Spring is coming

Deng Yi didn't come to school this week, but he went back to his hometown.

He took 200 yuan from his uncle, went back to his hometown Guihua Town by car, and wrote a letter to his classmates who helped him. A few change to buy pesticides to drink.

It is said that he died on the hillside of his hometown, where he could see the whole town and have a very wide view.

The homeroom teacher took up half of the music class and announced Deng Yi's death to the students.

Time seems to press the pause button, and even the accidental collision sound of tables and chairs has disappeared. After a long silence, heavy snorting and suppressed sobbing sounded, and slowly, slowly, the whining sound into one piece.

In fact, Deng Yi doesn't have much sense of presence in the class, and even the students at the front and back desks often regard him as nothing.

Only at this time, everyone will think of him, and they will remember him in the future. After many, many years, I still remember that there was a male classmate in junior high school who committed suicide by drinking pesticide and died on the mountain of his hometown.

Chun Xin didn't cry, she was very sad, but she really had no tears to shed.She thought, Deng Yi must have had a bad life, he might have committed suicide because of stealing money.

He owed his classmates a lot of money, and he wanted to pay it back, but he couldn't think of any good way to make money. If he stole his uncle's money, the consequences would be serious, and he couldn't bear it.

His barren and short life experience can only make him think of escape and death.

So he fled back to his hometown and died on the mountain.

Chun Xin thought, if it was her, what should I do?

People will subconsciously substitute other people's experiences into themselves. She recalled her childhood experience. If she didn't have her current parents, Xue Li, money to pay for materials, and no one in her class who was willing to help her, she was forced to do nothing. You can only steal money.

What about after stealing?When grandma finds out, she will definitely be beaten and scolded.

If there is no snow...

It is impossible to imagine how she would spend the days without the snow.

Chun Xin tilted his head in confusion, as if there was really no good way to solve it except death.

Back home at night, in the quiet room, under the warm yellow lamp, Chun Xin opened the letter.

——Jiang Chunxin, Xueli, thank you for helping me all the time, I'm sorry, it took so long to pay back your money, I hope you don't blame me.

——Chunxin, your sister doesn't like me calling you Chunchun, actually I want to call you Chunchun too, but your sister doesn't agree, so forget it, I'll just call you Chunxin.

——Chunxin, I hope you will always be happy, and I hope you will always have a good life.

——I can’t play backgammon with you anymore, so don’t play it anymore, it’s a waste of paper, you’ll be fined to stand, and you don’t want to go skating in the fish pond in winter.

——I'm leaving, I'm Deng Yi, bye, for the last time, I hope you are happy.

Followed by a smiling emoji.

^ __ ^

The letter paper is spread out on the desk, this is a piece of colorful flower letter paper that girls will like, and it also has a little fragrance.

Deng Yi did not have such a piece of paper. This piece of paper might have been collected from waste when he was helping the family, which shows that he had already made arrangements for his own life.

He didn't die suddenly, he had thought about it, and he must have struggled and struggled.

He didn't ask anyone for help. In the dead of night, he may often be thinking about this matter, planning how to steal money, where to take a car, what kind of clothes to buy for his younger brother in the market, and that piece of colorful paper with a little fragrance. What should I write?

The young boy was ignorant of his liking and was still ashamed to say it. He thanked her sincerely, and being happy forever was his blessing.

Chunxin has always been praised for being strong, and Xueli's encouragement to her in the past was also strong.

You have to be strong, you will grow up, it's just a matter of time...it will grow up.

If people are compared to stones in the river, then Chunxin must be the hardest and hardest piece. He gritted his teeth and hugged his knees and squatted in the middle of the river, listening to the people on the bank tell her, you have to be strong, you have to be strong. strong……

Even so, under the accumulation of river water, it will eventually turn into gravel and dust.

There is an old saying, don't persuade others to be kind without suffering from others.Everyone's experience cannot be copied, such as Deng Yi, such as Chun Xin.

The classmates and teachers in the class were all saying, why did he have to die?If you have any difficulties, you can't speak up, and everyone will work together to find a solution.

Such voices are often heard after people die, or when they choose to commit suicide.A few words are light and fluttering, and the dust cannot be raised when it hits the ground.

