[full-time master] immortal

I looked up at sister Ning Xuan in the COSTA coffee.In the morning, I was the one who dragged Ye Xiu into the Starbucks to treat him, but now I was pushed into COSTA by sister Ning Xuan to invite me.It's really a turn of wind and water, and the heavens will spare no one.

I was at the event site just now, and I stood in the auditorium and looked into the distance, before I had time to take a closer look.Now, I finally have the opportunity to sit down and take a good look at this old man who has not been seen for many years.Sister Ning Xuan is a little plumper than she remembers, different from the thinness when she was young, with a little flesh on her cheeks, but she is also a little more angry than before.Her hair was cut short, and she looked neat and tidy.

Since I had already drank coffee in the morning, out of consideration for my health, I ordered a cup of milk tea very conservatively, while sister Ning Xuan ordered a cup of espresso Americano. I don’t know how she drank it without frowning. This thick and colorful bitter coffee.As she reached for the paper cup, I saw a slender ring on the little finger of her left hand.

I remembered that many years ago I peeked at her and Su Muqiu drinking Ovaltine at the door, it seemed like a world away.

"I...didn't speak very badly just now, did I?" Sister Ning Xuan asked me rather embarrassedly, "I graduated from junior high school and have no education. The little girl who asked the question looked like a college student, so I was afraid that my speech would not be good. , Misleading the younger generation.”

"No, sister, you spoke very well." I hurriedly comforted her.In fact, I am not from a liberal arts school, but to me, a layman master student, sister Ning Xuan really speaks very well.

The sister Ning Xuan who uneasyly admitted that she was "no cultured" suddenly filled my heart with the shame of eating too much and occupying too much.I know better than anyone that she should have had a splendid life.

Sister Ning Xuan asked me about the recent situation of Mucheng and me, and briefly explained her own encounters over the years.She worked in a flower shop for several years, saved some capital, and planned to start her own business.Three years ago, she and her friends bought another store in partnership and became their own boss.Today, this small shop is doing well.The shop hired a few employees, and the boss, Ning Xuan, also had a lot of leisure time.When she is free, she reads and writes in the store.The part-time college students in the store read Ning Xuan's articles, and they felt that the words were sharp, and suggested that she open an official account, so that they could enjoy the strange articles together.Ning Xuan adopted her suggestion.At the beginning, she just used the official account as a blog to publish some mood diaries. Unexpectedly, riding on the wind of self-media, several articles commenting on social gender news were circulated wildly in the circle of friends, and Ning Xuan won a prize for this. Loyal readers.Only then did she get serious and began to manage the official account with all her heart. The original private blog has now been turned into a well-known feminist official account by her.

The name Ling Shuang comes from her official account name - Ling Shuang Zhai.

The old chrysanthemum is blooming in frost, and the pine is holding the snow.

The name Ning Xuan was given to her by Dean Ning. In the past, she thought it was a pleasant and moving name, but now when she thinks about it, she only has endless disgust.It is almost a sexual hegemony that men give women names.She doesn't want to use that man's surname anymore, and she doesn't want to be the daylily flower that grows in the fields and ditches—she doesn't want to use her brilliant colors to sing the praises of the maternal love she never had.She thought, not every girl has to be a mother like Daylily, she would rather be the proud plum, orchid, bamboo and chrysanthemum.Therefore, the original Ning Xuan was buried forever by her, and what survived was Ling Shuang, who bloomed proudly in winter.From then on, I just called her Ling Shuang.

She called up her WeChat official account and pushed the phone to me.I saw that the logo of this official account was very familiar. I turned on my mobile phone and found that I also followed this official account by chance, but I didn’t read the article much.Although Ling Shuang is self-effacing and uneducated, her writing style is really good, and her comments on gender news are so sharp that I, a postgraduate student who has been studying for 19 years, feel ashamed.

"You know about me too."

Ling Shuang spoke suddenly, although the words were vague, but I instantly understood what she was referring to.

I put away my mobile phone, and I was quite surprised. I didn't expect that one day, she would take the initiative to mention this matter to me.However, I didn't show the surprise on my face, and nodded very solemnly.

Ling Shuang sighed.She said: "That night, I actually saw you and Su Muqiu."

Mentioning Su Muqiu's name seemed to involve her secret pain nerves.She frowned, lowered her eyes, and whispered, "I'm sorry about him."

