Picking up soap in a harmonious world

A piercing alarm sounded suddenly, and I was forced to wake up from my dream. I opened my eyes and saw that the pointer was in the direction of ten o'clock.

"..." Regardless of the dull pain in my head, I lifted the quilt and got out of bed, and glanced around. It was still a narrow single room and a messy environment. It seemed that no one had been there last night.

I bent down and managed to sneak in through the bathroom door. The layout of the house is good, but the bathroom door is a bit short. It’s just that I can rent a single room with a separate kitchen and bathroom for a few hundred yuan a month. I’m lucky, so I can’t complain about anything else.

Facing the obviously haggard and bearded face in the mirror, I feel a little bit pained. Today is the graduation ceremony, and the four years of college are finally coming to an end. The bright side is in the yearbook.

Maybe graduation is a very sad thing for many people, but for me, nothing has changed. Apart from the root cause of living outside the school for several years, there is another factor, which directly determines my employment orientation. The success rate also indirectly determines that my next life will not change.

This starts from last week. On a sunny day, I received a call from my counselor, Xiaofang, who asked me to go to his office for a cup of tea and a heart-to-heart talk.

We talked about a wide range of content, ranging from Sino-US diplomacy, the establishment of diplomatic relations between China and Japan, the secret anatomy of the Sino-Korean relationship, to the historical problems and solutions of why our school has more monks and less meat in the next-door school, and discussed the Obama Diaoyu Island nuclear bomb The huge economic and cultural effects brought about by the combination of three weapons and high news benefits, an ordinary teacher-student conversation is instantly sublimated into a science and education course that includes politics, history, culture and economy.

The course cooperates with the counselor's high-pitched, heavy-low cannon texture, and the ups and downs of the mediocre rhythm. The expression has both the unrestrained freedom of Shakespeare's plays in the [-]th century and the implicit euphemism of ancient literati. The words are unpredictable and artistic. Breath, I listened for a long time before I understood the meaning of the other party's words that contained a strong color of Marxism-Leninism-Mao-Deng Philosophy.

It's nothing more than a very simple sentence: I don't even want to get the graduation certificate, but the completion certificate will still be kept for me.

After the class was over, he looked at me nervously, for fear that I would be dissatisfied with this wonderful lecture and resign.

I closed my eyes for a long time without making a sound, and when he stomped his feet for the fourth time, I finally nodded.

In fact, he doesn't know me well, and I never do such things as bad debts.

Just as I was about to turn around and leave, I suddenly saw a few drops of oil-like dew appearing out of nowhere on his radiant head. Could it be... is this the legendary Mediterranean oil?Perhaps it would be more appropriate to call it a head oil.

This aroused my curiosity, and I couldn't pay attention to the "remember to get the certificate of completion" he repeatedly mentioned. I felt itchy for a long time, but I finally couldn't resist my hand, and touched his scalp oil.

…Finally, I realized that I might not even have a karma certificate.

But this does not affect my going to the graduation ceremony today, because I also followed the trend and paid for the photo.

After shaving my beard clean with a fruit razor, I carefully shaved my underarms with it.

It was originally a special blade for shaving, but later I found that cutting fruit is also good, and even later I found that shaving armpit hair is also easy.

Finally, I looked at the mirror again and again, and found that no matter from which angle I looked at it, I couldn’t fault it, so I satisfactorily picked up the disposable plastic cup placed in front of the mirror, filled it with water, and was ready to brush my teeth and wash my face.

A gust of familiar wind blows gently over my cold and proud face, and youthful smiling faces can be seen everywhere, noisy and fresh, which is a unique scenery only available on university campuses.

"Xia Chengsong."

Who called me?Turning his head, a familiar big face jumped into sight.

"Seed cake!" I excitedly held the hands of the visitor, and kept looking at his brand-new outfit.

"Hey! I'm graduating soon, can't you call me Shao Bing seriously?" He smiled wryly and shook his head, his bear paws already touched my shoulders as he spoke.

Shao Bing used to be my roommate. Until I moved out in my sophomore year, this person was the most similar to me. The three-in-one efficient use of the beard knife came from this buddy's idea.

"Long time no see, go out for a drink or two after taking pictures?"

"If you were alone, of course I would risk my life to accompany you." I replied half-jokingly. In fact, both of us knew that this was impossible.

Hearing what I said, he was obviously taken aback for a moment, and his usual smiling face also showed a little embarrassment at this moment.

