aerobic respiration

1. New job

You are making powder.

After hundreds of years of overtime work in Zhonghe Hell, the ghost of Ghost Lantern | The Great Demon King of Animals finally found out that he gave you two days off. After suddenly unloading the burden, you held Bai Ze from Taoyuan Township to you with tears in your eyes. The snail noodles purchased on behalf of others took a sip of the soup.

As a result, before you start chewing the sour bamboo shoots in your mouth, you feel a strange but familiar sense of detachment.

"...Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo out..."

A pitiful voice rang in your ears, you were stunned for a moment, swallowed the food in your mouth, and subconsciously said: "What?"

Then the vague sense of detachment suddenly became stronger, the scene in front of your eyes suddenly distorted, and three white rays of light lit up beside you.

"Ah! Ah! Ahhhhhhhh! Matthew! It's colorful light! Five-star! I'm giving out five-star!!!"

——The voice you heard before suddenly distorted and became crazy. You seemed to have been kicked by someone, and you staggered into a shield-like summoning array.

"Foreigner, Hastur, come here to obey the call of human beings..." You can't help opening your mouth, and suddenly reacted halfway through the lines, "Wait, what's going on, who the hell called me here? "

You waved the light around you and looked around. Two short-haired girls stood in front of you, staring at you dumbfounded.

One of the girls with orange-red hair—your spirit base reaction tells you that this is the new boss who summoned you—asked in surprise, "Foreigner? Mash, is there a Heroic Spirit up in the card pool for this event?"

Another girl with pink hair and glasses quickly searched the tablet in her hand, "No, there is no information about Miss Hastur in Chaldea's spirit base file... Could it be the heroic spirit of Ouzheng who has been temporarily put into the plot pool and has not yet been up? "

No, you're clearly the product of an inadvertently implicated summoning bug.

You have a lot of headaches, and you are searching for reasons to explain to your new boss and run away to resign. You finally got a green card and official establishment in hell in Japan. You have just paid five insurances and one housing fund for 28 years, and now you have to change jobs and go to other places. You will be blacklisted by that bastard Ghost Lamp, but these two young human girls have happily welcomed you out and lead you to find a lady named Da Vinci to fill in the data.

"Oh, oh, it's so rare, it's another heroic spirit belonging to the old ruler." The plump and beautiful Ms. Da Vinci smiled while testing your data.

You, who were still struggling with your words, were startled when you heard this, and asked, "Again? Do you have anything else here...Old Yang?"

You finally remembered, isn't this strange snow-covered institution Chaldea?The human support project started by the company a long time ago, the one where a group of alien gods rushed to go on a blind date... Damn, can't this mean you can't resign?

Then what about your boyfriend who is still in hell playing mahjong with your brother!

You panicked, thinking that if you disappeared on the way again because you went out for extra meals, you might suffer from ptsd, but you looked back at Chaldea’s optical brain—oh, it’s not the optical brain, but the observation system Sheba ——The time, found that it is now October 2017.

You who exist in the plane of human history at this time should still be preparing for the first level of the Japanese language proficiency test in hell.

...I almost forgot that the Seat of Heroes has no concept of time, the past is the future, and the future is the present.

Well, a real social animal can work part-time and overtime across time and space even during a relationship—you comfort yourself, accepting the reality with melancholy and sadness.

2. New workplace

Your new boss is named Fujimaru Tatsuka.

Because of some accidents, this young Japanese girl became the last master in the world, and had to shoulder the heavy responsibility of saving the world, signed contracts with many heroic spirits in human history, and rushed on the road to correct the singularity.

Of course, none of the above has anything to do with you. When you came to Chaldea, the world had already been saved, and there were only a few sporadic little singularities left. Fujimaru Tatsuka has a bunch of full-level and full-skilled golden brigade heroic spirits, you The attribute of job agency restrains embarrassment, it is not suitable for Zhouhui, and there is no chance to go out and book for the time being.

Although it's cool not to have to work, but being so idle when you first join the job may affect your reputation.

With such worries in mind, you knocked on the door of Chaldea's kitchen, intending to take advantage of this spare time to blend in with the group.

"Mr. Emiya, I'm here to help test the poison again."

You sit at the dining table with a serious expression on your neckkerchief, looking respectfully and expectantly at the red-clothed kitchen god——Archer Emiya, waiting for his skillful cooking.

It seems that due to a wonderful coincidence, at this moment, Chaldea has not yet welcomed your colleague Yang Guifei, and the only person who has descended is your distant cousin, the bubble teapot Yog Sothoth, but that guy is possessed in a In the little girl named Abigail, there is no self-awareness at all, almost non-existent.

You are new here and have no relatives, so you decide to build a good relationship with the cafeteria staff first.

There is a shortage of manpower in Chaldea, so the staff working in the kitchen are also heroic spirits. There are currently four resident chefs, Miss Boudica from England, Mr. Emiya from Japan, Tamamo cat maid who doesn’t know if it’s a fox or a dog, and Mei. The charming witch Circe.

Among the four heroic spirits, Mr. Emiya alone has the best temper. You decisively choose to use him as a starting point to mix into the group, and eat until your belly is full|full every day.

Heh heh heh, what is today's lunch, spicy hermit crab, or stewed wildebeest meat with Qiqi magic wine?

You were looking forward to it sincerely, and suddenly you heard the man's long laugh.

"hahahahahahahahahahahaha--"

"hahahahahahahahahahahaha--"

Or a duet.

