Case File Compendium

They spent the night in the car.

It is true that He Yu's fever is slowly decreasing, and his mood is gradually stabilizing, but before that, Xie Qingcheng can't take the risk of continuing to drive. There is a section of construction road ahead, and if He Yu has any accidents, the situation will change. It was very difficult to deal with.

Xie Qingcheng took care of him until He Yu's body temperature and mood approached normal.

This attack is undoubtedly quite serious, and the disadvantages of long-term drug abuse have been revealed. He Yu even experienced a period of symptoms that were completely out of control, and after he finished venting, he became very tired. During the recovery process, he gradually fell into a depression. Semi-comatose sleep.

Xie Qingcheng waited until he was fully asleep before putting on his seat belt and driving again. At this time, the sky had already turned pale, and the darkest moment had passed.

He still planned to send He Yu back to the main house of the villa.

He Yu's current situation is too bad, he needs to know what He Yu is hiding——

Thinking of this, Xie Qingcheng felt a little ironic.

It seemed that He Yu was always curious about what he was hiding before, but now he had to try to figure out what unknown changes had happened to He Yu.

Xie Qingcheng took off his coat, threw it on the sleeping He Yu, and drove the car steadily and quickly to the door of He Yu's house.

He rang the bell, and it was the butler who opened the door.

Although he had already seen Xie Qingcheng in the video bell, but when he opened the door and actually faced this man, the housekeeper was still a little surprised.

What's more, Xie Qingcheng was supporting the half-asleep and half-dizzy He Yu.

"Thank you, Doctor Xie..."

"Is Mr. He there?"

"Mr. He and Mr. Lu are temporarily busy, and they are not in Shanghai..."

Xie Qingcheng sighed, almost as expected.

He said: "Please help me to help him in first, it's too heavy."

Xie Qingcheng and the housekeeper helped him to the bed.

Because He Yu never liked other people entering his room, the housekeeper didn't dare to stay any longer, and quickly bowed and left.

Xie Qingcheng settled the people down, got up and looked carefully at this place that he hadn't been to for a long time.

The furnishings in the house are still the same as five years ago, without much change.

It's just that the whole room looks colder. After Xie Qingcheng came in, he felt that it was not like a common bedroom, but like a star hotel room, which meant that although the room was very comfortable, there was nothing personal about it.

The owner doesn't love this room and looks like he will leave at any time.

It is precisely because of the minimalist furnishings in the house that some things stand out.Xie Qingcheng suddenly discovered that there was a complete book of "Rare Diseases in the World" on He Yu's desk. It was a thought he left for He Yu when he left the job five years ago. The shadow of illness, don't forget the pair of ossification cases he told about.

"Little ghost, you are not alone." This was actually the comfort he could not utter at the time.

In the end, it all turned into the handsome handwriting on the title page——

Congratulations.

Xie Qingcheng walked to the desk and opened the book, which was obviously outdated. The writing he left five years ago came into view. The traces of the pen had been eroded and faded by the years. He stared at it silently for a long time with long eyelashes hanging down.

Crash.

Perhaps He Yu forgot to close the window tightly before leaving, and forgot to draw the curtains as usual, and a gust of morning wind blew in, blowing the pages of the book.

suddenly.

Seems like it was meant to be.

A page of thin paper sandwiched in the book fell out like falling flowers and fell on the table.

And a ray of morning sun just happened to penetrate the clouds and shine on the paper.

Xie Qingcheng was taken aback.

It turned out to be a checklist.

He picked up the slip and wanted to put it back in the book, but he glanced at it while he was pinching it.

The result of this glance was something he had never imagined.

He thought it was He Yu's own list, such as a commemoration of the improvement of the mental Ebola disease, but it was just an ordinary blood test list.

The name of the examinee is also printed on the form:

Xie Qingcheng.

"..." There is nothing more outrageous than seeing your own test report in someone else's home.

Xie Qingcheng was stunned for a while, and then took the thin paper to read carefully.

It was true that his blood test sheet was correct.

But how could He Yu have this thing?

Looking at the printing time of the report again, Xie Qingcheng frowned and recalled for a while, then suddenly realized something, and his face gradually became a little ugly.

