The world map and the only you

"Actually, Yan Xuan didn't do anything wrong, but I was in a bad mood." During a chat, Tong Yixin said this to Dong Fei.

On this day, Tong Yixin had just finished a final exam, and he knew that he must have failed the exam. All of them together, he was really powerless to resist the negative emotions in his heart, so he had to ask his friends for help.

"He didn't do anything wrong," Dong Fei pouted in the video, saying, "He didn't do anything at all."

Tong Yixin fell silent immediately, and Dong Fei continued: "You gave him everything. To put it bluntly, you have been giving away everything for thousands of miles. It is difficult to cherish things that come easily. This is not true. Understand?"

Dong Fei has been trying to pull Tong Yixin out of Yan Xun's pit. You know, it's hard to find a three-legged toad, but it's not easy to find a two-legged man?Tong Yixin is so good-looking and has such a good personality, he really doesn't understand what Tong Yixin has been obsessed with for so many years.

But Tong Yixin himself knows how good Yan Xun is, his cuteness, his humor, his knowledge, his eyebrows, his smile, all kinds of ingenious gifts on anniversaries, detailed trips planned again and again, worrying about getting a fever and getting sick He flew back to the country without saying anything... Yan Xuan is very good, Tong Yixin didn't want to deny this, and he knew how much he loved him.

However, emotions and human nature are interlinked, and neither can stand too many tests. You can give some small winds and waves, but not too much.The vicissitudes of the sea, the water dripping through the rocks, no matter how solid things are, they cannot withstand the accumulated polishing. The universe is changing every second, and the classic theories are constantly being revised by calculations. The laws of physics will not declare themselves eternally correct, let alone love.

So what if they were in love?There are many people in love, are they all suitable for being together?If love was enough, those deep and meaningful love stories would not be all tragedies.

Therefore, Tong Yixin and Yan Xuan finally came to the point of breaking up.

The cause of anything is not a simple event, but the superposition of a series of causes - just like the First World War cannot be attributed to the Sarajevo incident - but he must have a fuse.

The black humor is that the fuse of their breakup is a visa policy called h1b. Tong Yixin is a naive little fool. He came to the United States and didn't know there was such a thing.

That day, when Yan Xuan returned home, he was very happy, humming a song to change his shoes, and brought home a bouquet of flowers for Tong Yixin.

Tong Yixin was pouring water for the puppy they bought not long ago, he raised his head to take the flowers, and smiled at Yan Ling: "So happy?"

"I'm so happy, I got good news today!" Yan Xuan wanted to kiss Tong Yixin when he saw him, licked his lips, and discussed, "Let's go out to eat and celebrate with a good meal."

Seeing him so happy, Tong Yixin couldn't help laughing. He asked curiously, "What's the news? You won the lottery? The powerball prize pool has already reached hundreds of millions."

Yan Xuan smiled hippie and shook his head: "That's not possible. It would be too shabby to have a meal to celebrate if you won the Powerball. You have to buy a private jet anyway."

Tong Yixin still wanted to ask, but Yan Xuan urged him to change clothes and go out, and also told him: "Be a little more formal, let's go to that Michelin."

The atmosphere of the restaurant is very high-end, with musicians playing the violin on the terrace.The appetizers are served one by one, and the ingredients are delicately arranged on a beautiful dinner plate.Yan Xuan also opened a bottle of good vintage red wine and clinked glasses with Tong Yixin.

"Guess what kind of wine this is?" Yan Xuan looked at Tong Yixin with bright eyes.

Tong Yixin was powerless to resist his eyes, and smiled at the corner of his mouth: "Why, you want to test me? I'm going crazy for the exam recently."

Yan Xuan touched his hand on the table, held it and said, "Thank you for your hard work. I will be on vacation after the exam. Do you want to go somewhere to play?"

"See if you have time." Tong Yixin smiled indifferently. He took a sip of his wine and continued, "Languedoc, Cabernet Sauvignon, am I right?"

Yan Yao looked at the label on the bottle, staring at the stars in his eyes, clapping his hands exaggeratedly: "It's too powerful."

