The top idol is not a substitute

[During the vacant two years, why didn't I have any new feelings? 】

This sentence made Song Xiangsi stunned.

Because she couldn't figure it out.

She doesn't understand or understand.

Why would anyone erase everything she's done after a breakup.

"Did you never love me?"

This sentence made her think for a long time.

So much so that when she writes songs, she often thinks of Lin Yuan.

Remember what she said.

Think of the memories of those two years.

She didn't know what she was reading.

Until she met a pair of familiar eyes.

The familiar cleanliness and clarity, she had seen it before when she first met Lin Yuan.

Until she discovered that when she was with Yan Xuan, she would be much happier and more inspired than usual.

There is still a long-lost joy in my heart.

Unconsciously, I started to repeat some things I had done before.

Occasionally, she even sees Lin Yuan from college on Yan Xuan.

Simple and kind.

But in fact, she had no love for Yan Xuan at first.

She also knows that it is very irresponsible to be with others when her heart is not clean.

However, when Yan Xuan asked the question "Do you like me", Song Xiangsi paused for a long time before answering.

Because she knew that as long as she said no, Yan Xuan would completely treat her as a friend.

Nor will there be any subsequent developments between them.

There are still eight months until she disbands.

For eight months, Song Xiangsi thought she could handle her emotions well.

During that time, I hardly thought of Lin Yuan anymore.

Strange to say, every time she thinks of Lin Yuan, Song Xiangsi can only recall those eyes.

It may be that the two were together in the first place because she happened to meet Lin Yuan's tearful and pitiful eyes.

That feeling made her feel heavy.

So every time she met Yan Xuan's eyes, she would be in a daze.

That feeling, like guilt and remorse.

Can't tell to whom.

It is precisely because of such complicated emotions that after being together, Song Xiangsi treats Yan Xuan meticulously and becomes more gentle and careful.

Not out of love or fear of being found out, but out of guilt.

In the year before they were together, the greatest intimacy between the two stopped at kissing.

Later, as the relationship deepened, her feelings for Yan Xuan changed from guilt to full of love.

She was getting scared.

All the time, I am afraid that Yan Xuan will discover those little thoughts that were not known to the public.

Afraid of being known, she once treated Yan Xuan as someone else in order to resolve her inexplicable longing.

Especially after learning about Yan Xuan's past.

Song Xiangsi's worry and fear were magnified infinitely.

Because she knew that what Yan Xuan said was true.

It's no use even if she confesses.

Said will hate, really will hate.

This is of a different nature from lying.

Imagine that the person you love says: I approached you because your eyes resembled my ex-girlfriend, and I would be happier when I was with you.

Anyone would be offended.

Not to mention Yan Xuan.

Excellent and proud Yan Xuan.

If it was just pride, maybe Song Xiangsi could confess and beg her facelessly.

However, adding the shadow of childhood is secondary injury.

She didn't want to make Yan Xuan sad again, and she was even more afraid.

The only luck she has now is that she has never mentioned this kind of thought to anyone back then.

No one knows except herself.

So, just don't say anything.

Yan Xuan is still the proud Yan Xuan, if you don't mention the things that disgust her, don't mention them.

This is Song Xiangsi comforting herself.

She had a hunch that if she confessed, Yan Xuan would really abandon her.

than despicable.

She was even more afraid of losing Yan Xuan.

If concealment can keep her, Song Xiangsi is willing to use the days to come to make up for it.

one way or another.

Thousands of thoughts flashed through Song Xiangsi's mind, but within ten seconds of receiving the message, she sent it back to the past.

[Busy music. 】

Yan Xuan looked at these three words.

It's actually normal.

After all, Song Xiangsi is really fascinated by music, besides, not everyone is obsessed with love.

It's normal to have blank periods.

Yan Xuan didn't ask any more questions, and reposted:

[Recently busy with work, try to keep in touch as little as possible. 】

Comparing the similar words posted last time, Song Xiangsi knew that Yan Xuan's mood had relaxed.

Not as angry as before.

However, the big rock in her heart did not fall, it was still hanging in the air.

This is a ticking time bomb.

But she hasn't thought of a solution yet.

Yan Xuan has always trusted her, but these days the two of them have frequently had a rift, and Yan Xuan's trust in her has also decreased a lot.

Even though she knew she deserved it, she would still feel lost.

Some wry smile.

Self-inflicted sin.

I also feel helpless because of this, and I don't know what to do to restore Yan Xuan's trust in her.

Received Song Xiangsi's reply [Okay, I see.Pay attention to rest and work smoothly. ] Afterwards, Yan Xuan turned off the phone screen.

At this time, the vehicle happened to pass by a family. From a distance, there were seven or eight people, including men, women and children.

The adults were sitting in the courtyard basking in the sun and chatting, while the children were laughing and playing around the adults.