That seems to be the date...after they finished doing it for the first time...they had a fever and were sent to the hospital by Chen Man.

That's right, he remembered, Chen Man said at the time that he had lost a blood test slip, so he drew another tube of blood for it.

Xie Qingcheng thought about it back and forth, and he probably understood everything.

He Yu must have gone to the hospital that day, but He Yu never showed up——

But what is he doing with this list?

Xie Qingzheng gritted his teeth slightly, and took a closer look, and there were some words on the back of the list.

He turned the list over and saw it.

On the white paper, He Yu wrote a whole page of "Xie Qingcheng, I'm sorry"...

The color of the pen is different, and the degree of handwriting is different.

It seems that they were not left at the same time, but the sentences that He Yu wrote down from time to time.

"..."

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes.

Forget it, since I said that the past should not be pursued when I flooded the photography library, so what emotions are still wasted on this matter?

He threw the blood test sheet into the trash can, so as not to let He Yu read it and feel guilty again. He left it here every day, sorry for practicing calligraphy, and then closed the window so that the wind would not continue to blow.

And at this moment, he suddenly heard He Yu calling him softly: "Xie Qingcheng."

"..."

"Xie Qingcheng..."

Xie Qingcheng walked to his bedside, and found that the boy hadn't woken up, it was just his muttering in his dream.

Xie Qingcheng stood beside him and looked at him for a while: "...what are you calling, I'm not your father."

But after all, he still has a kind of nature, he can't just watch the patient suffer in front of his eyes and ignore it.

So Xie Qingcheng stayed with He Yu for a while, until he was sure that he was fast asleep, then got up again and went downstairs to find the housekeeper.

He wanted to ask about He Yu's recent medication.

Butler: "Eldest young master, because his mood is very unstable, he always takes medicine one by one. We are also worried when we see it."

"Since when?"

"It's been a long time. It's always been months."

"You never persuade him."

The housekeeper sighed: "Hey, how can I persuade you? Although we know that young master He is taking medicine like this, it is not good for his health, but it can be delayed for a day. Unlike before, the young master fell ill even when he fell ill..."

"!!" Xie Qingcheng asked, "Fell from a building?"

"Yes, yes." The housekeeper was stunned, "Don't you know?"

"……when did it happen."

"During the winter vacation, before the young master went to the "Judgment" crew. He reacted strangely in those few days. He was very happy at first, talking and laughing with us, and even went to clean the empty room that had not been used for a long time six or seven times. , we asked him if he had guests coming, and he said yes, but we didn't see anyone coming..."

The housekeeper's lips opened and closed, and he was still talking about some trivial things, but Xie Qingcheng's face had already turned pale, and he didn't listen to the rest of the content.

Of course he knew who cleaned up that room.

He also knew very well who the guest who did not show up in the end was.

In the end, he slowly remembered that he had actually received news from He Yu at that time.

He Yu sent him messages, several in a row.

He said, "Dr. Xie, I'm sick."

"Xie Qingcheng, I'm sick."

But Xie Qingcheng hated him terribly at that time, and only thought that He Yu was playing the game of "wolf is coming" again, and he didn't think the content of the text message was true.

Now that he learned the truth, Xie Qingcheng couldn't tell what it was like for a while——

If He Yu threatens him, saying that if you don't come to be my doctor, I will destroy myself for you.On the contrary, Xie Qingcheng would find him annoying, thinking that he was kidnapping himself in another sense.

But He Yu didn't.

He Yu didn't intend to kidnap him later, he even sincerely hoped that Xie Qingcheng would never know anything.

He Yu held on for a long time.

Until now, he finally couldn't hold it anymore.

Xie Qing thanked the housekeeper and returned to He Yu's bedroom.

He was very upset for a while.

In fact, even now, he has not forgiven what He Yu has done.But people's emotions are not black and white, hate or love. When he knew that He Yu had been enduring the pain alone for a long time—the pain was even caused by his rejection, Xie Qing expressed His mood was suddenly very complicated.

It is his instinct as a doctor not to see patients harming themselves.

