that bastard i love

Maybe you don't know me.

My name is Zhang Chengxing. I am eight years old this year. I was taken home by Zhang's father and Wen's father in the orphanage.

I am different from other children in the orphanage.

I am physically handicapped.

My left eye has been blind since I was a child, and the eye socket is very swollen. Every time I look in the mirror, I am shocked.

It may be because of my physical defects. I was thrown by my mother at the gate of the amusement park when I was not sensible.

I remember that I was only six years old at that time, and my mother, who had always been stingy, was willing to spend money to take me to the amusement park that day. I was so happy and happy.

Then my mother said to buy me ice cream...and never came back.

I waited for a long time, but my mother didn't come back.

Later, I was sent to an orphanage.

A brother in the orphanage told me that when he saw those uncles and aunts who came to the orphanage, he had to behave obediently, so that he would be adopted and have a good life.

At first, that's what I expected.

I hope to have a warm home, where I can lie in a soft quilt every day, and have family members who love me.

But then, I gradually gave up.

Because I found out that people with disabilities like me are not going to be adopted...

Those uncles and aunts who smile very warmly only like healthy and well-behaved children.

A kid like me...wouldn't be liked, no one would adopt me.

After two years, I no longer look forward to it.

Anyway, so be it.

Later, I met Papa Wen and Papa Zhang on the lawn in the backyard of the orphanage.

At that time, I was sitting on the grass, reading with relish the small picture book I took out from the room.

The children in the little picture book have parents, but I don't...

Alas... when will I have parents?

Looking at it, I lay down on the grass, enjoying the warm sunshine, and took a nap quietly.

If the aunt who is in charge of taking care of us sees it, she will blame me again.

Half asleep and half awake, I was picked up by someone, and then I heard a gentle man say: This child is very good, he can read at a young age, or just him.

Then another man said: OK, just watch.

I opened my eyes drowsily, only to see long black hair falling on my face, and then a pair of warm hands stroking my face.

I wanted to see the man's appearance clearly, but my drowsy brain would not allow me to do so.

"Sleep, you'll be home when you wake up." The man said softly.

I buried my head in his arms, the clothes on his body smelled very mild and comfortable, and my arms were warm.

It really makes me want to sleep well.

This sleep was too long.

When I woke up, I was no longer on the grass of the orphanage.

I was lying on a big comfortable bed, the quilt was soft, and there were many little butterflies and flowers printed on it.

I don't know where this is, but this is definitely not an orphanage, because the quilts in the orphanage are all smelly and hard, and they will definitely not be so clean and comfortable.

Where is this place?

I sat up and looked around.

There are many beautiful plush dolls beside the bed, some big and small, as well as Stitch dolls that are the favorite of the children!

There was a fluffy blanket on the floor.

The harsh sunlight sneaked in through the sky-blue curtains.

Just when I didn't know what to do, someone gently opened the door of the room.

"Are you awake?" A long-haired man walked up, opened the curtains, squatted down with a smile, and rubbed my hair.

"When you wake up, go down and eat."

I followed the man downstairs ignorantly, only to see a man with back hair leaning on a chair with a newspaper in his hand and a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

The long-haired man saw him and walked downstairs quickly, snatching the cigarette dangling from the man's mouth.

Then kicked the person off the stool to the ground...

The one who got kicked was Father Zhang.

The one who kicked the person was Papa Wen.

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After eating, I just wanted to take out my own tissue from the clothes bag to wipe the table clean, but when I touched the bag, I found it was empty.

Look down.

Oh hoo, my clothes have been changed.

Seeing that I was rummaging around, Papa Wen reached out and pinched my soft face, and asked me with a smile, "What are you looking for?"

I said, I'm looking for tissues, I want to wipe down the table.

Father Zhang glanced at me indifferently, and said softly, "Let's put it down, I'll clean it up."

I am a little embarrassed, after all, I am in someone else's house.

Dad Wen picked me up, put me on the sofa beside him, and said to me, "This will be your home from now on. Tell Dad what you want, and Dad will buy it for you."

I haven't responded yet.

Am I... adopted?

I can't believe this is true... There are actually people who are willing to adopt a child with physical defects like me.

One, is it because people don't know that I have a physical defect?

So am I going to be thrown away again?

Fear filled my heart again, and the pain of being abandoned entangled me again like a poisonous snake.

"Don't lose me...I don't want to be lost again..."

At the thought of being abandoned again, tears could not stop falling from the eyes.

Seeing me crying, Dad Wen took two tissues from the beautiful box on the table, gently wiped the tears on my face, and comforted me: "No, I won't throw you away, don't crying."

Papa Zhang was also startled by my crying, and ran over in a small step, looking at me and Papa Wen with a look of bewilderment.

After crying in Papa Wen's arms for a while, I found a problem... I couldn't cry anymore.

So tired.

Father Wen saw that I stopped crying, so he started to tell me that they adopted me and knew that I had bad eyesight, but they would not abandon me because of this.

I subconsciously reached out and covered my left eye.

But the hand covering his eyes was gently pulled away by Papa Wen. Papa Wen told me: It's okay, it will be cured, it's okay.

This is the first time I know what warmth is like.

Father Wen also told me that although they adopted me, they would not stop me if I wanted to find my biological parents when I grew up.

I shook my head.

I don't want to find my biological parents.

I have never seen my father since I was a child, and I don't know who my father is. After six years of raising me, my mother abandoned me at the gate of the amusement park.

But I don't hate my mother.

What is there to hate?

She has given me life, and I have no right to ask her to support me.

As far as I can remember, my mother has always been very poor, so poor that even buying vegetables would quarrel with the aunt who sells vegetables for a few cents, and the family's financial situation is getting worse and worse.

It may be that the burden I brought to her is too heavy, I hope she will have a better life without me.

Anyway, I also have a new family.