[HP] turns in your hand

Chiara woke up again tear-stained.

She guessed that she might have had some bleak dream again, but the dream was just a dream, and now she had nothing to be sad about.

There was nothing to make her happy either.

She lay blankly under the blanket, waiting for the tears to dry naturally on her face.She heard the bell outside the door, and the teacher of the orphanage called everyone to get up in the corridor. She knew that the teacher would count the number of children one by one, and finally found her lying still on the bed, and then came directly to wake her up ...

It's been a week since Chiara died and reawakened in the body of the 10-year-old orphan.

Her English is not very bad, and it can even be said to be quite good among her peers who have not gone abroad.But she still occasionally can't understand the heavily accented English of the teachers and other children in the orphanage, and most importantly, she has no desire to communicate with other people at all.

Why can't she just die like this?

Why let her live again?

In this world, she doesn't have parents at all, and she doesn't even have anyone to tell her her future goals, so how on earth is she going to live?

Ziara lay motionless, and after the tears on her face had dried, the teacher came in to find her.

"Chiara." The teacher sighed, "You can't go on like this...you must be sick."

She turned her head to look at the teacher slowly, then sat up in silence.She knew that if she continued to remain still, the teacher would come and help her get dressed.Although Chiara didn't want to do anything, she at least had some adult self-esteem.

"I contacted you with a psychiatrist. She is a very professional person. She will come to talk to you today."

Chiara dressed without saying a word, folded her pajamas, and then stood up to fold the quilt, without any response to the teacher's words.

"You may not know what a psychiatrist is... She won't hurt you, she just comes to talk to you, she won't give you needles or let you take medicine. You also try to talk to her and let her know What's wrong with you, okay? Everyone wants to help you, we're all for your own good."

The corners of Chiara's eyes twitched subconsciously, and she had some physical discomfort at the words "we are all for your own good".

But in the end, Chiara still didn't say anything. She left her room and walked towards the cafeteria in silence.

The teacher's speed was really fast. As soon as Chiara finished her meal, she walked into the cafeteria beamingly and asked Chiara to go with her to see the psychiatrist.

The teacher's joy is understandable. In fact, most people in this world regard psychologists and clinicians as the same type, and feel that as long as the doctor makes a diagnosis and prescribes treatment, the patient will soon recover. be cured.

Not will.

Even clinicians are often helpless and exist only to provide companionship and comfort to patients.

When Ziara walked into the small room vacated for them, she could tell at first glance that the "psychiatrist" waiting for her nervously might not be professional.The brown-haired woman wearing a pair of framed glasses seems to be about 30 or [-] years old. Wearing a very preppy cardigan and a matching long skirt of the same color, she looks older than the person who needs a psychological evaluation. fidgeting.

"Hello, Chiara." The brown-haired woman gave her a bright smile that was not qualified, "I'm Bledel, today I want to chat with you, talk about yourself...you can sit opposite me , would you like something to drink?"

Chiara quickly glanced up and down at this Miss Bledel, and quickly made a judgment on her in her heart: college students, or just graduated from college, may have a certain foundation in psychology or related majors, but must Haven't had much contact with real mentally ill patients...

She came to the chair in front of Bledel and sat down, her legs moved together slightly after a couple of shakes.

"Whatever," said Chiara.

Bledel was also looking at her at the same time. She poured a cup of hot tea for Zia from the teapot on the table, and gently pushed it in front of her: "It's a bit hot, you can drink it after it cools down."

Ziara glanced at the steaming black tea and nodded: "Thank you."

She can communicate normally with people!Bledel was encouraged, and his tone was more kind. "Would you like to introduce yourself to me?"

Chiara felt that this question was really boring, but she couldn't bear any boredom, so she just said in a flat tone when dealing with errands: "Chiara Luo, female, 10 years old, both parents died."

These are recorded in her file, and she doesn't know more about "Chiara" than this Bledel.

"Chiara, it's like this. Your teacher said that you've been acting listless recently. You've been lying on the bed all the time, and you don't eat when no one calls you, let alone go to class, and you don't play with other children... Why don't you want to participate in group activities? Is it because some children are bullying you?"

Chiara looked at the mist rising from the teacup on the table with vacant eyes, and said calmly: "No one bullies me."

