winter suicide plan

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"Choose the eye frame for me?" I have already tested my eyesight and chose the usual spectacle lenses.I took out my mobile phone and counted the money I spent recently, and suddenly remembered that the hospitalization fee was paid by Tang Fengxing.I saw him standing in front of the showcase, carefully choosing the frame for my eyes.A heart-wrenching sense of guilt squeezed out of my heart.

Am I taking advantage of his liking for me?

I bit my lip, he patted my head and put it on, his fingertips were in contact with my skin, it was a little cold, he turned to the mirror and asked, "How about this?"

The one he wore should be a thin silver frame, similar to the one I had before. I couldn't see myself in the mirror, nor could I see Tang Fengxing's expression clearly. I looked up and asked him, "Do you think it looks good?"

"Looks good, looks like a lawyer with a calm demeanor, handsome."

I lowered my head and smiled, and took it off. It was a bit different. I said it was silver last time, so I changed it to another color.

In the end, we chose a pair of gold wire frame of the show bag. I don’t know why, but I just think this is very attractive to me, and I only want it because I feel happy when I see it.

After waiting for several hours for the glasses to be ready, after tossing and tossing, it was already dinner time.I don't feel hungry, but I don't think I can be hungry. Tang Fengxing helped me move this wheelchair on and off, sweating all over my body in winter.I grabbed his clothes and said, "Let's go eat."

Tang Fengxing seemed to be pleasantly surprised by my desire to eat. He pushed the wheelchair and walked on this pedestrian street.Plastic bags floated on the ground along the road, and rubbish overflowed from the trash cans.The rumbling motorcycle passed by me, and I covered my nose while asking about some engine exhaust.

Tang Fengxing turned me into a forked alley, he asked me if I could eat spicy food, I shook my head and said I couldn't.As an authentic local, I am really poor at eating spicy food. I can even drink half a bottle of water for ordinary Weilong spicy strips. When I go out to eat hot pot, I can only eat the ingredients in the tomato soup base in the small pot in the middle. .

He smiled and said let's eat noodles. It is warm to eat noodles in winter, and I nodded.He pushed me into a Lanzhou ramen restaurant.The steps are high and the storefront is small, only five tables can be crammed into it, and there is not even a cash register.There is only one goldfish in the fish tank embedded in Qiangli, which is withered, yellow and muddy, and has not been cleaned for a long time.

He knelt down and said, "If the wheelchair can't get in, then I...shall I help you in?"

I nodded, but I couldn't get up, my legs were unsteady, and I couldn't get up.

Tang Fengxing pulled my other arm to no avail, so I had to give up.I said, why not take it home and eat it.He said it would take some time to get the glasses on, and the noodles would clump together after a long time, and the store was warm, so it was good to come in to warm up.He had no choice but to ask in my ear: "Mind... may I carry you in?"

It is rare for me to have such close contact with people. I was stunned for a moment. People come and go this way, and I can't block people's business at the door.I nodded, and Tang Fengxing asked me to hook one hand around his neck and pull me out of the wheelchair.My face was pressed against his cold and dry face which was blown outside, and his hot breath hit my bare neck, the itch went straight to the bottom of my heart, colliding with my heartbeat.

Don't look, my face is already red now.

I'm not ashamed like this, my face must be bricks so I don't blush.

During the carrying process, I heard a rapid heartbeat, and the blood vessels under the close skin seemed to be fighting each other. I could feel it, and I think Tang Fengxing should have felt it too.

I was safely put down on the small stool, Tang Fengxing rubbed his hands, picked up the menu standing on the table and asked, "What do you want to eat?"

I smelled the aroma of soup noodles in the store, and I felt a sense of hunger that I hadn't felt for a long time for no reason. I looked at the menu and said, "Tomato Beef Ramen."

"It seems that you really like eating tomatoes."

Only then did I realize that I ordered another tomato unknowingly. I nodded and said, "Sweet and sour, more appetizing."

"Don't you think eating a tomato makes you shudder?"

I tilted my head and laughed at him: "Are you Tutu with big ears, you will tremble after eating tomatoes?"

He couldn't help but hooked his lips and smiled: "It seems that our childhood is the same."

Same as childhood?

I nodded and said, "Maybe."

He was about to get up and go to the window to order, I took his hand and said: "Forget it, don't order mine, I can't finish it, it's a waste."

Since I had this emotional illness, my appetite has not been as good as before. I often don’t feel hungry even if I don’t eat for a day. Even if I do, I can’t finish half a bowl of rice.

He exhaled whitely and said, "Eat as much as you can, I have a big appetite, and even a bowl here is not enough for me, and I can clean the dishes."

I quickly let go of his hand and nodded.

I recorded in my mind the money I spent today, and the phone fell into the river, so it should be scrapped by now.There are still a lot of information in it, and the cloud spaces have to be restored one by one. I sighed and said, "I will go back tonight and write you an IOU. I don't have a mobile phone, so I can't pay you back."

Tang Fengxing grabbed his mobile phone, and said to me in a serious tone with some helplessness: "You should remember it first, and wait until you buy a new mobile phone."

I was also quite dissatisfied, and said to him coldly in a low voice: "It's really troublesome, if you don't save me, there won't be so many things."

Tang Fengxing gripped the phone tightly, and the air between us froze. I knew I was disappointed, but it was true.If he doesn't save me, I don't need to be covered in plaster now, I need someone to support me, I need someone to hold me, and I don't have to worry about things like restoring those contacts, data, and so on.

When the woman in black gauze came out, we didn't speak. Tang Fengxing lowered his head to drink water and checked his phone. I had nothing to look at, so I could only look at Tang Fengxing.Tang Fengxing lowered his head and knew that I was watching him again. After the noodles were served, he handed me the chopsticks and didn't bring up the topic just now.