"Uh... I heard that you can't get your diploma?"

"Well, yes." I nodded, this matter is not a secret anymore, on the contrary, the other party's cautious face, which is afraid of poking my pain, seemed a little happy.

"Cheng Song, I didn't mean you..." He was obviously in a bit of a dilemma, his normally handsome face was twisted in a tangle of confusion, with an unspeakable expression of "my brother may have a urinary system disease but he doesn't know how to speak".

I counted the lines produced by the other person's facial muscles, three on the forehead, two crow's feet, and two nasolabial folds. I took two steps back and looked, yo, this really looks like a cosmos waving its tail in the wind.

"After graduation, everyone went their separate ways. If I don't say some things today, I may never have the chance to say them again. Besides, I have always wanted to say these things to you." He made up his mind like a strong man, and looked at me seriously. .

"Listen to my brother's advice, don't hang out with people like Lin Ye anymore, you know that he is not the same kind of person as you, he can afford it, can you afford it?"

"Now you have seen the consequences. After that incident, you can't get your diploma, but he can."

"It's not hard to imagine that if something like this happens to you after you've worked, losing your job is considered trivial, and it's not impossible for you to be ruined and unable to hold your head up for the rest of your life!"

I stopped and looked at him, but didn't speak.

"You should answer!" He frowned and yelled at me angrily.

"Saobing! I'm not talking about you. Your information channels are too behind. Linye and I have already separated. Nuo, he is not there, and he is still hugging a beautiful girl." I pouted at him and motioned to Shao Comrade Bing focused his sights on the rear.

This year's graduation ceremony was held in a large open space in front of the library of College D, surrounded by green belts, wooden benches were placed on the wide lawn, and kapok and magnolia trees were lined on both sides of the school road. The season is full of romance.

Under the tree, there were all students in academic uniforms posing in various poses and taking pictures. It was a lively scene where peerless beauties could disappear from the crowd, but there was a group of people who were particularly eye-catching.

Among the people who caught the eye, a man and a woman surrounded by the center were the most eye-catching.

The man is Lin Ye, but I don't know the woman.

"He... doesn't he like men?" Shao Bing looked dull, a little incapable of accepting.

I understand that, after all, in the minds of straight men who lack knowledge of the same sex, the term bisexuality is equivalent to a legend. Of course, homosexuality is no better than a legend.

"Hehe, he likes women now." I replied casually, turning my head to avoid Lin Ye's gaze.

At the same time, the teacher blew the whistle and began to gather and take pictures.

The classmates I used to be familiar with, including the freshman who shared the dormitory with me and Shao Bing, all had a little unnatural dodge on their faces when they saw me.

I turned a blind eye and found a seat on the side of the last row and stood there.

After taking graduation photos, I took off my bachelor's uniform on the spot, handed it back to the person in charge of recycling, and left alone through the back door of the school.

The back gate of the college is a good place, simply put, it is a paradise for illegal traders.

As soon as I stepped out of the school gate, I felt the breath of an international city.

The friendly compatriots from Xinjiang spoke the characteristic language of "eating grapes without spitting out grape skins" while roasting mutton kebabs and drying raisins. The white and fat man with a literary face was lying on a rattan rocking chair with his four eyes raised and his eyelids drawn. The stories in the stall at home will be shared with bosom friends, and the vegetable seller grandmother, who looks like a sweeping monk at first glance, is meditating on the values ​​​​of cucumbers and chrysanthemums.

Of course, those who sell pornographic discs are naturally inseparable from those who sell cucumbers. Next door to Zen Dao Grandma is Tokyo Hot Master who sells high-end headphones and various summer blockbusters.

I walked through it without squinting. I am good at everything, but my personality is too conservative. I must firmly say no to these naked vendors.

In the end, I entered a video store that looked dilapidated and had red paint on the wall that said "Family planning, everyone is responsible, whether you should do it or not, grab it if you see it."

"Boss, is there such a movie?" I picked up the disc placed at the bottom and shook it. The cover was full of scantily clad men and women.

"Of course there are! European, American, and Japanese ones, which one do you want?" The boss calmly pulled out a bag from under the counter.

"Boss, I heard you have macho movies here!"

