kiss Me

After stepping down from the stage, Lin Wu stood in the shadow on the side of the stage for a long time, listening to the host temporarily change the linking words for him on the stage, saying that although he voluntarily played for a round, he still sang very well. The accompaniment——I belatedly realized that I might have gone too crazy this time, but I shouldn’t have.

Not only the method, but the timing is also very inappropriate. It stands to reason that he should wait until at least "three months". Instead of rushing to ask Qin Shu for an answer right now, it seems like he broke the contract first.

But what to do... He looked at the empty darkness and sighed, sat down leaning against the railing, thinking silently in his heart, what should I do, Qin Shu has given him too many illusions these days, always making him Feeling that they were already together, he gradually developed untimely greed, involuntarily wanting to jump over that layer of false excuses and grasp the real answer he had been chasing for a long time.

After all, people are greedy, and he is not exempt.

But in the end, he was too impulsive. He clearly said that "adults should learn to leave room for each other". He knew that he should be more mature and could not force Qin Shu to give him an answer from the position of a child acting like a spoiled child. He also knew that he would break the balance rashly. It may not be able to get the result he really wanted, but he still deliberately mixed eight parts of sincerity into the joke, and jumped into the vicious circle of conniving and being pampered.

Forget it, anyway, his brother would most likely not agree—he took out his phone, swiped through the empty message list twice, and thought with some comfort that at least Qin Shu was more sober than him, and would not rashly cross that message. The reason is that he has heard it many times, and he is afraid that he will be hurt by impulsiveness, and that he will be disappointed if he cannot learn true love...

The next contestant came on stage, and the song he chose was a Cantonese love song with a slow rhythm. The pronunciation was not too standard, but it could mobilize people's emotions and bring people into a melancholy and gentle place, even slowing down their thoughts.

In fact, maintaining the status quo is quite good, anyway, there is no room for a third person between them, and the verbal three-month period has long been relaxed to infinity - he listened to the love song from the stage not far away, and hummed along casually Two sentences can be regarded as completely convincing myself.

The next second the phone screen lit up, and it was his deputy minister who sent him a message asking if he was joking to abstain. "If you really abstain from voting, please come to the backstage to help. This time, in time for the school's publicity, you have to return the pictures as soon as the event is over. For photography, you have to choose photos while shooting. I can't do it alone, so come and help me retouch the pictures."

He returned the emoji with a nod and agreed, stood up, stretched exaggeratedly towards the empty dark corner, hid the second half of the true feelings in his heart, turned and walked backstage.

——"But I'm still a little bit unwilling."

I don't know if it was his delusion, but Qin Shu always felt that from the moment he returned to the backstage, Lin Wu was avoiding him intentionally or unintentionally—avoiding eye contact, and not sneaking closer to him like in the past. He went straight to the corner where the vice minister of publicity was, and was obediently ordered to guide photos.

Public places are not suitable for dating, and he can't disturb other people's work, so he has to put on an appearance of carefully monitoring the stage situation, while silently thinking about the reason in his heart.

Logically speaking, it is not difficult to think, it may be that he did not see his "feelings" immediately after stepping down, and it is inevitable to be angry with him-but based on his understanding of his own children, Lin Wu's brain circuit may not be so "Normal", otherwise it would have been eight out of ten times earlier, and it would not be possible to wait until now.

What's more, the "feelings after watching" are not really the impressions of watching, and it is not something that can be explained clearly in a few words by sending a message. He still wants to say it face to face, and the other party is probably more willing to listen to him face to face.

——But the premise is that Lin Wu wants to hear it, instead of being ten meters away from him like now, without saying a word as if nothing happened.

After all, he raised the fox by himself, and he could tell whether Lin Wu was really not interested or whether he deliberately ignored it.

After being silent for a long time, he still stood up during the transition between the two links, gave up the monitoring screen to Zhao Huanhuan who was on the side, turned around and walked towards Lin Wu - he didn't mean to affect other people's work, but simply reported that he wanted to Go through the routine process of being interviewed by the school leaders, so that Lin Wu can't find him when the time comes.

"Oh yes, the interview!" But I didn't expect the vice minister of publicity to react even more. He pushed his glasses as if he had just woken up from a dream, and his words were a little helpless, "Brother Qin, the person in charge of taking pictures hasn't come back yet. How about I go with you to take interview records—but I have to review the photos..."

