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[Xia Jun's perspective]

……

"Don't make it sound like you have a plan...no one is immune to being different."

……

"Xia Jun, do you really think that your reckless and violent temper can be easily qualified for your current position? Don't be naive! It's a matter of course to get promoted? Ha! Haha! You are too self-righteous It's..."

……

"No shady, no nepotism, can you really do it? Xia, Captain, Captain!"

……

One: Yin Yu is a bad lover.

Two: I'm not an idiot!

……

The blaring of the alarm clock pulled me out of that horrible nightmare.A natural tone, ridicule, an egomaniac who acts recklessly - that person is my former lover - Yin Yu.

Of course, this is all in the past tense, before he sinks into the sea like cement, before he admits that he is not a human being, before he is still fine, honestly drinking, When you're on drugs, just staying by my side so quietly...

At that time, I thought, we should be lovers, not like now.

A beautiful, dignified, apathetic bad lover...

To be honest, the only thing I still miss now is the crazy and unreal memories he brought me when I was still ignorant. At that time, everything seemed to be covered with a layer of tulle, dreamy Yes, moving forward at a provocative pace, we can do everything we want, we can treat the whole world as shit... But now, when I grow up to a line, I cross it and look back , but found that the rebelliousness and arrogance of youth are so stupid, hateful, and shameful.

"I hate myself! Look! That human being in the mirror!" The young him and the young me were naked in front of the mirror in the bathroom of the bar, and we both tried to press each other on the sink to vent, But no one succeeded, he was held by my shoulders by me, and we all looked at the mottled and dirty mirror, which reflected our still immature faces.He seemed in pain, as usual, suddenly lost control of his emotions, and said something like a drama line in a frenzy, and he yelled. "This human being! He's innocent! He shouldn't be here!" He said, pointing at himself in the mirror, looking at the reflection with pity.

At that time, I didn't understand what he meant at the beginning, but now I understand.

It's too late to understand, when it's too late, everything ends...

I got up from the bed with some difficulty. The hotel bed always sleeps people until they are soft as if they have lost their bones. It was even worse than when he came back from that grotesque desert island world.Originally, I shouldn't have time to think about those things. After all, those things are always far away from me, tens of thousands of light years away...

Three days ago, I finally succeeded in arresting the criminal suspect in the village in the city. After half a month of squatting and monitoring, a small vacation was always expected, at least for Zhao Boyang, who was extremely busy. But I can't get excited at all. The high-intensity busyness can make me forget some annoying things for a short time.

I won't hypocritically say something like "unforgettable pain", but it is true that I am really sad.

Returning to the city at [-] am, leaving the bureau at [-] am, wandering aimlessly on the street, refusing the dinner party of several other boys in the team, I finally felt that sad, literally.So, I started to follow the lingering figure of that person in my mind and walked towards his path—hell.

The first level of hell in the world is for alcoholics. I am not addicted to gambling, and I have never used drugs, so I definitely chose to use alcohol to liberate my nerves. He may be right. Hell is a good place, at least More often, there is only room in hell to contain us...

Sitting in the "BLUENESS" at eleven o'clock in the evening and continuing to drink, the difference is that this time I can also watch the porn dance-seriously, it is a disaster for men to dance pole dancing... I thought about it and drank several more glasses Vodka, this brand is the cheapest, so I can't help but think to myself, that stingy guy who is never short of money... From this point of view, I am no longer suitable for him.

The salary of the police is not optimistic. If we are still together in the later stage, I think there will be a lot of economic differences.Thinking of this, I noticed the person who had been sitting next to me for a long time... "Hi!" The opening line was not creative.

Another fucking long hair!

Yin Yu has had this hairstyle since the first time I met him. For ten years, he has always dressed himself like an out-of-date rock star from the 90s and 0s.I glanced at the little [-] next to me, who also dressed himself up in as exaggerated a way as possible. This child was so young that he could almost squeeze water out of his hands. Arms and legs are slender, shoulders are not broad, and even the waist looks flexible and slender... Compared to a non-human Lao Shizi devil, I don't know how many times better! ... More importantly, the mouth is also sweet.

