The self-mockery of the villain of fast wear

He Xuannian's physical wounds have healed now, but the wounds in his heart have not healed. Before seeing Gu Zheng, he thought that he would never let go of this matter.

However, during this period of time, He Xuannian also thought a lot. He realized that it was his own wishful thinking towards Gu Zheng. Now that he had thought it over clearly, he didn't want to be afraid to see Gu Zheng again.

Today's He Xuannian is very contradictory. On the one hand, he wants to ask Gu Zheng why he treated him like that. Although the situation was critical at the time, it would never be to the point of leaving him to attract zombies.

On the other hand, He Xuannian felt that he was extremely ridiculous, Gu Zheng had treated him like this, and he kept finding excuses for Gu Zheng, delusional to continue being with Gu Zheng, it was simply stupid.

He Xuannian didn't let people talk about the events of that day. He didn't want to hear someone criticize Gu Zheng. Thinking of this, he couldn't help but feel a little degraded. But he worked hard, and he couldn't hate Gu Zheng at all.

Every time he wanted to resent Gu Zheng, he kept recalling what happened to the two of them when they were young, and their affection could not be explained clearly in one or two sentences.

Compared with Gu Zheng's one betrayal, He Xuannian's mind is more about the memories of growing up together when he was a child. The two families are neighbors, and Gu Zheng has been by his side since He Xuannian remembered.

The two families are only children, they are about the same age, and they are both boys, so they were put together since childhood. At that time, He Xuannian only knew that he liked the "glutinous rice" next door.

Gu Zheng's nickname is Nuomi, because Gu's mother wanted her son to be soft and clingy, but unfortunately the name she chose was useless, Gu Zheng has always looked like a serious little adult since he was a child.

In He Xuannian's impression, Gu Zheng never seemed to call him by his nickname. He always seemed to be alienated. Afterwards, the two got closer. Smash.

I remember that when he was a child, he always clamored to live with Gu Zheng, so his parents had to send him to the next door in embarrassment, but Gu Zheng refused at that time.

It's a pity that his little opinion was not adopted. Gu Zheng's parents were afraid that the child would be too withdrawn, so they were happy to see He Xuannian clinging to Gu Zheng, and hoped that the optimistic and cheerful He Xuannian would make the serious and staid Gu Zheng more cheerful and lively.

In my memory, when the two were having fun together, Gu Zheng always held a book to study, while He Xuannian played with his own. At first, He Xuannian also wanted to learn Gu Zheng's reading.

It's a pity that at the age of five, he didn't know a few words at all, and couldn't understand what was in the storybook in Gu Zheng's hand. He always grabbed Gu Zheng's clothes and smiled coquettishly at Gu Zheng, "Brother Nuomi, don't you miss me every year?" Literacy, can you tell Niannian?"

The two were about the same age, Gu Zheng was a month older than He Xuannian, when He Xuannian was a child, he was always older than his older brother, taking advantage of that month, he stuck to Gu Zheng's side.

But Gu Zheng didn't like him calling himself Nuomi, so he refused with a cold face: "I've said it before, don't call me Nuomi, if you can't read, go back to school by yourself, I don't have time to play with you."

If it was an ordinary child, he might be frightened by Gu Zheng's serious tone, but the other party was He Xuannian, he understood Gu Zheng's temperament, and was never afraid of Gu Zheng's sternness.

Instead, he pulled Gu Zheng's clothes with a smile, and changed his words: "Brother Gu Zheng, he is not as good as you every year, but he will study hard every year, okay just once?"

Gu Zheng wanted to refuse, but it's a pity that he has never met his parents who act like a baby. Every time he sees the soft and cute He Xuannian, he has long forgotten his son, so even if Gu Zheng refuses, he will still be with his parents later. Under the lure, he honestly told He Xuannian a story.

But at He Xuannian's place, Gu Zheng's behavior became duplicity, so he liked to cling to the good-looking little Nuomi brother more and more, wishing he could live with him every night.

The two of them did live together for a while. At that time, He Xuannian's parents were on a business trip, so they put He Xuannian in Gu Zheng's house and asked Gu Zheng's parents to take care of them.

Anyway, it wasn't a big deal, so the two took care of it. Anyway, in their eyes, He Xuannian was Gu Zheng's best playmate, and the two of them would be more lively together.

At the beginning, Gu Zheng only thought that He Xuannian was too noisy, and he always had a short memory. "Brother Nuomi, Brother Nuomi" called his name. Every time he reminded him, he would change his words, but he went back after a while.

Gu Zheng had the patience to correct him at the beginning, but as the number of times increased, he didn't bother to remind He Xuannian, most of the time he ignored He Xuannian and did his own thing.

And He Xuannian also began to study hard in order to have a common language with Gu Zheng. Since then, He Xuannian's parents hope that Gu Zheng can play with their children. Such a good free teacher is what they wish for.

Because of the acquiescence of the two parents, the two grew up like brothers when they were young, but as they grew older, He Xuannian was unwilling to call him a boy who was only a month older than himself for the sake of boys' self-esteem. Brother Gu Zheng.

He even thought about letting Gu Zheng call him brother instead, but every time he either got Gu Zheng's eyes, or was directly rubbed by Gu Zheng on the ground.