"It doesn't matter, you do your work first...Xiao Wu, come with me," he gently shook his hand on Lin Wu's shoulder, and said in a warm voice, "It will be over in 10 minutes, and it won't take up too much of your time. "

Lin Wu seemed to be stunned for a moment, paused with his hand on the mouse, continued to adjust the color curve of the photo in his hand, and then skillfully saved and named it, then nodded, got up and walked towards the back door—he actually I don't know where the interview is, but I just walk by feeling, I instinctively want to walk into the crowd, lest the surrounding is too quiet and only the two of them are left, so that the atmosphere becomes suitable for talking about business.

At least now he doesn't really want to talk about serious matters, and he doesn't want to embarrass Qin Shu - it's better to expose it so quietly, than to let his brother say something against his will to make him happy, he is already past that age .

Qin Shu breathed a sigh of relief calmly, followed his footsteps, only to find that there was still a thin metal chain hanging around his neck today, which could not be seen clearly through the surveillance screen, but it was clearly visible under the light now. , a circle of fragmented light was refracted in the shaking, which looked a bit familiar.

When he walked out of the gate, the light was suddenly swallowed by the night, and the fragmentary reflections of the necklace did not enter the darkness. Only then did he recall in his heart that he had bought this chain for the other party several years ago--at that time, Lin Wu was only in junior high school, and he happened to be in the middle of aesthetics. The age is erratic, and the preferred style changes from time to time, so he can't figure out what birthday gift should be given to the child. He only knows that the other party is obsessed with these tinkling metal jewelry in those two days, and he simply follows his own aesthetics. He picked the one that fit his eyes and gave it away, but since he didn't see Lin Wu wearing it much, he naturally thought that it was because he had bad eyesight, and the gift he chose was too monotonous, which didn't meet the other party's preference for complicated and fancy aesthetics.

It turned out that he would still wear it... He lowered his eyes, tasted some peace of mind for no reason, and walked to Lin Wu's side at a faster pace. Seeing that the other party still didn't talk about "feelings after watching", he took the initiative to say: "I just sang It sounds great."

"Well, it's a love letter to you," Lin Wu smiled, his tone still brisk as usual, as if he wasn't the one who changed the view with a kiss and was so nervous that no one would sit in the audience, "Life is the first Feng, I had no experience at that time, the writing was terrible, it was all vernacular, and I felt nauseous when I sang it..."

He turned his head to look at Qin Shu, his voice paused subtly, and then continued meaningfully: "Brother, actually the interview will start in 15 minutes, you didn't call me out in advance to prepare for the early arrival, right? "

He is more familiar with Qin Shu's schedule than his own playing time, which is a paranoid habit left in his bones.

Qin Shu pursed his lips. He didn't know how to explain that he didn't intend to call him, but simply wanted to come out ahead of time to quiet down and sort out his confused thoughts—but Lin Wu was right, the one who called him out For a moment, he really had a selfish motive, otherwise they wouldn't be standing here now, walking aimlessly into the night at a slow pace completely out of work.

As if aware of his hesitation, Lin Wu stretched out his hand to hook one of his fingers, and shook it jokingly, as if reassuring him in turn: "Okay, it's okay if you don't specifically ask me to come out and say it—it should be said that there is no 'review." 'It's okay, anyway, it's only been more than a month, it's unrealistic for you to understand the feelings of normal people so quickly, and you still want to coax me with those harmless words, it's so embarrassing...Brother, it's okay if you don't say it, I don't want to embarrass you."

His eyes became darker at night, like a silent sea, with complex emotions stirring faintly on the bottom of the sea, but covered by the sparkling smile on the surface, making it difficult for people to see clearly.

After staring at each other for a long time, Qin Shu raised his hand to touch his eyelids, and asked softly, "Why do you suddenly want to ask this?"

Why are you suddenly not satisfied with the ambiguity under the agreement and want to break the existing balance.

Because he noticed that love had sprouted and grown wildly, because love and greed co-existed - he knew the answer well, after all, not only Lin Wu thought so, the same thought had also surfaced in his mind countless times.

So he spent almost a game weighing their status quo, thinking about whether they can be together stably and safely, trying to prove that he has learned how to express love gently, but thinking of the worst outcome again and again Thinking of the knife that was finally exposed after spreading his heart, he wavered between reason and impulsiveness-this was the first time in his life that he actively had a reckless impulsive thought that surpassed reason, like a robot with strict procedures had autonomy for the first time Consciousness, however, also spawned countless operating errors, which made him unable to think clearly for a while.

It's really difficult, but it's not because he wants to come up with some rhetoric to deceive the other party, but because he is simply not sure whether he is qualified to make a promise, agree to date, and then absolutely not hurt the other party, and absolutely not let the other party down.

