[Exorcist Boy] The whole world thinks I'm a cannon fodder

"Rabbi."

"Rabbi?"

"La--be-"

There is a familiar... But I can't tell what's wrong with the voice from far to near.

"What happened all of a sudden? Heat stroke?"

"I don't know too well...it's okay, Rabbi?"

Huh?This is...the voices of Allen and Li Nali?

But why are the two of them in...

The rabbi opened his eyes as if being drawn, and was taken aback when the bright light flooded into his vision.

What's the situation? This——

If there is no problem with his memory, he should have just gone to bed a second ago. How come when he opened his eyes, the two people he met at the banquet not long ago suddenly appeared in front of him, with an expression on his face. Looking at yourself worriedly?

when did they comeWhy did Li Nali put back her double ponytails?And what is that guy Allen wearing?Is it a group uniform?But their first-generation and second-generation team uniforms have long been...

No, no, no, the problem is the two of them...how did this shrink?

The rabbi looked at the person in front of him in surprise, and just opened his mouth to say something, but the surrounding voices gradually flowed into his ears at the moment when his senses returned.

He turned his gaze slightly, and found that a guest with luggage was going upstairs on the stairs on the left, and at a point below, the service staff was helping the next person to check in.Maybe it was because it was in the afternoon, the air was hot and stuffy, and a large swath of sunlight poured down through the skylight. Although the scorching temperature was filtered out, the floor tiles were still dazzled.

Um?here?

Almost without deliberate thinking, the dusty memories poured out like a flood, and the rabbi immediately realized that this was the hotel where they stayed in Turkey.

And the time...was after Marshal Yege was killed.At that time, the church had just determined that the goal of the Millennium Earl was the legendary "Heart". Therefore, as the most likely candidates for the "Heart", the safety of the marshals became the top priority.Because of the old man Panda, they were incorporated into the Kuros team. At this moment, they were on their way to find the marshal, and at the same time they were about to join Sisi who came from other places.

correct!Sisi...

He subconsciously turned around——

"Ah, Ceci!"

Allen called out one step ahead of him.

As for the direction of the door, Ceci, who seemed to be sneaking up to scare them, gave a meal and had no choice but to come over obediently.

The rabbi's eyes lit up, and he forgot everything in an instant. He almost instinctively rushed forward, faster than Allen who was walking forward, but he was habitually trying to go to La Sexi's hand. At that time, she passed by without looking.

"You are Master Allen Walker, the exorcist, right? I finally see you! Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Cecilia Marian from the Turkish Exploration Force. Next, you will be in the local..."

"speak English."

Exactly the same conversation as in memory...

The rabbi turned around in a daze, still unable to recover from the incident of "Why Sisi ignored me", it took a long time to realize that he must be dreaming.

But when he pinched his arm reflexively, he felt the pain in a daze.

pain……?

Hey, isn't it...

It's impossible that this is not a dream, but a return to the past... something like that?This is... is this too ridiculous?

And the point is that he doesn't want to win such a big prize at all, okay?He is very satisfied with his life now!Be grateful!No regrets at all!This suddenly requires him to walk the path he has walked all over again... He can't get any flowers?

At most...

After realizing that Ceci really wouldn't look back at him, Rabbi paused, resting his arms on his pillow, and pretending to inadvertently move to Li Nali's obliquely behind—that is, where he was at the beginning and stood still.

At most, it is to avoid some detours?

For the heir of the scholar, memory has long been as natural as breathing. Even though the rabbi did not pay much attention to Sisi at all, he clearly remembered every expression and movement of Sisi—she was talking with Li Nali. During the chat, she glanced at him unintentionally.

But this time, after Sisi finished talking with Li Nali, she turned to Allen without looking at him.

Even the explorer following her didn't mention the word about lovers as before.

Everything was... subtly different from the past that the rabbi was familiar with.

What went wrong?

To be honest, the rabbi didn't know exactly when Sisi started to like her, but she only heard that she liked her smile at that time, which wasn't too distracting.

