The world map and the only you

Tong Yixin has never been afraid of going to a strange place. After so many years of travelling, the language or the language, and the color of the skin, in fact, will not form a barrier to communication.If you want to chat, you can talk for a long time just talking about the weather.

The real barrier is the human heart.

Sometimes you and a person have the same background, the same experience, the same past, you speak the same language, and even have the same love for each other, but when you speak, it seems that there is something separated, how to communicate Nothing is right.

I want to say the right thing, I want to do the right thing, but it seems that all my efforts are in vain, I feel awkward, and I am not purely happy.

I don't know when it started, but Tong Yixin felt that he and Yan Xuan had become like this.

When should we start?

In fact, Tong Yixin was really happy when he first arrived in San Francisco.

Every morning when I wake up in Yan Xuan's arms, with a little movement, Yan Xuan will be like a possessive puppy, hug him tighter in a daze, and kiss him randomly on the face.

If it's sunny outside, Yan Xuan will be woken up by the sun, squinting and opening his eyes reluctantly, if it's raining, he will stay on the bed longer, clinging to Tong Yixin for a kiss and hug, and it is very likely that he will miss it Breakfast, hurried to work.

Just the moment of waking up can bring Tong Yixin a great sense of happiness.It felt as if he was in the boundless Caribbean Sea, and his heart was a small drifting bottle, floating in the morning light like colorful glass.

Everything he imagined became real, eating together, sleeping together, going to a movie on weekends, or going to the surrounding area to play.Hold hands, kiss, make love, love in the sun.

How great would it be if life could go on like this forever?

Yan Xuan has spent half a year as a newcomer, and his work is becoming more and more comfortable, and with it, more and more arduous tasks.He began to be in charge of the project independently and had to travel from time to time.

Tong Yixin looked at the gradually mature temperament between his eyebrows and eyes, not only the throbbing of being attracted, but also the unspeakable fear and panic in his heart.

It should be a good thing that his young boy has grown up... Tong Yixin only felt that his mentality was not correct, but he really couldn't figure out why.

The schoolwork is neither difficult nor easy, but frankly speaking, Tong Yixin is not interested in it. After comprehensive consideration, he chose education as a major. Facing courses that he is not interested in every day, he just feels like chewing wax, but he should write There is not a single word missing in the papers that should be read, and they all need to be completed carefully. The homework that he doesn't like weighs him down.

"The development of critical thinking as the primary goal of the educational process..." Tong Yixin was alone in the school library, looking at this topic irritably, and couldn't help doubting himself, "Why on earth should I learn this kind of thing? What's the use of it?"

He always felt that he was wasting his life and money by learning these things. He didn't want to be a teacher, and he didn't want to engage in academics. What would he do after graduation?

Tong Yixin has always been a gentle and kind person, and he doesn't like to trouble others. Even if he knows that he is doing something he doesn't like, even if he knows that he made this choice because of Yan Xuan, he still tries to suppress his confusion and irritability. The bottom of my heart dissolves by itself.But people are not sages, he gradually lost control of himself, and accidentally showed a little anger.

Yan Xuan is always tired when he comes home from work, and he will inevitably pay less attention to Tong Yixin. It is difficult to know his unspoken emotions.But after being together for so many years, he could feel Tong Yixin's quarrel.

"How was your day?" Yan Xuan took off his suit jacket and loosened his tie as soon as he got home, wanting to have a chat with Tong Yixin.

Tong Yixin was sitting on the bed against the wall, reading a paper with the computer propped on his lap, he looked around and said to him: "Why did you come back so late?"

"I have a client from Europe, we just had a meeting online." Yan Xuan sat down next to Tong Yixin by the bed.

The same goes for Saturday... Tong Yixin was bored reading the thesis all day today, and he didn't decide on the topic he wanted to write. His emotions seemed to be stuck in a strange circle, and he couldn't get out. He was not very happy to find fault: " You haven't changed your pants, don't sit on the bed directly!"

"I was wrong, I was wrong," Yan Xuan knew that Tong Yixin was a clean person, so he got up quickly, "I'm going to take a shower first."

