Dead after eight years [rebirth]

He rushed home happily, there was a crowd of people downstairs, Zhang Ci'an had no interest in watching the excitement, the elevator was broken, so he walked up to the eighth floor, because he was afraid of spoiling the cake, he walked extremely carefully step by step.

Then he saw a bouquet of flowers at the door of his house, a bouquet of flowers with Cheng Shuibei's name written on it.

Zhang Ci'an smiled knowingly, knocked on the door with flowers in his arms, waiting for his lover to come rushing to embrace him.

But he didn't wait.

"I couldn't find you when I got home. The police called and said... said..."

Said that you jumped off the building, and said that the person downstairs who was surrounded by a cordon and fell to a bloody mess was you.

Zhang Ci'an couldn't speak anymore, his chest was trembling due to emotional fluctuations, and the hopeless and lonely eyes regained their light the moment he saw Cheng Shuibei's hand on his arm.

"Afterwards, I couldn't sleep anymore."

"When I close my eyes, I see the bouquet of flowers, the crowd downstairs, and you lying in the cold."

Zhang Ci'an drooped his eyebrows, like a poor puppy that got wet after running in the rain.

After Cheng Shuibei left, he had no home.

"I can only rely on medicine to fall asleep. I begged my parents to help me invite my senior sister because I was under too much pressure. Xiaobei, I never thought of hiding it from you."

Every night, Zhang Ci'an could only keep his eyes open, letting the past scenes torment him, like a heinous person going through the ordeal of eighteen levels of hell.What hurt him more than hell was Cheng Shuibei's "I don't know".

"Xiao Bei, I'm sorry."

Zhang Cian's voice became lower and lower, the "I'm sorry" was like a needle piercing into Shuibei's heart, and the arm he was holding on to Zhang Cian seemed to be electrified, causing goosebumps.

This person appeared in front of him so nonchalantly, Cheng Shuibei almost left nothing for Zhang Cian when he left, Professor Zhang was still glamorous, keeping people and gods away, not stained with worldly dust.

But now he said that after he left, he never fell asleep again.

During countless sleepless nights, Zhang Ci'an had to think of something to get rid of those images in his mind, so as not to be driven mad by the bloody reality.When Cheng Shuibei jumped down from the eighth floor, he didn't think about it.

He will die, and his bones will be broken after death. Zhang Ci'an is not even qualified to go home with his ashes.

"It's okay Xiaobei, I'm much better now. After telling you the story in Jiangshuo that day, I lay on the floor and slept for the first time in two years. My sister said this is a good start, I can try Stop taking the medicine slowly. Xiao Bei, don't worry about me."

Zhang Ci'an's mood finally stabilized, he brushed Cheng Shuibei's hand off his shoulder, and then carefully stepped back half a step, keeping the safe distance that Cheng Shuibei needed.

It doesn't matter, he can wait, wait for Xiaobei to forgive him, wait for Xiaobei to accept him again.

Cheng Shuibei's shoulders trembled, he looked at the forced smile in Zhang Cian's eyes, and suddenly felt a great impulse in his heartache.

Cheng Shui took a half step forward and grabbed Zhang Ci'an's withdrawn hand.

"Are you finished? It's my turn."

He held up the hands they held together.

"To be honest, I never blamed you. It was me who couldn't think about it, and I wanted to jump off the building. Even if you came back earlier, you couldn't prevent this result."

"Zhang Ci'an, I just feel that our start was too hasty, and the process was not good. I just found out that I like you in my youth, and we just lay on the same bed in a daze. You used the word 'responsible' It's easy to tie up half of my life, but put me at home like a decoration. I love you very much, like breathing. But I haven't been in love yet, and I haven't tasted the feeling of being loved. "

"If we continue to torture like this, we will all suffer."

"So sometimes I wonder if it would be different to start differently."

Hearing this, Zhang Ci'an thought that Cheng Shuibei was going to leave him again, and helplessly grasped Cheng Shuibei's hand: "Xiaobei, don't, I'm not what you said, I..."

He was explaining, persuading, and he was at a loss in words and deeds.Cheng Shuibei looked at that face that would move his heart no matter how many times he looked at it, and suddenly smiled brightly.

"I haven't heard you say you love me once, Zhang Ci'an, come and love me once."

Come love me, you and I are only 20 years old and the sun is shining.

Zhang Ci'an was so surprised that he couldn't speak, he stammered, like a young boy who confessed for the first time.