Not wanting to see He Yu harm himself is his instinct as the first case of mental Ebola.

Now He Yu's various behaviors made him feel frustrated, he didn't understand what He Yu did all this for - just because the two of them were the so-called "same kind"?

Agitated, he wanted to knock out a cigarette to smoke, but seeing the sickly look of the teenager on the bed, he wondered if it was too much for him to smoke second-hand smoke in front of the patient.

So he bit his lower lip and put the cigarette case back.

It was around one o'clock in the afternoon that He Yu finally woke up from his lethargy.

The boy lay on the bed, raised his hand to support his forehead, and after a while, he coherently remembered what happened yesterday.

— A violent scuffle in the car.

Xie Qingcheng kept holding him down, and finally he strangled his neck.

He got sick and almost strangled Xie Qingcheng to death...

After He Yu was completely awake, cold sweat broke out.He shouted in panic: "Xie Qingcheng...!!"

"I'm here."

Unexpectedly, there would be a response, He Yu suddenly turned his head and found that Xie Qingcheng hadn't left yet.

The man was sitting by the window reading. Hearing the sound of him waking up, he raised his eyes and closed the book.

"Xie Qingcheng, you..."

"Lie down, don't sit up."

He Yu was not so obedient, he still sat up with his body propped up. During the process, he saw that his arm had been wrapped and replaced with a new gauze. The very careful and perfect bandaging method belonged to Xie Qingcheng.

"..." He Yu lowered his eyelashes.

What happened last night...

He completely lost his mind when he got sick for the first time, and even almost ended the life of Xie Qingcheng who was by his side with his own hands.

Slowly, tremblingly, he raised his hand and stared at his palm.

Late symptoms of psychotic Ebola...that's all that scary, isn't it?

When he wakes up, he may find the dead body of his favorite person lying beside him...

He Yu asked himself, he had hardly been afraid of anything in his life.

And at this moment, he trembled from the bottom of his heart.

Xie Qingcheng came over: "He Yu, you—"

"Don't come near me!!" He Yu snapped.

There was a confused light in his eyes, and after a moment, he tried to calm himself down.

But he really didn't want Xie Qingcheng to approach him again.

"Don't come near me..." He Yu raised his hand, buried his face in his palm, and murmured softly.

Xie Qingcheng stared at him for a moment, then said, "He Yu, calm down. I don't want to do anything to you."

"..."

"There's just something I want to talk to you about."

"... talk about... what?"

"Your condition."

"..." He Yu was already unwilling to let Xie Qingcheng see a doctor for him. After what happened last night, he could only wish that Xie Qingcheng would disappear from his eyes immediately.

He said: "You don't need to worry about this...my illness is nothing, it's just that it's been severe these few days, I—"

He was interrupted by Xie Qingcheng before he finished speaking: "He Yu, I heard that you once fell from a building because of a disease out of control."

silence.

"You don't have to hide anything from me, I know it all."

Another long silence.

After a long time, He Yu finally asked hoarsely: "Did... the butler tell you?"

"Yes." Xie Qingcheng said, "If I hadn't sent you back here today, I would never have known about it."

But this "discovery" came too late for He Yu.

He Yuhe also thought about it, if Xie Qingcheng could see a little of his sincerity and treat him a little better, that would be great.

Now he is terrified.

The chaos in the car last night seemed to be in sight.Who is not afraid of killing the person he loves the most unconsciously?

So in this long silence, He Yu still made a decision.

He has to try his best to distance himself from Xie Qingcheng.

"...you... so what can you do if you know." He finally opened his mouth, muttering in a low voice, with some insincere coldness in his voice.

"Xie Qingcheng, have you ever thought about what you can do if you know?"

As He Yu spoke, a self-deprecating expression gradually appeared between his brows and eyes: "...you didn't even want to look at me at that time. I sent you a message, but you never replied to me. Why do you want to mention it now? What is this thing for? It’s been so long. It doesn’t make sense.”

Xie Qingcheng: "... At that time, I thought that what you said was not the truth."

"It's okay." He Yu's forehead drooped, "I'm used to it. I'm a liar in your eyes."