You looked up suspiciously, and you always felt that the laughter of one of them was familiar, and then you saw two half-naked men walking into the restaurant laughing.

"Nice shot, Taiyo." The blond-haired man chatted, "Did you see Tatsuka Fujimaru's blank expression? It's funny."

"Indeed, she must have been conquered by the king's decision, so she couldn't say a word." Another black-skinned man also said, the two laughed in satisfaction, and the people around looked sideways.

you:"……………………"

Grass!Isn't that Gilgamesh! ! !

Thousands of years ago, you ignorantly changed Enkidu's skin and ran to talk to him, but you were beaten to death by this hot-tempered chicken. The tragic memories of the past resurfaced in your mind. I couldn't help shivering, and got under the table.

Damn, run as long as you can, if Gilgamesh's big mouth tells you all the stupid things you did before, then you will have no face.

You resolutely used the passive skill Breath Blocking, and quietly walked around to the other side of the canteen, planning to run out quickly from the other exit while the two haha ​​monsters were not paying attention. The succubus and the...grass holding the slate?Why is there Gilgamesh?

You looked at the two in dismay, and found that the second Gilgamesh was a ghost of another job, so you had to go elsewhere.

I always feel like a pervert, you think, moving to another place in pain, finally waiting for the second Gilgamesh to leave, just about to run away, when I suddenly saw the black history that induced you to die Enkidu, the beauty of Uruk, walked in gracefully in a white robe.

you:"……"

You shiver and crawl away.

Attacked from three sides, you have no way to retreat, covering your face and crouching under the long table, when someone poked you suddenly.

You startled, and turned around to see a beautiful boy with blond hair looking down at you strangely.

"What are you doing under the table?" he asked.

Oh grass, found out!

You leaned over in a hurry, signaling that his reaction should not be too obvious, "Little friend, don't look away from me, I'm hiding from people, just pretend you didn't notice it and continue eating, please!"

Hearing this, the boy raised his head and looked around, "Who are you hiding from?"

"Gilgamesh," you whispered, "I've provoked him before, and he'll hit me when he sees me."

"How is that possible?" the boy said, "He's not that stingy, come out."

No, no, no, this is not a matter of being stingy or not. It would be fine if you bumped into each other at the beginning, but now you are under the table, if other colleagues see... you will never come out if you open the bow without turning back!

You shook your head frantically, the boy looked at you in embarrassment, straightened his back under your urging, pretended to be nonchalant and said nothing.

More and more heroic spirits came to the cafeteria, the restaurant became noisy, you hid in the corner, the wind was rustling and the water was cold, Mr. Wei Gong came over for a while and asked, "Where's Hastur?"

"If you're talking about the sister in yellow, she left beforehand." You heard the boy say that, he seemed to be very interested in the food in Mr. Emiya's hand, he asked for two pieces of dessert, and then secretly handed them to him about you.

You are almost moved to tears.

After those elders left, you got out after disabling your skills, and hugged the boy's thigh weeping.

"You little prince-like angel, from today on, you are my soulmate!"

You sobbed and picked up a chicken leg, murmured curses at Gilgamesh, and suddenly remembered that you didn't know who this little angel was, so you asked, "By the way, what's your name, kid?"

"My name is Gilgamesh," the boy said with a smile. "You can also call me Young Gil."

He stroked your head affectionately—the former has more elements—and then left you staring at him away in a daze.

You, Hastur, social death on your third day at work in Chaldea.

3. World Game

You decide to quit your job.

I can't do this job anymore, Gilgamesh actually has three goddamn three, and you have a dark history from old to young, and you will definitely have an accident if you stay any longer.

You hurriedly ran to find the Master to submit your resignation letter, planning to turn into a gold cube and go home to play mahjong at night, but I didn’t expect Fujimaru Tatsuka to be better than you. When you found her, she was buried in the sea of ​​books in the room In the middle, he covered his face in pain.

"What's wrong? Master?" You leaned forward curiously, "Why is your face so broken?"

"Hasta?" Fujimaru Tachika came back to his senses, and said embarrassedly: "It's nothing, it's just that the physics textbook is too difficult to understand..."

"Huh? Does the last master of mankind still read physics textbooks?"

"Of course I have to read it," Fujimaru Tatsuka complained, "The United Nations will send someone to take over my job after a while. If there is no accident, I should go back to Japan to study. How can I keep up with the progress of school without reviewing the textbook first... But physics is so difficult!"

Is elementary physics in the 21st century so advanced that the 17-year-old young JK is about to cry?

You scratched your head in doubt, and took a textbook casually, "Let me see... Hey, isn't this Lucifer?"

"What?" Fujimaru Tachika was taken aback for a moment, she looked over her head and said in surprise, "Did you recognize the wrong person? This is Einstein."

"How could I have mistaken that stinky fart?" You said, "120 years ago, human telescopes saw beyond the Milky Way, and the old man of Jehovah's company server had to expand the map, but because the scene to be rendered was too large, there was no There is no way to increase the frame rate, so humans on the earth came to the strange conclusion that "the speed of objects in the universe has a limit and cannot exceed the speed of light", so the Lord kicked Lucifer down and reincarnated, and told him to overthrow Newton's theory—”

You turn back the book and point to the mass-energy formula of E=mc^2:

"That's it. That guy even deliberately re-invented a new theory with the speed of light as the limit speed. What is the theory of relativity? Anyway, it's so nonsense that we have laughed at it for many years."