Case File Compendium

It takes a lot of time to sort out Qin Ciyan's writings that he has learned all his life.

And doctors are often very busy, Xie Qingcheng is not able to multi-task like before because of taking medicine.He thought about it for a while, and finally discussed with Li Ruoqiu, planning to leave the hospital and become a teacher in the university.

At that time, Li Ruoqiu had already lost affection for Xie Qingcheng, and it was around this time that she met the married man she later cheated on, so she didn't care so much about Xie Qingcheng, and he did whatever he said.

But Xie Qingcheng has always been a very responsible person. He married Li Ruoqiu after he decided to take RN-13 slow-release medicine and become a normal person.If he only lives to be 40 and dies, or if his disease is out of control, he won't hurt a weak woman.

Although he is emotionally indifferent, he has tried his best to live as a normal person, but what Li Ruoqiu pursues is hot love.

That was something Xie Qingcheng couldn't give her.

In fact, Xie Qingcheng also thought about it at that time. If he went to college, he would always be able to spend more time with his wife during the winter and summer vacations. Although he does not understand romance, watching movies and strolling on the street are all things he can do. In his opinion, it is also an obligation he should fulfill.

The resignation letter has already been typed and can be handed in at any time.

But at this moment, something happened in Huyi Hospital that made Xie Qingcheng suspend the resignation process.

-

"Why were these security measures removed?"

"Oh, this." The staff member who was busy dismantling the scanner at the entrance scratched his head, "I don't know, it seems to be because of the reporter's interview?"

"Shouldn't the reporter support the hospital to increase security after the Qin Ciyan incident?"

Another worker was more gossip. Seeing that Xie Qingcheng was interested in communicating with them, he leaned over and said mysteriously: "That reporter has an idea. He thinks that what others have reported has not been written. He just thought about it." Looking at the problem from a new perspective, you see how popular his special comment is."

As he spoke, he handed his dirty mobile phone, which was stained with engine oil, to Xie Qingcheng.

Xie Qingcheng took a look, it was a large portal website at that time.The headline was a popular social commentary, with a photo of the special commentator next to it. It was a man with a thick neck, wearing glasses, and his face seemed kind, but upon closer inspection, there was a hint of viciousness.

Standing in the lobby of the hospital where people come and go, Xie Qingcheng spent a few minutes reading this review carefully.

It has to be said that words are sometimes much more terrifying than physical violence.In the narrow alleys where the soldiers meet each other, the murder is as silent as grass.

From another perspective, the reporter commentator wrote that after the hospital strengthened its security, it made it more troublesome and painful for patients to seek medical treatment.

"Whether it is pregnant women, children, or the elderly, they must be checked at the entrance of the hospital. There is often a long queue at the entrance of the hospital. The reporter saw those patients who were already suffering from diseases, waiting anxiously in the open air. I can’t help but reflect on the fact that it is necessary to protect the safety of medical staff, but has the convenience services advocated by the state, especially medical convenience services, become empty talk? Have the hospitals overcorrected?”

The report seemed mild in tone, but it threw out many arguments that were provocative.

Xie Qingcheng is not a fool, he reads very clearly.

After Qin Ciyan was killed by medical rioters, the security measures of Shanghai No. [-] Hospital were greatly upgraded, which was indeed criticized.The hospital originally wanted to transition in this way first, and then slowly improve the convenience of security checks. Who would have thought that a special comment would stir up waves, especially those patients who were holding umbrellas at the door with sad faces and waiting to enter one by one? The photos were spread on the Internet at an extremely fast speed.

Worried about being interviewed, the leaders of the Shanghai Hospital removed the temporary detectors at the entrance, hoping to reduce the risk of public opinion. Of course, they also explained to the doctors that the number of security guards patrolling the hospital is still three or four times that of before.

The hospital reassured the doctors in this way - "Everyone understand that reducing the conflict between doctors and patients must start from the root, rather than relying on a single device."

So this becomes nihilism.

Who doesn't know that the conflict between doctors and patients should be treated from the root?

What is the source of the contradiction?It's human nature.

