Case File Compendium

From then on, Xie Qingcheng almost forgot to eat and sleep to carry out these experiments... It seems that only in this way can he maintain a peaceful state of mind.

Only then can he feel that his life is not completely destroyed, but still has value.

But the problem is, if you keep experimenting with your own body, even rn-13's perfect reformer sometimes can't bear that kind of physical pain.

Although the senses of mental Ebola are more numb than normal people, the pain reaches the bone marrow, and it is still unbearable.

These experiments by Xie Qingcheng have always been carried out behind Qin Ciyan's back.

It wasn't until one day that when he was testing burn medicine on his own arm, he was met by Qin Ciyan who accidentally came in to pick up something, and his self-destructive scientific research behavior was discovered.

Qin Ciyan was furious and immediately stopped his studies at the institute.

He asked Xie Qingcheng: "Is your life not your life? Who are you torturing with your behavior?"

"I don't feel pain."

"People who get these experimental results will feel pain!"

Qin Ciyan said angrily.

"Do you know why I reject my friends in the United States? Do you know why I don't participate in the research and development of RN13?! This drug can obviously save people, and it has saved some experimental subjects, but I don't think it's a good thing, you know why?!"

"Because no medical experiment is more important than human life. Saving lives is one of the meanings of scientific research, but it is not based on the blood of living people!"

Xie Qingcheng wrapped the gauze around himself, slowly put down his snow-white sleeves, then he got up, looked into Qin Ciyan's eyes: "But teacher. This is the only thing I can do now."

"Since I got sick, I've become like a piece of crap. I can't do things that I used to be able to do easily."

"Can you understand the feeling of powerlessness when power is passing but you can't grasp it? It's like facing time, facing gravity, and facing all things that cannot be resisted."

"I try to get used to it, but I can't get used to it... My body is healed, but my heart seems to have rotted away in the car accident that should have killed me. I often wake up in a dream and feel that my chest is empty. ...I really want to take a knife and cut open my chest to see what's left inside."

"I feel like I'm just a body that has been resurrected. Living in this world, I have no role to play except to take care of my family..."

When Xie Qingcheng said this, he closed his eyes.

"I can't even take care of my family. My sister Tong Yan Wuji told me more than once that she thinks I've changed."

"She thinks that I..." Xie Qingcheng's voice was condensed, and he froze for a while before continuing, "She thinks that I... am not her big brother."

When he said this, even though he was holding back, his eyes were still red.

It was that young little sister who kept him alive in the first place.

But even his younger sister said that about him—and the girl was only five years old, she didn't have any twists and turns, she would say what she felt.

This kind of accusation is not intentional, but a young child's inner discomfort and anxiety.

Xie Qingcheng often felt that his body was stained with blood, with invisible viruses all over his body, and gradually he didn't even dare to hug her.

He sat on the bed at night, looking at that little life in the hazy moonlight.

She loves him.

So her words can hurt him the most.

He felt that his body was riddled with holes in that car accident, and he managed to pick up a heart from the blood dripping. Holding the heart, he sewed the broken corpse together, like stitching a tattered puppet bear , Even if it is fragmented, I want to go back to the girl.

The puppet bear clumsily, dirty, messy, with thread marks, came home from the trash can, he opened his big hand, and slowly waved at his most cherished little girl.

No one knew how much he had paid for this opportunity to wave to her awkwardly.

But she said, you are not him.

She looked at her worn-out doll and said, you are not a brother.

You see, you have wires, you are broken.

i want brother...

The elder brother is intact, and the elder brother will not have such a hideous and terrible wound.

Brother doesn't scare me.

"I feel like I'm back, from the underworld. But I seem to have lost myself again."

Xie Qingcheng said softly.

"I wasn't like that before."

"I never lost my temper with her before. I never didn't have the strength to carry her all the way home. I used to..."

When Xie Qingcheng said these words, he didn't have much expression.

This would seem to make him feel ruthless.He has no emotions.

But when it came to this, he couldn't go on.

Throat is very dry.

Qin Ciyan knew that it wasn't that he had no sorrow, but that he was deprived of all the joys, sorrows, sorrows and joys of being a human being in order to return from the gate of hell.

In order to survive, he had to keep calm all the time.