The rabbi paused, and immediately moved behind Allen seemingly unintentionally, showing his usual smile without any pressure.

But Sisi had already turned his head one step ahead.

She didn't see him smiling at herself.

She didn't look at him.

Next, it's time to find the lost Crowley.

Crowley was still deceived by Lulu Bell, who was pretending to be Li Nali, and went to the suburbs. In the dusty sky, when Lulu Bell rushed to Li Nali again, the rabbi and Allen, who had said hello in advance, showed their faces at the same time. The weapon forced her back.

"Be careful, Allen! The enemy wants to—"

Just as he was about to say that the enemy wanted to use the real and fake Li Nali to divide them into two groups and defeat them one by one, he saw Lulu Bell pounced and suddenly changed into the appearance of Allen who was wrestling with her.

Rabbi: "..."

"... Allen! Poker!" The rabbi said "ah", suddenly thought of something, and hurriedly reminded, "Poker!"

"Poker? Poker... oh! Poker!"

Zhen Allen reacted immediately, and immediately distanced himself from the counterfeit who hadn't figured out what kind of code they were dealing with, then retracted his claws, and quickly took out a deck of cards from the pocket of the regiment uniform, clattering at the speed of light. Shuffle the cards.

"Okay! Looks like it's you!" At the same time, the rabbi turned the hammer around and swung towards the fake.

"Not good rabbi! It's Crowley again this time!"

"It doesn't matter what Xiao Ke said, it's always a burden anyway, just leave him alone."

"Wh... so, is that really what you think? I, I'm just a burden, no value of being saved..."

"Look, don't you recognize it now——Okay, okay, don't cry, Xiao Ke, come here quickly!"

"Wait, wait, Rabbi, Allen. Sai and Sisi have also become two..."

"Don't panic Crowley, that, Sisi! Let's make a secret signal first, the first thing he does every morning when he wakes up—"

"There's no need for codes or anything," but before Allen could finish speaking, the rabbi rushed over, pulled one of them behind him, and threw a fire sentence, "Obviously the one on the other side is a fake."

"Why, why is it obvious?" Allen was so frightened that his hair exploded, "Aren't you afraid of smashing it wrong, stupid rabbi!"

"It can't be wrong!"

So different from last time, Lulubell, who was seen through by them again and again, could only retreat temporarily, because Li Nali was not taken away like last time, and they also You don't have to be forced to divide your forces...

Wait, there seems to be something wrong, there is no need to divide the troops into two groups...?

The rabbi who just breathed a sigh of relief suddenly realized what happened: "!!!"

Ah - misstep!Big mistake!

If there is no division of troops, how can he cultivate feelings with Sisi and live a two-person world?

"That! I just saw that there seem to be demons over there!" Rabbi's hammer was half received, and he pointed to a direction far away from the town almost reflexively, "If you let it go, it will be bad if you encounter someone! In this way, Allen, you go back to the city to get in touch with the old man Panda, and leave the demons over there—just leave it to me and Sisi!"

"Wait, Rabbi," Allen glanced in the direction he said, trying to stop the person who had already pulled the bewildered Ceci onto the hammer, "but my left eye didn't..."

"Pay attention to maintenance at ordinary times, Allen, could it be myopia?"

"...How short-sighted this is! Hey-hey? Are you leaving now, wait a minute..."

I don't wait.

"See you later then—"

Sorry, Allen, anyway, see you in a few months!

When the hammer stretched away, the surrounding scenery quickly retreated, and the rabbi's heart really calmed down. He paused for a while, but couldn't hold it back, and tilted his head as if he had just remembered.

"The speed may be a little faster, Sisi, you..."

He clearly remembered that what he once said was "sit tight", but when the words came to his lips, even though he reminded himself several times not to be too obvious, he still subconsciously changed into——

"Surely you can't sit still? Or..."

Why don't you still hold my waist?

