My brother became a playboy

It is precisely because I think too thoroughly that I want to separate.

Divorce is sober, rational, and intelligent, but people are emotional animals. They feel that maybe they can continue to persevere, maybe there is no need to be so decisive, and it is not impossible to live with it.

But as a person, I may still love myself too much in essence. I can't learn to endure and compromise. I can't tolerate the sand in my eyes for too long. Occasionally, I will frantically want to drive imperfect people and things out of my world.

When going crazy, Zhao Xing can go as far as he wants, and it's best not to be an eyesore in front of me, because he deliberately wants to see his sad appearance, and wants to hurt his heart.

After that effort, I began to feel reluctant again. I always felt that we shouldn't be like this, but I couldn't say what we should do.

I claim to be an indifferent and calm person, but almost all my emotions are related to Zhao Xing. He brought me the fireworks of the world, brought me joy and satisfaction, but also brought me pain and sorrow. disappointment.

Until now, he is still the only man I have fallen in love with, but this relationship is like tasteless, I don't want it anymore.

My silence caused Zhao Xing to have obvious mood swings. After dozens of deep breaths, he chose to ask the driver to pull the car to the side of the road. After the driver Zhiqu got off the car to smoke, he chose to ask me: "Cui Minglang, leave Will you be happy without me?"

Before I could answer, I heard him say hurriedly: "Without you, I will not be happy for a single minute."

——This is really a heart-melting love story.

"What does that have to do with me?"

I squeezed the knuckles of my left hand with the fingers of my right hand, and my heart was as silent as a pool of stagnant water.

"I thought you cared more or less about me."

Zhao Xing's posture was very low, like a stray dog, he looked at me with wet eyes, as if in this way, I could forget that he made a mess of my world.

Yes, he messed up my world.

Without him, I probably wouldn't love anyone, I probably wouldn't trust anyone.

I can be my bystander, I can choose any form of life I want, I can be with anyone without burden.

He changed me, but also, in a way, ruined me.

Of course, perhaps in his opinion, I also ruined him.

"I really care about you." This is the truth, and I don't want to lie, "I just treat you, and I don't have the courage to relive my old dreams."

--

Courage is a luxury word for me.

I am a fairly intelligent person, but also an extremely pessimistic person.

When Zhao Xing confessed to me, what he saw was "love", "possibility of being together", "joy and happiness", while what I saw was "love relationship not recognized by the mainstream", "teenager's Reckless and impulsive", "Maybe you won't even have to be a brother in the future", "It will most likely ruin our dangerous behavior."

Because I see farther and deeper, I need more courage before I make a decision.

It takes courage to choose to agree to Zhao Xing's confession.

It takes courage to choose to elope with Zhao Xing.

It also takes courage to choose to end the life of elopement and come back.

When we were found by the parents of both parties, Zhao Xing subconsciously breathed a sigh of relief because he was able to end this painful life.

He thought that being a parent would never be difficult for children, even if they couldn't figure it out for a while, after going through these days, they are always willing to give us a chance.

I don't know what Zhao Xing's parents think, but I know what my parents think.

But I know we can't run away anymore - I can see that Zhao Xing is homesick.

I stood where I was, watching Zhao Xing take a few steps and turned around, and his parents left my sight, holding hands one by one.

After Zhao Xing left, I was not surprised to receive a slap from my father.

I turned my head, my left cheek was sore and hot, my father pointed at my nose and scolded: "You pervert, you have lost our face..."

He said a lot of unsavory words afterwards, and I also emptied my mind and let him scold without refuting a word.

I know, he has caught my weakness, and he knows it too.

He triumphantly grabbed my neckline, punched and kicked me mercilessly, not as if he were his own son, but as if he were an enemy.

He said: "Why don't you talk? Why don't you resist? Do you also know that I can make you unable to read a book with just one idea? Little brat—"

I didn't remind him to scold myself, and let him beat and scold me. I just thought in my heart that I had to find a way to solve the financial problem--if the economy is not independent, Zhao Xing and I can't be together of.

Later, my father was finally tired from beating, he gave me a bus card and said, "Go home by yourself."

I bent down and picked up the bus card. The sun was scorching, but I couldn't feel any warmth.

I realized that I was starting to compromise.

For the future with Zhao Xing, for the possible happy life in the future, I learned to bow my head and learn to compromise.

I don't want to lose my chance to go to college, and I don't want to be separated from Zhao Xing.

I never told Zhao Xing about this matter, because in my opinion back then, it was not a big deal, if I was beaten, I was beaten, if I was scolded, I was scolded, even if my self-esteem was rubbed under the feet of others, As long as it ends well in the end, it's worth it.

——But we didn't have a good ending, so it seemed that all the courage and dedication before were like a complete joke.

It is a joke to save most of the living expenses and scholarships for Zhao Xing to start a business;

Doing all kinds of work for our small company day and night is a joke;

It's a joke to not believe in gods and Buddhas but to recite the words "Eternal and Everlasting" every time you make a wish;

It's a joke to secretly hand over a project that is about to go on the market and let the other party let Zhao Xing go.

I don't regret everything I've done in the past, and I believe that Zhao Xing doesn't regret either, but I really don't want to do these things that will become a joke anymore.

I am over 30, not a young man in my teens or twenties anymore, and I no longer have the courage to give anything.

Zhao Xing said: "You don't need to do anything, you just have to let nature take its course."

I still shook my head and said, "Forget it, I'm tired, I'm leaving first, I've called a car, it's almost here."

I opened the car door smoothly, and before getting out of the car, I turned my head and glanced at Zhao Xing. Zhao Xing's expression was blank, as if he hadn't expected that I would be so unfeeling, so that he couldn't think of any words to persuade him to stay.

I mocked silently in my heart, closed the door heavily, and waved towards the oncoming online car-hailing car.

I got into the new car, but Zhao Xing didn't get out of the car. The moment the cars crossed, my cell phone rang suddenly.

I lowered my head and saw the message from Zhao Xing.

He said, "Cui Minglang, you really want to abandon me."

I moved my fingers and quickly replied to him: "Otherwise?"