Because every violent emotional ups and downs induces psychosis, and each episode of this psychosis is more serious than the last one.

Xie Qingcheng paused for a long time before he said numbly: "I feel that I have no meaning to live."

"I can neither make her feel happy, nor can I bring any value to other people. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, and I don't want to come to this world without leaving anything meaningful."

"At that time, I was really desperate. Until you brought me to the laboratory. Until I discovered...my mind, my body...can withstand abnormal stress. In some fields of disease research, I can Go farther than anyone else with this numb body."

"I really don't feel pain, teacher. Blood and illness are nothing. The scariest thing is that I die. The scariest thing is that I can't do anything. I'm alive but I'm a complete waste. I don't want to be like this."

He raised his eyes and looked at Qin Ciyan, those peach-blossom eyes seemed to be scattered with large pieces of haggardness.

"Teacher, I feel very painful. I don't want others to feel the same pain as me. I met a child with brain cancer at the gate of the institute on the weekend. He was very young, only seven or eight years old. His parents were so Sad, but did not give up hope... People cannot overcome the disease, but not being able to overcome does not mean surrendering without a fight."

"I don't want to succumb to suffering, maybe my life is over, but at least I can do things that normal people can't do in those invisible battles with diseases."

"I think maybe this is the meaning of my survival ... the next 20 years of my life."

"I will die standing up. I will die doing what I should do."

"Teacher. This is the meaning of my life."

His blood seeped from under the gauze.

"Sorry, I've been hiding it from you."

Qin Ciyan couldn't tell what kind of feeling he had at that time.

anger?Distressed?

It seems that he can't completely sum up his heart.

What is life, he thought.

What is the core that supports everyone's survival.

It is existence and value.

It is what you have done and how much blood you have paid.

Life is never about getting.Obtaining is just a kind of nourishment for people to live better.But no matter how many things you have obtained, when the death song comes, the god of death will take everything you own together with your dilapidated corpse.

And what can be left in this world and what can help you overcome death will always be those things you gave.

They are separated from you in life and death, because you have given them to the world unselfishly, so they are born in you and no longer belong to you.Not even death can take it away.

That is the most powerful thing a tiny human can do.

Xie Qingcheng has always seen this very clearly, so for a person like him, when he finds that he has become a worthless waste, unable to do anything, and unable to bear anything, he will feel extremely painful .That kind of pain is far better than cutting him into pieces.Kill your heart and kill your life.

That's why after he discovered his only value, he spent so much time in the research institute, using his body to light the light in the dark night.

He will use himself to do those experiments.

Qin Ciyan let out a long sigh, and through the thick lenses, Xie Qingcheng saw that the doctor's eyes were filled with moist tears.

"...What about your parents?"

Qin Ciyan looked at him tenderly and sadly.

"You said you didn't want to see the parents of that child with brain cancer suffer, and you didn't want to see other people suffer as much as you did."

"Then thank you Qingcheng."

"Can't you see those two pairs of eyes in the sky?"

"..."

"You are not an orphan, your parents are gone, but they loved you so much."

"You treat yourself like this, let alone me. How sad do you think they will be?"

The doctor walks up to his student, this relationship no one knows about, this conversation no one hears.

In the cold laboratory, Wen Shen mercifully melted away.

Qin Ciyan raised his hand and stroked the young Xie Qingcheng's hair.

"Do you know why I did such a thing, disregarding the rules, disregarding the danger, and recklessly coming to save you?"

"........."

"I never told you."

"I once had a son in addition to a daughter."

"He died in a car accident."

"The last thing he said to me before he left was Dad, I don't want to die."

"..."

Qin Ciyan closed his eyes: "I will never forget that sentence, those eyes."

"If possible, even if he is a vegetable, even if his temperament has changed drastically, as long as he can come back, I am willing to do anything. There is nothing more painful than watching your relatives leave....Xiao Xie, where are your parents? You have no choice but to leave this world, but you have a choice, you should not be so mean to yourself, you live well, feel the spring and autumn in the world, and the prosperity of all things, it is also the meaning of life."

"Xie Xue is still young, she doesn't understand anything, that's why she said such words. Children's words are unmodified and simple, but they may not be able to fully express themselves."

