Yu Xin like congratulations

I'm like a child trying to lie to myself, to lie to myself that I'm not myself, and hope that through this lie, I can become someone else and live someone else's life.That period of depression forced me to flee there.Go to a distant and urgent place.My parents didn't understand or approve of this trip.Maybe they couldn't understand my actions and thoughts.I said I wanted to go out for a while, and my mother asked me in surprise, just seeing where my partner was going to go.I said ten or so days, and I'll be back when the time comes. If Ya'er has no other opinions, then I will get engaged and married according to your wishes.To be honest, I'm just afraid to think about marriage and things about marriage, and now it's getting involved.I don't know if this is considered a fraudulent marriage, and I don't know how long my own restraint can last. I don't want my affairs to affect Cheng Ya'er's lifelong misfortune.I want to leave.I called Ya'er the night before and said I was leaving tomorrow.She asked me where you were going, and I said, didn't we agree, I will come back after a few days, and think about things quietly.She said that I think you give me the feeling like a group of elusive thoughts and erratic shadows.I said I know, I will try my best to reverse this feeling for you.I also know that she doesn't fully understand me.Maybe even if I'm married, I can only keep my secret in my heart forever, until I bring it into the grave, let it disappear with me and rot together, or turn the decay into a miracle in a shameful and pathetic way.

I took the car in the provincial capital the morning before, changed to Xi'an ten hours later, and went to Guiyang 27 hours later.Then I changed to a long-distance bus and headed northeast of Guiyang.Maybe my parents will tell Chenchen the news of my trip, but Chenchen may not let Shiyang know.When I got there, the weather was foggy and it looked like it was going to rain.After walking for a long time, I went to a county seat. I wanted to come here a long time ago, but I never came.I used to think of many naive and innocent things until I met Shiyang.

I heard that there is a river called Liyang here. I ate some local snacks in a restaurant at noon, so I went to look for it while asking people.I felt a little lost after I found it.I don't know if the person I once loved is living in this small town now, and will he know that I came to his parents Xiangbang in a dream today.In a small hotel, I lay on the bed and smoked, the window was open, and a very cold wind was blowing in. When the dusk fell, I went out and took a taxi to the Jiangjiehe Bridge, and saw the rushing river like a very The love and elegy of all the people in this world flowed to distant places like mountains and tsunamis.At that time, I was very lonely, and I really wanted to meet someone I knew, and then ask him to go out for a drink together, as if I didn't know anyone.I was in his hometown, and with the eternal entanglement of love and the unreasonable depression of my hometown, I fled to this place where I thought I could gain peace and strength, but I whispered Shiyang’s name, and then shouted loudly, following the long gone The roar of the turbulent river cools the night here and my eyelashes.The girl who may become my wife, how should I deal with the relatively long future journey that I am about to face.Like that time at the Yellow River Bridge, I walked back by myself and walked for almost two hours. I felt a little cold, but I didn't completely calm down when I was cold, and I couldn't think of a way to save myself that had the best of both worlds.I ordered a few dishes in a small shop and went out to buy wine.When you get to the inn, close the windows and turn on the TV.Sit there and start drinking.I counted cup by cup, calculating whether the last cup is an odd number or an even number, which is similar to tossing a coin.I know that I will get drunk eventually, and I am thinking about how far and how close the person who came to my dreamland that night is from me.

Halfway through, it was Ya'er who called, and I put the wine glass on the table, and she told me that she made my clothes under the lamp.Ask me what I'm doing.I said I was eating and watching TV.She asked me are you cold there.I said it was okay, it seemed to be raining, but it didn't rain, and it stopped after a few drops in the afternoon.She asked me if I had a good trip.I said it was not pleasant at all, I didn't come here for entertainment.She said what are you thinking.what did I say.She said what you want.I said I had no idea, so I felt hungry, so I started eating.She said listening to you and the way you drink.I said that drinking some wine in this weather can drive away the cold.She asked me are you cold.I said it was fine.I asked her what would have happened if you hadn't met me.She said that she might marry someone else. There are many things that don't need to be overthought.I heard her say that marriage is destined by nature, and I just feel that there may be some truth, but I can't figure out how my marriage is arranged.I firmly believe that people are destined by fate. I don't know if it is the hatchback that I told Ya'er.But I still believe that she might be better off marrying someone else than with me.I asked her, why don't we get engaged.She said yes, you can think about how to tell your parents, don't think about it on my side, engagement is originally a matter between two people, so it can't be hasty, it needs to be cautious and get to know each other.I said I'm sleepy, go to bed early.She said you cover the quilt.I said sorry.She said it's okay, you can't force it, so can you tell me why you want to break up the relationship.I said it was all my problem, it had nothing to do with you, you are a very good girl, I was worried that I would humiliate you, you could live a better life.She asked me if I could tell me the reason, and I said that just as you feel my erratic, my elusiveness, I can only say this, you may not fully understand, and I don't want to lie to you.She said go to bed early and come back for an interview if you have something to do.I hummed and said hang up.

I picked up the wine glass and continued to drink. I think the wine over there is quite different from the wine in the north, and I am a little uncomfortable drinking it.I checked the time and it was ten o'clock at night.I turned off the phone, and after drinking, I got up and went to the window. Except for street lights and parked cars, I couldn't see anything outside, and there were very few people walking.It's strange that a person drank so much alcohol without getting drunk.When I was about to fall asleep, I remembered what I told Shun Er that I would never drink alcohol again.I turned on the phone and called Ya'er, and she asked why she wasn't asleep yet.I smiled and said you didn't sleep either.She said I was running out of clothes.I said that if we all terminated the relationship, what are you going to do with it.She said that's two different things, what do you want to call.I say a word to you.She said please speak.I said can you not tell the matchmaker about this until I go back.She said I know.I say thank you.She said no.Then ask me, what are you afraid of.I said I was afraid of getting married.She just laughed and said that you are really like a child, don't worry about what to say, just sleep well.I nodded, knowing what she couldn't see.In fact, I know, I don't want to lie to myself, in fact, I know, there is nothing I can do.

...an inextricable tangle, on the night of selling wine and divination...

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