"Then what kind of blow did you encounter, are you too sad?"

"nor."

Bledel carefully observed Chiara's expression, she did not seem to be lying.

"Then why don't you want to act with everyone, and don't go to eat?"

Chiara felt that the answer to this question was obvious. She moved her eyes slowly, looked into Bledel's concerned eyes, and answered naturally, "Because I don't want to."

Blair froze for a moment.

"No, don't want? What do you mean by not wanting?"

"I just don't want to." Chiara explained calmly, "I don't want to eat, I don't want to go to class, I don't want to socialize, I don't want to play, I don't want to do anything."

The corner of Bradell's mouth twitched, she lowered her head and quickly wrote down a few notes on the notebook in her hand, and continued to ask in a flustered manner: "Then, then, don't you have anything else you want to do?"

“I remember to go to the bathroom, to sleep when I’m sleepy, and to eat when I’m really hungry,” says Chiara, “but I’m rarely so hungry because usually after a long period of hunger my Feeling numb."

Bledel pushed her glasses, she raised her head, and asked cautiously, "Apart from these? Do you really have nothing else to do?"

Chiara sighed slightly.

"Living is no fun in itself, Miss Bledel. Why should one have to find something to do?"

After saying this, Chiara adjusted her sitting posture slightly, and she seemed more relaxed.

In contrast was Bledel who was utterly stunned.

No... something is wrong!

This is different from what the orphanage told her when she was called!

"When...when did you start to have this idea?" Bladel asked cautiously, "And why did you have this idea?"

Chiara thought for a moment wistfully, then said softly, "It's been a long time."

It's been a long, long time.

From her previous life, she suddenly suffered from insomnia for no reason. In the dead of night, she suddenly realized that she couldn't do her best no matter what. Then she couldn't help but realize that she hadn't really been happy for a long, long time.

Everyone said that Chiara was an excellent child, and of course her parents were always proud of her, because she seldom made people worry about her, she would obediently complete her homework every day when she came home, and she had almost no disputes with her classmates. All the teachers All like her.

In every entrance examination, Chiara was able to deliver satisfactory results, all the way up from the best elementary school in the city, the best middle school in the city, and finally the best group in the country. In university, I studied a major that is bright in the eyes of others.

Her life is successful, her life is perfect.She is walking up along a well-designed track leading to a shining future, as long as she continues to maintain this speed, she will eventually reach that glorious destination.

……

destination?

Where is the destination?

"Miss Bledel, what do you think the meaning of life is?" Chiara asked slowly.

Bledel looked at her, forcing herself to ask with difficulty with her professionalism, "What do you think?"

Chiara looked up at her, with no emotion in her amber eyes, as calm as a frozen lake in winter: "I used to think that life was to reach a beautiful future, but then I found out that it was a lie, there was nothing at all glorious future."

[As long as you get No.1 in the final exam, we will take you to the amusement park. 】

She gave up the time of reading novels and studied hard, and finally got the first place in the class. Her parents did not break their promise and took her to the amusement park during the summer vacation.

and then?

But there will be another final exam!

[As long as you can get into that high school, you can easily get into a good university in the future. 】

Every weekend before the high school entrance examination, she was occupied by cram schools. After finally getting the admission letter from the best high school in the city, she only had a relaxing summer vacation. Soon she found that her high school life was even more depressing.

[As long as you can get into a good university and study this good major, you won't have to worry about food in the future. 】

In the still dark morning of winter, she reads early by street lamps, eats a year's worth of bread for dinner in order to catch up with evening self-study, and struggles day and night in the sea of ​​questions. The wrong question book full of notes is as thick as a dictionary.Holding her weeping mother in her arms after finding out her grades, she felt a tiny bit of happiness, but it was only for a moment, and soon she became dazed, feeling that this much-anticipated moment did not seem to make people too happy.

[As long as you can get a Ph.D., you can...]

What can she do?

Chiara has been running on a road full of dangers. She stumbles and runs, struggling to overtake the people in front of her all the way.People around her have always told her that as long as she runs ahead of everyone, as long as she can run to that destination, she can get glory, money and happiness.

So she kept gritting her teeth and ran, even though she hated running very much, even though she was quite tired from running, but every time she overtook a person, there was a new pursuit in front of her; The land appeared again, and she was forced to set off again exhaustingly.