I took the chopsticks and they fell to the ground in an instant. My hands were shaking uncontrollably, as if I had Parkinson's. Ha, the side effects of the medicine are really speechless.

Anger and shame instantly wrapped me into a ball and squeezed me. I remained indifferent and gritted my teeth.Tang Fengxing didn't say anything, just bent down to pick up the chopsticks, changed a pair for me, took a small bowl to fill up some, put the noodle soup with a small spoon, picked up a chopstick noodle, put it on the spoon, After blowing a few times, it reached out to my mouth: "Open your mouth."

I didn't open my mouth, I just got into the horns, I tilted my head and said, "I won't eat."

"Take it as a donkey's liver and lungs with good intentions." Tang Fengxing didn't insist, put the noodles from the spoon into his mouth, and said vaguely and angrily: "Then you will be hungry and watch me eat."

I turned my head away from him, and suddenly found that everyone around me was looking at us. Just now, they hugged me and fed me noodles. In retrospect, the atmosphere was extremely awkward. .

I'm the only one who's embarrassed.

I quickly lowered my head to let me look at my noodle soup. What was the difference between those actions just now and a young couple throwing a tantrum, making me feel like an angry little wife.Trying to save face, I clutched the arm of my wheelchair with one hand, smelling beef and cumin pepper wafting up my nose.Tang Fengxing's noodles were so fragrant, I gritted my teeth, the heat covered my face, I picked up the chopsticks again, tried hard to control the shaking of my hands, and reluctantly began to eat.

Tang Fengxing saw that I finally picked up the chopsticks and pulled the noodles, and smiled. I pulled out a lump of noodles, pulled them up, and fed them to my mouth with only a few sticks, and I didn't have the strength to hold them.The salty, slightly spicy taste stimulates my taste buds, and it really tastes good.

"It's delicious."

I nodded in agreement, pinched it a few times, the noodles slid off the chopsticks, like an athlete diving into water, splashed hot "splashes", splashed hot "splashes" onto Tang Fengxing's face, I quickly wiped his face with a tissue.

Tang Fengxing smiled and said: "Let me feed you, if you eat like this, the noodles will be lumpy, and the soup will all be on my face."

I nodded in embarrassment, but finally compromised.I chewed the noodles he fed me again and again, my heart was tight, but I still had to pretend to be calm.

I can only eat half of a bowl of noodles. I really can’t swallow it. I feel disgusted again and again, as if I don’t want to eat this noodle anymore in my life.

He moved my noodles in front of him and used it as a trash can for me. He had already finished his bowl. I'm really envious. With such an appetite, eating always looks delicious.

I stared at him, and he slowly raised his head: "Chen Shuning, how long are you going to stare at me?"

I was too bored, determined to tease him and said, "Is there a problem with being handsome?"

He dodged his eyes and didn't dare to look at me and said, "Look at the fee again, fifty per second."

"Okay, it's not expensive, let's settle the accounts together." I propped my chin and started to stare at him wholeheartedly.

After all, his neck was red from my stare. The redness spread to his ears and then to his face. It is really synonymous with flushing.In the end, he covered his eyes with one hand, not going to look again.

After taking the glasses, he took a taxi back to school. He brought his mobile phone from the dormitory. It looked a little old. He said it was an old mobile phone. Because the capacity was too small, it was eliminated, and it was enough to replace it temporarily for contact. .

Recently, there are no exams. After graduating from senior year, I am going to do an internship or work, or prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination.He asked me how I was doing with the law. I pointed to the pile of law books and sighed. When I entered depression, my memory became very poor. Usually I could finish one side in a few minutes, but now I still struggle in 10 minutes. in a short paragraph.

A few people in the dormitory were lying on the bed, turning on the small sun to keep warm, and there was some noise when I came back.Zhao Jun poked his head out from under the quilt: "Yo, you're really back."

"Ah."

Zhao Jun said a few words of condolences, and immediately shrank back under the covers to continue playing games.

Tang Fengxing was so tired from carrying the wheelchair for me that he carried me up to the fifth floor. I saw him shaking his hands to relax. I took his arm and rubbed his forearm with my uninjured hand.He looked at me in surprise, and I looked up and said, "Thank you."

"It's okay, it's also necessary to take care of classmates."

I nodded and exerted a little force. The muscles on his forearm were hardened. I patted him and said, "It's almost there. It's cold. Go back to sleep."

He looked at the time, it was past ten o'clock in the evening, he pulled a chair and asked me to take the medicine under his nose, and asked me if I wanted to vomit now.I shook my head, but I had exhausted my strength today, so he went to twist a towel to wipe my face.The moist heat spread on my face was very comfortable: "Fortunately, it's cold, you can take less showers."

Speaking of taking a bath, I think of yesterday, and I can't help replaying the picture of the kiss, which was cloudy and unclear, covered with a veil, like a dream.He also paused for a moment. He wiped my face with his hand, removed the towel covering my face, looked into my eyes, rolled his Adam's apple, hesitated to speak, his lips trembled, and his voice was like a mosquito. Ask me: "I have done so much today, is there any reward?"

I said yes.

he asked what.

I said you have to bow your head.

He lowered his head, I kissed his lips lightly, closed my eyes and rubbed gently a few times, opened my eyes to see him stunned, stiff in front of me, the redness that had just faded away in the cold winter wind returned under the incandescent lamp.

The bright and bright eyes met mine. I smiled and asked him if it was not enough. Then he came back to his senses and was at a loss.

I grabbed the already cold towel, watched Tang Fengxing run away and hit the door frame, slipped Tang Fengxing's back, and laughed without realizing it, my throat was a little hot, I touched my lips, and there was some aftertaste.

Inexplicably, I suddenly looked forward to tomorrow.

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Chen Shuning's perspective