Pandora's Box

I lay upright, hopeless, and lay dead for a while, then suddenly jumped up and rushed out of the bedroom.

I didn't care what time it was, so I knocked on Zhuo Wenyang's door.

The door opened almost immediately.

Zhuo Wenyang, who said that he should go to bed early, was still awake at the moment, with no sleepiness on his face, as if he was waiting for something.

He looked at me and I looked at him.

After a moment of silence, we almost said in unison: "You know?"

"..."

I suddenly became weak and sat down on a chair: "Will you tell others?"

He said without thinking: "Of course not."

"Um……"

Even if this kind of self-deception doesn't make sense, I want to keep as much dignity as possible for myself.

Holding my head and staring blankly for a while, I asked, "Do you think my dad knows?"

He maintained his standing posture and thought for a while: "It's hard to say, it's all possible."

I tried my best to recall some clues from the past, but at the moment my mind was in a mess and I couldn't figure it out.

In this kind of predicament, I suddenly burst into anger: "He should have known about it a long time ago, otherwise he wouldn't have looked down upon me since he was a child!"

But Zhuo Wenyang said: "Think about the good, even if he knows this, he will still support you all the time, won't he?"

I smiled: "Yo, is this something to be happy about?"

Zhuo Wenyang said calmly: "This means that he has feelings for you."

"If he had feelings for me," I couldn't help sneering, "then I wouldn't be like this today, would I?"

"Of course your dad didn't do well in the past, but he could have done worse, and he didn't. Not everyone is willing to raise a son for others for decades without saying anything. If you really don't want you, Then when your parents divorced, he had every chance to get rid of you, didn't he? You were still young at that time, and the normal custody would be in the hands of your mother. "

I let out a "huh": "Of course it's because my mother doesn't want me at all, so he can only bear the burden and take this offer."

Zhuo Wenyang shook his head: "No, if both parties don't want custody, then usually the woman will be sentenced to custody. Unless the economic conditions of the two parties are too big, but this situation obviously does not exist. So he took the initiative to fight for it and asked for it. I left you."

"You scholars don't understand this," I laughed. "This is knowledge that doesn't exist in books—both parties don't want it. It's not about the legal clauses, it's about who has the stronger desire to don't want it, and who is more unreasonable. My mother has a bigger temper than him and a more aggressive personality than him. He can't make trouble. He wants face so much and can't save face. Who can make trouble? The world is divided according to trouble. If you can't win, you have to admit it. That's all. Do you understand?"

It is sad and painful for me to discuss and sort out in such a formulaic way.

"If he is willing to keep me, if he 'actively wins' me, what kind of attitude can he have? Is it funny? Let me tell you, there are only three words to describe our father-son relationship, which is 'unavoidable'!"

Zhuo Wenyang looked at me and said, "I think there is a bond between you..."

I interrupted him: "Come on, I'm not as smart as you, but I definitely know my dad better than you. If he wanted me, it would definitely not be like this. He just doesn't want me, and he can't, that's why Made me who I am today. He was just trying to keep up."

Zhuo Wenyang added: "Actually, from a logical point of view, if it's just to maintain decency, this motive is not enough..."

I raised my voice: "Can you stop your logical reasoning for a second, Master Logic!"

Zhuo Wenyang closed his mouth.

I couldn't control my sarcasm: "Yes, you are very knowledgeable, you know a lot of things that I don't know, but there are some things in this world that I know that you don't know."

"..."

"Both your father and your mother love you so much, and you are their own, so what do you know? What do you rely on to understand? From imagination? From knowledge in books? People who have never been hungry can read books. Can you imagine what it's like to be hungry? You don't really think you know everything, do you? What qualifications do you have to teach me about this kind of thing?"

"..."

"Do you know why he threw me into this crappy place? He just thinks I'm hopeless, I'm too old, and I can't use 'I'm still a child' as an excuse, so I can only be exiled to labor reform. I don't seem to be so hopeless, so come to check and see how the result is."

"..."

The more I talked, the more I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't come out, and my face was flushed red: "Once he doesn't need me to maintain his dignity, or decides that I will only destroy his dignity, then I have to get out, and he won't tolerate it anymore." If you get rid of me, I won't have a home anymore. Do you understand?"

Zhuo Wenyang remained silent until I finished my speech. After a while, he said in a low voice: "You are right. There are some things that I don't understand well, and I don't have as much right to speak as you do."

"..."

"But the reason why I want to argue with you is not for winning or losing, but for you to understand one thing - no matter what, you will never be homeless."

"..."

"You call my dad's place 'this shitty place'. I understand why you don't like it. But for me, I like this place, and I think it's nice. It can be yours if you want. s home."

"..."

I suddenly deflated weakly like a deflated pufferfish.

I also understand in my heart.My sword is on the verge of breaking out, with a gun and a stick in my arms, but it's just impotent and furious.

And no matter how out of control I was, how irritable, how I vented my anger randomly, Zhuo Wenyang maintained his patience and gentleness towards me.

I have that sour and soft feeling again, as if my heart has been pickled.

I thought that I still sympathized with Ke Luo at that time, and felt sorry for him because he couldn't recognize his biological father.But Ke Luo at least found it, and I don't even know where my real father is.

I remembered that when I was young, I was struggling to obtain fatherly love from my father, but I didn't know that he was not the one I should ask for, so how could he give me what I wanted.

I suddenly wanted to shed tears, but I held back and just said through gritted teeth: "Why do you all have fathers?"

Zhuo Wenyang didn't speak. After a while, he came over and put his hand on my shoulder.

Without a single word, I could feel his careful sympathy and comfort, which made me vent the last breath I was holding on to.

I weakly pressed my forehead against his chest, and at this angle where I could not be seen, tears welled up from the corners of my eyes.

He said nothing, and then put his other hand lightly on my shoulder.

It was the first touch I got that was close to a hug from him.