winter suicide plan

=================

I was sitting in a cramped indoor barbecue shop, and when the meat touched the barbecue pot, a little white smoke came out. I can't see clearly when I'm wearing it, I can't see clearly when I take it off, I can't see everyone.

Tang Fengxing saw that I was holding the plate, but he didn’t seem to do anything. He grabbed my plate and put barbecue meat on it. He touched my finger holding the plate, and it was as if it was burned, flashing fast, and the meat was placed sideways. Out of position, almost fell back.

I sighed softly, I didn’t have any appetite, but someone picked meat for me, I smiled and said thank you, I’m sorry, I squinted my eyes, and picked it from the gray, black and red pot. A piece of meat came close to my eyes, and I saw that it was cooked, so I put it in his bowl and said in a low voice, "Eat yours, don't worry about me."

He smiled, took a sip of beer, said nothing, happily ate the barbecue into his mouth, grinned his teeth hotly, exhaled continuously, and shook his head.I couldn't help laughing, but he took a sip of the beer in embarrassment and turned his head away from me.

I actively picked up two pieces for today's patron and said, thank you Brother Zhou for the treat.

Brother Zhou is not welcome, let’s talk about it, I said, I took a golden beer full of bubbles, and took a sip of the beer to get rid of the boredom, Tang Fengxing pressed my glass and said: "Just sent After burning, don't drink it."

I ignored him: "Brother Zhou said, drive away the cold, let's come together."

I couldn't see Tang Fengxing's expression clearly, his hand holding the wine glass was very stiff, a small single room was full of people from two dormitories, countless pairs of jungle-like hands raised up, crowded each other, held the wine glass and bumped into each other, I collided with his hands, and the arms were almost stuck together. He wanted to turn his head to look at Brother Zhou and said thank you for today's treat. The heat from his breath hit my right ear.

It was too hot for him to breathe.

Brother Zhou asked me to do one. I raised my head quickly while holding the wine glass. The alcohol went down from my throat like water with bitterness. I pour wine.

I didn't dare to raise my head because of the bright incandescent lights. I grabbed the wine glass and watched them play dice. I didn't understand, and I didn't mind drinking when I lost. I didn't drink for fun, I just wanted to find an excuse to drink.

On a gray day, at this moment, I seemed to get out, my heart was a little gloomy, dull, and was eliminated by alcohol. The pleasure that I could not quit made me come up from the bottom of the valley, and I woke up in alcohol.

It's lively, it's so lively, it's so happy.

Wu Huawen picked up the wine glass and said, "Chen Shuning, you can drink it quite well. I will accompany you with this glass. I will not refuse anyone who comes." He raised his eyelids, smiled and said, "I will never pour a thousand glasses, and I can still take you back."

Yes, I drank high, I am very happy, I am no longer depressed, sad, chaotic today, I started to burn my energy like a perpetual motion machine.Tang Fengxing held down the cup I was about to raise, and he said unhappily, Wu Huawen, you know that Chen Shuning just got a fever today, I stepped on him under the table, and he shut up.I smiled and said: "Isn't this a disappointment? I'm not a sick child. I'll be fine when the fever subsides. Everyone has played basketball together. I didn't play today. I will punish myself with two cups."

I drank a glass of beer suddenly, the dazzling, erratic, and brisk feeling made me intoxicated, and I couldn't feel the pain, whether it was the two cuts or the emptiness and desolation in my heart.I drank it quickly, a little beer leaked from the corner of my mouth, and I wiped my mouth with the back of my bruised hand.

He watched me drink two glasses, Wu Huawen praised my drinking capacity, said why Tang Fengxing stopped others from drinking, and added that you two are very close recently.

Zhao Jun also said with a big tongue, indeed, the two of you have gotten very close recently, saying that last time you talked about going to the toilet, but you missed a class of Jue Shitai, Tang Fengxing, you are really good.

I froze for a moment, he was absent from class to take care of me.

I groped for a long time, and he smiled naively and said that he had diarrhea, and went to the infirmary to prescribe some medicine, and lay down for a while.

Wu Huawen joked with him: "It's really no luck to choose to have diarrhea at this time. I was punished by Miejue Shitai to clean the office for three days. How many days are left?"

"There are two more days."

I approached him and said, "Punishment?"

He grabbed the chopsticks and said it was all right, I took advantage of the strength of the wine and said, I will clean it for you.

He told Clink that he didn't refuse and agreed.

I don't know what I look like now, but I can guess that my face is flushed now, and it is not easy to straighten my tongue and speak.

I didn't eat much roast, I was fed by beer cans.Wu Huawen started booing again, asking Tang Fengxing, who was quiet next to him, to sing, and said to have a show to warm up the atmosphere.

