Top secret

"Ah?" Li Du's eyes were wide open, as if he didn't understand Jiang Yuzhou's words.

Jiang Yuzhou told him that he would not run together in the morning.

"Well, recently..." Jiang Yuzhou was silent for too long, so long that Li Du was a little flustered.

"Recently, what's the matter?" Li Du's words were too cautious.

Jiang Yuzhou struggled in his heart. If he wanted to, let it go and go for a run together, but he still said, "I've been busy recently."

"Aren't you..." Li Du didn't finish his question, but Jiang Yuzhou knew what he wanted to ask.

He wanted to ask if you were on vacation, but Li Du's thoughtfulness and upbringing prevented him from asking such aggressive words, and Jiang Yuzhou heaved a shameful sigh of relief in his heart.

Li Du hasn't spoken since he said that half of the sentence. He raised his eyes and looked at Jiang Yuzhou. This person still looked like he didn't know anything, but he was sure that Jiang Yuzhou knew.

And although he had already discovered that Jiang Yuzhou was deliberately avoiding him, he cowardly lied along with Jiang Yuzhou.

He is like a person holding a handful of sand in his hand by the sea, watching helplessly as the sand in his hand leaks out from between his fingers and is carried away by the waves, but he can only try to keep it indiscriminately and indiscriminately.

He began to regret the temptation he made with great fanfare the day he returned from Jincheng, and he admitted that Jiang Yuzhou's sentence "there will be no lover" made him anxious.

Li Du said: "Brother, I've been busy and confused recently, and I'm going to do something wrong, brother, don't get angry with me."

Jiang Yuzhou's heart was extremely sore, and the emotion called distressed densely occupied his whole heart.

He felt sorry for the boy's cautiousness, felt sorry for his feelings being let down, or maybe he just felt sorry for Li Du.

He remembered that Li Du once said, "I only made tea for my family and you." But he knew Li Du's thoughts at that time, but he still pretended not to know anything and drank the pot of tea.

He remembered that Li Du told him that the apple tree he planted had responded, but he deceived himself and did not expose Li Du's clumsy temptation.

All Li Du's likes can be traced. From the first time I saw a pot of tea, to watching him intently under the setting sun, everything expresses love.

He had many opportunities to refuse, but he selfishly indulged in them, and in the end he asked Li Du to come and apologize to him for something wrong that didn't exist.

"It's nothing." Jiang Yuzhou raised his hand. He originally wanted to rub Li Du's hair, but he changed the direction halfway, "You're quite obedient."

"I see." Li Du smiled after saying this, but Jiang Yuzhou clearly saw the light in his eyes dim.

For a long time after that, in order to maintain the not-so-close but passable neighbor relationship with him, Li Du never did any actions that would make people feel close.

Li Du would still sit in his yard for a while after get off work, or bring fresh vegetables to Gao Xucheng after he delivered them, but only the two of them knew that some things had changed long ago.

They sat at the same table eating and drinking tea, and they were no longer as good at talking as before. Li Du would just say thank you when Jiang Yuzhou reminded him to eat more, and then continued to remain silent.

The two of them tacitly agreed, but they didn't make it clear that the way adults get along is far from being as simple as that of children.

The temperature in Yunzhou has dropped sharply recently. After entering December, there have been several heavy snowfalls. The snow that fell a while ago just finished, and it fell again today.

"Old Jiang! I'm talking to you, and my mind is distracted." Zhou Ping has been a little busy recently, and he runs to Jiang Yuzhou as frequently as if he has nothing to do.

"What did you say?" Jiang Yuzhou was staring at the potted flowers in the courtyard in a daze. This was the last time Li Du moved here. He wanted to move out today to bask in the sun, but he didn't expect it to snow again.

"I said, why doesn't Li Du come here now? You two are having a conflict."

"No." Jiang Yuzhou denied that he did not have any conflicts with Li Du, because they had no chance of conflicts.

Zhou Ping pouted, Jiang Yuzhou was always so thoughtful.He reached out and tapped on the handle of a parasol that had been keeping out the rain a while ago and was now propped up right next to the table to keep out the snow.

Zhou Ping said, "You are in a bad mood, Lao Jiang."

Jiang Yuzhou nodded, took a cigarette and put it in his mouth, and vaguely said no.

"Lao Jiang, do you know?" Zhou Ping stretched out his finger and pointed in the direction of Li Du's house, "I don't know how many times you have looked there in a while."

Jiang Yuzhou was taken aback for a moment, he didn't realize it himself, "Is there?"

"Yes, it's like you didn't hear what I was talking to you." Zhou Ping stuffed his hands into the down jacket, "And why don't you go inside in such a cold day."

Jiang Yuzhou didn't want to discuss Li Du with him, and asked him why he always came here recently.

Zhou Ping looked a little unnatural, he turned his head to the side, "It's okay, I just want to spend more time with you."

He was about to say something when he heard Zhou Ping happily call out to Li Du.

Jiang Yuzhou turned his head and looked over, Li Du didn't open an umbrella, snowflakes fell on his hair and shoulders, and he was standing upright at the gate of his courtyard.

Zhou Ping asked Li Du if he just came back and if he had eaten.

Li Du said he hadn't eaten yet, so he would make some casually later.

Jiang Yuzhou listened by the side and didn't speak. He and Li Du hadn't seen each other for several days. It was ridiculous to say that they were neighbors, but they couldn't see each other.

He thought he would have a lot of unspeakable emotions when he met again, but seeing Li Du now, all he thought was that he must not have eaten properly recently.