She was never told where to stop, and soon Chiara was running without knowing what she was doing.

Why can she never reach the finish line?

Why is there always someone in front of her who needs to catch up?

Will she never be the best?

What exactly does she want?

Eventually, when Chiara's exhaustion was at its peak, she discovered a new option.

She can bring herself to a complete stop.

"What's a bright future?" asked Bledel.

"I don't know." Chiara lowered her eyes slightly, "Everyone says that as long as I'm good enough and work hard enough, I can have a bright future."

"I think that there should be a bright ending in this world, but I find that the ending that can make me happy seems to never be reached."

"Then, there is only one possibility."

There was the first smile on Chiara's face that Bradell had seen on her face today.Shallow, faint, without any joy: "I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough to reach that wonderful future."

Bledel choked, she looked at Chiara, the pen in her hand made a big ink blot on the page, and she couldn't remember to mention it for a long time.

"...No, that's not the case, everyone has the right to happiness." Bladel was in a trance and even forgot that he was talking to a 10-year-old child who needed her advice, "It's not that you are not good enough, it's just that you are still good enough." I didn’t find out what my real goal was.”

Chiara watched her silently, waiting for what she would come up with.

"Uh, do you have any hobbies?"

"No," said Chiara.

"No?" Bladel quickly wrote and drew on the paper, "Then, do you have any favorite sports?"

"No."

"Favorite food?"

"There should be, but I can't think of it for the time being, and I won't force myself to live just to eat something."

Bledel muttered regretfully: "I will try my best to live until the day I save enough money to go to Italy in order to eat real Italian food... Well, let's get down to business, do you have any favorite books? Or movies, TV series ,cartoon?"

Chiara really had some ideas this time.

"……some."

She paused, flashing countless literary works and movies that she had watched in her spare time in her previous life. After deliberation, she picked one that an Englishman could understand and said, "I liked watching "Harry Potter" very much when I was young." series."

Bledel's eyes lit up: "Oh, you have a favorite book! It sounds like a novel... what novel?"

This time it was Chiara's turn to be a little dazed: "You don't know "Harry Potter"?"

Bledel: "Uh...don't know."

Chiara stared at Bledel for a long time, making her uncomfortable.

"Okay, maybe it's my accent, I don't speak standard." Chiara glanced at the calendar on the desktop at the same time, "It may also be because it's 1990..."

"I don't know about this book, but it doesn't prevent us from finding a major breakthrough." Bledel soon stopped worrying about this question, "Tell me, what is this book about?"

Chiara shrugged: "Although this is suspected of being a spoiler, it will only ruin your future reading experience alone, so I'm not really guilty... Well, "Harry Potter" is about A boy finds out he's a wizard, he goes to a wizarding school called Hogwarts, and he defeats an evil dark wizard named Voldemort."

"Sounds like preppy The Chronicles of Narnia," Bledel swished.

"The Chronicles of Narnia is one of the sources of all kinds of Western fantasy stories." Chiara said.

"Besides, what makes you like Harry Potter so much?" Bladel ignored Chiara's little retort.

Chiara began to think.This was the first time since she regained her life that she had seriously thought about a question other than "death".

"Because... when I was a child, I thought magic was amazing." She said slowly, "And it's also very interesting to go to a magic school, and it doesn't feel as boring as an ordinary school."

"You're a 'child' now," Bledel said.

Chiara didn't listen to her words at all: "Whatever."

"What else?" asked Bradell.

Chiara thought about it again: "When I grow up, it's probably because I like the characters in it... There is a person in it that I have always liked, and because of him, I have always been interested in this series."

"Who?"

"Severus Snape."

After Chiara finished speaking, she repeated again: "Is there any problem with my accent... Si-f-le-s-s-s-ne-p, can you spell it? It's okay if you can't spell it, after all His name was coined by Rowling."

Bledel: "Uh... I'll try to spell it, try. What kind of person is this character?"

"He is unique." Chiara said, "After decades, there is still only one Severus Snape in the world, and he will never stop exuding his charm in the history of world literature and film. .Although he himself never thought he would get so much love, the fact is that there will always be people who are impressed by his respectable spirit of sacrifice and charisma, and then fall in love with him one after another, even if they will never get any response. Unable to pass on love to this man who has never received any happiness or affirmation in his life—you can write down this paragraph. satisfy."

