[HP] turns in your hand

"What is your hobby?"

She seemed to have heard this question asked before.

"Do you have any hobbies?"

"Do you have a favorite sport?"

"What's your favorite food? Books? Movies? TV shows? Cartoons?..."

Oh, it's that clumsy therapist.Chiara doesn't remember her name anymore, but she still remembers the conversation in the small room of the orphanage.That was the first time someone tried to keep her back after she came to this world, and those few poor inquiries and guidance did keep Chiara in this world, and allowed her to stay until the day she met Snape. one day.

It's amazing that the answer given by Chiara six years ago is now sitting across from her, trying to guide her with exactly the same question, leading her to find a reason to live.

What are her hobbies?

This question is actually not difficult to answer.

"I like...reading novels."

Snape frowned: "Fiction?"

Chiara looked away, still finding it hard to say that answer to Snape.She nodded slightly, and explained vaguely: "Novels such as "The Encounter of Monte Cristo" and Lockhart's Adventures and Travels."

"Didn't Lockhart make up all of Lockhart's travel notes under the guise of someone else's name?" Snape frowned.

Chiara: "I know, but his writing is really good... and there are no good novels in the wizarding world, so I will take a look at his novels..."

Snape finally knew why Chiara's grades in Lockhart's class were so good.

"This is indeed a direction." Snape decided to ignore the part about Lockhart. After all, that guy has become a fool, and there is no point in worrying about it. "Have you considered working on... novels in the future? ?”

Chiara's expression froze.

"Fiction-related work?" she murmured. "What would it be? . . . book editor? Librarian? Or . . . novelist?"

Every time he uttered the name of a profession, a vague image formed in Chiara's mind at the same time.In Chiara's mind, a girl with black hair and black eyes was walking in a library full of sunlight. She was pushing a small trolley loaded with books, humming and sorting the returned books back to the bookshelves one by one.Or in the afternoon when she had a good brew of strong coffee at hand, she set up her notebook, put her hands on the keyboard in the bubble of inspiration, and typed out one story after another that belonged to her.

That was her in her previous life, and that was the fantasy that Chiara had in her previous life.

Snape nodded: "Yes, which one do you like?"

Chiara loves both.

She did have delusions... yes, delusions, when she was not sick, when she was a student with bright eyes who could have a bright future.

She fantasizes that she can get rid of those heavy burdens, get rid of the shackles that control her body and emotions, overcome those difficulties that prevent her from running into her comfort zone just like all academic difficulties...and then freely choose everything .

Future school, future career, future city where you want to live, future house and car, future partner...

Of course, she fantasized about being a librarian in the past, becoming a novelist, turning her hobby into a career, and then using her labor and love to live a good life.

Yes, of course she had imagined that!She used to think that she could completely control her own future.But she discovered, she finally discovered that she was just a poor puppet led forward by the eyes of others, and the little right she had was to freely choose to end her own life.

Now, he came to tell her that you really are free to choose.

"No." She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly, "But I can't... I can't choose. I can't choose any."

"Why?" Snape asked. "Is there any reason to restrain you?"

Ziara still had her eyes closed, and she didn't even dare to look at Snape: "Yes, there are many, too many... The salary of a librarian is too low, there is not much technical content, and the replaceability is too high, if It’s easy to be fired if you don’t have an organization; novelists don’t get paid in droughts and floods, and if you can’t write to a certain level, you can’t make ends meet, and there’s no one to help you pay social security…”

These reasons poured out of her mouth like a draft, so fluent that Snape couldn't help raising an eyebrow slowly.

"And none of these jobs are...not quite..."

Chiara's expression twisted, as if she was struggling with some voice in her head, it was difficult to spit out the evaluation that was still in her mouth.

"Not much?" Snape asked.

She was panting, and the nightmare from her previous life was still haunting her.An invisible hand grabbed Chiara's neck, snatched her vocal cords, and cruelly shattered the fantasy in the sun through her mouth:

"It's so indecent!"