"Xiaobei, I...I love..."

But Cheng Shuibei didn't wait this time, and didn't give him another chance to get stuck.

"I don't necessarily want to listen to what you want to say now. The days are still long. Professor Zhang has a long way to go."

After speaking, he left with a smart smile.

Give Zhang Ci'an a chance to forgive himself, and give each other a chance to start over.Cheng Shuibei wanted to go forward, so he took big strides.

Cha Cha, who had been waiting for a long time, finally waited for the belated master to come, and huddled next to him.

Cheng Shuibei snorted and snorted the dog's head: "Hey, I've wronged you, let's go and eat beef jerky with my brother."

He picked up his delicate little dog, threw off his heavy body, and walked briskly towards the school gate.

Cheng Shuibei worked hard for half his life, and finally put himself and Zhang Ci'an in the same position.He can love, accept and reject love from others.

What other children were taught by their parents when they were young, Cheng Shuibei learned by himself.

From that day on, Zhang Ci'an was allowed to meet with Cheng Shuibei no more than three times a week.Zhang Ci'an grasped this opportunity very well, always showing up when Cheng Shuibei needed it.

Unloading goods in the store, he is a porter, and there is a shortage of manpower, he is a tallyer.When Cheng Shuibei was bored, he appeared just right holding a cup of milk tea.

"The newly opened store at the gate of the school is said to be delicious, you should try it first."

At the beginning of the third week, Cheng Shuibei couldn't bear it any longer. He got up from the counter and walked to the opposite cafe, and picked up Professor Zhang who was sitting by the window and spent his time in the ivory tower instead of fighting for the future.

"I said three times a week because I want you to go to school well. It's not that I dislike you, hate you, or don't want to see you. Zhang Ci'an, go back. I like that radiant Professor Zhang. I don't want to torture myself like this now." of you."

Cheng Shuibei stared seriously, really frightened Zhang Ci'an.

"it is good."

Zhang Ci'an promised that he would stop squatting every day and live, study, and work like a normal person. He just asked Cheng Shuibei not to hate him because of this.

Cheng Shuibei agreed.

After this incident, Xiao Cheng originally thought that such a busy person as Professor Zhang would not see him once a week.

But he saw it the next day.

The next day, Cheng Shuibei urged Cheng Nan to drink the milk and go out. When he opened the door, he saw Zhang Ci'an coming out from the opposite door. He was neatly dressed and went out with a book in his arms.

"Morning, Xiao Bei."

Cheng Shuibei looked at the door opposite without giving up, and the rental notice was gone.

As soon as he let go, Professor Zhang quickly moved into the opposite side of his house.

Such a sudden "coincidence" meeting, before Cheng Shuibei expressed his opinion, Zhang Ci'an hurriedly explained: "Xiaobei, don't worry. I will only come here on weekends in the future, and I won't show up on weekdays."

Thinking of how Zhang Ci'an stayed up all night until dawn, Cheng Shuibei couldn't say no to it.He pursed his lips and confessed: "This is your home, go back as you want."

"Okay, I'm off to school."

Zhang Ci'an waved, turned and went downstairs.The moment he left, Cheng Shuibei saw the rare smile on his face, his eyes were as bright as the morning sun.

Cheng Nan also put on his clothes and came out, and rushed downstairs in front of Cheng Shuibei in two or three steps with Chacha in his arms.

The elder brother muttered: "This time I said it, he begged me."

The traitor recruited himself, and Cheng Shuibei had no interest in pursuing it any further, so he locked the door and went downstairs to send his brother to school.

In the days that followed, it became common to see Zhang Ci'an by chance when opening the door. Cheng Shuibei deliberately ignored it at the beginning, but later he could say hello and talk for a while when they met.

"Did you sleep well last night? How long did you sleep for?" Cheng Shuibei was carrying the trash, and talked to Zhang Ci'an who was going downstairs together.

"Very good, it's dawn."

Zhang Ci'an turned sideways deliberately, but Cheng Shuibei could still see the bruises under his eyes that couldn't be concealed from his thin cheeks, reminding him how this person was tormented night after night.

"to be frank."

Cheng Shuibei no longer tolerated him reporting good news but not worrying. He clearly remembered that Zhang Ci'an used to stay up all night doing courseware without getting dark circles under his eyes. How long did it take him to be so haggard.

Zhang Ci'an lowered his head, not daring to look at Cheng Shuibei. "Three hours."

Three hours.

