winter suicide plan

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Because Tang Fengxing took care of me, he only realized later that he was going to look up the results of the subjective questions of the law test. I saw that he was sitting in front of the computer for a long time, so I bumped him: "What are you doing in a daze, open the webpage. "

Tang Fengxing put his hands on the webpage, typed the URL, and when he entered the test number, his hands were shaking constantly. He didn't press the enter key for a long time. I saw his solemn expression, and I pressed his shoulder and said, "It's okay." , at your level, you must have passed."

Tang Fengxing took a deep breath, but he was still defeated and said, "Chen Shuning, please press OK for me."

"Are you sure you don't want to press it yourself?"

Tang Fengxing has already started to cover his eyes, leaning on the back of the chair, I clicked OK, the page that popped up made my eyes widen, my heart looked like I had bitten the skin of a grape, and the sweet juice smell filled my whole heart.

I grabbed Tang Fengxing's wrist, and he was still covering his eyes tightly: "How is it?"

I pulled down his arm and said, "Congratulations, Tang Fengxing, you passed the law test."

Tang Fengxing stared at me blankly, digesting my words, I rubbed his hair and said, "Hey, are you stupid?"

He hugged me violently around my neck, let me lean on his shoulder, and shook me vigorously: "I've passed! I've passed! I've passed!"

Happiness is the happiness I get in peace. It is the warm embrace, broad shoulders, and pleasant voices that enter my ears.

I left his arms, he was taking a screenshot of his grades, and he should be planning to post on Moments, I unpacked it and called him: "Tang Fengxing, open your mouth."

He turned around and thought "huh?", and I stuffed a mochi into his mouth, his lower lip touched my finger, and he chewed it.For a moment, he didn't speak during the chewing process, and gradually stopped. I licked the powder left on my fingers, and planned to feed him another one, saying: "This is a reward for you passing the exam, another one?"

He opened his mouth a little stiffly, and muttered, "So you still remember this."

"To be honest, things were very blurry a year ago. After taking the medicine, my memory is not very good. I only got a little impression after reading your diary."

He snapped at my finger that was about to leave. He stretched out his hot tongue, and carefully traced the tip of his tongue on my fingertips, licking off the powder on my fingers.

I met his eyes, different from before, he was docile with a little ruthlessness, but he frowned.

Is this wronged, or angry?

The dormitory turned on the heating in winter, and I was sweating a little. The damp heat from my fingertips caused ripples on my calm water.He let go of my fingers without speaking, looking at the computer screen, fingers on the computer keyboard, but I felt curled up.

The air conditioner and heater made a "buzzing" sound, and the people in the dormitory hadn't come back from eating, so I looked at my fingers.

"Not happy with my answer?"

"No."

"Your brow is furrowed."

"I've always been like this."

"Not satisfied with the reward?"

"No."

I propped my head up and looked at Tang Fengxing, but Tang Fengxing didn't look at me. After Tang Fengxing said no, he started typing, and then slowed down and stopped.

He lowered his head and whispered, "Yes, I'm not happy."

"Then what should we do, student Tang Fengxing?"

"Can you make an inch of it?" His voice became smaller and smaller.

I heard it.

"How to measure..."

"Jinchi" has not been asked, my mouth was tightly closed by Tang Fengxing, he bit my lower lip hard, his tongue broke through my teeth, entangled with my tongue, took my tongue, stroked After stroking my palate, it felt like an electric shock. I closed my eyes and couldn't breathe.

I grabbed the sweater on his chest, it was slippery and I couldn't hold it, he pulled my wrist and put it on his shoulder.

I was more anxious than the previous two kisses. It used to be drizzle with light raindrops, but now it is raining heavily. The raindrops are so heavy that I can't breathe, but the pores are indeed stretched and comfortable.

He pulled at the base of my tongue, and I pinched his shoulders with my fingers in pain, biting the tip of his tongue, and my body temperature rose sharply.The past two times ended in a few seconds, obviously Tang Fengxing didn't want it to end.

Even though blood was dripping from the tip of his tongue, he still had no intention of retreating.Blood mixed with saliva, and the sweet taste of milk left over from mochi.The tip of the tongue keeps pushing/pushing upwards, pulling my body upwards, stirring with the tongue constantly, turning clouds and rains.

I was so emotional that I couldn't think well.

His hands automatically began to open the sweater, and then burrowed into my undershirt. Because of the dry weather in winter, his palms roughly rubbed against the skin of my chest, rubbing hotly, and the place he touched began to heat up. hot.

At this time, I started to desert—Tang Fengxing usually blushed like Guan Gong when he kissed, but today he is so courageous, he can do it now.

I heard the sound of the door lock twisting, I grabbed his waist suddenly, pushed him away, bowed my head and used my long hair to cover my hot face.

The sound of the beating heart is extremely loud, and the pulse of the blood vessels is participating in drumming, or in other words, surging waves.People from Li Jingyuan and Tang Fengxing's dormitory walked in, and the noise began to replace the silence of the two of them just now.