"Not fast, just right," but Sisi didn't give him a chance to say it, so he just patted his chest with one free hand, "Sit very firmly."

She really sits very steadily, to be precise, there is simply no one who sits more steadily than her.

No matter how unbelievingly the rabbi flew at different speeds and angles, and even almost flew upside down in the end, Sisi still sat firmly and did not fall—she didn’t just fall, she was just as long as her butt It's like it's on the hammer!

Rabbi: "..."

That's why I said why I sit so firmly!

In the past, as long as she speeded up a little, she would take the initiative to come over and hug him!will...

For a moment, the rabbi realized something, but he didn't look sideways, didn't give himself a chance to think deeply, and directly suppressed that flash of thought.

Then he turned several corners in the deep mountains and old forests without changing his expression, and then slapped his head in frustration, telling Sisi that he might have misread the devil or something, and they... seemed to have lost their way.

That's right, there is no need to be anxious at all, anyway, Marshal Kuros will definitely remain missing for several months.

Everything can be taken slowly, because they still have a lot of time.

There is still enough time.

However, after successfully convincing Allen and the old panda man through Graeme that they would go east together first, wait until China to meet again, and start the two-person world as they wished, Rabbi quickly discovered that something seemed wrong.

No, it's... it's not right anywhere.

—— "So Sisi's holiness is blood? Is it the same as the old panda man, turning into a needle to attack?"

——"Ah—what to do, I am really more and more curious about what kind of person Marshal Kulos is! Is it really so difficult to explain?"

——"Compared to this, there seem to be rumors in the sect that you are not only the disciple of the marshal, but also his blood relatives? Could it be true?"

Sisi is still Sisi.

It’s still the same Sisi who always pays attention to strange things, reveals Marshal Kulos secretly between the lines, has weird aesthetics, likes rainy days, and hates thirst.

She didn't alienate or ignore him—on the contrary, Ceci would answer every question he asked knowingly, and even seemed focused when chatting, but as long as you observed a little, you would find that there was nothing in her eyes, nothing Curious, not interested, nor him.

She has always been looking at him with the eyes of "looking at a task partner who is not very familiar".

He didn't have the slightest intention to learn more...to get closer.

In fact, long before the two of them got together, the rabbi knew that Sisi was different from what she had always shown. She hardly cared about anyone who had nothing to do with her. In some respects, she had an almost astonishing resemblance - but at that time, he had already been regarded as one of her own, and all her indifference, ignorance and sharpness would never point to him.

But now, it seems that he has been withdrawn from all the distinctions. He is no longer special and unique, but like everyone else, he is classified as "people except Marshal Kuros and Allen".

It doesn't feel good.

...is very bad.

It would be fine if they had never gotten closer, never got it, but not long ago it was still the distance of "you can pull over and hug your lap whenever you want", and suddenly it became that there is no reason to even hold hands, Habitually feeding things to her mouth, she would be evaded in horror. Even though the rabbi is very adaptable, he still finds it... unbearable.

But he couldn't tell exactly what went wrong.

Is it because he didn't become a child?

Or is it because Mimi didn't come to sneak attack?

At the beginning, all the foreshadowing, initiation, and development of emotions were so natural that when it came to this kind of intentional result, the rabbi didn't know what to do to make Ceci like him.

He recalled the original details over and over again, recalling what kind of expression, what kind of tone, and even what kind of state he used to get along with Ceci. He tried hard to bring everything back to the original appearance, but it was already That's too late.

A few months is enough for them to travel from Turkey to Serbia and from India to Nepal.

The Himalayas, which are covered with snow all the year round, are right in front of us at this moment. You can feel the icy cold just by looking at it.

But looking up, there are only a few thin white clouds floating in the blue and vast sky, and the sunlight has also filtered out the scorching temperature all the time, and sprinkled warmly on the mountains—as if there is no sign of any future. It's going to be a sign of freezing weather.

"If it's really like what the villagers said, it's too dangerous to climb the mountain in this kind of weather... I said Sisi, if this continues, we may have to..."