When he asked this sentence, the "absolute" barrier in his heart had actually collapsed in sevens and eighties. His instinct made a concession before his reason, and he handed over the decision-making power to Lin Wu——he said irrationally Thinking "There is no absolute in everything", if Lin Wu wants to hear it, then he is willing to say it, anything is fine.

However, Lin Wu just blinked, brushed his eyelashes against his warm fingertips, and exposed his weakness to him without hesitation, but what he said was separated by an invisible barrier, making people elusive: "There is no reason... ... just haven't tried it, I want to see if you can take this set."

Qin Shu lowered his eyes to look at him, wondering if the identities of the two had been reversed now—whether Lin Wu looked at him through such white lies and gentle disguises before, would he also feel so dazed and helpless? They wanted to unmask the other party and ask him what he thought, but they were afraid that they would embarrass each other after the words were revealed.

So he lowered his head and kissed the boy's eyelids under the cover of the tree shadow, using softness to confront the softness, and then almost invoked all his honesty, and answered softly word by word: "This song is very nice, I like it very much. , I also like this set-this is the after-view."

Lin Wu's tightly closed eyelashes trembled, revealing a little real nervousness: "And then..."

"Then... In all fairness, I've thought about it for a long time, but I still can't fully trust myself to make sure that I won't hurt you in the process of getting along in the future—a serious injury that may be life-threatening, or domestic violence." Qin Shu paused, feeling It is probably not convincing to say these words in such a gentle tone, so I have to add a real example

So he straightened up, raised his hand to hook the necklace around Gou Linwu's neck, and with a little force, let the thin metal chain embed into his skin. He didn't stop until he felt the pain, and continued: "For example, when I saw this As I was putting on the necklace, two thoughts were running through my mind at the same time, one about how well you were wearing it and I'm glad you're still wearing it after all these years, and the other, a bit nasty, about the night in the Event preparation room..."

He leaned closer to Lin Wu's ear, and clearly passed the second half of the shady description into the other's ear. His tone was as calm as a dissertation defense, but the content of the words made Lin Wu breathe hard, and suddenly recalled the wet In the dense evening, the cold pendant he couldn't bite, and the metal chain embedded in his neck left two long and thin red marks, which took a few days to completely fade away.

"I went to check later." Qin Shu rubbed the back of his neck soothingly, with the heels of his palms on the side of his neck, as if he could touch the scars that had already healed. Other cases of suffocation... To be honest, it's not just suffocation. I have thought of many other ways, but I haven't put them into practice—Xiao Wu, impulsive criminals are irrational when they commit violence, and they won't just because of suffocation. You believe in being gentle and harmless, this is not a joke."

This seems to be the first time they have talked about this issue seriously, spreading out the most essential conflict between them - but Lin Wu obviously didn't want to discuss it with him, and just watched quietly after hearing the words. Looking at him, his eyes were clear, and the warm pulse was attached to his palm, as fresh as ever.

"Brother knows that you believe in me and are even willing to take the risks that come with it. I'm very happy about that," Qin Shu raised his arms and held him in his arms, and his voice fell softly in his ears, stating that he was close Because of the cold facts, "But if one day I deprive you of all your freedom, forbid you to go out to socialize or like anything else, imprison you by your side, and repeat these things day after day. It seems that the abusive behavior that can be called flirting may even get worse, and it is so serious that it is life-threatening... When that day comes, will you still choose to love me without hesitation like now, and will you not regret the choice you made? ?”

Lin Wu leaned on his shoulder, forced to feel the presence of the necklace around his neck, felt uncomfortable from the cold metal, and wandered off thinking aimlessly, what his brother said just now seemed like a wedding ceremony. Words—but these words seem to be spoken by the master of ceremonies, not the groom himself anyway.

Then he shook his head, as if he had exhausted his wild thoughts in ten seconds, in exchange for a moment of sobriety, he gently broke away from Qin Shu, retreated to the street light a few steps away, and raised his hand to hold the neck metal chain.

"Brother," he shook the chain towards Qin Shu, his voice was clear and clear as usual, standing in the street lights was like standing on a stage, and what he said was like a love song, "First of all, I personally feel that that day will never come— — But if you want to ask me if I will regret it, then I can also answer first, no, every day with you counts as a day, every day is positive accumulation, I will never regret it. "

"As for why it won't come..."

He squinted his eyes slightly, clenched the necklace in his hand and pulled it violently, gasping for air from the stinging pain of being pierced into the skin, but still laughed, and opened his palm to show Qin Shu the broken necklace Thin metal chain.