I lay down on the table, pretending to rest, Tang Fengxing started typing on the keyboard next to me, the sound of the keyboard came into my ears, I was kissed so that I became dizzy due to lack of oxygen, and a little drowsy.

"Chen Shuning fell asleep?"

"Well, maybe he just took medicine, and that anti-inflammatory medicine has the effect of sleeping."

"What's wrong with his feet, and he needs anti-inflammation."

"It's not the feet, it's the lungs. There was water in them before."

"Ah, that's really fate. Fortunately, I'm fine now. Hey, what's the matter with your face, why is it so red?"

"Ah... this is... the heating should be turned on too high, it's so stuffy, let's turn it down."

“It was a bit hot”

I buried my face and wanted to laugh a little. The people in the dormitory climbed into bed after eating, and after a while of banging, they became quiet.Except for some fragmentary sounds, I really felt sleepy, like the softness and relief of falling into the down.

"Chen Shuning?" Tang Fengxing approached me in a low voice.

"Don't sleep here on your stomach, you'll catch a cold. I'll carry you back to sleep?"

I lay on my stomach and turned my head. Everyone was wrapped in the quilt, except for the two of us who were still on the table below. The curtains were drawn and it was a bit dark.Tang Fengxing gently pushed aside the bangs that blocked my eyes, and repeated: "Go back to sleep, we will go to class together in the afternoon, you will catch a cold if you sleep here."

Recently I have been very clingy to Tang Fengxing, and I have to follow him everywhere, because staying with him gives me a strong sense of security, as if he can catch me when I fall no matter what, and fall into his arms.

I didn't speak or move, and he also lay down, facing me, and said in a breathy voice, "I'm sorry."

"Why did you say sorry again?"

But he didn't speak, he typed on his mobile phone, and Tang Fengxing sent a message on WeChat - I did that subconsciously, without your permission, I touched you, sorry.

That's... too polite.

I didn't even dare to tell him that I just thought about letting him touch me for a while, because being touched by someone feels solid and comfortable, and the strings in my brain will be loosened.

His ears are in the dark, and I can see them clearly. He is very red. I said just now that he is brave, but I take it back. The kind that uncontrollably starts to move.

I pulled the clothes around his waist, and he continued to lie down and look at me, his eyes were always full of water, and his blinks were as affectionate as ever.Maybe it's just my one-sided feeling. I grabbed his wrist and took his hand. I hid my hands under the table and clasped my ten fingers together: "Does it hurt?"

"where?"

"Tongue."

"A bit."

"Deserving it."

"Give you a pole, and you can climb along the pole."

His eyelids drooped, like a plant without sunlight, gone.

Turned to him asking me: "So are you in pain?"

"where?"

"The base of the tongue."

"A bit."

"Sorry, then I won't push further next time."

I was taken aback when I heard that, and grabbed his hand tightly: "No."

Now he was stunned, I didn't speak for a long time, I said it subconsciously, I didn't have to think about what to say next, he rubbed my fingertips, expecting me to continue talking.

"No, you can climb up my pole casually, and you have to make an inch."

What am I talking about.

He shook my hand with a smile, and gave a soft "hmm", as if I touched a puppy's fluffy ear, I held his hand for a long time and didn't want to let go.

The medicine for bipolar disorder that I took at noon really started to take effect. I watched his face start to feel sleepy, and my eyelids could not stop fighting. Tang Fengxing was not real in front of me. When I entered the dreamland, there was no Tang Fengxing in the dreamland, so I was very scared.

He let go of his hand and said, "Take you back to the dormitory."

I grabbed his hand and said, "That's it, that's all."

I touched his ear bones, looked for his earlobe, and started to stroke. It was really uncomfortable to sleep on the table, and my arm was numb when I lay it on the pillow, but I didn't mind it at all.

I don’t know how long it took before I was woken up, but my mind was dizzy, like I was flooded with water, my head was heavy, and my eyes were still a little blurry. He said, “It’s class, if you’re too sleepy today, I’ll ask for leave for you. "

I uttered the words with difficulty: "Go, let me slow down."

He helped me to the sink to wash my face with cold water. The cold water in winter made my finger bones ache, but I didn't feel so dizzy in an instant. I took a few sips of cold water to keep myself awake.

He gave me a lot of thermos. I usually use plastic bottles to sleep and drink. I don’t even have a water bottle. It seems that I borrow everything from him.

There are generally no class hours in the senior year, but some teachers will add some class hours. Today seems to be a training class for legal eloquence.

I have to take 72 class hours in four years, and I don't know how long I haven't taken a good class.

But this training class is full of bells and whistles, what the hell.

Now that the first semester of the senior year is almost over, they usually stay in the dormitory to prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination, or prepare for the defense practice.