"I got such good grades in the exam and got such a good score... Could it be that I want to be a librarian and a novelist?"

Ziara opened her eyes suddenly, glared at Snape, and questioned like a devil: "Don't you think it's a waste to be a librarian and a novelist for the first grade?"

What are you thinking?

We have worked so hard for you to study, trained you to be the first in the grade, and trained you to be such an outstanding person. Do you want to be a librarian in the future?Want to mix and write novels at home?

Nightmare had her familiar face, and her sharp claws tightly strangled her throat.Chiara found out with suffocation that although she once wanted to resist this demon so much, wanted to resist this airtight "other people's expectations" and "correct values" that wrapped her in a cocoon with thin threads, and even wanted to escape with death. In this world where everything is measured by money and social status, in the end the "correct values" have been deeply rooted in her mind, and after she fled to another world, she was still tightly bound by her hands and feet.

The faces of the nightmare take turns, father, mother, relatives, teachers, classmates, a few words on the Internet...

"What do you want to do in the future?" "You don't need to ask, your grades are so good, you will definitely find a good job!" "Yes, your resume is so beautiful, you will definitely be able to get a job in a big factory after graduation." You can join any company you want." "In the future, your social status will definitely be the highest among your classmates..." "You must be sure of your job title this time, and we will rely on your care in the future." !"

Numerous hands pushed her upwards, and Ziara was bound and struggling desperately, tears rolled down from the corners of her eyes, she wanted to say that she didn't want to go to such a high place, she actually just wanted to stay down there, find a sunny place in the corner, organize books, or write novels...

But in the face of so many eager faces, in the face of those hands pushing her upwards, how could she speak?

It was because she was too cowardly, because she didn't have the courage to resist at all, because she personally ended her hope and pushed herself to a dead end.

Looking at Snape, Chiara knew she must be looking ridiculous, like a grim-faced Dursley-style muggle that could be seen everywhere.She regretted the words as soon as she left her mouth, but she climbed numbly step by step along the tailbone, destroying her own image in front of Snape, yes, self-destruction was like cutting a knife on her body, which made her feel Pain and joy!

She couldn't see her own reflection in Snape's dark, calm eyes.Of course, Snape couldn't see himself clearly in Chiara's eyes... because at this moment, Chiara's eyes were covered with a moist mist.Her expression was not as hideous as she thought, and what Snape read from her face was an obvious signal.

She is calling for help.

Save me, save me.

Undo my shackles, let go of my hands and feet, tear off the tape from my mouth...

Pull me up from this abyss...

She must have called for help many times, for a long time.She stood in the swamp, and the black mud slowly swallowed her down, from her feet, to her ankles, to her calves, to her thighs, up to her waist, up to her chest... But no one heard her cry, and finally she recognized the reality , no one will come to rescue her.

So Chiara closed her eyes and sank herself into it.

"I don't feel like it's a waste."

Snape said, his expression was calm, and every word he said was firm and powerful: "Grade doesn't determine what kind of person you have to be, grade just gives you more choices, allows you to choose yourself more freely s future."

"You are the first in your grade, which means you can choose anything. You can choose the highest position and work in the Ministry of Magic. Of course, you can choose nothing and stay at home and write novels after graduation."

Chiara asked tremblingly, "But, but don't you think it would be... disrespectful to be a librarian or a novelist?"

Snape sneered.

"I don't think so," he said. "What's decent? It doesn't make any difference to me what job you do as long as you're not a Death Eater."

Chiara was stunned, and after a long while she found her voice, and asked anxiously: "Why is there no difference—to be a librarian, to be a novelist, or even...even if I don't do anything, just Is it okay to lie down at home like this?"

"You don't think I'm a waste, don't you think I...are useless?"

Chiara's voice became softer, but she still stared at Snape, expectantly waiting for an answer.

"No," said Snape, "I don't think so."

Because you are good enough, you have given enough.

For a moment, he saw the sun finally shining on her face again.