Straight to the point is the ultimate secret of buying and selling. Although I usually collect and download a lot of torrent sources on the Internet, and study philosophy in depth, life always needs surprises. Since the last time I saw the campus gay group on Penguin After discussing that a video store specializing in pornographic discs at the back door of the college offers sexual action movies with strong men, I have been obsessed with it until today.

"..." The boss looked at me strangely for a while, then took out a bag from the bottom of the cabinet, and motioned me to pick it up.

I opened the plastic bag and looked, and was immediately disappointed. The cover was all blank, but there were several unshakable labels such as "Europe and America", "Island Country" and "Native Land" on it. I patiently flipped through it, and finally the emperor It pays off, I found a disc labeled "Hypnosis".

Is it a hypnotic Play performed by a real person?

"Boss, how much is it?" I was shamefully excited.

"Ten dollars."

Well, it’s still acceptable. The A movie is almost the same price, and the G movie is lucky that it didn’t go up.

I was afraid that the boss would find out that the label was different and raise the price, so I just pulled out the disc and shook it at him, then put it in my pocket.

After checking out, I headed back to the rental with high spirits.

I entered the door, locked it, took off my shoes, and took off my clothes. I couldn't wait to put the computer on the bed until there was only a pair of boxer underwear left on my body.

After eagerly inserting the disc into the platter, I took off half of the boxer insert as well.

The screen showed that the scanning of the H disk was completed, and I clicked on it with excitement. There was only a folder inside, and an ominous premonition rose from the bottom of my heart.

The mouse lightly passed over it, and it showed that its size was 1M. My heart was cold for a moment. I remembered that the last time I downloaded a certain philosophy video, it was only 1 minute long, but there were still about ten M.

Click on it, as expected, there is no audio file inside, it is empty, only a TXT text titled "Hypnosis".

... Fuck you sister! If TM is a seed, who cares? In the era when everyone has a computer network, who TM would spend 10 RMB to buy a link and a seed? ! ! !

The saddest thing in life is not that I love you but you don't love me, but that I took off my pants and found that I have nothing to masturbate.

I have always regarded myself as a gentle and refined gentleman, and my classmate Shaobing once marveled at my good temper, saying that I couldn't believe that a person with such a wretched temperament never got angry.

But at this moment, I was very sad and indignant, and I really had the urge to buy a watermelon knife and stab the owner of the audio-visual store who "should not stab it" when he saw it!

With strong resentment, I clicked on the text. Unexpectedly, it was not a row of seed links composed of alphanumerics, but a novel called "Three Thousand Worlds of Hypnosis". It is about how an ugly man finds out that he has supernatural powers, and then uses his ability to tear apart space and hypnotic skills to perform OOXX on beautiful men who are at the top of each world, enjoying the sexual blessing and improving the level of supernatural powers at the same time , and finally became the only strong man in the sky and on the earth.

It turned out to be an NP nonsense meat article, I felt a little bit pained, and now I am in a very depressed mood. Of course, I hope to watch real people perform it on the screen. Text masturbation is not impossible, but it needs to be imagined What's more, if the author does not describe the H part passionately enough, it is easy for the masturbation person to get stuck at a certain stage and become irritable.

After thinking about it again and again, I decided not to waste the ten yuan, but to have a look first.

I read it at a glance, and focused on the H plot.

The author's writing style is average, and the description is rough, and the plot of the journal will not be mentioned. As far as the part H is concerned, the description is very inadequate. structure.

Forget it, the author of this article is obviously a lover of foul language without moral integrity, the whole article is "little slut", "wave up", "Why do you, a dignified president, shed so much water? Are you expecting me to fuck you?" and so on.

When the progress bar reached one-third, I couldn't stand it anymore, I just skipped and watched H to the end, the ending was that the dirty pig feet of unscrupulous men sucked the chrysanthemum, flowers, day, night, Jing and Hua changed from ugly humans into a handsome dragon!

The author's brain must have been stepped on by a pig.

According to my incomplete statistics, in the novel, the president and star of the urban world, the general and major general of the interstellar world, the genius suzerain of the cultivation world, the knight prince of the Western fantasy world, etc. were all taken into the crotch of the male pig's feet and became loyal and loyal. Invert O or X's meat toilet!

I was impotent by this article.

Calmly put on the boxer underwear, then silently turned off the computer and threw it aside, I quickly got into bed and lay down, closing my eyes.

I felt sorry for the ten yuan and was exhausted by the unscrupulous operators. I never imagined that when I woke up, a bizarre world was waiting for me to create miracles!