But human nature cannot be cured by doctors. If human nature is sick and sick to the society, then journalists, artists, self-media workers with bottom line and ideals are needed... Let them throw guns and daggers to question the conscience of the group, they It needs a tolerant environment that accepts the contention of a hundred schools of thought to brew a dose of medicine that can heal the heart.This process will be very long. It may take ten or twenty years. It will require the blood and tears of many people. These existent monsters shoot flimsy arrowheads.

And human culture, it is in the constant struggle between ignorance and aura, tolerance and narrowness, human nature and animal nature, that it leaves bloody footprints step by step in the long river of history.

Evil fruits cannot grow in three or two days, and removal of evil fruits cannot be done in three or two days.

At this time, saying "fundamentally change the relationship between doctors and patients" and abandoning the protection of doctors is a kind of high-sounding surrender to ignorance by the hospital leaders.

"I'm not saying you're wrong, Auntie, please listen to my explanation patiently..."

"Director, I'm really tired. I haven't had a sip of water since I entered the clinic in the morning."

"We all have to learn from Professor Qin and dedicate our lives to our posts."

Encouraging kindness is an eternal and invincible truth.

But if it comes to the point of encouraging sacrifice, that would be terrifying.

Xie Qingcheng watched quietly in the hospital.

The doctors seem to be very tense, bound by an invisible rope, trapping them on an altar called "Angel in White", forcing them to place their lovers, children, freedom and even life in their professions. later.

But that is unnecessary.

You can't criticize a person for being selfless forever, but you should be infinitely grateful for every selflessness of the other person.But be aware that their contributions are not taken for granted.

However, the fact is that during that time, no one dared to have conflicts with patients, and no one dared to say a word.

What's even more pitiful is that there are many young children... who are actually the disciples of Qin Ciyan who Xie Qingcheng should call junior and senior sisters.

They were really trapped on an isolated island. As long as others say "Qin Ciyan did this", any debate will become invalid. They cannot swim out of this isolated island. In the end, it seems that even they themselves Already numb, forgetting that besides being a doctor, I am also other people's father, mother, child, and lover.

Xie Qingcheng saw a junior sister under such pressure had to sign up to go to the mountainous area for more than half a year of exchange guidance, but he knew that her mother suffered from lung cancer, and that was the last time she spent with her in this world.

He saw a junior who had just joined the job hid in a corner crying and shaking after a failed operation, but under such pressure, he repeatedly asked whether his mental quality was too poor and why he couldn't do his best.

He watched them feel helpless, watched them go from helpless to numb in their hearts, and watched them go from numb in their hearts to getting used to it.

He felt a pain in his heart.

It hurts too much.

He thought, all of this should not have been like this.

Understanding, gratitude, tolerance, where did they go?Are they doomed to die in persecution?

Light, hope, goodness, where are they?Must they live in sacrifice?

No.

It shouldn't be like this.

Everyone should live well, and every life must be respected.Sacrifice is great, but it should never be the ultimate yardstick for judging greatness, the highest honor.

Cherish dignity, cherish life, cherish every kindness that others give you, say "thank you" instead of saying "I want more."

That's how things should be right.

Xie Qingcheng was outside the isolated island, looking at the junior sisters and younger brothers in the isolated island, looking at those colleagues who he was destined not to recognize in his life, and would not get a word of "senior brother" from them.

He thought, can I take you out.

Can I take you guys away before I go.

So later, he discussed with that woman and played a ridiculous farce.In the farce, he is the center of the vortex, sinking continuously in the vast ocean.

He never surfaced again.

He said those words one by one, and he had already prepared dozens of lines.

He looked at her, as if he was not looking at her, but the neurosurgeon who had hurriedly walked between the gray and white floors countless times.

He saw the old doctor telling the nurse at the medical guidance desk, if the patient's family members have anything to do, just come to me, and don't go to Dr. Xie, who was the bridge.

He saw the old doctor tell him that illness is not terrible, you have to believe in your heart, as long as you are alive, everything can be overcome.

He saw the old doctor walking through the rain with a big umbrella, stretched out his hand to himself on the steps, and said, does it hurt?