I was slightly startled.I don't know where her apology came from, but I agree with her apology in my heart, because I have secretly blamed Su Muqiu's death on her for a long time.This misfortune nearly destroyed my entire world, but I couldn't blame the wind, or the rain, or the driver who was hit by a falling branch.So, who can I blame?I can only blame the man who let him go out in the wind and rain.

Even if I know that this kind of blame is inherently unfair.

"...It's all over." I said in a hoarse voice, took a sip of milk tea from the paper cup, but my tongue was hurt by the hot tea.I lowered my head, silently chewing on the burning pain permeating the tip of my tongue.

It's all over, whether it's sad, sad, regretful, or painful, it's all over.

"That day, he came to me and asked me to live a good life." Ling Shuang said with a sigh.I raised my head to look at her, and heard her start talking about Su Muqiu.After seven years, I can still hear new things about Su Muqiu from such an unfamiliar old man, even though there has been no new things for seven years.

When reunited with Su Muqiu, Ling Shuang was not doing well.In other words, she hadn't had a good time in the 22 years before that.

When she knew nothing, a demon gave her everything, and then taught her to love him in the most secret corner.She has nothing to rely on, no choice but to love him, and she can only believe that she is loved by him.Later, an old man came to her and said that he could save her.However, out of ignorant love and childish loyalty, she chose to keep a secret for her lover, and refused the hard-won salvation.However, when she missed the only possible exit, at the age of 14, she felt regret from the bottom of her heart for the first time.That night, the beast-like demon faded from her room, and she saw the hurrying figures of the boy and the girl by the white moonlight.Yueniang took care of her and the two children, and she witnessed them fleeing hand in hand.For a moment, she suddenly felt that her soul was washed clean by the moonlight, and at the same time realized that her situation was so bleak and filthy.A voice that had never been before screamed in her heart, that is not love!That's not love!

She closed her eyes in the darkness, and covered her nearly broken body with a thin quilt.

That is not love.

Demons are insatiable.When her body inevitably changed from a girl to a girl, the demon also rejected her.He opened his terrifying fangs and went towards the other girl.Fortunately, that girl is not alone.Ling Shuang saw through all these tricks, so she ran wildly, and the cold winter wind poured down her throat violently.She found the girl's brother and stopped everything before it was too late.Standing in the distance, she witnessed the blood and fangs of the devil splashing out from a distance. Although she felt the joy of revenge, she was not peaceful.There was a violent emotion escaping from the depths of his heart—a sense of injustice. At the age of 14, she suddenly felt at a loss. She didn't understand why someone could be saved, but she could only watch herself being infected by darkness ignorantly.She tossed and turned every midnight, only to feel that the filth left by the devil was still left on every corner of her body, which could never be washed away.

Then, the demon died.She felt boundless fear again—the demon was no longer a mortal, but completely became a kind of existence beyond the world, a kind of unknown and terrifying power.She always suspected that the demon was still walking alone somewhere in the orphanage, still infecting every young and immature body, and tricked them into saying it was love.What frightened her even more was that she was an awakened person. She betrayed the devil, so she couldn't escape the devil's revenge.Several times, she woke up from a light dream, as if she could still hear the devil's footsteps softly ringing outside the door, and then creaked, and he appeared in her room again, just like the past thousands of days, Swallowed her whole like a deadly wave.

Yueniang looked after her.But this cold moonlight cannot wash away all the sins of this world.

She screamed silently in the night.

She escaped from the orphanage, but she never escaped from the nightmare set by the devil.She suffered from insomnia day after day, screaming in the middle of the night, gasping for breath, and dripping with cold sweat.The Ling Shuang who met Su Muqiu again was a Ling Shuang who had been tortured by nightmares for seven years.During that time, the shadow of death shrouded her, and she only felt that she was sliding into the embrace of death day after day.

But Su Muqiu found her.He called her name in front of the refrigerator in the supermarket, she turned her head suddenly, and a hole opened in the darkness, and stars fell out.

She left Su Muqiu the address of her flower shop.Originally, she just sent out an invitation casually, and didn't really look forward to his arrival.However, the next day, he appeared at the door of the flower shop covered in rain, raindrops were still dripping from the tip of his hair, and a small puddle was formed on the edge of the red umbrella in his hand, but his smile was bright .On such a rainy and gloomy day, she already had a vague memory of what they said between the flowers.However, she remembered that the young man was sincere and sincere, telling her all the lovely things in the world, as if he really took a gamble and wanted to take her back from the approaching death.