In the boundless abyss, someone held the girl's hand and gently pulled her upwards.

[I saw your cry for help, now I'm here to save you. 】

Ziara blinked, and the suffocation felt like it had never existed before. She breathed the air smoothly, never felt so light, and her shoulders so relaxed.A teardrop oozed from the corner of her eye, and then, like those shackles in the past, slowly evaporated and disappeared without a trace.

She lifted the corners of her mouth upwards, showing a very shallow, very shallow smile, her eyes were bright and bright.

"That's really... wonderful," she whispered. "If you can think of it that way, it's really..."

Ziara clenched her hands, trying to suppress her tendency to incoherent, trying not to look like a fool.

"You may think it's strange, and I don't mean to scare you. I just want to say it, and I want to tell you that in my eyes, you are really a very good person. You just live, you just Being there is enough to mean everything to me! But you did it for me, did this, and instead of hating me, despising me, you said things to me that no one ever told me, I am Really...I'm very..."

Snape suddenly had an ominous premonition, but it was impossible for Chiara to be interrupted by anyone now.With bright eyes, she placed her clenched hands in front of her chest, where she was pulsing, as if this could prove that what she said was completely sincere:

"I will definitely repay you, even if it costs my life—no, it must be my life!"

Snape just wanted to lift Chiara's celestial cover to see directly whether what was contained in her skull was a new type of brain that would turn into a paste when encountering things related to him. Material.

"I've said it many times, I don't need your life." He was trying his best to suppress his urge to growl, "And how do you want to repay me?"

Chiara replied without thinking: "Kill Voldemort."

Snape sneered: "I don't need this kind of repayment from you."

"It doesn't matter." Chiara still smiled, "You don't have to take it to heart, this matter really has nothing to do with you—"

"Are you thinking that you can secretly complete your plan to destroy the Horcruxes without telling me?" Snape asked sullenly.

Oh, guessed it.

"Do you think that what I just said is playing the piano with the cow?" He asked, "After finally letting you choose your own future path, how did you say that you are going to die?"

Chiara's eyes wandered: "Maybe I won't die, as long as my plan is more careful, it is still possible to escape unscathed. You don't need to worry about me, as long as your life is guaranteed—"

Snape looked gloomy: "Let me know nothing and be protected by a child like you with peace of mind?"

Chiara immediately retorted: "I'm not a child! My mental age is already an adult, and I'm probably about your age."

"So, Ziara Lowe, who claims to be mature." Snape folded his hands, "Can you see me as your fellow traveler while you see yourself as my peer?"

"Think of me as a fellow who won the gold cup from Gringotts with you, who can make you trust, entrust your back, and give you support?"

Chiara was speechless, unable to say anything for a while.

After a long time, she tremblingly asked in a very low voice: "...Am I worthy?"

he said yes."

You have always been worth it.

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The author has something to say:

I decided to write the content of this chapter before writing Xiao Qi's story!In my heart, it is as important as the chapter where Qi and Snape confess that she loves him, even the most important chapter in the whole text.

The inner demon that made Xiao Qi decide to die in her previous life has never been eliminated. She survived until now only because she placed her own value on a person she thought would have no expectations of her.In fact, if Snape ordered her to do something, as long as he used his words properly, except for the order "kill me", Xiao Qi would go through fire and water to do it.

But Snape is such a person, of course he knew what he meant to Xiao Qi, but he didn't use her attention to him to make her do this or that like her parents did, after overcoming his shame, he tried Try to understand her, and then untie her shackles with your own hands, and tell her: No matter what you do, I will not look down on you because of your choice, you don't have to worry about my opinion, you are free.

(Of course it is true that after being so stimulated, Xiao Qi will definitely want to repay him even more crazily... In this way, only Voldemort will be miserable.)

Xiao Qi, I am Di Bao!

BGM: AsLongAsYouLoveMe, the classic old song of the Backstreet Boys!As long as you love me, all I want is you to love me, then I can do anything.