Tong Yixin was infected by Yan Xuan's emotions, and he was also in a good mood. He put down the red wine glass in his hand and asked Yan Xuan: "What is the good news, tell me quickly."

Yan Xuan blinked his eyes, and no longer kept his secrets, and happily shared: "I have won the h1b!"

"h1b?" Tong Yixin had never heard of this thing before, thinking it was the name of a lottery ticket, he asked, "What is that?"

Yan Xuan said: "H1B is a work visa, and I won the lottery once this year."

Tong Yixin couldn't share Yan Xuan's joy at all, and frowned inexplicably: "The work visa still needs to be drawn? Isn't what you are getting now a work visa?"

"I took opt, which is considered an internship visa after graduation? I'm not a STEM major, and opt will expire this year, so I need to get H1b." Yan Xuan explained.

Yan Xuan's tone was full of excitement, but Tong Yixin caught a point that made him worry: "You mean, there is still a possibility that you won't win?"

Yan Xuan didn't understand Tong Yixin's emotions at all, and said vehemently: "Yes, but the chance of winning is quite high, if you are a graduate student, you can draw twice, maybe 70%, I haven't counted. "

Tong Yixin confirmed with Yan Xuan in disbelief: "So, it's also possible..." He tried to calmly say the next words: "It's also possible, I come here to study, but you can't stay at all?"

As he talked, he felt that this might be too absurd, how could Yan Xuan do this?

Yan Xuan hurriedly explained: "No, usually the ones for sponsors can be drawn. I don't have that much memory. Isn't this the one that will be drawn?"

Tong Yixin couldn't be fooled so easily, he questioned: "It's possible that you won't be able to get it, right?"

Only then did Yan Xuan turn the corner, he glanced at Tong Yixin's increasingly ugly face, he didn't understand why a good meal turned out to be like this, it made him so upset, why everything had to be on the worst side think?He smiled and coaxed Tong Yixin: "Isn't this a draw... If it doesn't work, you can still go to ngo, then it will be 100% possible. It's really not as difficult as you think. My seniors and sisters have basically taken care of it."

Tong Yixin didn't want to talk to him anymore, he turned on his mobile phone to check the h1b policy carefully, sorted out the cause and effect, and felt more and more irresponsible for Yan Xuan.There is a [-]% to [-]% possibility that all the money he has put in will be in vain. Just because he is lucky this time, will that dangerous possibility disappear?

The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. The emotions he had accumulated before were like old buildings in danger, which could collapse with just a gust of wind.His pessimism has become a full bow, and his heart is too sensitive to bear such a possibility.

The waiter served another dish, Tong Yixin didn't have a smile on his face, and there was a terrible silence on the table.

Yan Xuan rubbed his eyes, sighed, and said helplessly, "I don't know how to explain it to you. Even if I don't win, it won't be what you think. I promise. And I did investment immigration a long time ago. Yes, it’s just that there are too many people queuing up, and I don’t know how long it will take to get it done.”

Yan Xuan didn't want to say a serious word to Tong Yixin, but the recent frequent small frictions really tortured him. He was especially afraid that Tong Yixin's current unhappy expression would make him walk on thin ice, afraid that even breathing would be wrong.

Tong Yixin still didn't look at him, and kept checking on his mobile phone. After a while, he said absently with red eyes, "Yan Yao, I want to go home first."

Yan Xuan looked at the delicacies on the table, only drank one-third of the red wine, paused, and his expression was not very good: "Does it have to be like this?"

He also felt aggrieved, and said in a low voice: "I knew I wouldn't tell you, I just want to share a good news with you...Is this not okay..."

"Oh, congratulations... very good, really good." Tong Yixin reluctantly prevaricated, his head was buzzing, he couldn't think calmly, he just wanted to avoid this environment.The melodious violin and the crisp sound of wine glasses colliding made him want to escape. He just wanted to go back to his room and be alone quietly.

Yan Xuan wanted to speak up, and complained childishly: "Why are you always angry? I really don't know what I did wrong. Isn't everything good?"