The word "brother" made me feel very comfortable, even though I still had some ex-lover on my mind—bad guy.But this does not prevent me from starting a new life.

"How old are you?" I suddenly became a little concerned about this question on the way to the hotel.

"Eighteen. I'm an adult."

I remembered that my bad lover was only 16 years old when I put him down for the first time, and I was eighteen that year, which was the same age as the child in front of me.The thunder hit the ground, and the two little bastards broke each other's sleeves just like that.

I don't know if he has a boy friend who is about the same age, but I know that sometimes, the little bastards who think that youth is a waste of capital will find out how stupid it is when they grow up.Isn't that what I am now?

In the early hours of the morning, with an afterthought, I still maintained the habit of being called "stupid in action" by Yin Yu, and I still thought of myself as chic as before.The child who had just passed his birthday was sleeping on the side, stuck in the snow-white quilt, rubbing against it uneasily... This child looks very good, and is cuter than my bad lover, although it is a little less what a man should have. He is handsome and tough, but I have to admit that I still prefer this type.

If Yin Yu from the age of 16 is at least my favorite in terms of appearance, then he is my nightmare after the age of 20.Without any disguise of innocence that can hide filth, his shoulders can clearly tell me his cruelty...

"Brother Xia Jun." The child sleeping beside him suddenly woke up.

"Is there something on your mind?" He whispered, approaching me cautiously.

"No. Just a little tired." I said.He extinguished the cigarette butt, then lay down and hugged the child's thin body, "Don't think about it too much, I'll take you back tomorrow..."

No more words for one night.

Nine o'clock in the morning.Leaving without saying goodbye, the child who didn't even leave a real name is just a wandering shadow.I broke free from the nightmare and turned off the alarm on my phone to the loud, blaring music that my bad lover had set the last time I spent the night with him.Heavy metal, I can't tell what it's singing at all.

The day after tomorrow is October [-]st.

……

In October, before the National Day holiday, I was guarding in the mall, and my colleagues were following a suspect who had some money.It is also because he has some money that we adopt such a "moderate" approach.

The air conditioner in the shopping mall was still fully turned on. I felt a little cold, so I put my coat back on again. The more I thought of that bastard who was suspected of murder, the faster I would think of another bastard again! ——That bastard named Yin Yu!

He had been missing for about two months without a sound, but he still reminded people involuntarily of disaster.

Disaster... yes, he himself was already a disaster!But now it is far beyond anyone's control and definite scope.I was thinking about his face, thinking about his nudity, and involuntarily and subconsciously rubbing the tungsten steel ring on my hand with my fingers.It was given to me by him before, and I haven't taken it off and thrown it away until now, even in the years when I hated and complained about him the most...

"Those years" he left me shamelessly, but as far as he was concerned, this was not called "abandonment" or "betrayal", it was just an ordinary farewell.Even under Su Pingfei's tough methods, he still easily laughed at me and trampled on my last bit of self-esteem. "Those years" were the darkest moments in my life. I was full of hatred, emptiness, and anxiety. I didn't even dare to think about why I was like this.

Yin Yu is a bad lover, trying to rescue you with a face of sanctity, but actually drags you to hell.On the surface, I seem to be the "devil king".He ruled the weak relationship between us with violence and terror, and sent him to the ward full of disinfectant time and time again.However, this is not the case!

"Oh, sorry, I just succumbed to temptation again." - How many times have I heard such a bastard?Just when I was self-righteous and thought that I was different and received a special treatment, he would slap me hard like this, and act recklessly where I could see it.I'm a goddamn pastime, and he, the mastermind, makes me sink.Before him, I didn't like gays, punched my partner, yelled like a villain or an idiot...

"I was ruined by you!"

"You are the one who destroys you." He always replied in such a flat manner, as if everything was taken for granted.

