Two small without dismantling

Pat's perspective

If love leaves me, what else can I do with a spare heart?

The sun in the sky changed its angle with the passage of time, and the dazzling sunlight broke in from outside the building, so strong that people couldn't keep their eyes open.That night, I stumbled all the way to Karn's house like a drained puppet.I thought that Pran and I had the same thoughts, that we would always be together, that we would always love each other, and that we would overcome all kinds of obstacles hand in hand... But I didn't realize it. It wasn't the people around me that gave me the fatal blow. It was Pran, who flinched.

If it was in the past, I might not die until the Yellow River.

But today, I know what can be snatched by strength is not my own.

"Sleep for a while?"

Karn got up from the bed and asked me in a soft tone. The beer in the refrigerator was found by both of us and drank it all. Karn doesn't ask me where the hell I came from, or how I got myself into the way I am.As soon as I heard the sound of my Audi, I immediately went downstairs to pick me up, and then went back to sleep again.Leaving me alone for most of the night, he allowed time for me to gather my thoughts.But no matter how long it takes me to digest, these things don't settle down in a day or two, and Karn's worrying about me is not as easy as he seems.

"Can you tell me? What's the matter? Did you run away from home?"

I didn't answer, thinking that not answering is the best answer now. Karn got up from the bed, opened the small bag I brought, and when he saw that the bag was full of clothes, he sighed deeply, came over and sat beside me, then stretched out his hand and gently turned my head away. At that time, I was like a puppet being manipulated, lifeless and lifeless.

"What's wrong? Put yourself in this way?"

"Pran doesn't want me anymore."

"what?"

"He...he won't go with me."

"Where are you going? Pat your uncle, don't tell me that you plan to elope? Are you crazy? It will be big news later, aren't you afraid that your family will post a missing person notice on social media? Do you think you Where can I escape to?"

"Then what do you want me to do? I can't help it."

"Calm down."

"Pran doesn't want me anymore."

"You deserve it! When you think about it, you think about it." Karn said as he went to the bathroom, leaving me still looking up at the ceiling.The loneliness and helplessness enveloped me once again, and Pran's answer was very short, but at this time it played back and surrounds me infinitely in my heart.

"Let me tell you," Karn brushed his teeth and came out, still muttering in his mouth, he had to listen carefully to distinguish what he was saying, "You'd better go back obediently, pretend to be with the family and then discuss the long-term plan, no Which parents really don't care about their children's lives."

"That's not all parents love their children, right?" I replied softly, "Not everyone's home is a safe haven, Karn."

"I know...but you also need to know, what will Pran do if you just run away like this? Let alone Phu?"

"Pran is going abroad."

"People are not going to sacrifice themselves."

"I was arranged to be married."

"It's useless for you to struggle like this," he said in a deep tone, and then he floated to the bathroom and continued to rinse his mouth. When he came out, he handed me a towel to wash his face, "Go take a shower and wash your face first." , make yourself sober, and I will take you home later."

"I don't want to go back."

"Pat," Karn put his hands on my shoulders, looked at me seriously, trying to let me know through his eyes that he really did it out of concern for his friends: "Pran doesn't want you anymore, but Did your parents ever say anything like that? Go home, trust me."

The plate that served the rice fell to the ground, and the rice fell all over the floor.I just showed up when I got home, and the sound of plates breaking was mixed with crying and crying to welcome my arrival.This time it was Karn who sent me back, and he was standing beside me, but I still felt nervous and panic like never before.My clothes, my treasured video game console, and the box of model cars I painstakingly collected lay on the marble floor.I quietly glanced at my father from the corner of my eye. This middle-aged man looked very angry, and he was trying to take a deep breath to calm himself down, his shoulders trembling slightly.

"Since you have the face to run away, why do you have the face to run back?! Pat! You rebellious son!"

I stood dumbfounded and looked behind. My mother was sitting limply, crying in the dark. Phu was hugging her and comforting her. He was holding a rhinitis in one hand for my mother to sniff. In case she cried too much and passed out.

I don't know when the family knew that I had escaped.

But the only thing I can be sure of is that this home is about to collapse, and no one is immune to collapse.

"How did I raise you and teach you? Pat! How did I develop you into such a disregard for human relations! Abandoning my parents, my sister who is a mother, and taking your little lover two far away !!"

"I didn't run with him."

"That can only prove that the kid has more conscience than you! You can see for yourself what you have done! Your mother fainted early in the morning!" My old mother tried hard to stand up, but she was too weak. I'm not in a good mood, and I couldn't stand up after trying several times. Phu supported her mother, half-supporting and half-holding her, and then helped her up and sat back on the velvet sofa.