"Maybe we should hold hands for a while?"

Although he couldn't even feel the temperature through a thick layer of cotton gloves, this was the first time he held Ceci's hand after he came back.

The rabbi held it tightly all the way, so much so that after seeing Allen and Li Nali, he forgot to let go, but he didn't want to say hello to them when he found a slight pulling force on his hand, and then his hand It is empty.

He didn't react at all, and subconsciously looked at the back of Sisi who was wading across the snow after pulling out his hand, and stared blankly at his own body that stopped suddenly in mid-air because of Sisi's movement. hand.

The whistling cold wind whirled pieces of snowflakes, the rabbi opened his mouth, only to feel that he was at a loss as if he had been abandoned in the overwhelming cold.He didn't know whether he wanted to call Ceci to stop, or to hold her, or both. It took him a long time to come back to his senses, moved, and put his hand down lazily.

"Hello——Rabbi——" Allen at the entrance of the cave waved his hand when he saw that he was still standing there alone, "What's the matter? Come in—"

"...It's nothing." But in the next second, the rabbi showed the same smiling face as usual, and walked over.

Yeah, nothing.

Thinking about it carefully, didn't Ceci put down his hand immediately?

So no rush, no rush, it's totally normal.

is normal.

Although he and Sisi did not become close because of this two-person trip, the rest of the journey was generally similar to the memory.

They were still attacked by Lulu Bell on the snow mountain, and still triggered an avalanche. After surviving the disaster and meeting Shuweng in Lhasa, Tibet, they traveled all the way to the southeast, and then met Mei Ling again. .

The future of becoming an exorcist is full of pain and unknowns. No one can guarantee that such a young child will survive the difficult battles again and again, so even if he knows Lulubell's plan to lure the tiger away from the mountain, the rabbi has nothing. Do.

Different from the feeling of subconsciously wanting to avoid certain things when Chuchu came back to the past, the rabbi now feels that there is no need to interfere any more - changing rashly may lead to unimaginable consequences. Going on the original track, even if you will experience all the despair, pain, confusion, and separation, as long as all the important people are there at the end, it will still be complete.

So the rabbi did nothing.

Just try to bring everything back to the same state as it was before.

But Sisi's reaction was completely different from before...

She didn't gulp water from his hand;

Did not go back to the small courtyard where Meiling was to get things alone;

Did not eavesdrop on the whispers of Allen and Li Nali on that rainy night;

Nor did he fall behind and think about things alone during the night when Allen and the boss of the boat were wrestling with each other.

Even when he got seasick after getting on the boat, he didn't ask Allen to come to him for help when he returned to the cabin.

Those full and substantial memories seem to have never existed from the beginning to the end, everything is just his imagination, even if he wants to create new memories, he is completely unable to start.

The rabbi in the crowd stared at the closed hatch for a long time, trying his best to restrain himself, so he didn't look for Ceci.He took a deep breath, endured it, and finally couldn't hold it back. He turned his head and hit his mind on Alian, who had learned that he was Sisi's military adviser when he was playing the truth.

"——What? Does Sisi like anyone? No, why do you suddenly think of asking this? Wait, rabbi, don't you be... But Sisi is not the type you would like at all? You don't just Do you have a crush on women like Aliarde and Lulubell?"

'What's the matter, Allen, do you have any strange misunderstandings about me? The scope of my love at first sight includes all types, and the age is also from 10 to 40 years old? '

If it was him before, he would definitely say it like this without even thinking about it.

Rabbi's lips moved now, but he was not in the mood to joke.

He suddenly felt cold.

Since he was a child, he has been traveling between the recording place and the recording place. He has already seen all kinds of people, and he can see the changes in a person's expression without even deliberately observing - he can see that Allen is not Not lying, not covering up for a friend, or for any other reason.

Ceci is... really never brought up this topic of who he likes with him.

Is it the wrong time?

In fact, in fact, it was after this that Sisi fell in love with him, and it was only after that that he told Allen?