We fell into our own vicious circle, tormenting each other, even though I wanted to escape in fear, even though I hated him so much at first for his self-deprecating performance and his incongruity with his soul.But in the end, I will do what I should, and I will fall with him until he pulls away, and I will fall into the quagmire.

Yin Yu has an ugly face that no one has ever seen before. He is so crazy that it makes me sick, and when I have forgotten that I can express my disgust, I have already been given this disgusting thing. captured.

Drug addict, sadist, self-mutilator, alcoholic, there seems to be no evil that is not found in him.Strangely enough, this life didn't hollow him out, it made him very excited, and he was as strong and alive as ever.He is like a machine designed to absorb negative energy, conveying his indifference and anger to me every day.

He's a fucking sex/pervert!But he doesn't admit it.

He's a fucking psychopath!But he doesn't admit it.

He never admitted that he had a problem.So that every time I said a word and touched his pain, he would be furious and go crazy in an even crazier manner...

"Don't make me look like an idiot! You make me feel like an idiot! Xia Jun! Shut your mouth!"

"Don't ask me why! Damn! How the hell do I know why?! Do what I say!"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I'm fucking normal! I'm a normal person! I'm straight! I'm normal..."

Hysterical, he always was, usually after too much drug use or a night of drinking.Especially on the eve of graduation, I can't imagine, is he really going to kill himself before he turns 20?

One bad enough lover, really enough to ruin your life, and your entire sanity.

"Aha! Do you think I'm the same as you? Xia Jun. Do you think I'm the same as you? You're a fucking idiot!"

"Xia Jun, Xia Jun, Xia Jun... oh, little poor boy... little poor boy who can't bear to 'Papa'...don't worry, 'Papa' will never abandon you...haha!...my little poor boy Son!"

"Why are you attracted by sin? Why do you want to make fun of yourself? Why is your temperament so cruel and cruel? Why do you want to hurt your lover? Is it because your sin can't be washed away? Is it because you only But a pathetic, big-bodied, simple-minded villain?"

Dramatic arias, absurd and stupid lines, he aided the evil, created a sinner, but mocked him, taunted him...

"You ruined me! I'm going to kill you! Kill you!" Every time, I grabbed his neck and watched him enjoy the suffocation, shouting in silence, but I could never do it.He is a disaster, a nightmare, a ruthless devil!

until one day.This bad guy really turned into a devil—literally a devil.

……

I frantically stuffed a lot of pills into my mouth, kept swallowing, drinking, and talking nonsense... My bad lover pretended to take off his clothes, pretended to lie down and let me do whatever I wanted.

He was always in such a mess and made himself very miserable.Sometimes I wonder if he insists on destroying himself in this way, but at the same time, he is extremely self-respecting, even to the point of neuroticism.

"Oh! mylover!" He always sighed like this, and then began to babble:

"Heturned around, and, walking to the window, drew up the blind.

The bright dawn flooded the room and swept the fantastic shadows into dusky cornets, where they lay shuddering. But the strange expression that the had noticed in the face of the portrait seemed to linger there, to be more intensive even.

The quivering, ardentsunlightshowedhimthelinesofcrueltyroundthemouthasclearlyasifhehadbeenlookingintpamirrorafterhehadonesomedreadfulthing.”①

(He turns and goes to the window and draws the shutter. Bright dawn light floods the room, throwing strange black shadows into the dark corners where they lie shivering.

But he had already noticed the lingering odd expression on the portrait's face, which seemed to stay there, even intensified.The trembling hot sunlight showed him the cold lines of the corners of his mouth clearly, as if he was looking in the mirror after he did something terrible. )

"The Picture of Dorian Gray." "You should read it. It's No. 11 from the left on the third row of the bookshelf." He said, turned over, stretched his back and arms, and then stretched his whole body Wrapped in the bed quilt, he stared at me with a strange look.

He would always say this: "Xia Jun, don't forget your soul. Okay?"