Li Jingyuan pushed him and said: "You are so good that you participated in the top ten singers on campus, and those who won the silver award, can you be a little more confident?"

Tang Fengxing refused three times, and was pulled off by the dormitory staff, even the yellow stool was pulled off, and he was lifted up directly. It was useless to let him struggle.He was at a loss with his mobile phone.I put on my glasses, and his ears and face were red. I don’t know if it was alcohol or he was really shy. He looked like a child who was taken by his parents to perform during the Chinese New Year. One, it's so lively.

I whistled, rap, don't be cowardly.

He finally raised his head and said nervously, making a fool of himself.

As soon as the bgm came out, he was nervous with a trembling voice. The dormitory roommate picked up the phone, turned on the flashlight of the phone, and turned off the light in the single room. He was surrounded by the light of the flashlight of the phone. I saw the rolling dust under the light. His voice As soon as it comes out, it is crisp and clean, with penetrating power, the sunshine that can clear away the mist but with a sad tone.

*"It's all my ignorance."*

*"Mistaking your politeness for seriousness."*

*"I think I'm dumb."*

*"You can't tell a one-ten-thousandth lie."*

*…*

*"I'm just convincing myself that way."*

*"Friendship is longer than love."*

"Compared to a relationship like friends," he sang.

Singing is not a pure skill, I seem to see the story that has been turned over.

He won't sing the next sentence, he smiled and said, I don't remember, so be it.

Desperate, the sound of piercing people's hearts is a bit lingering, yes, I am that Liang.

The audience clapped and applauded, shook the lights, grabbed his shoulders, swayed him, elbowed him and said, Tang Fengxing, who do you have a crush on?He sang so affectionately, so he smiled and said, this song is sung like this, and it has nothing to do with him.

Wu Huawen clasped his neck and pressed it down, rubbing his hair and trying to fool someone, you sang this song in the last singing competition, and the girls in the audience cried for you.No wonder you won the prize, he smiled and said the school competition, it was just a joke, I sing badly, this face took advantage.

After playing around for a while, they took their mobile phones to switch songs, and started to change to another song. On stage, a group of friends cried and wailed, swaying under the alcohol and singing "Under Mount Fuji", Eason Chan's love song.

When I was a student, I was so thoughtful, love and love, accompanied by most of my life, who loves who has become a huge theme, romance, scandal, word of mouth in school, everyone wants to see what love is like, no matter it is a comedy Love, or tragic love.

He changed into a silver earring, which reflected light under the flashlight. The way he is singing now is like a beam of light in my gloomy perspective.

They were drunk and yelling, Zhao Jun recorded all these stupid things with his mobile phone, Tang Fengxing found a chance to sit back, the "ghosts" above were still screaming, he sat quietly next to me and didn't speak , took a sip of beer, and I moved my position so that he wouldn't be crowded in the corner.

Zhao Jun got drunk and asked, "Chen Shuning, a few days ago, the teacher asked the firm I went to be an intern to study. This is a very famous firm. If you don't want to go, you won't go."

I said frankly: "Give me a waste of opportunities."

I'm telling the truth, tomorrow night, my plan may succeed, I'm [-]% sure, [-]% accidental.

Tang Fengxing obviously paused after drinking. He put down and stared at the glass thoughtfully. I wanted to go to the toilet. Seeing that the person in front of me didn’t want to leave, I told Brother Zhou that going to the toilet was actually an opportunity. Go step on a point.

I took out a cigarette from my pocket, lit one, and took a puff. The nicotine continued to bring me pleasure and spirit, but it also brought me a layer of dizziness.

When I took a step, I was stopped. Tang Fengxing looked at me smoking and asked, "Do you smoke?"

"Not often, too much alcohol, wake up."

"not comfortable?"

"No." I saw him standing with me on the wall of the alley next to the store entrance, with no intention of leaving, his ears were red, which was extremely obvious under the street lights.

I was so interested that I breathed a puff of smoke at him, he looked at me suspiciously, I handed him the cigarette box, and he said he took one and borrowed a fire.

I was alcoholic today, and I had a fight for a while, and I was in an agitated mood. I am an adult physically and mentally, and I have ghosts in my heart. I always feel that Tang Fengxing is hiding something and wants to tease him.I pulled his head, let him bite my cigarette close to mine, his bangs touched my forehead, he was obviously stunned, his eyes suddenly widened, his cigarette was lit by mine, Red and yellow fireworks appeared, I asked him to inhale, I loosened his neck, pushed him away, and watched him cough from the smoke.

It's too hot to breathe.