Before leaving, Su Muqiu took out a crumpled envelope from his bag and solemnly handed it to her.She waited for the boy to leave before she lowered her head and opened the letter.Inside the envelope were some bills and a sheet of letter paper that had been folded many times.She unfolded this page of letter paper. Because of the rain, the ink on the paper was slightly blurred, but it was still clearly visible.Su Muqiu spent one night collecting the addresses and contact information of all nearby psychological counseling centers for her, roughly comparing the charging standards and online reviews of each counseling center, and recommended three counseling centers with the highest cost performance for her.At the same time, he also listed a series of psychological self-help books, and annotated the content of each book next to the title.At the end of the letter, the teenager wrote to her: "Sister Ning Xuan: Don't feel bad about yourself. You have done nothing wrong. You are just sick. It doesn't matter. You have to live a good life."

He said this to himself many years ago.However, she didn't listen to it at the time.

It turned out that when Su Muqiu saw her yesterday, she had already noticed something was wrong with her.He stayed up all night collecting information, and came here in a hurry in the rainstorm, just to give her a hand, keep her, and save her.

She suddenly thought of the old man who came to the orphanage many years ago.The old man stretched out his hand to her, wanting to help her escape from Dean Ning's imprisonment, but she missed it.But now, Su Muqiu handed her another escape map, asking her to escape the curse of Dean Ning's soul, and asking her to let herself go.

This time, she decided to catch him.

However, when she was concentrating on reading the map leading to life, there was suddenly harsh brakes and violent crashes in the distance.It was a loud noise full of pain that could not be concealed by the sound of rain all over the sky.

The loud noise hit her heart hard.

Although the long treatment and rehabilitation were still completed by Ling Shuang herself and the psychological counselor, she always felt grateful for that bright and clear boy: it was he who gave her a sword to destroy the enemy and tear the darkness away. An opening was made, which pointed out the direction for her to follow.

So, after she felt that she had a certain ability, she wanted to use her power to shout for every girl who had the same or similar experience as her.The girl's body is no longer a delicate stamen, but a battlefield full of bloodshed and sacrifices, and she will be the one who waves the military flag on that battlefield.She worked hard to read a lot of books and write a lot of articles.She is a sister who is recovering from injury, and she wants to give every sister who is crying silently a warm and firm hug, and tell them that every girl who is stuck in the mud is also an innocent and clean angel.She always held a kind of atonement mentality towards Su Muqiu, as if as long as she could save one more girl, then her guilt towards Su Muqiu would be lessened.

After listening to Ling Shuang's narration, my heart was full of ripples.Ling Shuang filled in many blanks about Su Muqiu.He is indeed that pure and kind young man, holding a warm and clear heart, the light that I have looked up to all my life.However, apart from longing in my heart, there is also a touch of sadness and bitterness.

I tried to analyze the reasons behind all Su Muqiu's actions - his pure heart, the sincerity of his relatives and friends, and his sense of guilt.As for whether there is a little love sprinkled in it, I can't tell.

"Ning... Sister Lingshuang, I have always felt that Mu Qiu likes you very much since I was a child." I said such a sentence without thinking, and I regretted it after I finished speaking, and hurriedly added, "No... what I mean is, He didn't tell me that, but I personally think you two are a good match."

Just like Yang Guo and Xiaolongnv are a good match, they are two poems that complement each other.

After hearing what I said, Ling Shuang had a perplexed expression on her face.Confusion turned into surprise, and then transformed into a tolerant smile.She shook her head lightly, and said, "Su Muqiu just wants to help me, he doesn't like me...I mean, it's not the kind of like you said."

For a moment, I felt a sense of relief in my heart.In fact, I have long understood that my guess had no sign or basis at all, it was just my own self-pulling over and over for a long time: "I understand."

"I used to envy you both." Ling Shuang said suddenly, with a little nostalgia for the past in her smile, "You two have always been together."

"And Mucheng, the three of us have always been together." I smiled wryly, and did not confess my extraordinary talent and the existence of those ghosts to Ling Shuang, "For Muqiu, I am the same as Mucheng, They are all sisters."