Xie Qingcheng paused for a while: "...I'm sorry."

"..."

"I misunderstood you."

"..." There was no emotion on He Yu's face, but his heart was trembling silently.

Xie Qingcheng said sorry to him.

He had...almost never heard Xie Qingcheng say these three words to him.If these three words could have come earlier... Maybe he wouldn't be so crazy.

"He Yu, you can't go on like this." Xie Qingcheng said to He Yu after a long silence between the two, "It's hard for your spirit to be soothed by drugs. The potency of the medicine is getting higher and higher—although I haven’t met your current attending physician, he should have warned you about this situation, and I hope you can listen to his words.”

"..."

He Yu endured the soreness and throbbing in his heart, and after a long silence, he said softly: "Doctor Xie, look, you know, I now have a new attending physician."

"So you should understand that these things have nothing to do with you."

"..."

"I used to... wish you could come back. I begged you so humbly, I cried out to you over and over again, but you said..." He Yu sneered with red eyes, his voice a little hoarse, "You think I'm lying you."

"Since that's the case, why do you come back to care about me now? Do you think I'm pitiful? It really doesn't need to be like this. I have a doctor. His medical skills are no worse than yours."

"I don't think that doctor's medical skills are poor, but there are few people who have more profound research on mental Ebola than me." Xie Qingcheng said, "He Yu, do you know how serious your situation is now? I am very concerned about this matter." It’s okay if you don’t see it, I saw it, and you want me to ignore it completely, do you think I can do it.”

He Yu was quiet for a while, and his figure was reflected on the white wall behind him: "Based on what I know about you, I don't think there is anything you can't do."

"..."

"Xie Qingcheng, you have said yourself that you are a person who has many tasks to complete, and I am just a small accident of yours. For example, in the case of Qin Ciyan, I was the first one to be abandoned by you. burden."

"Can you stop changing my words casually?" Xie Qingcheng anxiously wanted to touch the cigarette again, "I never said you were a burden."

"But that's what you did, and your actions have shown that you treat me like a burden."

Xie Qingcheng resisted not smoking, but couldn't help but snap the lighter, finally he threw the lighter away, looked up at him: "Okay... you want to discuss this with me, right? "

"Then I will tell you honestly today. Please listen to He Yu. I came to your house on your eighth birthday and promised to be your doctor. At that time, I didn't treat you as a burden. No doctor would Treat the patient as a burden. But in my eyes at the time, although you were not a burden, you were just a slightly special patient, and I really had no more emotional connection with you. "

"Later, something happened to Lao Qin, and you were among the first things I gave up on... But I told you very clearly, you should know that it was because of love, not because I felt relieved after I let go, and felt that I was thrown away What a difficult burden has been dropped."

When Xie Qingcheng said this, he seemed to think of those things at that time again, thinking of the dilemma and desperate situation, his eye sockets were also slightly flushed.

"He Yu, if what I said to you in the reservoir still can't make you understand why I let you go. If you still can't understand, my choice to leave is not something worthy of my own happiness , if you still think I let go with gleeful relief—"

Xie Qingcheng paused for a moment, then closed his eyes.

"Then maybe the truth I told you is all in vain. I have no way to make you feel relieved. I'm sorry."

He Yu felt pain in his heart, he knew that he had said the wrong thing under deliberate refusal.

Xie Qingcheng is a very strong man, but Xie Qingcheng's weakness is his compassion and his compassion for patients. These words are undoubtedly killing his heart and sprinkling salt on his scars.

He Yu felt very uncomfortable, didn't he understand that Xie Qingcheng was a person who cared about his patients?

No, he actually understood at that time, he knew that when Xie Qingcheng left him, he had some guilt and regret after all, otherwise He Yu would not have changed his view of Xie Qingcheng after the reservoir was trapped.

It's just that if he doesn't hurt Xie Qingcheng verbally, he might hurt him physically.

So he thought, let's go.

Xie Qingcheng.

move.

The sense of loss of control came up again, and he was afraid that he would lose control.

He just wants to end this conversation as soon as possible and drive Xie Qingcheng away.