Tong Yixin didn't want to quarrel with Yan Xuan on purpose, and he also knew that Yan Xuan was tired after a busy day, but he couldn't suppress his anger: "The sheets are all dirty, they have just been changed! They need to be washed again."

"Isn't it..." Yan Yao thought in his heart, feeling helpless in Tong Yixin's state, feeling powerless, he hurriedly said: "I was wrong! I will wash it instead." He leaned in front of Tong Yixin and bent down Pretending to be cute, she blinked, wanting to ease the awkward atmosphere, kissed Tong Yixin on the mouth, and whispered, "What did you rub, why is it so fragrant?"

Tong Yixin didn't speak, Yan Yao continued to coax him, and sniffed his neck: "Why is it so fragrant, huh?" He glanced at Tong Yixin's screen and said, "Are you going to write paper?"

Tong Yixin gave a cold "hmm".

Since Yan Xuan's clothes were still "dirty" and he could neither sit nor stand, he bowed down and chatted with Tong Yixin: "Any interesting questions?"

Tong Yixin thought: "What can be interesting, the whole major is very boring, every day is very boring!" He closed the computer, opened the bed sheet silently to change, Yan Xuan was completely ignored, a little embarrassed Some panic.

"Don't you want to take a bath?" Tong Yixin said to him holding the bed sheet, and finally gave him a look.Yan Xuan frowned, had no choice but to take his clothes into the bathroom, and poured hot water down his head and face, but the feeling of being choked up in his heart was still hanging in his heart.

Outside the door, Tong Yixin sat on the mattress holding the sheet, listening to the sound of water splashing in the bathroom, buried his head in the sheet, and cried.

When I think about it, it’s just the smallest things, who will wash the dishes, what to eat today, I can’t go out to play on weekends, my clothes are soaked without an umbrella when it rains, why do I have to drink so late when I have dinner with my colleagues... ...It's all just such a small and trivial thing, why are you unhappy?

Yan Xuan really couldn't figure it out.

This is the legendary "work"!Having been in love for three or four years, and going to so many places together, Yan Xuan never found out that Tong Yixin had the potential to be a "spirit". Once they lived together, all of them were exposed.

He really felt that Tong Yixin was sometimes angry for no reason, but there were so many cute things about him, Yan Xuan couldn't help but love him.But it was like being poked by a tiny needle, and he didn't feel well. He didn't want to go home so impatiently at first, he was afraid that he would make Tong Yixin angry if he was not careful, sometimes it was just unnecessary dinners, He will also participate in necessary activities.

What he doesn't know is that Tong Yixin is not such a "doer" person, and Tong Yixin doesn't want to be like this. He has some emotional problems, and he can't control them, so he can only watch himself "go crazy".

The sudden change of the environment, the mortgage that has no income but has to be repaid, the studies that he doesn't like, the friends who can't see each other on the other side of the ocean, those dark nights that Yan Xuan has to face when he is on a business trip, Yan Xuan's life is almost undetectable. Patient eyes...is it worth it?Did you come to the United States for these reasons?

Is it true that the most beautiful appearance of a relationship is when it is far away?Should it be left in the distance?

Yan Xuan's frowning expression was like a sharp knife stabbing Tong Yixin's crumbling heart.He suddenly realized that he could not care about learning what he didn't like, and could bear the financial pressure of an adult alone, but he couldn't bear Yan Xuan's impatience towards him.He couldn't accept that he gradually became less like himself, and couldn't accept the possibility that Yan Xuan "don't love him that much".

People's emotions can also get sick. They don't know it, and they just regard it as an inexplicable barrier, thinking that they are helpless, so they have to ignore it, trying to solve the problem with evasion and time.

Tong Yixin didn't go to see a psychiatrist on Wei Feng's suggestion until he returned to China, and found out that he had a not-so-serious emotional illness.

But at that time, he didn't know anything, he just felt helpless.

He asked himself: Is it all really worth it?

The author says:

Wow, the comments made by readers yesterday are simply wonderful!I hope everyone is doing well!