He saw the old doctor ask himself who decided to make a complete change from the past—"Xiao Xie, the person who sleeps here, what is the purpose of the famous water book? Why do you want to write it on the scar on your wrist?"

And he answered him: "Because I want to say goodbye to my past self. That Xie Qingcheng is dead, and I will die in the future. The reputation of my life will be like words written on water, and eventually disappear. I just To be worthy of the life I have, I want to do something right."

The old doctor smiled and patted his head: "That's very good. In this life, no matter what difficulties you encounter, you should not give in and live according to your own heart. I'm very happy that you can think so. "

"Xiao Xie, I don't think I saved you by mistake."

In the end, Xie Qingcheng looked at the man in the Yanzhou ward, the man he saw for the first time after waking up from the car accident.

The man had eyes very similar to his father's.

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes, then opened them again——

In front of him was the woman who, at his request, quarreled with him in front of the entire hospital.

He looked at her, but not at her, he was looking at Qin Ciyan's phantom, at the place where Qin Ciyan walked, he finally spoke, he said——

"In my opinion, the life of a doctor is far more important than the life of a mental patient."

Your life is far more important than mine.

Old Qin, do you understand?

Why did you make such a choice? Why didn't Yi Beihai find me first?

I am just a patient, a patient, a living dead, an ordinary person, a life stealer who has been lingering in this world for more than ten years.

Why do you value my life more than yours?

He sank deep into the center of the vortex, sinking... sinking...

The light slowly faded before my eyes.

The dispute is over.

He has been criticized and ridiculed.

Fortunately, the hospital panicked again because of this, worried that such conflicts between doctors and patients would intensify again.

But that's not enough...

That, he thought, was not the last step.

Xie Qingcheng finally stood on the podium for commenting on job titles, and told everyone word by word——

He is going to resign.

He said he was afraid.

He said that he was afraid, he was just an ordinary doctor.He didn't want to lose his life in this position, he wanted to live his life well.

He knew that when he said these words, he was already the target of public criticism.

The brothers and sisters he wants to redeem will never know the truth.

They'll spit on him, call him names, and he'll taunt them, be mean to them, say their teacher—

his mentor.

his half-father.

The most merciful person he will ever meet again——

"It's your own fault."

Until a long time later, Xie Qingcheng still didn't know what kind of cruelty he relied on to say these four words firmly and viciously, as if they were true.

He took off his title badge and put it back on the flannel pad.

He raised his eyes and said, this is my last choice.

Let me go into the dark, that's where I came from.

It's just that you can't be so stupid in the future, you must learn to say no, learn to protect yourself, and know that death is not the only way to prove your own light, but living well is.

My teacher once used his life to protect me.

Now is the time for me to use my reputation to protect you.

I hope you will...

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes, strode out of the conference room, and there was a stormy uproar behind him.

I hope that you will no longer have to exchange your blood and lives for ideals, praise, and medals.

I hope you are all doing well in the future.

Thinking about it, it was Qin Ciyan's lifelong wish.

In 2017, a few weeks after Qin Ciyan passed away, Xie Qingcheng left Shanghai Medical Hospital bearing the name of a coward.

In the same month, due to concerns about the negative emotions of doctors due to this incident, the hospital decided to respond positively to the society to respond to the need for hospital security facilities and reset the system to ensure the safety of medical staff. The equipment is upgraded and improved as soon as possible, which not only prevents patients from waiting for a long time, but also protects the safety of medical care.

And these treatment, Xie Qingcheng can not enjoy.

He went back to Moyuxiang alone, full of puzzlement, controversy, contempt, and doubt.

Alone, leaving the place that gave him a second life.

When he was a teenager, he wanted to be a policeman.

Later, his biological parents died. In order to pursue the truth, he could only turn his past dreams into a scar on his wrist.

When he grew up, he became a doctor.

However, the mentor who had half-fatherly kindness to him left, and he lost his home for the second time in order to save his successors from being trapped in a moral prison.

He is from the grave.

He will go back to the grave after all.

