Difficult to return

After the beginning of spring, the weather became warmer day by day, but Song Shuhua's mood did not become clear at all.

It has been four or three months since a year ago, Lu Mingchen went home on time every night, and the two of them spent weekends together almost all the time, and he never had the chance to perform on stage again.

Zhou Yao spoke nicely, let him see his own convenience, and had no hard requirements on him.

In fact, Zhou Yao loses his temper at QUEEN every day because Tita does not appear on stage, which leads to the loss of customers.The stage director, the commercial and the program coordinator there, everyone took turns calling him.As a result, Song Shuhua broke into a cold sweat whenever he heard the phone ringing.

Not only the external pressure, because he has not been on stage for a long time, he is also very anxious inside.

The life of most ordinary people is composed of seven points of boredom, two points of pain and one point of happiness.People fight seven percent of boredom with three percent of bitterness and happiness, and heal two percent of pain with one percent of happiness.

For Song Shuhua, pain accounted for a greater proportion.

In front of my parents, in front of my husband, and in daily life, every minute that I can't truly be myself is a pain.Only wearing women's clothing and performing on stage, getting everyone's applause and love, is the only happiness.He needed this bit of happiness to heal ninety percent of his pain, but Lu Mingchen's sudden change cut off his way to release the pressure.

Song Shuhua's first performance in women's clothing was at the age of 12, just in the first year of junior high school.

It was also from then on that for the first time, he no longer hated going to school so deeply.

He can't remember exactly when he was subjected to school violence, but he remembers the origin of his sissy.

When I was a student, the teacher always liked students who were lively and active, and hated mischievous ones.Song Shuhua is neither of the two, he is silent and introverted, and has a weak personality. He may not be hated by the teacher, but he is even less liked by the teacher. He is only bullied by troublemakers.

The bullying at the beginning was all sporadic, nothing more than bumping into him and not apologizing, taking his things and not returning them.

But in a mathematics class in the third grade, the teacher asked him to get up to answer the question. Because his voice was too low, the teacher asked him several times on the stage and still couldn't hear clearly. You sound like a sissy, can you speak louder?"

Song Shuhua's mind went blank after being yelled at, and then his eyes turned red.The teacher waved him irritably to sit down.

Perhaps this teacher was just an unintentional mistake, but the three words "sissy" have stuck with him since then, and have followed him for almost the entire boyhood.

Children have not been domesticated by much civilization, let alone the age of discerning right from wrong, so they will only naively maximize their instinctive malice.

At an age that does not really understand the exact meaning of this word, children can already perceive that these three words represent a kind of alien, a quality that is different from everyone and should be criticized at the same time.In the past, bullying was one-on-one, but once a certain characteristic of a person was targeted, the bullying would converge and become violent.

From clapping around him and calling sissy, to stealing his textbooks, dunking his finished homework in a bucket, and throwing his schoolbag in the trash.Because he had no power to resist, the level of violence escalated as his classmates got older, and eventually turned into physical violence.

It is inevitable that the wounds on the body will be seen.His father was angry that he was useless, and he didn't know how to resist with his fists.The mother still ran to the school again and again, making a fuss in the principal's office, threatening to find a reporter to expose her.Finally, after seriously dealing with two classmates who had been beating him for a long time, the physical violence was finally curbed, but he was still the outlier who was ridiculed and rejected by everyone.

He became more and more silent, more and more timid and cowering, and just passed through the hellish torment of the entire elementary school.

He went straight to junior high school, and his classmates changed, but not all of them. It didn't take long for him to be a sissy again and spread throughout the school.

He felt that he would not be able to make it through. He was afraid of his father and dared not rashly propose to transfer schools.Just when he was in a dilemma, he ushered in the first turning point in his life.

The teacher of the art department in junior high school went to each class to select new members, and he immediately fell in love with his tall, thin and soft figure and that pretty face.

I went home and said that my father didn't agree with it, but my mother agreed, and finally reached a compromise-it couldn't affect the grades.

On the National Day, there will be an art show for all middle schools in the city. Every day after school, he has one more thing to do, which is to rehearse.He didn't expect that he was very talented in this area, and he learned faster than some old members of the second and third grades. It didn't take long for him to be selected as an official member of the show.

During the practice period, the official players have been adjusting all the time to dance well, but also beautiful and harmonious.

The team members are all a man and a woman, but the girl who leads the dance is too short compared to her junior high school seniors. In the end, the choreographer asked Song Shuhua to try as the lead dancer.

He wore a wig and a skirt, stood in the first row of the stage, and danced with his seniors.

He was very ashamed to wear a skirt for the first time, but he was faintly excited and felt comfortable.It seems that I have been wearing the wrong shoe size all the time, and it feels like I got it right for the first time.

But the choreographer was very satisfied with this adjustment. The tall and thin Song Shuhua was the perfect "heroine" in her heart, supporting the effect of the entire stage.She did a lot of work for him in private, telling him that all this was just to get the first place and win honor for the school.Also let the students who danced together not laugh at him, this is the sacrifice made by Song for the collective.

It was the first time that the teacher entrusted him with a heavy responsibility, the first time a classmate smiled at him to express kindness, and it was the first time that he felt that he was a normal person.