I looked at the things I had left behind, and it was not easy to concentrate on listening to the teacher on the stage, so I grabbed a pen and took notes in a strange way.

The unusual sound of Tang Fengxing's strokes and scratches made me feel comfortable physically and mentally. The crowded classroom made me less uneasy and anxious, and I gradually sat down.

He asks me questions from time to time to make me think about it, otherwise I will not move for a long time, I already suspect that the inside is really rusty, one card after another.

There seems to be nothing wrong with taking medicine, at least for me now it is stable, the dormant beasts have not come out to make trouble for a while, and the ghost that fits my body has not induced me to commit suicide.

Tang Fengxing locked the suicide plan manual in his cabinet. At first, every time I wanted to take it back secretly, he would find out that the password hanging on the cabinet was changed every other week, and he would be angry and refused to buy me tomato soup.I gradually learned how to use the word "give up". After all, I don't have this urge now. When I stay with Tang Fengxing, I will forget this notebook from time to time.

In the evening, all the classmates went to eat, and the teaching building was silent for a moment. He pushed me to the door, and he went to the toilet.

I looked through the bibliography I was reviewing, and it was not enough to memorize it alone, I had to do the real questions, and the real situation was several times more complicated than the questions.The book in front of me was shadowed, and I looked up to see Wang Gaoxu, the one who had always been angry with me after being humiliated by me in the debate competition in freshman year.

He will participate in every game after that as long as there is me. He is determined to beat me once, but he beat me once, but after that time, I have not participated in the debate competition. After fainting and waking up, my heart beats He was so restless that he wanted to jump off the stairs, and he gradually settled down after taking sedative medicine.

There are many stimuli, and it is impossible for me to know all of them. I can only stay away as much as possible after discovering them.

He kicked my wheelchair and said, "Hey, I finally saw someone after so many days. I thought you were hiding in fear. Why didn't you come to the debate?"

I looked at Wang Gaoxu, who had a short cut. This hairstyle suits him quite well. He has a long face and high cheekbones, making him look tough and not easy to mess with.But it's just this face, as if I was his enemy in my previous life and killed his whole family, my eyes are burning.

I said, "I'm tired, I don't want to go, can't I?"

"No, I haven't defeated you yet."

"You beat me already, junior year."

Wang Gaoxu grabbed my sweater collar and yelled: "That doesn't count. You fainted in that match and the match was stopped. Does that count as my victory?"

"Forget it, you say it's fine, and I can't help it if I don't count. I'm too lazy to argue with you, so I just let you go. Of course I have to let the naive young master go, don't you think?"

"You said my son, didn't you before? Oh, yes, you have never been a son. It is rumored that your father has a new family, so why didn't he drag you to his house. Also, your mother is dead, and he Didn't take a look."

I don't know where Wang Gaoxu heard these things.

Harsh words entered my ears, and the dormant beast in my heart began to open its eyes. I saw him grabbing my collar, and his anger also rose. I couldn't help but hold his wrist with my hand, trying to crush this Bones, he tried hard to break free from the control of my hand.

"Don't grab me, motherfucker."

"Apologize to me."

"I'm sorry to your mother, and I'm not wrong. You are a coward, and you won't come if you can't say it."

I thought for a while and Tang Fengxing would come out later. I didn't want him to see me losing control. I took a deep breath to relieve the balloon that was growing in my heart, but the balloon got bigger and bigger.

I want to get out of here, I can't stay another second.When he exerted force, I let go, but he punched me hard forward with the wrong hand, and I fell backwards, hitting me on the nose, and the warm liquid flowed out.

Wang Gaoxu approached, grabbed my face and asked: "Hey, are you okay, I didn't want to hit you, why did you let go just now."

The blood-stained beast came to life, pierced the inflated balloon with its sharp claws, and the balloon burst into pieces.

I grabbed him close to my neck violently, I exerted all my strength with my fingers, the veins on the back of my hand popped out, I couldn't hear his cry, his hand was tightly grasping my wrist and tried to push it away, but it didn't work , I can't hear these at all.

I grabbed his soft neck, there was a white curtain in front of my eyes, and a white light blinded my eyes. I didn't know whether my behavior should stop or continue, as if I was stuck in the air in the four-dimensional space.Suddenly I heard Kong Kong's voice shouting in my ear: "If you try harder, he won't be able to say these words."

"He hit you, you have to learn to fight back and fight back."

"kill him."

Kill him, kill him, the sound of killing him keeps echoing in my ears, like the singing of passionate ghosts.

I gradually increased my strength, and the blood flowed out from my nostrils and stuck to my mouth. It was useless for Wang Gaoxu to punch and kick me to resist, but stimulated my hands to work harder.

The pain from the sprain on my hand was completely unbearable, and the feeling of choking my neck actually calmed my mania, and my heart became more and more joyful.

"Chen Shuning, let go! Chen Shuning, Chen Shuning!"

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Chen Shuning's perspective