Youth Notes

"Bang—bang—clang—"

Dad slapped the tea-colored glass tea table and stood up with a "wow", dropped the porcelain cup in his hand on the tea table, picked up another one and threw it on the ground, and then grabbed the teapot and smashed it on the ground. The porcelain cup and teapot were broken into countless pieces in an instant. Splash to every corner of the living room.

Mom was still sitting on the bamboo chair in front of the tea table, watching TV with her back to Dad.

Dad was blushing, and the veins on his neck were bulging. He waved his arms impulsively and strode towards my mother. I immediately stood up and rushed to him, hugging him who was hot all over: "Dad, Dad, Don’t!——” I shouted loudly, and my father continued to rush forward, trying to break free from me, so I hugged him fiercely, against his tall body, and burst into tears.When the father couldn't touch the mother, he yelled at the mother sharply, saying: I don't know how good I was when I took my daughter home, but you ruined it all!As soon as I got home, I saw you with a cold face!Can I ask you to make a pot of tea?ah?Is it hard to make a pot of tea?ah?Sitting still and watching TV!Why are you so angry!ah?What do you want to do!Isn't it good that your husband is back?Is it okay for your daughter to come back?ah?

My mother didn't hum, just looked back at me, and said quietly: "Why are you so angry?"Why are you scaring your daughter so much?

Dad just turned to look at me. I didn't want them to see it. I never wanted others to see me cry, but this night, I couldn't help it. I was already covered in snot and tears.

Dad stopped struggling, and his blushing face gradually eased: I really don't understand what you are thinking, didn't I just drink a few glasses of wine?Can I go outside without drinking?So you will be angry?What's the point!

Seeing that my mother didn't say anything, my father criticized my mother again, and then went back to the room with my luggage to wash up.As soon as he left, my mother stood up quickly, hugged me, and said: Are you frightened by your father?Don't be afraid, don't be afraid...

Mom, mom, mom.

I'm not afraid, your daughter is not afraid at all, I just want to cry, you don't know that I cry every day, I cry every day, but today I cry very embarrassingly.

Mom, I want to cry when I see anything, I cry for my uncontrollable love, I cry for being tortured by emotions all day long, going back and forth between heaven and hell, I cry for why I am such a person, I can’t see the future, I often want to die, I always think about suicide.Mom, what is life, where is my life?When Dad got angry at you, I was thinking: Marriage is nothing more than that, so what if there is love, even if you are married, so what, but you will grow old and die amidst joy, anger, sorrow, joy and quarrels, does life have any meaning? ? ...

Mom, your child is no longer a child, she is not that simple child at all, she is not the child in your eyes, it is nothing if my father throws a teacup, I often want to smash myself to pieces, even if my father yells What, I roar to myself in my heart every day... I can't see everything in the world, everything in the world has become a tragedy in my eyes.The end of everything is death, nothing is meaningless, what is love, what is happiness, what is rich and poor, whether there is reunion or reunion, there is separation. What you have is not guaranteed to be lost in the next moment.Every day is different, every day you gain today, you lose yesterday, every today adds a little more pain to yesterday's pain, every day passes, you can't be sure if there is tomorrow...Mom, I am I came alive by counting the time from day to day, because every minute and every second I am obsessed with may be the last minute and last second of my life, because I am afraid of every minute and every second that I spend hard, I I don't know if I will have it in the next second, I don't know if I can hold on to the next second and the next second.

Mom, I am so desperate, I struggle every day in the dead sea of ​​despair.I love everything and love nothing.Mom, I don't know what to do.

I didn't say anything, I didn't say anything, I just stopped crying.

My mother held my head, smiled at me, and said: Silly daughter, dad is just angry with mom, why are you crying.

I also smiled at my mother and said nothing.

Tired of driving all day?Go take a good shower and sleep, huh?After my mother finished speaking, she kissed me loudly on the cheek.

Um.I touched my mother's face and kissed it too.I stood up and took my luggage bag, and when I turned around, tears poured down again quickly.

Mom, the most beautiful title in the world, I feel it too late.

All the while, Dad was our pride and god, and Mom, Mom had no glory.Even though she did all the farm work, set up stalls to sell things around day and night, even though she took care of all the housework and took care of our basic necessities, even though she was strong, tough, hardworking and capable, even if she did it for this The family has given everything, but it is far less great than her father. She is only for the "little family" and her father is for the "everyone". Her ordinaryness will always be overshadowed by the brilliance of her father.By the time we understand and experience the preciousness and greatness of mothers, we have all grown up.This woman who can't express herself, who can't be coquettish, who can't show weakness, who can't ask for and enjoy, this strong and capable woman who holds everything in her hands, shoulders, and swallows it in her stomach, a woman who is often wronged, Blame woman.Her beauty, her kindness, are gradually excavated from the bottom of our hearts as the years go by, and no matter how hard we dig, it always flows continuously. The treasures in the ground have the pure light and quality that have never seen the light of day, and there are unfathomably deep and secluded mountain springs that have been accumulated over the years. Its clarity and coolness have the sweetness that nourishes life until it lasts forever.

This woman who has been oppressed by life and unable to express delicateness, this woman who lacks the nourishment of civilization and love because of her complicated and unfortunate fate, in order to make up for her carelessness and violence towards children when she was young, she learned to embrace us, give us love and kisses, She wants to give back to us tens of times and hundreds of times what was lacking in the children in the past.And before we had time to feed back, she passed away suddenly.

That man, my father, is a typical male chauvinist. He doesn’t know how much he will pay for what he has done today, what he has done many times, for being rude to his wife. Will be heartbroken and guilty for losing her prematurely.This is his nightmare, our nightmare.