This kind of motivation not only made him accept playing the role of a girl, but also practiced dancing very hard.He became the best dancer in the team, and the teacher often praised him.

On the day of the performance, he put on a light skirt and a wig, and the teacher personally painted him stage makeup and praised him: "You are very beautiful, you are the best."

His hard work paid off, they won No.1 in that show, and he also received applause from all the audience.

He accepted the award on behalf of the team, and bowed to the audience after receiving the award.There was thunderous applause from the audience, and all the companions were laughing and congratulating, only he bent down for a long time and did not straighten up because he was crying.

Although he continued to be ridiculed by some of his classmates after the performance, and because he wore a skirt during the performance, he was even more convinced that he was a sissy, but he finally had a place in campus life.

The teachers in the literature and art department like him, and other members are very friendly to him.He became friends with several girls, and also became "buddies" with his seniors in the third grade of junior high school.

There is a female team member who is in his class and has a bold personality. When she sees others bullying him, she will take the initiative to stand up and defend her, and she will take the initiative to pull him into their small group of girls.Once this isolation improved, the level of school violence gradually decreased.

However, all the bullying and criticism came to an end when he was taunted by several boys in the men's room, wanted to take off his pants, and was bumped into by his dance partner.The senior helped him out of the siege at the time, and he was so embarrassed that he forgot even Xie and ran away.

It wasn't until a week later that he heard that that night, the senior brought a few people to beat up the people who surrounded him in the toilet, and said that Song Shuhua was covered by him, and whoever would trouble him again would be beaten up .

I don't know whether the boy's heartbeat is from emotion or loneliness.But unfortunately, the senior quit the department because of exam preparation, and never had the chance to be his dance partner again.

On the day the senior returned to school after the senior high school entrance examination, Song Shuhua prepared chocolates and a letter, which were packed in delicate pink letter paper.This may be the last meeting, and he hasn't had time to thank the boy for his help.

He was unable to give away the things in his hand for a long time, until the boy took the initiative to come to him and invited him and his classmates to celebrate their graduation together.

Song Shuhua shook his head, and only handed out what he had prepared.

The boy took the snack, was slightly taken aback when he saw the pink envelope, and declined with a smile: "If you are a girl, I will accept the love letter."

"I'll take the snacks. If someone still bullies you, you can say it's my brother. I'm in No. [-] Middle School in high school. If you need anything, you can come to me." After finishing speaking, he rubbed his hair.

Song Shuhua tightly grasped the love letter in his hand, blushing all over his face.Not surprisingly, he was rejected.But for the first time, he found the courage to do what he wanted to do, and the feeling cheered him up.

He has never met that senior again, and he has lost any contact with him long ago, and he can't even remember the other person's face.There was also the righteous female classmate in the first class of junior high school, he couldn't even remember the name clearly.

But thanks to them, like the teacher who unintentionally nearly destroyed him, unintentional friendship and help, dragged him out of the mire, ended his nightmarish violent experience, and became his dark adolescence Here, the only two important sustenance.

The only important sustenance is still acting, and he even learned the piano specially for this purpose.

--

The phone rang like a death call, one after another.

Song Shuhua glanced at it, but there was no caller's name.Unavoidably aroused the husband's suspicion, he never left the numbers of QUEEN related personnel.Even so, he was as familiar with the number as he could be.

He described it as anxious and didn't want to answer it, but when the phone rang for the second time, he still picked it up.

The voice of business crying: "TT, please show mercy and save me."

"..."

"You have never been on stage. We were so entangled before that we had no choice but to tell the guests that you broke your leg. It has been four months now, and that your leg should be healed. Why don't you perform?

"The customer insisted on seeing you. The boss gave me a death order. He couldn't appease the customer, so he told me to pack up and leave. TT, I have old and young people here, and I don't know how to do anything else. I can't really get out. ah."

Song Shuhua frowned: "...Manager Gao, it's not that I don't want to, it's that I... really can't help it. My family members don't know that I came to perform at QUEEN, and I used to come out behind their backs."

Probably didn't expect Song Shuhua to be under the control of his family as an adult, so he was stunned for a while.

"You can't sneak out now?"

"Ah."

"...can't let them know?"

"No. If they know, I won't be able to come out again." Seeing the other party's silence, Song Shuhua begged him, "Manager Gao, if you delay for a few more days, if you can come out at night, I will definitely come to QUEEN."

There was a moment of silence over there, and then asked again: "What about during the day? Can you come out during the day?"

"It is possible during the day, only on weekdays." That is the day when the husband works, "but the performances are all at night."

"Our normal time starts at seven o'clock. If it is moved to six o'clock, how about you to start?"

"I'll be late when I get home." When he finishes his performance, he will go to the old house to clean up and then go home. It will be eight or nine o'clock, and her husband will be home by this time.

It seemed as if I could hear the voice of gnashing of teeth: "The time is moved to five o'clock, you come to the opening, and you can leave before six o'clock."

Song Shuhua was still hesitant, and the other party directly helped him make a decision: "The official performance is this Friday, and you come to the rehearsal earlier on Thursday, so it's decided like that? TT, the whole performance is adjusted for you alone, and you also do it for us Think about it."

"……All right."