He Yu's eyes were bloodshot, so he had no choice but to continue to stab Xie Qingcheng's heart and his own with a knife.He said: "...Even if I was not your burden before, I am now."

"..."

"I know that after the incident in the clubhouse, you have always resisted and rejected me. Otherwise, I asked you for help at that time, and you would not have replied me with a word."

Xie Qingcheng remained silent.

"Go back, Xie Qingcheng."

"Both of us are victims of RN-13. I will investigate with you what needs to be investigated. Even if you don't ask me about this, I will not change my actions. You don't have to worry."

"..."

"Go back." He Yu said. "I want to sleep a little longer."

Xie Qingcheng raised his eyes, but he didn't leave. Instead, he took a few steps forward and came to He Yu's bed.

"I don't want to deny it. I really hated you."

Xie Qingcheng finally spoke, his tone was firm and frank, and because his emotions were so clean, he still had some calming power, "I clearly remember what you did in the empty night club .”

"but--"

After a pause, the topic changed.

"He Yu, I haven't forgotten what you did in the archives."

"I haven't forgotten what choice you made when the water flooded up in the reservoir."

"I also remember that you are the last living mental Ebola patient in the country. You are suffering from something that I have suffered, and I can't see it as if I can't see it."

"He Yu, I haven't forgotten that you were once my patient."

"I haven't forgotten either, you are the one I haven't healed and can no longer be with me."

"..."

He Yu felt extremely uncomfortable when he heard these words.

Xie Qing listed all the reasons why he cared about him again, but none of them was out of personal affection.

For the current He Yu, this actually hurts more than "I don't want to care about you".

He Yu really couldn't control it anymore, he felt that the madness that he hadn't completely suppressed was rushing up again, his longing for Xie Qingcheng was so longing that he wanted to die with the other party and turned into powder, and he began to return again. burn.

He suddenly turned his face away, his hands trembling slightly, and his eyes were red.

He was a sign of a second attack, a particularly dangerous situation, and he wanted to hide it, but he couldn't hide it anymore.

He gritted his teeth and said in a low voice: "Go quickly... Go!!"

All his abnormalities fell into Xie Qingcheng's eyes.

Of course, it was impossible for Xie Qingcheng to let him lose control and walk away. Instead, he stared at the other party and asked him: "He Yu, what's on your mind, can you tell me? You already know how serious your situation is. Seriously, why do you still suppress yourself like this?!"

"I don't have anything on my mind! Don't force me to do it!"

He Yu's situation was getting out of control, he didn't know it, but Xie Qingcheng could see that his eyes were getting redder and redder, as if even the pupils had turned the color of blood.

"You don't understand me at all, Xie Qingcheng, you don't understand at all... When I get sick in the future, you'd better hide it from me, understand? I don't want to see you! Seeing you will only make me worse Heart! Go back! Go back! Get out!!”

"...I don't care about you, you hurt yourself when you fall from the building. I care about you, and you think I'm troublesome again." Xie Qingcheng stared at his face, "I just want to know the reason, why you Do you have to do this?!"

"No." He Yu said with a pale face, "There is no reason."

This is an obvious incompatibility.

"..." Xie Qingcheng was silent for a long time, and even a person with his personality felt a little angry.

"He Yu, this matter is related to me. Your fall, your illness, and your loss of control are all related to me."

"I want to know why, because it's not just about you."

"..."

He Yu felt the giant beast in his heart hitting the door, his heart trembled and his ears buzzed.

Xie Qingcheng was forcing him.

He couldn't find any reason to prevaricate him, he just wanted him to leave immediately.

He was about to collapse, and he said to Xie Qingcheng again: "I don't want to say...you go. I beg you, don't ask any more."

"Can you let me go, Xie Qingcheng? Will you let me go..."

you go.

Don't bewitch me to shed my painted skin and meet you with a terrifying true face.

you go.

Don't ask for another answer, and then scold me and call me crazy after knowing that answer.

you go.

You... let's go...

In this kind of tearing and entanglement, He Yu's condition is getting worse and worse.

Xie Qingcheng looked at his trembling fingers, his disheveled hair, and his confused eyes.