"You are always the most important thing in her heart. If you can no longer return to her one day, she will really be in pain and at a loss."

Seeing what Xie Qingcheng wanted to say, he shook his head, as if he understood what Xie Qingcheng wanted to say.

Qin Ciyan was gentle, sad, but irrefutable: "I think I am qualified to talk to you like this. I can understand your feelings. In the life we ​​have gone through-you lost your parents, and I Lost my baby."

Xie Qingcheng stood stiffly, he saw tears glistening at the corners of Qin Ciyan's wrinkled eyes.

After a while, the tears that the doctor had been holding back finally slipped down his no longer young face.

"If your parents were alive, they wouldn't want to see you do that."

"Xiao Xie. The meaning of life, first of all, is that you have to live well."

Qin Ciyan did not allow Xie Qingcheng to go to He Jiwei's Biochemical Pharmaceutical Institute to study again.

He Jiwei was very puzzled by this, he felt that Xie Qingcheng was really a rare talent, and it would be a waste of money if he didn't cultivate it well.

But the young Xie Qingcheng followed Qin Ciyan's wishes, finally thanked He Jiwei for his care, and left the laboratory.

Qin Ciyan covered up the experiments done by Xie Qingcheng with the story of "virtual human", misleading others to think that "Chuhuang" is just a computer simulation, and the data of the first emperor are all calculated data.From then on, Qin Ciyan paid more attention to him, and he almost regarded Xie Qing as the son who could never come back to protect him.

He could see Xie Qingcheng's confusion, and once again lost his direction, he seemed very lonely and his mood was not so stable.

And Qin Ciyan soon had to go back to Yanzhou due to the rescheduling of work.

Before leaving, he took Xie Qingcheng to the aquarium.

That was the decision Qin Ciyan made after thinking about the choice for a long time.

Marine life is often the most healing.

"That's the nurse shark, that... yes, the one that's been swimming around the corner, that's the lemon shark."

Like a loving father with his son, Qin Ciyan and Xie Qingcheng walked in the blue aquarium holding an ice cream cone.

Maybe he was a loving father.

When the sea water was unpredictable and the light and shadow stretched hazyly, standing beside him was the child he would never see as an adult again.

The two of them ended up in Jellyfish Palace.

It was an area of ​​the aquarium, surrounded by crystal clear glass walls in all directions, and many glazed columns stood in the middle of the hall.

And floating behind those glasses are thousands of water elves.

Xie Qingcheng walked in, slightly widening his eyes.

He seems to have entered an ancient world. The creatures from 5000 million years ago are swimming around him slowly, relaxing their crystal bodies. The last pool of flowers in late spring.

The magnificent scenes of spring, summer, autumn and winter are brewing in the life made of water.With the ethereal music box ding-dong sound of Jellyfish Palace, people's hearts will sink into the deep, into the distant Ice Age, [-] miles into the seabed.

Xie Qingcheng walked in the long glass corridor with sparkling water, and felt the long-lost peace of mind for the first time after his illness.

It wasn't the calm he usually forced himself to be.

But really, soothing, relaxing, peaceful.

"Nice." He watched a huge jellyfish drifting past his eyes like blue smoke, and said softly.

Qin Ciyan looked at him with a smile: "Creatures like jellyfish have no brains, hearts, spines, eyes... 90.00% of their bodies are made of water. The lifespan is not long, only a few months, the longest Deep sea jellyfish can live for a few years."

"..."

"But you see, they live so freely and elegantly, which is a very beautiful scenery in itself. Many people can feel unprecedented peace just by looking at them."

"you too?"

"When I was young, I was studying in the United States, and I would go to the aquarium there every month, not for anything else, just to find some peace in the irritability. As soon as I went there, I sat in the jellyfish area, and I sat for an afternoon "Qin Ciyan smiled with nostalgia, "So many years have passed in a flash... The conductor of the aquarium also said that if I can't find a wife in the future, I can come to their aquarium for free to take a jellyfish home and get married. The aquarium can Hold a wedding for me, hahahaha."

Xie Qingcheng turned to look at him.

Amidst the gentleness of the sea moon jellyfish like a bright moon sinking into the ocean, he looked at Qin Ciyan and finally laughed.

