Youth Notes

The previous stories are fabricated, they are the dreams of the painful lovelorn back then, they only stop at the dream itself, at that time, place, that year, that love.The last story is true, I finally became a good swimmer, spent the black river of youth, swam the old river of time, saw the stars again, and saw the neon again.

"Traveling to Hainan in summer, I may disappear in the ends of the earth, and I can't get out of your shadow."

Many years later, Wen Ziqing sent a card.

The repaired ship has forgotten Fei Xiang's "Haijiao Tianya", it no longer sings, it is speechless.

Day after day, year after year, many years passed, many years, she became a bright star, she is still a weed in the countryside.

One day, the star said to the wild grass: I miss the days we walked together, I miss the warmth of the stars dotted in the grass, you are an eternally fragrant garden, and I am a colorful butterfly under your sunshine.

The wild grass has no deep roots and no luxuriant leaves. It trembles in the night wind. It is petty and angry, and asks a tree beside it to turn sideways to cover it from the starlight.

Xing Xing was hurt: why are you avoiding me, why are you so hard-hearted?

The wild grass is silent, it doesn't want to look back on those days when it embraced the faintly visible starlight, it is no longer the hometown of fragrance, and it is no longer a butterfly under its sunshine.

The tree next to it saw the stars weeping, and heard the weeds sighing, it persuaded the weeds with concern: You used to be the most intimate friends, why don't you continue to be friends?

Under its repeated questioning, the wild grass said: the wild grass loved the stars, and it wanted to have them forever, but the stars flew away.The stars are not sincere, and the wild grass does not want to be friends with the stars anymore.

The star heard their conversation, it was angry, the star said to the weed: I didn't know you had such feelings for me, if I knew it, I wouldn't let you fall into it.

Twenty years later, Wen Ziqing said that she didn't know it was called homosexuality, she just enjoyed my pleasure happily.She apologized: My ignorance and naivety made you suffer in the youthful years, but unfortunately I do not love the same sex.Thank you very much, I still miss the deep friendship I once had.

When I was in college, I used chestnut shells to plant a small grass and hung it by the window. I don’t know where it went.I remember reading your childhood diary when I was in junior high school, which made me laugh half to death. You said: I planted a grass in the vegetable field on campus, a very small grass.Grass, grow well, one day, you will grow into a towering grass.Ziqing, isn't it really grass that we planted together that didn't reach the sky?

we were all young

I don't know anything but I just love to laugh

Lol why grandpa and grandma are so old

we all used to laugh

I don't know why I'm laughing

Laughing so hard that the moon bends down

Everyone laughed so hard

we were all young

I don't believe anything, I don't listen to anything

Just a careless young age

But always like to say once upon a time

we were all in love

I also believed that nothing would change

Although we used to cry

Our tears were once sweeter than honey

Once upon a time, I can't remember which year it was

We started to like to say once upon a time

Speaking of the past, it doesn't seem so far away

I want to say it clearly but I'm afraid I don't have time

said once upon a time

The sky is always an invisible sky

The road is always endless

recall the year

There are many unanswered questions

only until now

There are not many answers left

……

This is your favorite poem to recite. I once begged you to copy it on the title page of the diary. I like to see your childish handwriting like a child. I like this poem you like. "There are a lot of unfinished questions, but there are not many that need answers..." I once really wanted to ask you: Have you ever loved me?love love?But never asked.Now you've given me an answer I no longer need: No, you're just a friend.

I have been planting grass with my heart, and you have been planting vegetables seriously, because the desire for grass is too strong, I also regard vegetables as grass, because the belief in vegetables is too firm, you think grass is vegetables.We used to plow the fields together, we cleaned up the wasteland in the morning, and we hoeed back with the moon lotus.We sing songs at night, listen to flute and drums drunk, and enjoy the haze.We are full of sunshine and sunset, and the weather is myriad.We have always believed that we are confidants who are close to each other, but only after 20 years have we discovered that we have always been close to each other.Ziqing, I should be the one apologizing to you: I'm sorry, my ignorance and naivety disturbed you in the youthful years.Thank you so much for allowing me to experience an extremely beautiful love in my heart.We have no past, history is written by me alone.

This is my alternative youth.Hiding beauty in the bones, building pavilions in the air, chasing the moon in the water and mirroring the flowers, exploring quietly alone, becoming a cold star far away from the world.

I am like the tail feathers of a peacock: many hairs stretch out to the sides, following the wind and airflow, stretching freely, and flying. I insist on being the most beautiful but eternally still heart among the tail feathers——wrapped heavily, unable to move.

I am more like a mountain lake: big rivers rush eastward, and countless tributaries stretch out to the earth and flow to the ocean, carrying sand, gravel, fallen flowers, dead leaves, and broken grass, flowing freely and freely.Because I refused those silt and dead leaves, I stopped my galloping, and I wanted to drip water into a spring and calm into a lake.I formed a Haizi, a Haizi within the high mountains and above the dense forests on the plateau.clarity.pure.still.Eternal loneliness.

What is youth, today I know:

In certain ages, in certain groups of people, youth is ignorance.Is hesitant.is lonely.It's a misunderstanding.Yes, tragedy.

(Finish)