Ah——Really, strictly speaking, the only difference is that I didn't become a child. Why is there such a difference?If I had known earlier, I wouldn’t have made such a fuss. How can I...

"Well..." The rabbi's lips moved again, and it took about ten seconds before he adjusted his expression again, and hooked Allen's neck, as if he was saying casually, but also as if he was seriously asking, "How should I put it, just... help me?"

After realizing that he didn't mean to deny it, Yalian was terrified, and it took him a long time to find his voice: "But how can I help with this kind of thing..."

"It's not easy. You often mention me in front of Sisi? I think about it... In short, it's just to say good things, to say good things."

"...It's okay," Allen was still a little unable to react to the fact that "someone really likes our Sisi, should you go and tell the bastard master", he was dazed for a while, and then he was helpless Sighing, "But let me tell you in advance, I won't force Sisi, no matter how much you do, you may not be able to do it?"

"You don't need to force it. You may not believe it, but Sisi and I are the most..."

"Allen, Rabbi, what are you talking about?"

Before the rabbi finished chatting, he noticed Crowley coming from the bow.

By the way, if it's Xiao Ke...

"It's just in time, Xiaoke," the rabbi never thought that one day he would ask Crowley for his experience, "Speaking of which, you and...that's...that, Miss Aryadie, how did you start? ah?"

"Huh...huh?"

As a result, Rabbi and Allen were successfully fed a mouthful of dog food under the honest man's blushing and sweet narration.

What, it was entirely the initiative of the woman, the rabbi sighed bitterly, how can we learn from this...

"Wait, Rabbi, Crowley, look over there, there seems to be something coming from the sky!"

But less than half an hour after boarding Miss Anita's boat, the originally clear sky was once again covered with black clouds, and thousands of demons rushed straight at them.

The rabbi watched Allen leap onto the mast, turned his left hand into a cannon barrel, opened his mouth, but did not stop him.

The experience in the Asian branch was once a crucial node for Yalian.The many setbacks brought him not only pain, but also the regained original intention and the understanding of the true form of holiness.

That is his unique experience, his wealth, and his friends.

The rabbi hesitated for a long time, but finally did not intervene.

Everything went on in such a step-by-step manner.

I don't know if someone heard the rabbi's wish somewhere in the dark. Allen disappeared, Li Nali asked for help, Weng's arrival, everything changed back to its original appearance.

Except Sisi.

On the night after Allen disappeared, the rabbi lay flat on the bed with his arms pillowed on his head, and looked at the slanted board above the bed for a long time in the dim light.But he never waited until the blond head with messy hair poked out from the bed rail and waved to him quietly like last time.

The air in the cabin was sticky and stagnant, and the light moonlight that leaked in through the gaps in the curtains was also blocked by the flowing clouds, and everything was darkened into pitch black.

After closing the eyes, there is no more light.

On the night when LV.3 struck, Rabbi went to the deck early, fearing that Sisi would not find him, and specifically told Crowley one, two, three or four times that if he saw Sisi, he must tell her about himself. It's right here on the deck to the left of the bow.

But he stood alone in the original position for a long time, from the dusk with the rich sunset glow, until the dusk was deep and dark, and then until the moon was in the middle of the sky.Seeing that there was no obstruction from the thick clouds, the clear moonlight poured down like a veil, caressing the bulging canvas, cool and white as frost, and I never saw Sisi walking from the stern with wet hair like last time, curiously Ask him what he is looking at.

Maybe...he misremembered the time.

thought the rabbi.

It shouldn't be time yet, it was a bit later than this at the beginning, so just wait, wait a little longer, and you will be able to...

But until he waited for the enemy.

Didn't wait for Ceci either.

Haven't seen...Xiao Ke and the others?

Well, it must be. Speaking of which, Sisi has been suffering from lack of sleep for the past two days. It must be that after taking a bath, he felt chilly and went straight back to the cabin to sleep.