It was when He Xuannian was in high school that he realized that his thoughts on Gu Zheng might be more than that simple. He probably had Gu Zheng as an excellent role model. He Xuannian's grades in elementary school and high school were both good.

After all, there is a neighbor of Gu Zheng who is the oldest, as long as he fails in the exam, his parents will not allow him to play with Gu Zheng. Worship Gu Zheng.

He used to be very proud of having such an excellent brother. It wasn't until the first love affair in high school that he realized that Gu Zhengtai's excellence didn't seem to be a good thing.

When He Xuannian was a child, he thought that Gu Zheng had a cold personality, and he could not find any good friends except himself, but in high school, he discovered that the little girls in his class liked Gu Zheng's cold personality.

Coupled with Gu Zheng's good looks and excellent grades, he became an unattainable existence in everyone's hearts. For the first time, He Xuannian realized that Gu Zheng was no longer his own.

At that time, every time He Xuannian saw those people confessing their love shyly or boldly in front of Gu Zheng, he felt a gloomy emotion that was difficult to vent, and He Xuannian didn't know what was wrong with him.

Because the relationship between the two is not shallow, many people even want to lend their hands to send love letters and gifts to Gu Zheng. He Xuannian refuses every time with sharp words. hope.

He Xuannian never thought that one day he would guard against those people approaching Gu Zheng like a thief. At first he thought he just didn't want his friends to be delayed in his studies by love, but later he realized that he just didn't want Gu Zheng to get close to people other than himself.

The love of young people is always hazy and green, and he doesn't even know that his abnormality is just because he likes Gu Zheng. Also, Gu Zheng is so good, those people can like him blatantly, but he can't.

He Xuannian was afraid that once that step was taken, the relationship between the two would never return to the past, and the lovers would separate, but friends could last forever.

He admitted that he was cowardly, but he had no choice. Gu Zheng had a cold personality. He didn't like to be liked by others, and he didn't like himself at the same time. He Xuannian didn't know whether he should be happy about it.

After the college entrance examination that year, seeing his classmates yelling at the girls in the class to confess to Gu Zheng, He Xuannian wanted to step forward to stop the two of them, but he could only forcefully smile and listen to other people teasing.

Gu Zheng is indeed very good. In order to make himself worthy of Gu Zheng, He Xuannian studied hard in high school, and every time he had the cheek to stick to Gu Zheng's side, so that he could study together, but he always had moments when he was distracted.

Especially when the two were in the library, whenever the warm sunlight shone on Gu Zheng, He Xuannian, who was sitting opposite him, would always be dumbfounded by the scene in front of him, even though he grew up with Gu Zheng , can't help but be moved.

In He Xuannian's eyes, Gu Zheng is a nearly perfect person, he is kind and gentle, he will take care of the wild cats he meets on the side of the road, he will help those in need, he is talented, not only his academic performance is top-notch, his musical instruments and painting are not far behind .

Facing Gu Zheng, He Xuannian would feel inferior. He has subtly followed Gu Zheng's footsteps since he was a child, hoping that he could stand side by side with Gu Zheng, but that would require He Xuannian to put in all his efforts.

To put it bluntly, He Xuannian loves Gu Zheng more than he loves himself, but love is not everything, especially after entering the apocalypse, Gu Zheng is He Xuannian's spiritual support.

But now that his sky is falling, the other party left him without hesitation, and even injured his leg with his own hands. Regarding this, He Xuannian still did not forget to comfort himself: "He just injured my leg , Does it mean that he still has feelings for me?"

He Xuannian had rehearsed the scene of the two meeting again many times in his mind. Sadly, he couldn't even ask questions. He even felt that if Gu Zheng was willing to apologize, he could forgive Gu Zheng based on the relationship between the two for many years. .

Then what?He Xuannian is not stupid, the two of them will never go back together, Gu Zheng will always be that Gu Zheng, he doesn't know how long he will continue to deceive himself and others.

Even if he finds countless things for himself every day, he tries to make himself forget about Gu Zheng, and forget Gu Zheng's indifferent eyes when he shot him.

But He Xuannian couldn't forget that he couldn't fall asleep every night, or whenever he fell asleep, he would start to have all kinds of nightmares. Many times he would dream of the day when Gu Zheng attacked him.

He Xuannian asked in his heart more than once, why did Gu Zheng leave so resolutely, why didn't he look back at himself?Even with just one glance, He Xuannian has reason to continue deceiving himself.

The feeling of deceiving himself and others is uncomfortable, he doesn't understand why Gu Zheng suddenly changed, is it because the other party has sensed his thoughts, feels sick and is eager to get rid of him?

But He Xuannian was not the first boy to confess his love to Gu Zheng. In the past, Gu Zheng's rejection was very gentle. He Xuannian knew that he would never treat someone who really liked him like this.

So why is it yourself?He Xuannian tossed and turned every night thinking about this question, he didn't know what he did wrong?Did you fall in love with someone you shouldn't love?

He Xuannian, who had no legitimate reason to support him, quickly lost weight. Obviously the scars on his body had healed, but the wound in his heart could not be healed anyway. He resisted seeing Gu Zheng, but also longed to see Gu Zheng again.

He Xuannian felt that he needed a reason to live. He remembered that Gu Zheng once said that he hoped that the end of the world would end. This seemingly distant dream has now become the driving force for He Xuannian to persevere.

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