"Dongdong..."

Xueli opened her arms, and Chunxin buried herself in her shoulder and wept softly.

"I am so sad."

Tears were scorching hot, scalding the skin one by one, slipping into the neckline.

Xueli heard her say: "I think I am Deng Yi, we seem to be, but I have better luck than him. If Deng Yi is like me, he must be reluctant to die."

Deng Yi is so real and cruel.

"It's like a dream now. I often feel that I'm dead long ago. I'm Deng Yi...I'm so happy, so happy. I have my parents, and you. I dare not think so in my dreams."

Xueli's heart suddenly tightened, throbbing with pain, she put her hand on her back, and pressed against her bosom.

Chun Xin picked up her hoodie and hat to wipe away tears, "Am I dreaming?"

Shirley didn't answer.

To her, Chun Xin's rebirth is just a dream.

Hands can touch, tears, breathing, strength of hug, heat from skin, soft lips, dreamlike illusion.

"Maybe, Deng Yi will live well if he goes to another world." Xueli choked up and said.

"Where is there any other world, if you die, you will die, and if you die, you will have nothing."

"Maybe there is." Xueli said stubbornly: "Even if not, he doesn't want to continue living in this world. Maybe he has a chance to start again?"

Jiang Mengyan opened the door to look in, Xueli shook her head slightly at her, and the door closed again.

The snot was almost dripping into his mouth, and two pieces of paper were torn from the snow. Chun Xin took it and covered his nose, took a deep breath, and blew his nose loudly.

Xueli pushed her lightly, she raised her hand and threw the paper, and said in a nasal voice: "I feel uncomfortable, please let me cry for a while."

"I'm not stopping you." Xueli pulled her up and walked to Big Bear, "Cry if you want to, I just want to make you feel better."

The big bear is sitting on the carpet, wearing a gray sweater, always smiling, and looking forward gently with round black eyes, it looks very comfortable and warm indeed.

Chun Xin knelt on Big Bear's body, buried his face in Big Bear's belly, Xueli sat aside, she freed her hand to touch her, and when she felt her hand was loosely clasped, she felt at ease.

Buried for a while, then raised his head again, "I still want to hug you."

"Hug it." Xueli leaned over, and Chunxin found a place to rest his head comfortably in the socket of her shoulders, and he had stopped crying, but his eyes were a little swollen and his face was aching.

The lamp on the desk was on, and the sound of parents watching TV in the living room could be faintly heard through the door. It seemed to be raining outside, rustling on the leaves of the sycamore tree.

The sound of the rain is impatient, the girls snuggle together, their soft hair is tangled, and their slender bodies are trapped in the doll cotton. They clasp their hands and pray sincerely, may the wandering souls rest in peace.

……

The seat next to Chunxin was vacant, and the teacher didn't arrange for anyone else to sit. Except for the head teacher's class, Xueli came to sit with her. The other teachers didn't know the situation, and they didn't say anything when the back table was blocked.

The air pressure in the class is very low, there is less excitement between classes, and no one fights in the corridor.But in every class, there are always a few idiots, laughing and joking in the back row, saying that Deng Yi's ghost is looking for someone.

Familiar or unfamiliar, sympathy or fear, no one remembers him when he comes back from a few days off on Mid-Autumn Festival, and no one talks about him anymore.

Chunxin wanted to be with Xueli, but he was a little annoyed. As soon as she missed class, Xueli would poke her with his arms and warn her with his eyes.

Chun Xin took a deep breath, and pressed his hands on his chest, as if he was very angry.Xueli poked her with his arm again, and said in a low voice, "Listen to the class carefully."

Chun Xin rolled his eyes, and instantly moved eight feet away from her.

After 5 minutes, when the teacher was writing on the blackboard, a ball of paper was thrown on the notebook, and he took it apart to read.

- Long-winded!annoying!

Xueli wrote back.

——Take a fight.

Chun Xin drew a villain who was angry and hammered the table.

In the last class in the afternoon, the physical education teacher was sick, and the head teacher took up the Chinese class. Xueli forgot to change it back. The teacher didn't say anything when he saw it.