That was also the first time he smiled so comfortably after his illness.

"Thank you, Lao Qin."

"It's okay, brat."

Qin Ciyan left and returned to Yanzhou.

But Xie Qingcheng slowly found a way to control his emotions well.It was taught to him by his half-father and passed on to him as a precious gift.

So he, like Qin Ciyan more than 20 years ago, often came to the Jellyfish Palace to look at these 5000 million-year-old lives.

The young Qin Ciyan became the young Xie Qingcheng, and the figures of the two doctors blurred and overlapped in the countless misty worlds of jellyfish.

Whenever Xie Qingcheng felt that his illness was getting worse, his senses were numb, and he was extremely suffocated, he would watch those jellyfish videos——

no eyes.

Can't see the light.

no heart.

Can't feel distressed.

No brains.

Or there is no joy, anger, sorrow, and joy, and it is a life that is much more numb than him.

But they are still very comfortable, using 90.00% five water, splashing ink one after another healing paintings.

Qin Ciyan said that living well is the meaning of life.

And these jellyfish are the best interpretation of living well.

Day after day, time flies, Xie Qingcheng finally relied on himself and became extremely calm, calm and peaceful.

He became the first case of psychotic Ebola that almost no one knew about.

"In a way, you've beat the disease. As long as you keep going like this and don't relapse, you can live to 40 in peace."

Qin Ciyan said.

"Even longer."

He said that the reason for the longer period is that the life laboratory in the United States has developed a specific medicine.

Their rn-13 research was later halted by continental legislation. People marched to protest against this inhumane behavior of using homeless people as human experiment subjects. Under pressure, the research institute destroyed all their rn-13 drugs and invested in For the follow-up treatment of those patients who have already been tested.

How to prolong the life of rn-13 subjects has become their main topic.

Fundamentally speaking, rn-13 overdraws the body's metabolism, which shortens the life span of patients while healing themselves.

So after all these years, they finally developed a slow-release drug, which can greatly reduce the metabolic cycle.

Normal people would die if they took too much of this drug, but the rn-13 subjects could bear it, and because of this drug, they could greatly slow down the subsequent cell division speed, prolonging their lives.

And this time the drug has been formally verified through repeated tests.

Qin Ciyan told Xie Qingcheng: "As long as you continue to take it and add your self-control, then you are no different from normal people, and you may live to seventy or eighty. Maybe you will live longer than me."

The word "normal person" touched Xie Qingcheng's heart.

It had been a long time since he felt that these three words were so close to him.

You must know that when he took rn-13 that year, he thought that he would never have a normal and complete life again.

"What about the side effects?" He suppressed a slight tremor in his voice.

"You're not stupid." Qin Ciyan sighed, "But the side effects are not unacceptable... Your responsiveness, clarity of mind, and all of these, relying heavily on the ability to activate cells, will all decline."

"But you are very smart. If you don't take this medicine, you will have great achievements. After taking this medicine...that is, your ability will become less and less outstanding..." Qin Ciyan said, "But Xiao Xie, even if this This treatment weakens your mind, you can still be a very good psychologist. It's just that you can only be a doctor, and you can no longer spread your mind to other areas and do multiple aspects at the same time as before. It's outstanding."

"You think about it."

At that time, Xie Qingcheng had already been admitted to the University of Medicine and studied psychology for eight years.

He originally planned to not only complete his studies during college, but he also got Qin Ciyan's consent to resume his previous biochemical pharmaceutical research.

His mood is very stable now, even when he can't control it occasionally, he can rely on the jellyfish video to suppress his illness.

As long as he sees those floating ancient lives, he can quickly calm down and no longer have strong emotions. This is already a conditioned reflex he has trained for himself.

He will never again use self-mutilation to advance the experimental process.

Qin Ciyan therefore agreed to his request.

But the emergence of the cure drug once again pushed Xie Qingcheng to the balance of choice——

It is to return to the ranks of normal people, give up scientific research, and become a doctor with peace of mind.

Or is it a dangerous road to go down, complete tasks that ordinary people cannot achieve, and then die at the age of 40?

He has to make a choice.

And at this moment-

An event that had a great impact on Xie Qingcheng happened.