After resigning, Xie Qingcheng suffered from great mental pain and pressure, and his mental state was very unstable.

Although with his usual self-control and the help of special drugs, he can perfectly control himself and live like an ordinary person.But that blow was too great.

Xie Qingcheng couldn't even go to college to apply for a job for a while.

He is very aware of his illness, he can't bear more torture, no matter how calm he is, he will still collapse.

And if he collapses, he doesn't know what the consequences will be, whether it will hurt his wife, sister, neighbors...

He had no long-term plan for himself, and he devoted all his energy to sorting out Qin Ciyan's writings. Only in those familiar brushstrokes and words could he gain respite and peace.

Some people, some things, no matter how sympathetic they are, he can only give up and abandon them cruelly.

-

"So I resign as your personal physician."

In the cold reservoir, Xie Qingcheng murmured softly. In the face of death, he finally said the secret that he had kept dusted for so many years.

"I chose to settle down and do what he didn't finish, instead of staying by your side. I was almost a useless person at that time... Maybe you never see it, you will think that I am pretending Well, very calm, no different from usual."

Xie Qingcheng paused, the biting water seemed to freeze his life.

"But my heart is broken. My inner core is rotten... I couldn't teach you anything at that time, He Yu. I made a choice and gave up."

"...that's the whole truth."

After He Yu listened to what he said, he remained silent for a long, long time.

In the empty studio, only Celine Dion's melodious singing echoed.

The water line had risen to the top in the course of telling these stories, and now their heads touched the dome.

In a few minutes, death lay ahead.

He Yu finally said softly: "So... you originally planned to take all these things into the grave?"

"Yes."

"You were going to say nothing."

"Correct."

"You...you see I'm so sad, you see I've been looking for someone who can understand me in the same place, but you are yourself, but you don't say anything, you don't tell me anything..." He Yu's eyes Finally, he became red. He stared at Xie Qingcheng in the water, and kept questioning Xie Qingcheng. His voice was hoarse. He didn't know whether he thought it was absurd, sad, heartbroken, and confused, "Just tell me a little bit of the truth , I can understand you, I can even let you go... You and I are two people who can't fit in this society, Xie Qingcheng! Why don't you tell me that you are too? Why don't you give me a hug , won't let me hug you too? What...you know everything...but you don't say anything..."

His tears flowed down his face and dripped into the pool water.

"I'm cold...Xie Qingcheng, after so many years, aren't you cold? Are you not cold..."

He looked at him, thinking about the conversations that Xie Qingcheng had with him.

His tears could not stop streaming down.

He has never cried like this in front of anyone, even in the face of death, he can listen to the elegant song and smile calmly to greet him.

But at this moment, he knew that he had his own kind in this world who still survived.

The person who can fully understand him, feel his pain, and understand his pain has always been... by his side.

Xie Qingcheng told him before to let him get out of the shadow in his heart by himself.

Xie Qingcheng once asked him, kid, don't you feel pain?

Xie Qingcheng once tried to awaken his reason in desperation, telling him that as long as he was alive, any difficulty could be overcome.

You have to...always trust your heart.

As long as you live for a day, don't give up the hope of overcoming the disease for a moment.

These words... These words, he used to only regard as a doctor's explanation to a patient.

But it turns out...

But it turned out that those were Xie Qingcheng's heartfelt words made with his own blood and tears!It is the cry of another mental Ebola patient in the deep sea.

It was the road that Xie Qingcheng had stumbled upon, the love-hate parting he experienced, the blood from his wounds, and the tears in his eyes.

Xie Qingcheng didn't say anything.Can't say anything.

Just let him... stand there stupidly.

He stood alone on the reef, wailing, on the isolated island in the sea, he didn't get any response for a long time-he thought he was the last surviving different dragon.

But it turns out that the "human being" on his altar has the same blood as him, and hides the same terrifying wings as him.

Xie Qingcheng... said nothing.

Say nothing! ! !

He Yu closed his eyes hard, and couldn't help but beat him and scolded him. He questioned him, resented him, filled his heart with hatred and anger, and was sad and distressed.