There are several information books on the desk, which belong to Deng Yi. Chun Xin put them away in his school bag, and cleaned up the paper balls in the table hole in the snow. The students on duty swept here, and they moved the table away. On the seat, the student on duty pushed him, "Let me sweep the floor."

The boy at the back table put his feet away. Chunxin glanced at him, put on his schoolbag, and held hands with Xueli, "Let's go."

The two walked out of the teaching building and walked out through the stone path in the woods behind the school. They found the boys at the back desk following them. When they walked to the corner, they hid behind the wall. Xueli picked up a rotten mop stick from the ground. A stone weighed in his hand.

The boy at the back table hurried over from the corner, stopped abruptly, and pointed at him with a stick in Xueli, "What do you want?"

Chun Xin held the stone, "Don't come over, or I'll crush you to death."

The boy took two steps back, looked around and saw no one was there, took off his schoolbag and threw it on the ground, took off his school uniform and threw it on the schoolbag, "You can hit if you want."

He squatted on the ground, put his head in his hands, and showed his back, "I beat Deng Yi, in the toilet, the day you came home from leave, and the day before he didn't come to class. I don't know why he committed suicide. If I knew he was going to commit suicide, I would definitely not beat him, and I would never bully him. You can avenge him, and you can beat him if you want."

Xueli understood it, and Chunxin understood it too. The two looked at each other and said in unison: "Crazy."

Chun Xin threw stones and slapped his hands clean. The boys blocked the road, and they were so big that they couldn't get out. Chun Xin scolded him: "Good dogs don't block the way, get out of the way."

If he refused, they must be beaten up to make atonement.

Xueli covered her eyes with her hands, rubbed her temples, feeling upset.

Chun Xin tilted his head and looked at him for a long time, really didn't understand him, "You want to atone for your sins, but you don't want to atone for your sins with me. What's the use of atonement with me? You don't treat him well when he is alive. When he is dead, it is useless to say such things and do such things. What's the use."

His head was about to fall into the soil, and he began to cry inexplicably, "Yes, you can scold me, you can scold me to death, you scold me, I feel better. I know I was wrong, I shouldn't bully others, he died Now, I think it's all my responsibility, I can't sleep at night..."

He knelt on the ground and cried so loudly that he couldn't hear what he said while crying.

Chun Xin stood there with his hands folded and looked at him for a long time, feeling that he was not hopeless, and he couldn't bear it, so he squatted beside him and persuaded, "Okay, if you know your mistakes, you can correct them, and you don't want to bully others casually in the future. Why are you bullying people? But you are right, you are responsible, and I am also responsible, we may all be the last straw that breaks the camel's back..."

She nodded with her fingers, and the boy's head followed her. Yuuri leaned against the wall with her hands folded and watched, and yawned out of boredom.

After half an hour of painstaking education, the boy finally stopped crying.

Chun Xin thought for a while, "Then let's go and burn the paper for him. When the paper is burned, you can apologize properly."

When the three of them came to the river, Chun Xin sent him to pick up some rotten wood and branches, build a small bonfire, and asked him, "Do you have a lighter?"

"Yes." The boy took out a lighter from his trouser pocket and offered it with both hands.

He weighed the lighter twice in his hand, and Chunxin asked, "Where did you get the lighter? Are you learning to smoke?"

The boy shook his head frantically, "I didn't."

She shook her voice: "Then where did you get the lighter?! I can already smell the smell of cigarettes on your body. If you don't learn well at a young age, learning to smoke will rot your lungs. Do you know that? Didn't you watch TV? On TV, smoking Everyone’s lungs are black, do you know that?”

The boy nodded again and again, "I know, I know, I won't smoke in the future, I want to quit smoking."

"Didn't you just say you didn't smoke?"

"..."

When the fire was lit, Chun Xin took out Deng Yi's information book from his schoolbag, tore off the pages one by one, and threw them into the fire.

Xueli has never participated in it, but she never stopped her. She stood with her school uniform in her pocket and watched, her sideburns were blown by the wind and covered her eyes.

The words and formulas on the book were all swallowed by the flames, like a lost life, dying and annihilating at a speed visible to the naked eye.

"Deng Yi, I hope you can study when you get there, I hope you are happy too, and I hope you have more money than you can spend."

"Deng Yi, I'm sorry."