"Didn't my parents force me to get married?"

"You still don't know where you are wrong! How worried and scared others are, when will you understand something! Don't you care about your mother at all!"

"Then who ever cared about me?"

"Pat, mommy cares about you, mommy loves you...don't run away, kid."

The scene in front of me made me feel very uncomfortable, like being poked by a needle.If Dad can stop him from being so angry by punching me a few times, I won't be angry and I won't fight back.Because as a son, I made my mother so sad that tears were almost shed. I am really unfilial, and I will probably go to hell in the future.

"Pat, Mom, please, don't run away again, it's not good for the child? Come back and be with Mom, okay?"

Pran shattered my ability to "love", and I no longer had confidence, but when I heard my mother let me come back, the inner wall that I had just built collapsed in an instant.I thought that there would be no one in the world who would love me, no one would choose me firmly, that I would not be rewarded for what I gave, and that I would be alone, alone, alone and inseparable from each other.Now I can be regarded as the loneliest and most vulnerable time in my life. These emotions make me like a child who has lost his way home, like a prodigal son who has lost his way, and finally obediently and quietly kneels at my mother’s feet Before, full of repentance.

Warm palms rested on the top of my head, and in the back and forth touches, I felt the love and peace of mind far surpassing others.

as long as there is such a person

"I know I was wrong."

whether it is early or late

"I will do everything my mother tells me."

as long as you still love me and worry about me

i won't let go

There will be such a period of time in everyone's life that they don't want to look back, which has caused troubles to others, but it is precisely because of these years that everyone can grow from it.Since I was a child, I only cared about my own happiness, acted recklessly, never knew what "consideration" was, and always put my own happiness first.

It is only now that I know what is sophistication and what is law-abiding.In the adult world, everyone should be safe and courteous.

The beginning of the new year has always been a very popular day, and there is another name for about a month, which is Yijue.This winter, my family's name may be added to the wedding team, presumably in the near future, probably, another family will be added, after all, it is also a male college for marriage, the trend of the times.

It was as if my five senses, emotions and desires had been sealed off by an expert, leaving me with only an empty shell.Since when did I not feel happy?Is it what I want to base my own happiness on the suffering of others?From then on, breathing may just be a process to maintain my life, allowing me to continue to eat and wait to die like this.

"Brother Pat, don't forget to pick up your dress tomorrow."

A gentle voice sounded, but at this moment it seemed like a sharp arrow pierced into my heart.We dined in a fancy restaurant in the mall.Oh, and "we" means me and my fiancée.She elegantly sliced ​​the steak, piece by piece, exactly the size of a bite.I nodded, raised the cup to my lips and took a sip, without answering her.

"My friend sent me a few more hairstyle pictures this morning, but I'm so confused, I don't know which one to choose."

"The one you picked earlier was fine."

"It's not bad, but other styles are also very good-looking. Braided ones go well with Dai-style dresses, and they don't look old-fashioned."

"It's better to ask your friend's opinion on this kind of thing Punch." I feel very embarrassed in the face of this kind of question, even though she will be my real fiancée in a few weeks, but all the questions about the wedding, I always feel that I'm out of place, and even though I'm now putting on a polite exterior and not being too picky, deep down, I still find these trivial things boring.

"Brother Pat doesn't care at all."

"That's my personality."

"But I feel that Pat is not like this when he is with Phu." I started to argue with her about this issue, and most of the time I really don't care about the feelings of people around me, "Why are you with my sister, Pat Brother Pat can think of taking care of almost everything, but when it comes to our affairs, Brother Pat is so indifferent."

"I don't want to argue with you about this."

"I'm sorry, but many times I can't stop thinking about this question. Did brother Pat marry me because he liked me? Or because he couldn't resist the family?"

I didn't speak.Punch and I really didn't talk about it, we didn't even show our hearts to each other.If you take a look at the depths of my heart, you will probably know that the current me is undoubtedly an animal that has been caught and locked up, and I am just counting the days to live.

"Can you answer my question?"

"Okay, just choose a hairstyle, right?"

"Brother Pat...I don't have to ask you to follow me, I just want to hear your thoughts."

"Punch, don't ask too much, okay, I'm gradually becoming irritable," How long will it be over with someone whose thoughts are not on the same channel?How much longer do I have to endure? "Everyone knows each other well that we didn't go from falling in love to getting married step by step like everyone else. Everything happened quickly."

"If you're not ready, tell your aunt. I'm not in a hurry."

Counting it, I am lucky, the girl in front of me is still enduring like me.

"Then...Brother Pat, what kind of hairstyle do you want to make? Have you thought about it? I think it should be good to grab all of them."