"Brother, I am not a child who can't tell right from wrong, nor am I a puppet dominated by others - I can struggle, I know what it means to stop losses in time, and I know what I like and what I don't like. You can hurt me because I am willing, I am willing not to resist, I am willing to accept all the ways you express your love, and I am willing to be happy... This does not mean that I will keep earning necklaces, and I will be so stupid that I will die quietly in your hands without resisting, just holding on to the necklace That person is you, and I am willing to cooperate."

"You don't have to take all the responsibility on yourself. If there is such a day, then I am also an accomplice—well..."

The unfinished words were all blocked between his lips and tongue, Qin Shu hugged the back of his neck and kissed him, his palm brushed against the scratched wound on his neck, unexpectedly trembling.

Lin Wu couldn't feel the pain, but was provoked by the huge temperature difference between the square inches of skin, and subconsciously raised his arms to hug her, deepening the comforting kiss a little cunningly.

He closed his eyes, let the metal chain in his hand slip to the ground, and made indistinct small movements, thinking that Qin Shu was obviously more unconscious than what he said, otherwise how could he be shaken so easily and take it inappropriately? He stepped into the shadows, putting aside even his work.

"I see." During the separation, Qin Shu rubbed his hair, his voice was much lower than usual, "If you confess your love next time, brother will give you the 'review' you want."

Lin Wu was stunned, but he didn't expect his answer to be "definitely next time". His breathing was still hot, but his heart was half cold, and he asked instinctively, "When is the next time?"

Then he quickly realized that this sentence was probably not the excuse he had imagined for delaying.

"It's up to you," Qin Shu's answer really confirmed this idea, "it can be any time, today, tomorrow, or after a few years - and then I will be responsible for my words and deeds."

Lin Wu watched him squat down, pick up the broken metal chain, and seemed to be researching whether there was a possibility of repairing it. The words "Then I will confess now" that came to his lips choked up, and replaced it with a sentence A little guilty "I didn't break it on purpose".

It's really confusing black and white, at least from the results, he did it on purpose, and he can't explain it clearly—fortunately, Qin Shu didn't care about it with him, so he reached out to rub his hair and put the necklace in his mouth bag, and leaned closer to check the wound on his neck: "If you like it, just buy another one, it's not an expensive thing."

Sometimes courage is time-sensitive. If you can't blurt out at that time, you may not have the confidence to say it in the next second.Lin Wu pursed her lips, and thought over and over the sentence "Adults should learn to give each other room" that was about to be chewed several times, and then cooperated with him to change the subject with complicated emotions: "It was the birthday gift you gave me that year— — the year when that love letter was written.”

This is the leeway Qin Shu left for him, or it should be called the initiative—his brother has given it to him so thoughtfully, and it seems that he can't treat it rashly and use up this treasure without thinking.

What's more, he knew very well that this was also the leeway Qin Shu left for himself, and it was the last weight to maintain the balance.

Qin Shu touched the slender bloodstain that appeared on his neck, and seemed a little helpless: "The birthday gift is not a reason for you to hurt yourself...does it hurt?"

Lin Wu's restrained distress was very helpful to him, so he closed his eyes and decided not to think about balance and imbalance for the time being, so he raised his neck coquettishly so that he could see the scar on his neck clearly, and followed his words. Nodded: "A little bit..."

After finishing speaking, he suddenly remembered something, and added softly: "I asked for the pain, don't blame the necklace, that necklace is my treasure."

He said it as if he wanted to protect the necklace, lest he hurt the innocent... Qin Shu laughed, feeling that he was not naive enough to take his anger out on a necklace, but he couldn't say anything more, so he raised the camera in his hand Bao stopped the topic tactfully: "Let's go, there are still 5 minutes before the interview, don't let the teacher wait for us."

Lin Wu followed his footsteps, hesitated for a moment, but still didn't reach out to hold him - after all, it was a weekend night, there were still many students coming and going around the main road, and it was in the direction leading to the administrative building, so being seen by the teacher didn't affect him. good.

"I don't know how the competition is going. When I came out, I heard them say that it's the second round." He turned his head and looked in the direction of the auditorium, and said with a smile, "Actually, I planned to sing seriously at first, It's fun to get an award to show off... But compared to those awards and titles, brother, I still like you more."

The necklace left an imprint on the back of his neck, and only then did the pain emerge vaguely, as if reminding him that the previous gentle confrontation was not a dream—he squinted his eyes and broke the truth into many parts He also mixed it with jokes, and chatted with Qin Shu about his motivation for the competition, with a natural and brisk tone, but he couldn't deceive himself.

He is still a little bit unwilling, a little bit, even if it can be well hidden, it will not shake his reason, probably only the unwillingness revealed in his dreams.