Bledel: ……………

ok, ok.

Chiara's vocabulary just now was at her current peak level, after she finished speaking, she took a deep breath, and Bledel was already stunned: "Ah... have you finished? "

Chiara took a sip of the cold tea, and after putting down the cup, she said:

"No."

Bledel: ...Okay you go on.

"Snape was once on the side of the dark, but he made a big mistake that killed someone he loved, and spent his life atoning for that mistake. He risked his death to do what was right. A spy, a double agent, is always on the verge of danger, and has always been misunderstood by the protagonist he protects with his life. The protagonist does not know how brave and great this man has done until after his death, and at this time there is nothing It is irreparable. He has never gained any joy and happiness in his life, and his only hope has been snuffed out by himself. He thinks he is not worthy of happiness, and half of his short life has been spent in a heavy sense of guilt and deep depression. He lived with low self-esteem. He didn’t know he was a hero, he didn’t think he was a hero, and even though he finally got his name right after the war, he was dead by then.”

The character introduction essay was completed in one go, and Chiara confused words that she didn't know with similar meanings, and she stretched out her hand to gesture a few times when it came to more important places.Bledel's eyes were straightened, and he could only ask feebly as she took a breath, "What else?"

"Anything else?" Chiara finally drank the last sip of tea in the teacup, "I can tell you another in-depth character analysis when my vocabulary reaches the IELTS test level, but I recently forgot the IELTS words. It’s almost there, let’s talk about it later.”

Bledel: ...

ok, ok.

"I think, in fact, you should still have a goal in your life." Bledel looked at the notebook she remembered messily and said, "You like "Harry Potter" and Snape so much, maybe you can Visit the author? Or visit the prototype in the work?"

Chiara held the teacup, slightly surprised.

She had never thought about it before.

The goal of life... can it be so small?

"After all, you don't have anything to do right now, no matter how small your goal is, it will take you a year or two just to save enough travel expenses." Bledel said, "What do you think?"

Chiara sat where she was, thinking nothing of it for a moment, but soon realized she wasn't resisting the offer.

Maybe she could go to King's Cross and hit the wall between platforms nine and ten.

Maybe she could go to the theater too and meet Alan Rickman in person.

She was in England at this time, a country where she had drawn up a lot of to-do lists in her previous life when she was still passionate about life.

"... yes," she said.

"Then, can you promise me that you will work and rest normally and eat well with other children in the future?"

Chiara looked up at Bledel and nodded slightly: "I will try my best."

"There is still class..."

Chiara's eyes suddenly became a little scary.

"...You should discuss this with your teacher yourself." Bledel was immediately persuaded.

Overall, the conversation was fruitful.

The teachers at the orphanage soon found that Chiara had returned to normal after that conversation. She would get up on time every morning, eat with other children, and communicate with other people without any problems.

It's just that she never attends classes, and spends most of her day reading books and newspapers, and then doing odd jobs for people in the surrounding streets to save money.

The days went on so tediously.

Chiara didn't think life was too bad, but it wasn't too good either.She just set a goal for herself that was actually easy to achieve, and then used it as an excuse to get on with boredom.

In fact, there will be nothing at King's Cross Station, and it doesn't mean anything to see Alan Rickman alive.She could predict her future reaction, and after arriving, she felt a little joy in her heart for a few seconds, and then everything became boring again, and the essence of life remained unchanged.

Chiara didn't have any friends at the orphanage, and she didn't have anyone she had a particularly close relationship with.She always regarded herself as a guest who was about to leave, calmly and indifferently waiting for the moment when she ended her second life.

-------------------------------------

Chiara's 11th birthday also got off to a dull start.

She got up at the sound of the bell, changed her clothes, folded the quilt, and walked through the corridor to the cafeteria as if no one else was there.

A glass of milk, three slices of toast—one more than usual, because today she is going to take the tube to King's Cross station, the last goal of her life.

As for the other target... She checked it out. Recently, Alan Rickman has an award-winning movie released, which is being promoted across the country, but she can't see it.Chiara didn't want to waste time waiting, so she took the initiative to cut down on her target.