"I think it's different, he loves Mucheng very much."

"Indeed, she is his own sister after all, and he loves Mucheng very much."

"But he kind of likes to bully you."

I was quite surprised by Ling Shuang's words: "Does he have one?" After I finished speaking, I laughed. I remembered that he always liked to reach out and rub my hair into a chicken coop, and I remembered that he always despised me for playing forest ice and fire man .If that counts as bullying, then it is.

"Really. I remember that in the orphanage at that time, Su Muqiu was an obedient and sensible boy in the eyes of everyone. There was nothing to worry about. So, seeing him always bullying you and teasing you, I A little surprised."

I searched for the young Su Muqiu in my memory.As Ling Shuang said, in the eyes of others, he is always a poem that is rigorous and harmonious, and it is still sweet to read; however, the relationship between me and him is always lacking in poetry, just a string of poems Unintelligible laughter, a bunch of broken words, some fragmented fragments, lacking any meaning, no beauty.This particularity used to make me feel inferior.

"I think...Of course, I'm the same as you, but at the time, I thought that if Su Muqiu had a girl he liked, he would probably be like this--not so serious, not perfect, but a little... How should I put it, the vitality of a little boy." Ling Shuang seemed to be particularly satisfied with her words, and nodded slightly, "Yes, vitality, the kind of vitality that can be coquettish and not afraid of getting messy."

I understand what Lingshuang means.He is a pure and kind person, but he always bears too many shackles.Facing Mucheng, he has always been the best brother in the world, and even traded his own future for Mucheng's future; facing Ling Shuang, he has always felt guilty for not being able to save her from Dean Ning. As for many years later, even if you go out in a fatal rainstorm, you will have to atone for your sins.Only in front of me, he has no responsibility, nor does he have any disappointment, he can be himself frankly, he can turn my hair into a chicken coop, and he can lead me to swim in the water moon cave at night , You can roll your eyes and despise my 4399 hobby.

"If he really had a girl he liked...Xiaoqing, then I think it's you, it can only be you."

I shook my head with a smile, but my heart was still full of ripples because of Ling Shuang's words.The circles of ripples turned into swaying crystal water, and the water turned into shocking waves.I am like a sleeping person awakened by a word.

It is indeed a wonderful experience.Seven years have passed since Su Muqiu existed, and by chance, Ling Shuang and I sat at the same table, tracing the appearance of that young man in our memory, and guessing what he had in mind.

It turned out that we all thought that Su Muqiu had liked each other before.

I suddenly remembered the slogan of the lecture just now - love is as blurred as the glass window of a public toilet.I don't like the attributive public toilet, but I suddenly feel that Su Muqiu's heart is like a foggy glass, hazy and fuzzy, people can't see clearly, and they can't stretch out their fingers to wipe away the fog, so as to see his thoughts clearly .

—Could it be me?

"Unfortunately, I won't see him again. No one knows what he's thinking." Ling Shuang clasped the paper cup with both hands, showing guilt, with tears in her eyes.I think of a sentence I just saw in her official account - "Regret is the background color of life", and I don't know when she typed this string of sentences on the keyboard, did she ever think of Su Muqiu.

When I bid farewell to Ling Shuang and walked out of the coffee shop, it was getting late. I looked at the last ray of white light in the sky and felt sad.I called my grandfather, and they had already finished the process.Grandpa said that Su Muqiu's affairs are urgent and should not be delayed.Lao Yu's plane is estimated to arrive at two or three o'clock in the morning this morning, and he must start to deploy immediately as soon as he arrives.Now, grandpa is going to pick up Lao Yu at Pudong Airport, while the three Mr. Ghosts are staying in Fuxing Park to prepare for the pre-battle affairs.Although Su Muqiu is also there now, he really has nothing to do these few hours.Grandpa suggested that I take him home and have a chat again, and explain everything that should be said clearly and clearly. After this formation is over, I don't know if we can meet again in this life.

What my grandfather said made my heart jump, and I know who my pessimism comes from.

"When Lao Yu arrives, I'll call Lennon."

"……got it."