I smiled and said, "If you don't know how to smoke, don't smoke. What do you pretend? Cigarettes are not a good thing."

He was also drinking today because he took out the cigarette from my mouth, threw it on the ground and said: "Then don't smoke, I don't like the smell of cigarettes very much."

No one mentioned the fact that they were almost cheek-to-cheek when they approached. Tang Fengxing's ears were like boiled shrimps. If it wasn't because of his drinking, I really thought he had some thoughts about me.

I raised my eyebrows, said sorry, smiled and said, "I'm graduating soon, what are you going to do?"

"This profession, you can only be a lawyer, how about you?"

Quite a simple question, I stomped out the cigarette under my feet and said, "I haven't thought about the future."

"You work hard, I heard that your grades are not bad."

When he heard it, he seemed to be shivering from the cold. I looked at him curiously, and he slowly said, um, got it.

There is still the smell of cigarettes in the air, mixed with unexplainable and inexplicable emotions, a bit like seedlings that are about to break out of the ground, but they are still shrinking underground.

I nodded and said, "Singing well, with a steady breath."

He nodded and said thank you, and I asked him which girl in school he had a crush on.

He smiled and said nothing, I talked a lot today, and the mania revived in my heart, I couldn't help but want to talk, what type do you like?

He turned his head to look at me and said that he likes short hair, so he stopped talking.He also asked me back, and I saw a group of girls coming out of the restaurant and said: "Hey, see, the one in the front, the one with long hair, I like girls with long black hair, who look quiet and beautiful."

He smiled and said, so, I will introduce you another day, saying that he knows this girl.

I shook my head to thank him for his kindness, and said no, I don't want to fall in love for the time being, and it will delay the good youth of the National People's Congress, don't you think so.

He nodded without saying a word, still looking down at the shoes. Is there any money on the shoes? He looks so serious.We came and chatted for a while, Wu Huawen was drunk and dragged him to talk about things, Zhao Jun and Zhou Ming led a group of people out drunkenly.

One person pulled one, intending to take them back together.Although I'm a little sloppy now, my stomach is a little nauseated, and I said that I want to walk around, take a walk and then go back, but they are all drunk and dreaming, and ignore me.

I got on the bicycle, and suddenly thought, or today would be fine, and I rode over here, as if I was drunk, failed to ride well, and fell into the river.

I checked my phone, it was two o'clock in the morning, the taxi they called had already left, and there was no one in that place right now.I swept a shared bicycle and passed the bridge with no one around.

The bridge here is a small road and the river below is not far away. It is still raining today, and the water level is higher than usual.The bridge was skidded by a car before and hit the end of the downhill bridge. It has not been repaired now, and it created a loophole for me. As long as I drive my bicycle a little bit, I can fall off naturally.

Suicide caused by perfect accidental death.

If someone picks me up tomorrow, it will also be found that I have a high alcohol content in my body, and it will be ruled as an accidental death, which is due to the fault that the bridge was not repaired.

The enthusiasm like a volcanic eruption, after going outside for a while and freezing, was buried tightly by the avalanche and snowflakes.There was no flame enthusiasm at all, only the biting cold, and the sadness and melancholy left over from the exhaustion of passion.

Returning to the bottom of the dark valley, the gap made me unbearable.My face was expressionless and my mind was clouded.

After the carnival, remove the bright lights, thousands of lights, I am still like this, still empty.

There was no one around, I went up from the head of the bridge, and when I reached the end of the bridge, I suddenly remembered that I promised Tang Fengxing to accompany him to clean the office.

I experience the cold wind scraping my face when going downhill, getting into my tight lungs, and burrowing in the gaps of my clothes, taking away the heat from my body.

I whispered in my mouth and said, Tang Fengxing, I'm sorry, I'm going to break my promise.

As I expected, I was already wobbly when I was riding a bicycle. The front of my bicycle turned to that way and fell from that gap. The crisp "plop" sound resounded through this remote path that no one passed in the middle of the night.

My body turned 360 degrees. I let go of the handlebars and fell into the river. I felt the biting cold water enter from the trouser legs, sleeves, and collar, hugging me and dragging me down. There was only darkness in front of my eyes.The river water snatched away the air left in my lungs, and the choking caused my body to fight violently, and my head hurt uncontrollably.All kinds of rubbish were floating in the river, plastic bags tangled my hands and feet, and my ears hurt.I'm willing to let go of the air, and now I'm in pain, watching the bubbles popping up around my mouth.

I closed my eyes and waited for death to take me in alone.

--------------------

Chen Shuning's Perspective · Recommended music to play??: Secret love is a matter of one person ·