After completing this goal, her inexplicably extra life can end again.

After calmly eating what might be the last breakfast in her life, Chiara suddenly felt a little empty looking at the plate with only a few crumbs left.She picked up the plate and put it back to the window, and then unexpectedly said to the cook behind the window: "I really like the jam you made, it's delicious, thank you."

The cook, who was about to take the plate, was stunned. She didn't react for a long time, and she stammered after Chiara turned around: "Thank...uh, thank you too?"

Why did this child suddenly take the initiative to talk to her? !

No one spoke to Chiara as she walked back to her room, and of course no one wished her a happy birthday.She wasn't looking forward to it, so she didn't feel sad at all—she rarely felt sad now.

She changed into the clothes she was going out with, which was a set of preppy dresses she thought were pretty beautiful that she had bought for herself with the extra money she had saved.In her previous life, she wore ordinary clothes when she ended her life. In this life, she can dress up a little, although it is not much better.

Then, she put on the small backpack, which contained the huge sum of 50 pounds saved this year - mostly coins and small change.In addition, it is the sealing tape, the rope, and an unusually brief suicide note, which is left for those who may find her body-probably explaining their identity, expressing apology, and asking the police to rush her away. Take it away and burn it.

With everything ready, Chiara locked the windows of her room tightly, emptied the closet, and checked for the last time whether she had returned all the books she had borrowed to the library.This search still yielded results. She found a doll in the closet that she had forgotten, and it was a gift from the family where she worked odd jobs.So Chiara walked out of the room, knocked on the door next door, called Mary out, and gave her the doll.

"I remember you were fond of stuffed bears," Chiara said.

Mary took the puppet in a daze, and stammered thanks: "Thank you, uh, that... how do you know I like bears? I thought you didn't even know me."

Chiara said calmly: "Rely on usual observation. Goodbye."

Mary looked at her leaving back, shrugged inexplicably, and then decided to give Chiara some candy tonight as a reward.

Chiara walked steadily towards the gate of the orphanage. On the way, she met the teacher in charge of the library, so she thanked her as she did to the cook.

The teacher in the library was also taken aback: "It's nothing, it's nothing...you, what's wrong with you?"

Chiara offered no explanation.

On the first floor, Chiara was only 50 meters away from the gate.She looked around the orphanage without the slightest nostalgia, and prayed a little in her heart that she would never be born again after this death.

Then she walked to the gate of the orphanage.

"Chiara!"

Her hand was on the doorknob of the orphanage's gate, and when she heard the call, she turned her head, looking for the source of the sound.

It was the teacher who had been in charge of her daily life, and the teacher who had found Bledel for her psychological counseling.

Qiara didn't move her feet, and asked with her eyes what she wanted to do.

The teacher was talking to a tall, thin man in black clothes. After seeing her, the teacher said another word to the tall, black-haired man, and then walked towards her quickly.

"Are you going out?" the teacher asked.

Chiara glanced down at her attire: "Obviously."

The teacher smiled and said, "That's right, I can tell jokes, although the irony is more than the comedy effect...don't leave, there is a gentleman who wants to see you."

Chiara frowned slightly: "Why did you see me? I don't accept adoption, and I've made it clear to you before. If someone expresses their willingness to adopt me, you will say that I have a serious mental disorder."

Teacher: "...you know you have a serious mental disorder?"

Ciara: "I always knew. Well, if there is nothing else, I will leave. In addition, I thank you very much, thank you for your concern, and thank Miss Bledel for me. I hope she can get more and more benefits in the future." more clinical experience."

She placed her hand on the doorknob slightly.

"It's not adoption, that gentleman is a...professor." The teacher tried his best to describe, "He said he came to pick you up to go to their school."

Chiara glanced behind the teacher, and the tall, lanky man seemed to turn around too, sizing her up from behind the teacher.

"I haven't sent any application materials to any university, and I don't want to go to university anymore. I hate Zaoba and the laboratory." Chiara said, "If it's a middle school, I won't even consider it. Help me reject it." ,Thank you."

The teacher looked embarrassed: "This... I don't have the right to say this for you, let the two of you talk directly. It shouldn't take you too long, and that Professor Snape doesn't seem to talk much -"

"what?"