Xie Qingcheng suddenly felt as if his heart had been pricked by a needle, and the needle swam to the place in his heart that belonged to He Yu, and began to prick him, making him blame himself, suffocate him, and make him bleed.

Let him see his cruelty and his failure.

It was bleak and silent.

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes, and finally said hoarsely: "...OK..."

"If you really don't want to say it, then I won't ask."

"I don't force you. I don't force you anymore."

"But, He Yu... I walked out of this door today, I think we won't have to meet again in the future, okay?"

He Yu froze suddenly.

When Xie Qingcheng opened his eyes, his eye sockets were also red: "This is not to blame you, nor is it to hate you. But whether it is as a doctor or as a person, I feel that the relationship between me and you Relationship management is really a mess."

"The relationship between the two of us has come to this point. I am actually the one who is wrong, because I am 13 years older than you. In this relationship, I am completely an older person and a leader. I have to bear the greatest part of the relationship. Your responsibility, unfortunately, I have not been able to guide you on the path I originally hoped."

Xie Qingcheng paused: "I once said that I spent seven years on you, and you finally became what you are now, which made me feel that seven years have been fed to dogs. I said at that time, I treat you very much. disappointment."

"But today I want to tell you...my disappointment is not only for you, but also for myself."

"He Yu, I feel that I have failed very much."

He Yu: "..."

"I'm also a mental Ebola patient. Qin Ciyan saved me, but I can't save you. I still don't know what went wrong."

"Maybe I shouldn't see you again after you return to China. Maybe I misjudged your condition at the beginning and shouldn't let you go by yourself. Or maybe I didn't make the right judgment from the beginning and I shouldn't agree At your parents' request, stay at your home and take care of you."

When he said this, both of them were silent for a while.They seem to be reminiscing about those old days.

Xie Qingcheng: "I really want to know where I went wrong, and I think you know the answer in your heart."

"But you don't want to tell me."

"Even if your illness is so serious, you don't want to talk to me anymore, and complain to me again. I made a patient unable to tell me the truth." He looked at him quietly, "and My existence, my appearance, will even aggravate your condition."

"He Yu... I used to be a doctor, I used to be your doctor, I think I completely messed up all of this. I couldn't be a life-saving medicine like Qin Ciyan, but in the end I became a patient's injury instead."

When Xie Qingcheng said these words, he was sitting beside He Yu's bed. He didn't look at He Yu, and he seemed to be tired of confronting the boy.

With ink-like eyelashes hanging down, his expression was cold and calm, and he calmly said these thoughts that he would not have shared with He Yu before.

"I did fail."

"..."

"I'm sorry, He Yu, what you met was me, not a doctor like Lao Qin."

"I've never been able to be like him."

"...I can't change anything. I can't save you either."

As he spoke, he paused for a moment, looked at He Yu's face, but seemed to see through He Yu, the young dragon he met for the first time 12 years ago.

Xie Qingcheng's voice was low, exhausted, with some invisible sighs.

"When I met you that year, you were just a child... Thinking about it carefully, it was actually me who made you not meet a good companion. It was I who failed to be a qualified elder."

"Little ghost, I'm sorry for all these years."

There was a long silence in the bedroom.

It's over...

Since the problems existing between them cannot be resolved, if they continue like this, they will only make mistakes every step of the way.

Time to end.

After Xie Qingcheng said everything he wanted to say, he stood up, closed his reddish eyes, and finally wanted to leave as He Yu wished.

with a snap.

The hand was suddenly held.

The young man clutched his wrist, his fingers trembling slightly, after a while, a drop of warm water fell on the back of Xie Qingcheng's hand which was tightly held by the young man.

Xie Qingcheng was taken aback for a moment, then turned his head and set his eyes on He Yu.

The young man lowered his head, with loose forehead hair hanging down in front of his eyes, making his eyebrows and eyes unclear, but Xie Qingcheng knew that He Yu was crying.

Then before he recovered, he was dragged by He Yu to sit down again, and then the boy's hand was raised, and suddenly it was wrapped around the back of his head, and he leaned heavily towards him while weeping——

He kissed his cool lips.