Besides, at this time, Xiao Ke was still playing chess with the old man Panda. The old man was very good, so maybe Xiao Ke forgot to tell Sisi because he was too focused.

It must have been, it must have been because Sisi hadn't known he was on deck...

no...

After avoiding the vital point and being hit by LV.3 and flying onto the canvas, during the few seconds before Miranda's holiness had time to cover, the rabbi was like a child who didn't grow up, his eyes didn't blink, He looked almost stubbornly at Ceci who came up to the deck with the flow of people, wanting to see any expression of even a little nervousness or worry on her face.

But all of Ceci's attention was attracted by the LV.3 on the opposite side, which only mentioned the whereabouts of Marshal Kulos.

It was as if he didn't care at all whether he was injured or in pain.

Like, really... not worried about him at all.

She had something more important and caring about, and she never looked at him from the beginning to the end.

She didn't even look at him.

It wasn't until this moment that the rabbi finally understood that there was no reason and no luck, Sisi just... didn't like him.

Just...don't like him.

·

The rabbi always thought that the most painful period in his life was the five years without Sisi.

At the very beginning, at the moment when Sisi shattered in his arms, he was in a daze.

Things happened so fast that Shang still didn't realize the emotion called pain, only full of confusion and panic of not knowing what happened.

He didn't understand why Sisi broke apart suddenly, and he didn't understand why he couldn't hold her.

How can you not hold it?

His brain seemed to be frozen, he only half-kneeled on the ground, with his head down, seriously, carefully, and trying hard to pick up "Sisi" and put him in his arms again, but he couldn't stop it. However, the fine sand is scrambling to lose from the fingers.

The suddenly lit wall lamp replaced the misty moonlight, and everything seemed to be suddenly covered with a layer of water, the light and shadow blurred and scattered, chaotic and blurred.

It was as if he was in a dream, he could feel many people walking around him, and he could also hear many voices, but those voices fluctuated from far and near, falling on Buzzing's ears into a cold and monotonous Noise, can't hear clearly.

In a daze, he felt as if someone was clenching his shoulders and pushing him hard, but he watched the person in front of him open and close his mouth, but he couldn't recognize who the person was, nor could he understand... talking about something.

His mind was blank, his fingertips were cold and numb, he couldn't hear anything, he just murmured hoarsely telling them not to wander around, not to open the window, not to step on "Sisi", not to be careful... "Sisi" was lost.

In the end, it was Kanda—it was Yu who brought a jar and put "Sisi" in it.

But the jar that he hid in his room was taken away by Marshal Kuros who suddenly disappeared and appeared again in less than two days.

Neia regained her memory, the "Three Days of Darkness" ended, the holy "heart" returned to its integrity, and Apocrihos made a comeback.

This isn't even the time to be sad.

Then...don't be sad.

Don't be mistaken, he only stays here temporarily to record history.

That's right, he came here just to record history.

So it doesn't matter, it's just like what the old man said, it's all... just the ink marks of history, as long as you continue to laugh and laugh like before, you will definitely get better soon.

Just laughing and laughing like before.

if only--

Rabbi couldn't help but laugh.

He tried to convince himself with the previous methods, but found that he was never ready to say goodbye to Sisi; he tried to smile, but he couldn't even maintain the curve of his mouth.

He could only numbly follow the bookman.

But all the words that were originally memorable lost their meaning and turned into obscure symbols. He kept looking up information all night and all night. , almost overwhelming feeling of suffocation.

He began to resist night and darkness.

The closer to midnight, the more hazy and mottled the moonlight, the more... fear and trembling.

After waking up from nightmares again and again, he instinctively moved to the side, wanting to hold someone in his arms, but his hands were icy cold, so he didn't even dare to fall asleep.

After an unknown amount of time, Sisi came back.

Came back, and then everywhere.

Sometimes it's a strand of light golden hair, sometimes it's a familiar hem of clothes, you don't need to look for it, because you will always see it out of the corner of your eye.