He said: "Xie Qingcheng, I really hate you. This hurts me more than if you don't tell me the truth. Do you hate me so much that you want to tell me such a thing at the end? You wait until the end, Only then are you willing to tell me that I’m never alone, am I?”

He cursed, out of anger.

But in the end, he hugged Xie Qingcheng tightly again——

In shiveringly cold icy water.

In a dark room so suffocating that people can hardly breathe.

In gloom, in no one's place, before life and death.

The dying dragon hugged him tightly, crying, cursing, and howling, but even its fingers and claws were trembling, as if it wanted to strangle Xie Qingcheng into its own flesh and blood.

They are the two loneliest people in the world.

Before death comes, one of them finally removes the mask, so that the other can see their similar faces.

Before death came, one finally took pity on the other and told him that he was not alone in the world.

The flood finally submerged the mouth and nose, and life and death were only a moment away.

He Yu's eyes were red, and he took a deep look at Xie Qingcheng—that look seemed to be hatred, resentment, forgiveness, and deep fall. There were too many emotions bursting in it for a while, and he was eager to see what he could do in these eyes. When expressing joy, anger, sorrow and joy, live up to the last freedom.

Endless summer, in the flowers.

Bearing heavy shackles, secret shackles, and the crime of forbidden drugs, the scarred Canglong turned into a human form and came to the young dragon.

Canglong looked at the small child curled up on the steps.

It's like looking at the former self after so many years of ups and downs and painful struggles.

He extended his human-like hand to the young dragon.

A child's figure was reflected in his mirror-like pupils.

He says--

"Little devil, don't you feel pain?"

He asked this because he knew it was going to hurt.

The pain of beating the heart and cutting out the bones is actually not worth mentioning before the pain of numbness and despair.

Xie Qingcheng himself has experienced the kind of pain that can crush a giant—knowing that he will not live for too long, feeling that he is useless, no pioneer has ever walked out of this quagmire alive, and has to spend the rest of his life in this quagmire.

He knows all this.

But he couldn't tell He Yu that it was very painful.

He can only ask.

He remembered how the doctor in the past comforted himself with bloody hands.He could only imitate it clumsily, and then hugged the shrinking young dragon with the appearance of a normal person.

He knew that He Yu wanted a companion, and wanted some encouragement from the same kind.

He is not without mercy.

But he had too many things to do, and he was so cruel to himself, let alone He Yu?His only tenderness became the handsome words he signed on He Jiwei's letter of appointment.

When he is still able, accompany him as a psychiatrist, enlighten him, and that is all he can give him.

This is the last bit of energy Xie Qingcheng has left.

not much.

But he gave it all to He Yu.

He lost his dream for the truth.

For my sister, I lost my health.

In order to overcome the disease, he lost the meaning of living.

For the meaning of living, I lost my peace and serenity.

He lost his parents, lost his half-father, lost the new home he finally found, lost his police rank and then lost his white clothes. In order to protect those juniors and juniors who didn’t even know him, he even went to the pulpit where he finally settled down. She will also be expelled, and even a desk will be lost.

All his life, since that rainy night, he has been unable to hold anything.

He will never be at peace.

Even for the sake of clarity of mind, he had to sacrifice even the most basic emotions of a human being—he kept telling He Yu to "be calm".But that is not demanding, nor is it commanding.

It was the bloody black dragon telling the little dragon cub how to go the farthest on this road full of thorns.

It was the spell that guarded such distant mountains and rivers that he himself had trekked.

He wished he could understand.

That's all... what he had, what he had left.

He gave his companionship to Xie Xue, his courage to Chen Man, his filial piety to Aunt Li, and his gratitude to Mr. Qin.

He gave protection to the doctor.

Give knowledge to students.

There is still a sick body left, which can restrain the remaining sins, puzzles, secrets, pain, and abuse-he put them in this body.

He kept this sick body to himself.

And the experience of this sick body, the suffering he has suffered in his life, is useless to anyone, except for He Yu.

Therefore, he left his experience to He Yu.

It was the last thing left on his body after he removed his flesh and bones, and it was the only thing that could be given to others.