Ah!soul!I never knew he believed this!At that time, I didn't care at all in my heart that he was so nervous occasionally, and he always talked about something.It wasn't until many years later that I participated in a meaningless treasure hunting trip on a deserted island that a group of psychopaths would believe, and then sold my "soul" to - him, a devil, that I really understood After what he said back then...

"It's flashy, Xia Jun. Do you really think that you can sit in the current position by yourself?" He asked me like this, but I didn't even have the courage to answer for a while.

"Without darkness, there would be no you. Remember, I am not evil, you are, and you are." The devil didn't seem to argue anymore...

"I am holy, you are evil." Oh!Holy devil!I secretly mocked his words, but in the next second, he was still my bad lover in the past tense, vicious and evil, and took off his clothes, making me believe the ridiculous fact that I succumbed to temptation.

In fact, there is no more beauty in a human naked body. Even the best skin and body are nothing more than that. Same magic charm.However, the reality is that the calm balance of common sense finally tilted.

"You love this kind of release, you love the entanglement between us! Admit it! Xia Jun, you are not afraid to have sex with a devil!"

"Don't make it so embarrassing!" I retorted him, but it seemed as if I had completely forgotten which real ugly face was exposed just now.

"It's okay, one day you'll admit it, it's just a matter of time," he said.

……

October tenth.Back to the rhythm without a moment's rest, no hangover, no one/night/stand, no repeated nightmares and repeated thoughts.I still pretended to be what he said: simple and rude, reckless.But in fact, I always have more heart than him.

The General Bureau heard that someone was sent to assist in several vicious murders in the city in the past month. I kept silent about it and passed by without doing anything. It's not that I don't want to solve the case, but that I know the dead best They are all unforgivable scum who have escaped the law with impunity!

"I didn't expect it to be you." Looking at the young master with a cold face opposite me, I felt unreasonably irritable, and the words I couldn't help but say were sour.But that one didn't pay attention to me at all!He has been like this since long ago!

People like Zhao Boyang always put me in a vicious situation very quickly.I envy him, very much envy him!Although the word "jealousy" is next to the word "female", I still fell into it.

He has no way to prevent me from being jealous or resentful... It was him who made me lose the person who should have fallen into hell with me.

He said I would go to hell.I'm in hell and he's not there!

He lied to me.And the reason for all this is because of the forensic doctor in front of me.Zhao Boyang.A hypocrite!

"Where is the body?" was the only thing he said to me that day.

The author has something to say: ① An excerpt from "The Portrait of Dorian Gray".It indicates that Yin Yu, who was an evil ghost a long time ago, had already realized Xia Jun's depravity.It's just that at that time he didn't know his role in it.

Yin Yu, Zhao Boyang, Xia Jun, the relationship between these three people should be old classmates.Yin Yu and Zhao Boyang are the best friends of the president, and Zhao Boyang is also the soul that Yin Yu (the devil) loves most.The relationship between Xia Jun and Yin Yu is more similar to that of lovers.Later, Xia Jun abandoned the dark and turned to the bright for a while, so when he saw Yin Yu again, he also recalled the dark history of those youths, and then began to hurt the other party more severely to show his change, so later on the island. Yin Yu, who is a demon in the past, will laugh at him as a complete sadist. If he loses his young and handsome appearance, he will only be left with ugly atrocities...

As for Zhao Boyang and Xia Jun, the relationship between them is actually not close, they are not even considered friends, and the intersection can be said to be almost non-existent.To a certain extent, Xia Jun is jealous of everything Zhao Boyang has, including his family background, circumstances, and his calm and self-possessed appearance, and he is also an imaginary enemy in his heart.He has always been paranoid that Yin Yu finally "betrayed" him and left City J, leaving him alone because of Zhao Boyang's relationship.

Of course, the real situation must have nothing to do with Zhao Boyang, Yin Yu just wants to leave, he doesn't look forward to the future, and he has no future, but it doesn't mean that he won't get tired of Xia Jun, so the sad thing is that Xia Jun will never Understand the truth of this reality. (Yin Yu is a scum/devil scum.)