This section of the road is low-lying and the speed is very slow.

Yan Xuan tilted her head to look out the window, so she could see the scene in the courtyard clearly.

"What are you looking at?"

Seeing Yan Xuan looking out the window after putting away her phone, with a slight smile on her face, Zhou Xiang couldn't hold back her curiosity and followed her gaze.

I wanted to see what could make her feel better all of a sudden.

"Are you homesick?"

Zhou Xiang understood when he saw the courtyard of a household.

At this time, the car had already passed the residential area and headed for the forest.

Yan Xuan remembered the scene when she just told her parents that she was going to participate in the talent show.

The good girl who has always followed the rules and listened to her parents suddenly has her own thoughts.

She thought about how she would be rejected.

Daughter who is out of control, will they still like it?

When she asked such a question, she had actually rehearsed it many times in her heart.

But that time, she chose to confess to them that she didn't want to inherit her parents' mantle, she didn't want to be an academic, and she didn't want to be a lawyer.

She likes music and dances.

This is the first time Yan Xuan has expressed her dream so clearly.

But after hearing her words, her mother's eyes turned red first, and Yan Xuan was terrified. How much her mother hoped that she could become an excellent barrister like her, but she went against her wish.

Even at that moment, Yan Xuan lost all her previous courage.

Whether it can make my mother happy, dreams are actually not that important.

But before she could speak again, she heard her mother say:

"Okay, okay, as long as you like it, mom believes that you must be the best."

For so many years, Yan Xuan has always been worried. If she is no longer good enough to be the capital for her parents and others to show off during the festival, will they stop loving her.

Even send her back to where she came from.

When I was a child, my neighbors always said that she was picked up from the trash can, and if she didn't study hard, she would be thrown back.

Even her classmates laughed at her: What's the use of good grades, my parents are my own parents, no matter how bad my grades are, they won't abandon me, unlike you.

At that time, Yan Xuan's thinking was: Is it possible that as long as the grades are good, she will not be abandoned.

Therefore, when the parents praised which child was good at which aspect, Yan Xuan followed suit to learn and become the best one, so that the parents would not envy and like other children.

She listened to some polite words during the New Year and holidays.

Later, my parents didn't praise other children, and they stopped praising her.

Instead, tell her to move around more and make more friends.

At that time, neighbors, relatives and children were almost offended by her unintentionally.

In addition, she had low self-esteem and fear in her heart, so she didn't have any playmates when she was young.

That day my father just said coyly: "Being a star is hard and busy, you think about it."

Her father is a university professor. Although he can't say that he dislikes celebrities, he always thinks that academic research is better than celebrities.

He had always hoped that Yan Xuan could also become a professor.

However, Yan Xuan's dream ran counter to his ideas.

"I figured it out."

"Since it's a program, there must be a copyright fee for the song, there must be a certain dress, and there are other things. Tell us what you lack. Our Yan family does not lack this money."

"Also," Dad straightened his waist, emphasizing solemnly, "No matter how busy you are, you have to go home."

Yan Xuan thought she would face quarrels and being kicked out of the house, and even gave up on this idea.

But she never thought that her parents would fulfill her so easily.

Withdrawing her thoughts, Yan Xuan whispered back to Zhou Xiang: "Well, I really want to."

Zhou Xiang said clearly: "When we come back from Linshi, you will have a month's vacation, and you can have a good reunion with your family."

Yan Xuan smiled and replied, "Yes."

It's not so easy to get together.

After all, parents are busy with work.

"But don't you have a sister in Linshi?" Zhou Xiang recalled, "Home is where there are relatives."

loved ones...

Thinking of Yan Ruyu, Yan Xuan pursed her lips, turned on the phone and found the chat between the two, and the last chat between the two stayed a month ago.

As the weather turned colder, Yan Ruyu greeted her.

Just when she was thinking about whether to send a message to Yan Ruyu, a message popped up in the dialog box:

【Are you coming to the city? 】

When Yan Xuan first arrived at the hotel room, she saw Yan Ruyu leaning against the wall with a lollipop in her mouth at the door.

"Why didn't you tell me in advance." Yan Ruyu walked to her side, patted her shoulder familiarly, and handed her a strawberry-flavored candy.

Yan Xuan recalled that when she was in junior high school, Yan Ruyu handed her a candy in the same way, sat down beside her, and began to babble about how much harm she had caused her.

Thinking of the past, Yan Xuan's expression softened slightly: "Sister Ruyu."

However, the expression on the face of the called person froze, and finally cracked, gnashing his teeth:

"Sister Xuan, how many times have I told you to call me Sister Ming, so I changed my name."

Finally, he said helplessly: "You always make me feel lonely after changing my name."

Yan Ruyu, who had changed her name to Yan Ming, did not intend to get Yan Xuan's confession, so she only urged, "Open the door quickly."