Cheng Shuibei grabbed Zhang Ci'an who was about to leave: "Don't leave, skip class today, come home with me to sleep!"

He stared at Zhang Ci'an, neither his tone nor his eyes looked like he was joking.

Zhang Ci'an stammered: "I...I'm fine, I can sleep for three hours, and my senior sister said it's much better than before."

"No, three hours with me is a failure!"

Cheng Shuibei stopped discussing with him, took Zhang Ci'an's wrist and went home.

Cheng Nan was still sitting at the dining table eating apples slowly, not worried about being late for school at all.Cheng Shuibei dragged Zhang Ci'an past his brother, and entered his bedroom without looking back.

He pushed him down on the bed, covered Zhang Cian with his own quilt, and urged him to sleep: "I'm going to send Cheng Nan to school now, and I'll be back in 15 minutes. When I come back, you'd better be asleep."

After finishing speaking, he closed the door without negotiating and sent his brother to school.

Zhang Ci'an lay on the bed, looking around the room without moving.

The wallpaper, bed sheets and quilt covers are all blue, in the usual "Northern" style, completely different from where they used to live.There was a book of poems on the bedside table, Zhang Ci'an opened it to read, and there were pages full of himself in it.

Waves of heat surged in his chest.Zhang Ci'an suddenly realized that he seemed to have missed many summers.

Since his mother passed away, he has closed himself up. He is ruthless and loveless and says he is a wise man, but he is actually just a child who is afraid of the dark night.

His insomnia didn't last for a year or two. After Dou Shuyi passed away, Zhang Ci'an often couldn't sleep. The first thing that tormented him was the fire that he didn't even have time to witness with his own eyes, and the withering roses in the yard day by day.

Zhang Ci'an thought, probably he will never have another good dream in his life.

But that summer, Cheng Shuibei broke into his life in a muddle-headed way.Xiaobei is eclectic and noisy, and can break a sentence into two to annoy him.After agreeing to sleep in separate rooms, Cheng Shuibei always sneaked into his room barefoot at night, got into his bed, and stuck to him like a small fish.

Cheng Shuibei would hug him at night when he couldn't sleep, and put his arms around his waist like comforting a child.

"Brother Ci, sleep."

Zhang Ci'an thought that he was in charge, but it took a long time before he realized that the person who was taken care of and cared for was always himself.

Zhang Ci'an put the collection of poems back in place, lay down obediently, listened to Cheng Shuibei's words, and tried to fall asleep within 15 minutes.

But his illness didn't happen overnight. When Cheng Shuibei came back, Professor Zhang still had his eyes open.

Cheng Shuibei: "..."

Zhang Ci'an: "Xiaobei...I haven't showered yet."

He didn't dare to say that he was too ill, so he could only make up a reason to coax Cheng Shuibei.

He was already very satisfied to be able to walk into this room.

"Oh."

Cheng Shuibei rummaged through the boxes to find things.

"Pajamas, new ones, slippers, new ones, bath towels just bought and haven't been used yet."

He pushed Zhang Ci'an into the bathroom, put clean clothes and bath towels at the door, and then went back to the room to change the sheets and covers.

Maybe Professor Zhang couldn't sleep because of another delicate problem, Cheng Shuibei took great pains to tidy up the house.

He sat on the bed and waited, the more he thought about it, the more awkward he felt, he felt like a little daughter-in-law waiting for her husband to sleep.

Cheng Shuibei pinched his nose and chose to sit on the ground and wait.

"Clatter!" The sound of the water stopped, and Zhang Ci'an came out of the bathroom.

Cheng Shuibei's pajamas were a bit small, Professor Zhang couldn't button them up, and his fair chest was looming under the open pajamas, making it impossible to ignore.

"Wipe your hair."

Cheng Shuibei looked away, raised the towel over his head and handed it to him.

Sitting and standing, this time is even more strange.

Cheng Shuibei got up from the floor and pointed to the newly made bed: "Okay, after taking a shower, go to sleep."

Brand new black, white and gray checked sheets, silk and linen pillow covers, even the scattered melon seeds and peanuts on the bedside table are gone, and the poetry anthology filled with small notes has also disappeared without a trace.

Zhang Ci'an lowered his head obediently and lonely.

"Actually, it doesn't matter."

The author has something to say:

Zhang Mi chasing his wife

Halfway through the writing, I was called to a group meeting, which may be a bit incoherent. I'm sorry, I'll go back and change it.