"No."

Suddenly I remembered that when I was studying in the past, a certain person always tried his best to make me cut my hair short. Thinking of this scene, my heart feels as if it has been drained of blood.In the beginning I had long hair because I liked the style, it was cool, a little bit tied up and the rest loose.But in the back, I prefer to see Pran's unbearable face than the disheveled artist Staly, especially when I lie on his shoulders, he always thinks my head is smelly, and I look like It's like having a serious brain disease.But I really like to hear Pran talk about me, and I also thought about getting my hair done as Pran asked after I got off work, just like the lovely Pran in wuli thought.

"I'll cut my hair short later."

I also know in my heart...that day will never come again.

I spent the afternoon taking care of my hair and shaving. The stubble on my face finally waved goodbye to me, leaving only a white and clean face.Looking at myself in the mirror, I feel strange.But from the eyes of the hair stylist and the words of my fiancée, I also know that this new look looks good, better than before.The moment I entered the house, I felt that the eyes of my parents and Phu were about to fall out. Also, when I saw my son and brother combing their hair to look like an adult, it is not an exaggeration to say that I have changed a person. Can you not be surprised.

I was silent, and dealt with all problems with silence.After sending Punch back to her home, I had dinner with Aunt Duang, and the sun finally got off work, so I could go back to my home.These days, I spend almost all of my time with Punch, nothing changes, nothing new.Every day when I open my eyes, I discuss about the wedding and how to get along with each other, and when I close my eyes, I count on my fingers. How long will I have to endure this kind of life, and how long will I have to get along with those people.

I sighed, reached out to unbutton the buttons, and threw the clothes I had taken off into the basket.This bedroom—a new bedroom—sees someone's window from a certain angle.

This is what I should do... Parents can rest assured that Pran also has his own bright future waiting for him.

"Brother, I'm coming in." My sister's voice sounded cautiously outside the door, and I, who was still immersed in fantasy, was pulled back to reality.After getting my permission, my sister opened the door and came in. I was still lying down and looking at the ceiling. I swallowed all the pain in my stomach, and swallowed it together, as well as the last drop of tears from the past few days.Although the whole heart feels as if it has been tortured by swords and flames, like being hit by parents in mixed doubles when I was a child, it is extremely uncomfortable, but all the pain can only be resisted by myself.

"Are you okay?" Phu sat down, and the mattress felt her weight sag slightly, "I feel very sad when I see you like this."

"I am fine."

"Brother Pran's NO.13 plane this month."

I was stunned, I couldn't believe what I heard, the focus suddenly became that Pran has been in touch with my sister all this time?

It seems that the severance between me and Pran happened that night.

Tonight, he really let go and went to pursue his own world.

"It's also your wedding that day."

"Brother, what are you going to do next? Get engaged first and then slowly find a chance to divorce sister Punch? Have you talked with Brother Pran yet?"

"No. I probably don't have a chance to talk about it. Everything should be done according to the queen mother's wishes."

"But brother, you don't look happy." The trembling voice sounded like I was about to cry. I moved my eyes from the ceiling to the wall behind my sister, raised my eyes and stroked her back, with a few Very consoling, "I don't like you like this."

"I've grown up, can anyone still live as they please?"

"What can I do?" My arms drooped weakly, and my eyes could no longer maintain it because of the pain in my heart. I closed them. "The person I want to fight for seems to be not rare at all. .”

"Brother Pran, he is just a dead duck with a stubborn mouth. It's not like you don't know him, brother."

"But the reality is really like what he said, Phu, we are not just 'us'."

I really want to let my own thoughts, drag him into the water selfishly and capriciously, and suffer all kinds of tortures and sufferings together.

"Sit down and think about it, give him some time, and give yourself a chance, so it's not too bad."

"What chance?" Phu bent his knees and embraced them with both arms, "It's just a chance...We Phu may never see the old brother we used to know again, such a chance."

I didn't explain anything and let Phu think for himself.

"It's not what you think. In fact, brother, you are the one who is bored in everything, you know? Whether it's me, father, or mother, everyone knows that you are unhappy."

Even so, we still hope, hope, and pray that tomorrow will be better, and tomorrow will be a flat, quiet day, and no one will suddenly intervene to disturb the calm lake.

"Brother, are you really just bowing your head like this? Are you just letting it go?"

I nodded, still missing the boy I loved so much in my heart.

"I'm going to try to do what he says."

My eyes are shining like a sea of ​​stars, but the words I speak are like thunder on the ground.

I said hoarsely:

"If in the end, everything I do still can't make other people happy, then I won't let him go from my side."