Yan Xuan opened the room with her key card, and Yan Ruyu went in without hesitation.

"I'm graduating soon, and I'm looking for a job recently. Do you think I'll be your agent?"

Yan Ruyu lay on the big bed very naturally, and asked.

"Aren't you afraid that your aunt will break your leg?" Yan Xuan asked.

Yan Ruyu imagined the scene, curled her lips: "She found me a job, and asked me to return to Yuncheng after graduation next year, otherwise I will not recognize my daughter."

Yan Xuan smiled and listened to her rambling for a while.

"By the way, how are you and Song Xiangsi doing lately?"

Yan Xuan's smile froze for a few seconds, and she replied, "It's almost the same as usual."

Yan Ruyu frowned: "How much difference is it?"

In the past, Yan Xuan only talked a lot when she mentioned Song Xiangsi, but it's not like now, she almost got rid of her with one sentence.

"Aren't you very happy? Did she make you angry?" Yan Ruyu immediately stood up from the big bed when she said this, "She dared to bully my sister, Yan Ming."

Yan Xuan hastily explained: "No, it's normal for conflicts to appear at a certain stage in the relationship. It's just small conflicts between couples."

Yan Ruyu breathed a sigh of relief when she heard this, and comforted her: "Although I have never eaten pork, I have seen pigs run away. Small conflicts are normal, as long as you love each other, it's just a little quarrel."

Yan Ruyu is quite experienced in conflicts and quarrels. After all, her parents have been arguing for decades and haven't seen each other.

Every time she bumped into her, she would tell her that it was just a small quarrel between her parents, and that quarrels only happened when they were in love, and told her not to take it to heart.

Yan Xuan nodded, indicating that she knew.

"My parents have been arguing for decades, and I'm tired of hearing it. It's all about those things, and it's fine if you talk about it. Only when you love each other will you have conflicts. If you don't love, who cares about you."

So these years, Yan Ruyu didn't worry too much about the relationship between her parents.

Just say it.

Yan Xuan thought for a while, and it seemed that she really didn't say anything, whether she wanted her to confess or wanted to know her past.

It seems that she is trying.

"However, for this kind of thing, it's good to calm down once in a while, and keep arguing after thinking clearly, so that you can play stably."

Yan Ruyu didn't think much about it, she just regarded them as a small dispute between lovers.

After all, she stayed at Yan Xuan's house for a period of time a year ago, and witnessed with her own eyes how much Song Xiangsi liked her sister.

Those eyes were so gentle that they almost drowned.

Although she also trusted Song Xiangsi, she felt that Yan Xuan couldn't be wrong, it must be Song Xiangsi's problem.

So he said again: "Anyway, you're busy with work, isn't it normal that you can't reply to messages for a few days?"

After speaking, she blinked at Yan Xuan.

Yan Xuan thought for a while, and fell silent.

For half a month, Yan Xuan didn't intentionally put Song Xiangsi in the cold, but she was really busy with work.

Under Yan Ruyu's supervision, when she wanted to chill her, but when she received a screen full of messages, she would still reply softly.

Yan Ruyu hated that iron cannot be made into steel, but she didn't ask why the two had conflicts, and she didn't dare to make a move easily.

Although Yan Xuan was angry, she didn't want to give Yan Ruyu a bad impression about Song Xiangsi.

The two chatted occasionally, but they kept silent about what happened that day.

It's as if this is over.

Another week in a flash.

A few days before New Year's Eve, Yan Xuan participated in a music variety show as a flight instructor for the first episode.

One of the students in it talked boastfully to the camera, from bragging about the awards he had won to trolling the entertainment industry.

He even stepped on Song Xiangsi.

Yan Xuan has seen this kind of person before.

In order to take a shortcut and do something that attracts people's attention, in the age of traffic, black fire is also fire.

As long as there is heat.

Although he knew it was a trick of that person, and he warmed him up by taking care of him himself, but protecting Song Xiangsi in front of outsiders was already like a kind of muscle memory.

Yan Xuan asked him subconsciously: "Excuse me, what kind of courage makes you qualified to ridicule the queen of golden songs?"

And while he was stunned, he took the trouble to explain all the awards that sounded great that he just said.

Graduated from a famous foreign conservatory. In fact, you can go to that conservatory with money, but it is the same pronunciation as a famous conservatory.

The prizes given in the examples have no gold content, they are all competitions that can be won by participating.

Yan Xuan doesn't like to be aggressive, but this person touched her back.

Yan Xuan took up several of the most searched lists that night.

Said that she bullied newcomers, but she didn't have the morality of a teacher when she was a mentor.

Some also said that she loved her so much, that she became a confidante in anger and so on.

At this time, the two fans were surprisingly peaceful and did not confront each other.

In short, the biggest winner of the night was the music variety show.

At night, Yan Xuan received a message from Song Xiangsi.