Although He Yu didn't appreciate it very much, he always didn't want it, and always felt that what he said was wrong, that he didn't understand, and couldn't empathize with him.But he really couldn't say more, more nakedly.

He never intended to recognize her, only at this moment, death fell in front of the two of them.The blue dragon will go to death with the young dragon, and at this moment he finally transformed his huge wings, stretched out the dragon head with thorn tail, shook off the dust all over his body, broke out of the cocoon from the mortal body, and uttered a shocking sound on the isolated island. wailing.

He turned his head and looked at the little dragon cub who was staring blankly at him.

Fingers touch lightly.

He says--

That's the whole truth.

He Yu looked at him...

He Yu was undoubtedly resentful.It is deeply resentful.No one gets off easily after being lied to for so long.

But in that resentment, there seemed to be an emotion that had never existed before.

That was Xiaolong's emotion when he looked at the deep and mottled scars on Canglong's body.Those scars are too heavy and deep, blood, flesh, and bone can be seen, and the slow beating and sick heart in Canglong's chest can be seen.

A normal person would die early from such an injury.

If you don't die, you will definitely ask for death.

Xie Qingcheng is a person who relies on courage and the power of the human heart every moment of his life. His life is full of torture, so there is no enjoyment.

It turned out that the only one of his own kind was trying to survive like this.

Flooded to the eyes.

Gradually, they could no longer breathe coherently, and they could only rely on occasionally looking up to try their best to grab the last bit of air.

-

However, the dome of the studio is not completely flat. There is a narrow platform with a sloping angle above it, which is the place where the flood will last.

It's a pity that the narrow platform can only accommodate one person, and if you climb up, you can live for a few more minutes.

A few minutes of life can wait for a while after another person is completely submerged, maybe someone will find out, and someone will take the survivor away...

He Yu was silent - he was silent in front of the truth without saying a word.

Then, he did something that Xie Qingcheng never thought of.

He Yu is young and hot-blooded. Under such consumption, he has much more strength left than Xie Qingcheng.

With such strength that Xie Qingcheng couldn't resist, he suddenly carried the man onto the narrow platform.

Xie Qingcheng couldn't struggle with him, Xie Qingcheng lost too much physical strength, and He Yu held him down from the water as soon as he moved.

The boy raised his head, looking at Xie Qingcheng with a pair of red almond eyes.

He Yu didn't say anything more, and didn't know what else to say.

His own heart was already in a mess, and he didn't know whether it was hatred, hurt, pity, regret, desperation, or loss that lingered in it.

He just looked up at Xie Qingcheng, firmly restraining him, not letting Xie Qingcheng come down, not letting Xie Qingcheng change places with him.

At the moment when the ice water completely submerged the top of his head, He Yu looked at Xie Qingcheng with moist eyes, and opened and closed his lips.

The sound was weak, like a drowned corpse in a shipwreck, a treasure... quietly sinking into the water.

But Xie Qingcheng was sure that he still heard it.

He heard the boy talking.

Just like the young man who risked his life to return to the scene of the fire, but also to rescue those patients who may be somewhat similar to him who were trapped in the sea of ​​fire.

He said: "If you can live. Xie Qingcheng."

"Then you must not remember me like you remember Qin Ciyan."

"Because I hate you, you lied to me, you abandoned me...I hate you, I don't want to be remembered by you...I have to go first, and you will be the loneliest person in the future. You have no other kind...Xie Qing Cheng, put on your mask and go back to the society of normal people."

"Forget about these things."

"You are not that old. If you can live, you can start all over again, to get something...you have never had before."

The jellyfish sank into the ocean, without a spinal cord, without a heart, without eyes, pure like a cloud falling from the sky.

When outsiders look at them, they are like looking at monsters. 90.00% of them are water life, how can they have feelings?

But maybe it has.

In its short life, it once loved the world very much.

Perhaps it is precisely because of this deep love that surpasses flesh and blood that they can spend the long 5000 million years on this earth...

He Yu stared at Xie Qingcheng with moist eyes, and then bit by bit, he was submerged by the flood.