With a "boom", Tong Yixin only felt that something exploded in his mind, and countless thoughts were disturbed, and finally only turned into one - he really bothered me.

"This is also normal," Tong Yixin thought with his head down, "I also feel that I am so annoying."

Yan Xuan was almost suppressed to death, feeling extremely powerless, Tong Yixin couldn't feel better when he was angry, his chest was tight and painful: "I don't know why you are angry, I don't want you to be angry, what should I do?"

Tong Yixin kept his head down all the time, he didn't dare to look at Yan Xuan, this feeling made him not like himself, but he was not willing to let it go.

That day, Tong Yixin left on his own. Instead of going home, he took a taxi to a hotel, wanting to think about it alone.

Yan Xuan didn't look for him either.

When he woke up, there was no message from Yan Xuan on his phone, and Tong Yixin was both happy and disappointed.He laughed mockingly, thinking that he didn't even know what he wanted, so how could he expect Yan Xuan to give him an answer to satisfy him?

Tong Yixin stayed in the hotel until noon, and after thinking about it, he went home and had a good chat with Yan Yao. Yan Yao is so smart, maybe he will know what's wrong with him.

But when he opened the door, he found that Yan Ling was not at home.There was a note on the coffee table: "I'm going on a business trip to Chicago for a week, take care of yourself and don't get angry, okay?"

Tong Yixin pursed his lips, feeling a sense of loss, suddenly, he saw a small ball of paper gathered together on the ground beside the coffee table, he picked it up and unfolded it.

On the crumpled paper were the same words as in the note just now, except that there was an extra sentence at the end: "Would you be happier if you don't see me?" This sentence was heavily crossed out.

There was no sunshine or rain that day, and the sky and the earth were in shades of color.In the empty room, Tong Yixin clutched the note, breathless with heartache.He gasped, his eyes widened, trying to hold back the tears.He's been crying a lot lately, but he really doesn't want to cry.

The little boy yelled "angang", as if he didn't understand why he was so sad.

Tong Yi knelt down on the ground with all his strength, and asked a puppy for help: "What should I do?"

The little boy stared at him innocently with his dark eyes.

"It seems that there is really no other way." Tong Yixin hugged Xiaoguai and said softly.Xiaoguai's fur is very comfortable to touch, like soft and docile clouds in the sky.

"Am I very useless?" He said again, a cloud of fog formed in front of his eyes.He closed his eyes slightly, buried his head on Xiao Guai's back, and rubbed his hair, his voice was so soft, like a tear hanging on his eyelashes.

"You will miss me, right? Or are you going to follow me?"

"Let's stay with him, that big fool, we're all gone at once, how lonely he is."

"Be good, little boy, and take good care of him for me."

"I might..." Tong Yixin's voice trembled, he couldn't speak a few words intermittently, and tried his best to hide his sobbing.

"I might……"

"I can't grow up with you."

Holding Xiaoguai in his arms, Tong Yixin made a decision, a decision that would make him very sad.

After he made a decision, he took a shower, changed into a piece of clothes he liked, and then made a video call with Yan Xuan.

He told Yan Xuan to break up, Yan Xuan panicked all of a sudden, of course he disagreed, and hurriedly said: "Don't do this, I know we have a lot of problems recently..."

Tong Yixin just looked at him without revealing any gaps, turning the breakup into an impenetrable defense.

Yan Xuan said a lot, but Tong Yixin just smiled and listened to him with the kind of eyes that broke his heart.He was helpless, and finally asked: "Baby, do you still love me?"

Tong Yixin did not hesitate: "Love."

Yan Yao opened his mouth, wanting to ask why they broke up, when Tong Yixin seemed to sigh, "I just don't love myself like this anymore."

"Let's separate like this, before I become ugly."

No matter what Yan Xuan said, he could not influence Tong Yixin's decision.Tong Yixin no longer wants to calculate whether each other pays equally, no longer wants to measure whether this love is worth it, let it be like this, he loved a very good boy very much, this is already very good, and he should be content.

So far, they have been in love for four years and love each other, but they still go on different paths.

It was like having a dream full of struggles.

The author says:

Oh, the memory is over