【Xiaoxuan, thank you. 】

When Yan Xuan was typing the words "Thank you", her fingertips paused.

The two have had a terrible life split lately.

It's not that I didn't say thank you in the past, but I never had such a tone and reply.

Too rusty.

Some things seem to be in the past, but they don't seem to be.

Song Xiangsi seems to be a little cautious recently.

As for her, she was busy with work and had something on her mind, so her reply seemed sloppy.

After a long pause, there was no decent reply.

In all fairness, she didn't want to be so unfamiliar with Song Xiangsi.

[It's snowing again in Yuncheng. According to this, there should be snow piled up on the ground tomorrow. 】

Finally posted a picture.

Outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, it was snowing heavily.

It's so beautiful, it's a pity that she can't go back.

[Is it snowing in Linshi? 】

Yan Xuan walked to the window, opened the curtains, took a picture facing the outside, and sent it.

There are only dots of light in the picture.

It can be seen that her hotel is far from the city center.

[Why do you live so far away? 】

[There is no snow in Linshi, how about I bring you some snow from Yuncheng? 】

Snow in Yuncheng?

How to bring these thousands of miles.

Besides, New Year's Eve is coming soon, and Song Xiangsi has to attend the New Year's Eve party, so there is no time.

So Yan Xuan didn't take it to heart.

So when the TV official announced that the last guest was Song Xiangsi on New Year's Eve, Yan Xuan was still a little dazed.

Didn't she plan to go to Yuncheng Satellite TV before?

"I didn't bring Baixue, only a cup of honey citron tea cooked by Baixue, try it?"

Backstage in the dressing room, Song Xiangsi was sitting next to Yan Xuan, looking at her expectantly.

I don't know if the program team arranged the two of them in a dressing room to save trouble or something.

The agent and assistant have already left, and there are only two people left at this moment.

After a long time, Yan Xuan took the water glass from her hand, took a sip, and frowned:

"A little too sweet."

"Is it sweet?" Song Xiangsi murmured, "It shouldn't be."

Before Yan Xuan could speak again, Song Xiangsi said again, "I'll try it."

Yan Xuan handed her the water glass, but she didn't want to be rejected by her: "Don't want this."

Then Song Xiangsi, who was still sitting on the seat beside her just now, suddenly got up and held the armrest of the seat beside her, lowered her head and lowered her eyes, and kissed her lips.

The tip of her tongue wandered between her lips and teeth, tasting the taste of citron tea just now.

Yan Xuan was a little stunned, she was used to being indifferent these days, and forgot that Song Xiangsi still had this side.

After a long time, Xu Shi didn't get a response, Song Xiangsi let go of her and said with a smile, "It's really sweet."

For a moment, I didn't know whether I was talking about people or grapefruit tea.

Yan Xuan pursed her lips and looked at Song Xiangsi. In the end, she still didn't answer her question, but reminded: "It's time to put on makeup."

Although her heart was slightly bitter, Song Xiangsi did not show her emotions.

With a gentle smile: "You can help me draw my eyebrows."

Hearing Song Xiangsi's coquettish tone, Yan Xuan's heart softened for a moment, but she still hardened her heart and refused:

"Makeup artists are better at this kind of thing."

As soon as the words fell, I saw Song Xiangsi's disappointed eyes, and finally couldn't hold back:

"My drawing may be uglier."

"It won't be ugly, Xiaoxuan's thrush is the prettiest."

Yan Xuan also smiled along with her, and the previous heavy mood dissipated a bit.

Ten seconds before the ringing of the new year's bell, Yan Xuan stood on the stage and counted down to welcome the new year with many stars and audience.

a new Year.

May everyone be safe and happy.

Yan Xuan made a wish in her heart.

When the countdown entered the fifth second, Yan Xuan's right hand was suddenly grabbed by someone.

He turned his head and saw Song Xiangsi.

There was a gentle smile on the corner of her lips, and her figure was reflected in her eyes.

The countdown sound came from the ears: "3——2——1"

At the second of counting to one, fireworks explode in the sky, and people say happy new year to each other.

But all of these are noises to her, the most clear to her is the kiss on her lips, and Song Xiangsi's soft voice:

"Happy New Year."

"May my Xiaoxuan be safe and happy, and everything will come true."

"Let me always be by her side."

As the New Year's bell rang, ribbons flew all over the sky, drifted past her eyes, landed on her body, and then landed on Song Xiangsi's body.

Yan Xuan brushed the ribbon off her body, and gently hugged her:

"Song Song, Happy New Year."

At the moment when the New Year's bell rang, amidst the sky full of ribbons and New Year's cheers, someone kissed her softly, gave her New Year's wishes, and said that they would stay with her forever.

Maybe she will never forget this scene in this life.

I can't forget those tender and affectionate eyes when looking at her.

she thinks.