He Yu's lips were trembling slightly, crying so sadly, and wanted to hold on, but couldn't hold on anymore.

It was as if a hole had been pierced in his heart by Xie Qingcheng's heart-to-heart words just now, and the dike of a thousand miles collapsed because of this little bit of crack.

He hugged him, kissed him, stroked Xie Qingcheng's hair, and then put his forehead against him, against the man's forehead.

The man who had done everything in his power was cornered and told his heart - he said, I'm sorry, kid, I feel like a failure.

"Xie Qingcheng...you don't...you don't have to feel this way to yourself..." He Yu choked up and said, he tried his best to suppress the trembling in his voice, and tried his best not to let Xie Qingcheng feel his broken heart .

He rested his forehead, lowered his eyes, and whispered, "You don't have to feel like a failure on yourself, Dr. Xie. You didn't do anything wrong. You never did anything wrong."

"Don't tell me you're sorry...I'm hiding it from you...I won't tell you anything, not because you're a failed doctor...but..."

"But..."

Tears fell one by one, and He Yu's voice was broken.He paused for a while, and then seemed to have exhausted all his strength, he paused every word, every word trembled, and the truth was finally forced out——

"It's because I love you!"

"...!!"

"Yes. Xie Qingcheng..." He Yu's shoulders trembled, tears streaming down his face, "I love you... all this is because I love you... I'm fucking in love with you, I'm fucking in love with you You see, do you understand? Do you understand?!"

It's too painful, I dug out all these words from the ruins of my broken heart and held them up naked in order to appease the person in front of me.

Even if you know that you will be rejected, disgusted, or even ridiculed.

But he finally offered these words together with the young man's blood and tears, hoping to warm the man's cold lips and palms a little.

He Yu hugged him, crying uncontrollably after all: "Because I like you, Xie Qingcheng, I like you, I really fall in love with you, I want to be with you, I want to kiss you, hug you, want you , I want to do all the things you can't accept... very selfish, isn't it? But I can't control it. I can't control it no matter what."

"I can't stop thinking about you..."

"Xie Qingcheng, Doctor Xie."

"Don't think I'm sick. Don't think I'm lying, I really love you. I'm really trying not to love you, so I see you will be irritable, crazy, and out of control. Don't blame me You yourself...don't be sad...you never did anything wrong, it was me who was wrong...it was my fault...it was me who wanted to bleed, and moths to chase the light..."

As the boy spoke, his voice gradually became out of tune, and he hugged the man in his arms who was stiff from extreme shock.

His eyes were red from crying, and he said hoarsely: "I know...I know you don't like me...I also feel very humiliated, I also feel that it hurts my self-esteem, and I also feel that this is wrong, but I still love you."

"I wanted to quit it, but I didn't."

"I still can't do it until now - just laugh at me. Xie Qingcheng, laugh at me."

"Because I'm really crazy. I know the ending, but I still want to go to the end. I'm so embarrassed and bruised, but I still want to hug you."

"I...I don't have any advantages...but I still dare to like you."

"But I just can't help liking you. Xie Qingcheng."

"I want to like you hopelessly..."

"I'm in the mud and dust, but I still like the snow in the sky... It's my fault, not you..."

"I'm sorry... I'm not good enough, but I still love you..."

"It hurts to love you...Xie Qingcheng...It hurts to love you...I can't get it...I know I have to let go...but I still...I still love you day by day..."

He Yu hugged him, every word he said was so true, yet trembling so violently.

He cried and dug out his love that was riddled with holes, and finally held it in front of him, inferiority, pride, embarrassment, and firmness—showing it to him.

Look at that naked, a heart that belongs to a teenager.

Look at that deeply ill, a heart that belongs to He Yu.

He Yu choked up and said:

"Xie Qingcheng, what should I do. Help me...you help me...I can't change anymore...I can't get out anymore...Xie Qingcheng...I'm sorry..."

"I'm really...really...really..." The eloquent man stuttered.

A person who can do a job with ease, but is so clumsy that he doesn't know what to say.

His eyes were red from crying, he dug out his heart, cut open his soul, and wanted to