I hung up the phone, trotted across the road, and wanted to go into Fuxing Park to find Su Muqiu.However, the park has passed its opening hours and I can't get in.At two or three o'clock in the morning, it was still possible to climb over the wall and enter, but now that the streets are full of people coming and going, it's not easy to rush in under the watchful eyes of everyone.In desperation, I could only ask a passing ghost lady for help.The elegant Miss Republic of China in a cheongsam stepped on high heels, walked into Fuxing Park calmly, and walked out the door with Su Muqiu, who looked dazed, after a while.He has put on his clothes again, a crumpled short-sleeved blue plaid T-shirt, which is particularly eye-catching on the streets in winter.Fortunately, only I can see him.

"Xiao Qing? What are we going to do now?" Su Muqiu scratched his head and asked me.

"I'll take you home first, we'll wait for Grandpa Yu at home."

I led Su Muqiu towards the subway station, and talked to him about the sister Ning Xuan who had become Ling Shuang, but I concealed our discussion about him.Su Muqiu felt very relieved when he heard Ling Shuang's recent situation, and his steps became much lighter when walking beside me.

Today is Christmas Eve, and the road from Yandang Road to Middle Huaihai Road is filled with lively and extraordinary Christmas atmosphere.The street trees along the road are covered with silver lanterns, while the lower bushes are sprinkled with golden lights.All of a sudden, the fiery trees and silver flowers are shining brightly, as if the Milky Way has fallen into the world, and people can't help but want to wander in it.Countless couples who were talking and laughing passed us by, their expressions were vivid and eager, as if youth is an inexhaustible fire and life is an inexhaustible water.

We stopped in front of the huge Christmas tree in K11 and looked up at the tall tree covered with hollowed-out stars. The evening wind brought Christmas songs played in the mall, warm and light.Singing, laughing, talking, the cry of one calling to another.This is the most ordinary night in the world. This ordinary world is noisy, as always.

I turned my head to look at Su Muqiu, only to see that he was looking up at the spreading artificial Milky Way.

If the best situation can happen, if everything goes as we wish—then, at this moment tomorrow, perhaps Su Muqiu will be like the countless passers-by who passed by us, wearing a thick winter coat and wrapping himself in warm clothes. Knitted scarves, breathing white air in the wind, walking under the grand lights, gently holding the lover's small palms and putting them in the pockets, sharing this perfect Christmas night.The future he may have is as dazzling and brilliant as the brightly lit human galaxy in front of him.Instead of walking on the road with me inexplicably like now, watching ordinary people come and go, but separated by a barrier of life and death.

I followed his gaze and raised my head. I didn't look at the lights, but looked up at an extremely slender crescent hanging in the sky through the heavy lanterns.

I suddenly remembered what Ling Shuang said to me.Moon Mother looks after us, she always looks after us.This cold moonlight, which looks dim in the center of the metropolis, is still willing to radiate brilliance quietly. It always evokes feelings like nostalgia in my heart: clean and clear, can wash away all dirt, smooth All pain.

On that night many years ago, the moonlight washed my heart, let my liking for him remove impurities and become clean and transparent.But tonight's moonlight enveloped this heart with a layer of soft and misty warm mist.The old Gu Xihua revived his body in my 26-year-old body, and I am no longer so young, but I have some feelings and delusions that belong to girls in a trance.I don't want to be a light chaser anymore, and I don't want to simply look up and yearn for him anymore.I want to be the lover who holds his hand, and I want to go back to the world of mortals with him, to be a pair of lovers walking side by side in the mortal world, to have his hugs and kisses, and to share his countenance from now on. For the rest of our ten years, we will transform into ghosts one by one when all of us are gray-haired, and live forever in the mysterious nether world.

If he can survive, then, I want to be selfish for myself.

I want to be the woman of my dreams.

—Could it be me?

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The author has something to say: 2022.02.18 I will update Mucheng's birthday!Happy birthday Mu Mu!

Wearing a ring on the little finger of the left hand: It means that the chapter on non-marriageism is extremely painful to write. It has been overhauled and revised several times. I want to show the changes in the characters’ mentality more delicately. I am not surprised that there will be the current number of words_|||About Ning Xuan The ending of my sister was actually a more tragic story a few years ago.But now I want to let her go to the light, even if it is a little idealistic.

This chapter is the reciprocal Chapter 3 of the main text!By the way, I would like to announce here, because of the start of school + the need to modify the paper + I haven't saved enough drafts for the extra episode, this article will resume weekly updates!Let us work hard together in the new semester!See you next Friday!

2022.03.01 Modify typos