There was no meat in the first place, and now it is even thinner.

Zhou Ping said on his own initiative that he wanted Li Du to eat with them, but Li Du stood at the door without moving, his expression a bit embarrassed, he looked at Jiang Yuzhou, as if he didn't know whether he should enter or not.

Jiang Yuzhou's heart felt as if someone stabbed him with the tip of a knife. The cut was deep, exposed to the wind and snow in the winter night, and his heart was filled with ice balls.

"Let's go together, there are shrimps at home, don't you like to eat them?" Jiang Yuzhou turned around and went back to the house after saying this, his footsteps were a little flustered, he didn't dare to look at Li Du's expression.

Zhou Ping came in while he was washing the shrimps, picked up the sliced ​​cucumbers on the plate, and put them in his mouth.

Jiang Yuzhou looked back and saw no one else, "Where's Li Du?"

"He's going home to change his clothes, and he'll be here later." Zhou Ping took another piece of cucumber to eat after finishing speaking.

"Wash one if you want to eat it, how can I fry it after you've finished eating it?" Jiang Yuzhou took the plate away and refused to let him eat.

"Stingy," Zhou Ping flipped through the refrigerator and took out a cucumber, "I've done you such a favor, I'm not willing to eat a few pieces of cucumber from you."

"What did you do for me?" Jiang Yuzhou turned off the water, but he didn't understand what Zhou Ping meant.

Zhou Ping smiled and moved to him, "I left him for you."

Jiang Yuzhou paused for a moment when he picked up the shrimp thread, took a deep look at Zhou Ping and didn't speak.

The expression on Zhou Ping's face became serious, "Lao Jiang, you like him, and you like Li Du."

"Yeah." Jiang Yuzhou didn't deny it, and continued to deal with the shrimps in response.

"Why don't you let him know that you like him? Why are you hiding it? You see, Li Du sees you like a rabbit seeing an eagle." Zhou Ping complained extremely unbalanced in his heart.

Jiang Yuzhou grabbed a shrimp and squeezed it, "He doesn't know the best."

"Actually, I think you can try it." Zhou Ping's voice became smaller and smaller, "Li Du likes you very much."

"I'm not qualified to do this." Jiang Yuzhou threw the washed shrimps on the plate, took out a piece of paper and wiped his hands.

"No one needs a lover who doesn't know when he will lose contact, and no one can accept that his lover may die at any time."

"I can't be responsible for him." When Jiang Yuzhou said this, his voice was very soft, so soft that Zhou Ping felt that he was hallucinating. He had never seen Jiang Yuzhou so powerless about anything.

"Is it possible that Li Du is willing." Zhou Ping said this in a low voice, revealing a guilty conscience that even he himself could not convince.

"I can not let it go."

After Jiang Yuzhou said this, the kitchen fell into a long silence, not because he wanted to, but because he was reluctant.

Because of Zhou Ping's presence, it was not awkward for the three of them to have dinner. Jiang Yuzhou opened a drink, and Zhou Ping drank a few glasses and became drunk again.

Jiang Yuzhou took him back to the bedroom, settled down, and went back to the dining room. He saw that Li Du had finished drinking all the wine on the table.

Li Du's face was a little red, perhaps because he drank a little too much, and his eyes were also a little red.

"Drink too much?" Jiang Yuzhou stood up, "I'll take you back."

"No." Li Du said in a steady voice, he really didn't look like he was drunk.

Jiang Yuzhou looked down at Li Du, but Li Du didn't look directly at him, but lowered his head slightly, as if in a daze.

He asked Li Du, "Go back now?"

Li Du didn't speak. He picked up the glass on the table and drank the wine at the bottom of the glass, then put the glass upside down on the table, and looked up at Jiang Yuzhou.

"Jiang Yuzhou." For the first time, Li Du didn't call his brother, but called his name, with an imperceptible despair and struggle like a sinking boat.

"Ah."

People often have a lot of unscientific intuitions when they face situations that they cannot handle, but Jiang Yuzhou now feels that Li Du's next words will make him feel at a loss.

"Actually, you know." Li Du didn't dodge or dodge, looking directly at Jiang Yuzhou's slightly lowered gaze, without any hint of drunkenness in his eyes.

Jiang Yuzhou moved his fingertips slightly, but did not speak.

"I like you, you know it, right?" Li Du said slowly.

With a gentle smile on his face, he sat there quietly and looked at Jiang Yuzhou, as if nothing Jiang Yuzhou said would hurt him.

But what he didn't know was that he had already been betrayed by his own eyes.

He was smiling, but his eyes were full of sadness, like a child who is afraid of causing trouble to adults and is trying not to cry.

Jiang Yuzhou's lips moved slightly but he didn't speak. He raised his hand to cover Li Du's eyes.

He didn't dare to look at Li Du like this for another second.

"Is it hard to like me?" Li Du finally choked up, his voice was aggrieved and very small, as if he was asking Jiang Yuzhou, but also himself.

Li Du asked again, "Is it difficult to like me?"

Jiang Yuzhou felt warm tears soaking his palms.

Li Du didn't stay for long in the end, he quickly adjusted his mood like a mature adult, and before leaving, he smiled at Jiang Yuzhou, "I drank too much, brother don't mind", as if the damp heat in his palm just now was just Jiang Yuzhou's illusion after drinking.

Jiang Yuzhou watched Li Du walk into the courtyard, his head covered with snow.

It's not difficult to like you, but the difficult thing is that you can't bear to keep you by your side with peace of mind.

He thought, he had failed Li Du after all.