Even the sound seems so close at hand, as if you can see it as long as you turn your head.

However, no.

No matter how many times he turned his head, no matter how his gaze followed the voice, all he saw were the familiar but cold furnishings in the room.

— "Rabbi?"

But if he refrained from looking back and looking, the voice would persistently linger, calling his name in a low voice, aggrieved and hesitant.

After a while, there will be a slight pulling sensation from the cuff, and a slightly cold finger will touch his little finger, pause, and then poke the back of his hand, every movement seems to say "You care about me!" Take a moment", "Take care of me".

The rabbi couldn't help it.

He couldn't help reaching out every time, wanting to put her cold hand in his palm; he couldn't help turning his head every time, wanting to see her face again.

But no matter how many times, no matter how many times.

All illusions will disappear without a trace the moment he turns his head.

In the gray light wafting through the window, there was never Sisi.

nowhere.

without her.

"... Ceci."

He felt out of breath, so he could only lean on the bed and sit on the floor. After a long, long time, he opened his mouth and called her name softly and tentatively.

After a pause, he called out again.

It's as if as long as you call her like that, she will come over with her cheeks puffed out and chewing puffs like countless times before, humming and chirping, obediently twisting the corner of his clothes, and then sticking her face against him. His palm arched into his arms and smiled at him.

But no matter how many times he yelled, until his voice became hoarse, there was only a dead silence in the room.

No matter how much time passed, no one showed up.

She just doesn't show up.

It was as if there really was no such person as Sisi in this world anymore.

The moment this thought appeared, it was as if black cold water filled the whole body along the spine, and Rabbi suddenly felt cold.

Even though he pulled the quilt with his fingers stiffly and wrapped himself tightly around his whole body, he was still very cold.

He is very cold.

Later, he didn't even dare to call that name.

The rabbi could hardly remember how the Japanese got there during that time. He sat withered all day long, lost in spirits, until Marshal Koulos brought hope.

That was too much hope.

He couldn't see it, he couldn't touch it, and when he woke up in the cool moonlight many times, he even wondered if it was just a white lie of Marshal Kulos.

But that's a hope after all.

Even when he was recording outside or looking for a way to wake up Sisi, there was enough support to keep him from collapsing in despair.

Because then he could always go back.

Go back to where Sisi is.

But at this moment, the rabbi seemed to be deprived of his home - even though Sisi was right here, right in front of him, within reach, he was separated from him as if separated by an indestructible wall.

It's not that he hasn't tried to approach forcefully and straightforwardly, but no matter what he does and how many methods he tries, he still can't get closer to each other.

He couldn't get into Sisi's world no matter what.

She doesn't want him.

In the nightmare that Rhodes created later, with the trembling of the coffins piled up like a mountain, the past self appeared again.

——"Never open your heart to anyone, and never stay anywhere, just as a bystander, observing all this... That's why there is no one who cares about you in this world."

Nonsense, obviously Sisi would care about him.

——"There is no place to go back."

No, he can go back to where Sisi is, he can... go back to Sisi's side.

Yes, he has Sisi to care about him, and he can go back to Sisi's side.

But Sisi... where is it?

This time, in the narrow but empty river, Sisi never appeared again.

In that scorching and suffocating sex, he was the only one, without the faint light and shadow coming from the fire, nor the soft and warm embrace, without her.

Back in the church, the rabbi sat in the library the night after the twin moles appeared and moved in to eat and live with Yalian.

He didn't read a book or record anything, he just posed and sat at the table with his back to the door, and if there was any movement, he would quickly turn his head to look at the door.

It seemed that as long as he looked over like this, he would see Ceci pushing the door and walking in with wet hair in the next second.

She would wear a thin little cloak, humming back and forth to answer his questions as if she had fallen asleep, and then he could carefully wipe her wet hair and hold her on his lap, Listen to her tell about the nightmare about drowning.

But no matter how many times he looked at it, there was nothing.

The air is filled with the dampness and