The teacher looked at Chiara, wondering about her broken voice just now: "Ah, I said I want you to talk directly... Would you like it? Or is it that you still can't talk to strangers? You still have some mental Obstacle?"

"I meant his name." Ciara involuntarily clenched the doorknob, never speaking so eagerly and fast, "What professor did you just say he was?"

The tall, lanky dark-haired man came toward Chiara.The teacher seemed to be saying something, but Chiara couldn't hear anything.Her eyes were straight, fixed on the black-haired man who was slowly walking towards her, and her lips trembled violently just like the last moment of her life in her previous life.

The man stopped three steps away from Chiara and looked down at her.

"I'm Professor Severus Snape from Hogwarts," he said. "You're Chiara Lowe?"

Chiara's hand was still on the doorknob.

Just press it, and within two seconds, she can run out of the orphanage, run to the bridge hole that she had chosen earlier, and end her life with a rope.She'll never have to study, never have to try, never have to struggle to live up to the expectations of others.

But she lost her strength, she lost all strength completely.

She looked up at the black-haired man who seemed to have appeared thousands of times in her dreams, looked at his slightly curly half-length black hair, looked at his brows that were always furrowed so that marks had already appeared , Looking at his iconic hooked nose, looking at his dark eyes without any emotion, and his funny expression reflected in his dark eyes.

Chiara smiled, and she tried her best to laugh, although she was already unfamiliar with it, but when she laughed, she found that it was not that difficult.

"Isn't this a prank? Tell me it's not." She turned to look at the teacher with tears in her eyes.

The teacher was at a loss: "What? Why do you think so?"

The teacher wasn't lying, and Chiara knew it.Countless possibilities flashed through her mind: the hallucinations caused by the aggravation of mental symptoms, the same name, and the prank of the only insider Bledel... But at this moment, she wanted to believe that all this was true, she really Suddenly came to that magical world, and the man who had haunted her for ten years in her previous life was right in front of her eyes.

Ziara closed her eyes, and two seconds later, she showed a smile born of joy for the first time in her life, raised her head and responded softly:

"Yes, I'm Chiara Lowe."

This life became Chiara Lowe, and will continue to live the Chiara Lowe.

Chiara Lowe who found the value of a second life.

--------------------

The author has something to say:

We will leave Xiaoqi’s negative emotions in this chapter in this chapter. Don’t be infected. If you feel unhappy, you can go and see Yisha.

Again, Xiao Qi is not a normal person. You can try to understand her thoughts, and it is normal if you can’t understand. It’s not that you have a problem, but Xiao Qi has a problem. She does have mental and psychological problems.

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Have fun!The next book is in advance "[HP] Can the Magic Puppy Wag its Tail"

[If I had a puppy's tail, I would definitely be unable to hold back my joy when I saw you, and my tail would wag desperately.I think it's a good thing I'm not a puppy. --"Second speed of five centimeters"】

My name is Evelyn Crouch and I have a secret.

After crossing, I grew a big tail.

In my previous life, I was an autistic cat-type nerd girl, gloomy and vengeful, I never took action when the road was wrong, and I ran away to save myself

I thought that I would definitely enter Slytherin like this, but after crossing, I was actually sorted into Gryffindor, which is known for its courage, and I also had a big fluffy tail, flapping and shaking desperately

I carefully used the invisibility spell to hide the secret of my tail. Even if I was not caught by them when I was fighting with James Potter and others, I successfully picked four of them and beat them all to the ground when the tail exploded!

As a result, in the Potions class one day, that Severus Snape who always had no one to play with him said to me with a blank face:

"Your tail always flicks to me, can you stop wagging it?"

------------------

Snape: So, you're a dog?

Evelyn: Impossible!This is the cat's tail!

Snape: Cats don't have such fluffy or thick tails.

Evelyn: Ragdolls and Siberian forest cats have such fluffy tails!

Snape: Oh?Does the cat also wag its tail desperately when it sees people?

Evelyn: I've only shaken at you!

【Eating Instructions】

1. No.1 said, self-healing dog blood cookie article, the heroine is a pure-blooded rich girl Xiao Jiaojiao, an idealistic enfp hero Gougou

2. In the original book, neither black lion nor black snake

3.CP: Severus Snape who was rubbed against his trouser legs by a dog