Thank you, I like it!"

"You're welcome~"

I decided to spend an afternoon here, after all, this is a cafe with a yard, and there is such a big tree in the yard.

"A yard with trees in Houhai, jade with workmanship in Xia Dynasty" - although this is not Houhai, a cafe with trees in the yard is rare.

Note:

"The courtyard with trees in Houhai, the jade with workmanship in Xia Dynasty, the cloud at this moment, you in your twenties." -Feng Tang "Things That Can't Be Asked"