The world map and the only you

When Tong Yixin decided to be with Yan Xuan, the friends around him were not very optimistic.

How old is the age difference? Everyone else breaks up because of long-distance relationships. How hard is it for you, Tong Yixin, to jump into the fire pit of long-distance love?Furthermore, the backgrounds of the two people are too different, it doesn't mean that one is not good enough for the other, they are not people from the same world, what good results can there be if they squeeze together for life?

But Tong Yixin still fell into it with all his heart, and loved him deeply. It is no exaggeration to say that for a period of time, his first thought when he woke up every day was how long before he could go to San Francisco to find Yan Yao.That idea seemed to surpass all the daily tediousness, and once became the greatest expectation and the most beautiful distance in his life.He even set up a calendar countdown on his phone so hypocritically that he would take it out when he remembered it.

At that time, he used Wei Feng's literary words to comment: "You are living without yourself."

But Tong Yixin didn't particularly care, because he was happier than ever.

Maybe there are gains and losses, every time I see Yan Xuan, I am so happy, and I feel so disappointed when I turn around and board the plane.He is a delicate person, emphasizing feelings. He actually cried in some long black nights because of unspeakable longing and happiness.

How would I describe my mood at that time?Tong Yixin had a very exact picture in his mind. When he and Yan Xuan went to Los Angeles, they clocked in at the Griffith Observatory. Just like his mood, he always lingers between the joy of meeting suddenly and parting, which is as natural as the law of day and night.

Yan Xuan's law school is extremely busy with his studies, and he struggles to find better internships every holiday.While studying in the United States, he didn't have any personal connections that could be used. Only gpa is a hard indicator that can be obtained by hard work.He wasn't the type of person who was extremely smart. In the Law School of University B, he struggled to maintain an upper-middle GPA. That's how, as a foreigner without status, he was worthy of HR's eyes.

Tong Yixin will not be ignorant to ask Yan Xuan to take more time to go back to China to see him, and use it all for Thanksgiving, spring break, etc., not to mention, no one's money is blown by strong winds, and the peak season comes and goes. The cost of international air tickets is actually not a decimal.The economy class is so uncomfortable that it costs [-] to [-] yuan. It is because he deducted the five social insurances and one housing fund from his monthly salary and asked Yan Xuan to run every day, which makes no sense.

At this time, Tong Yixin liked his job very much, as if it was tailor-made for his love, and their relationship maintained a delicate balance like this.

Tong Yixin's Weibo has witnessed their love, uploading group photos one after another, and commenting with blessings, all made him feel happy.

He began to pay attention to the topic of long-distance relationships on Weibo and Zhihu, encouraging himself with successful cases.He puts more effort into managing Weibo, accepts some promotional advertisements, and accepts more translations to earn some confidence for the future.

It's just... those tears in the long night really existed.Every time they meet again, Tong Yixin will feel a strange feeling in a trance, which needs several hugs and kisses to get rid of.

How to end the alienation?Tong Yixin thought about it countless times, but Yan Xuan never mentioned it.He wanted to discuss this matter with Yan Xuan, but he was afraid that if he couldn't discuss it, it would only increase his troubles.What's the use of telling him this, what can he do as a student?

"This exam is really too difficult."

"I met a very interesting case in the clinic yesterday, and the instructor said that I did a good job!"

"I was rejected again...why is it so difficult to get into biglaw?"

"I'm really not good at networking, I don't even have anything to say about reception." [Note]

Yan Xuan wanted to talk to Tong Yixin about anything, but he might not have noticed it himself, because they belonged to two completely different worlds, and Tong Yixin had no way to give him any constructive advice, only to calm his emotions.Tong Yixin began to have some worries about the future, often feeling low because of insecurity.

It was finally Yan Xuan's last year as a graduate student. During a video call, Tong Yixin asked this question: "After you graduate, do you plan to return to China to work?"

But Yan Xuan said: "No".

Tong Yixin froze for a moment, as if being poured with scalding water on a cold day for nine days, everything hurt along with it.He looked at Yan Ling's slightly tired face in the video call, not knowing what to say.The word "no" is cold, and there seems to be no room for conversion. It seems that Yan Xuan has never put "end a different place" into his future.

Yan Xuan went on to say a lot of reasons, with student-like annoyance: "I don't have a lawyer's license in China, and I didn't learn that way. It's too difficult to go back to China."

"Even if it is a red circle firm, the salary is only 30 million in the first year. If you can enter a large firm in the United States, the annual salary will be at least 16 US dollars, and the annual increase will be [-]."

"Baby, if I go back to China, it will take ten years to earn back my tuition..."

"Of course the best way is to be sent back to China, but it's not that easy. The company is not stupid. It's so cheap for foreign capital to hire local lawyers."

Tong Yixin felt that what Yan Xuan said was very good, very right, logical and well-founded, he wanted to force a smile, but he couldn't, so he had to say dryly: "Okay, that's right, I see. "

In fact, he really wanted to ask what should we do, do we just rely on changing shifts?Is an annual salary of 30 million yuan considered "only"?But thinking about it carefully, Yan Xuan just made the right choice. If everyone had to choose between the annual salary of 16 US dollars and a boyfriend or girlfriend, I believe most of them would choose the former.Only he himself, who is still so naive despite his age.

Tong Yixin didn't want to interpret this as that he was not important enough, but how else could he explain it?Everyone knows not to weigh love and work, but the pain caused by a different place is still real. What if life forces you to make a choice?

Tong Yixin's ominous premonition grew stronger and stronger, but he pretended to be deaf and dumb, avoided looking, and dragged on.He thought: "I hope his future is bright, but I don't want to be with him in this future, not me."

Tong Yixin's life was not too difficult before, he would always choose to do things that were easy and handy, so he didn't have great ambitions, but he had the joy of being able to do things with ease.

Because he fell in love with someone, it seemed that at the age of 27, he bumped into the cruel rules of this world for the first time, and his head broke out suddenly.

He was really tired, looked at the shift change message he had just posted in the WeChat group, thought for a while, and withdrew the post.

It dragged on like this for a month, the two didn't meet each other, and they still chatted, but Tong Yixin often didn't know what to say, and couldn't hide his deliberate embarrassment.

In spring in Beijing, the weather seems to be convulsed, with sandstorms, hot and cold.Tong Yixin rested that day, but woke up in the early morning. He felt very cold, his whole body was sore, his eyes were burning hot, and his vision was full of orange.He struggled to take his temperature, it was 39 degrees eight.He took antipyretics in a daze, filled a large cup of hot water and put it on the bedside table, wrapped himself in a quilt, and stared blankly at the ceiling.

The itchy throat disturbed the dream, and in the pain of half-dream, he dialed Yan Xuan's video call.

Yan Xuan was dressed very formally, with a suit and tie.Tong Yixin recalled dully that Yan Xuan might have just finished an interview.

"Baby, why are you calling so late, can't you fall asleep?" Yan Xuan held his phone and loosened his tie.

Tong Yixin nodded in the dark, and then realized that he hadn't turned on the light, and Yan Xuan should be invisible.He wanted to get up and turn on the bedside lamp, but the aches and pains in his body stopped him.

"Yes." Tong Yixin said dully.

Yan Xuan smiled at the camera: "Then I will chat with you."

Tong Yixin: "Okay."

Yan Xuan didn't realize that there was something wrong with Tong Yixin, so he told him about his day: "Today I'm going to discuss the contract, and I should sign it right away."

Tong Yixin tried his best to control his sadness: "Really? This is very good..."

Yan Xuan: "It's also in San Francisco, I don't want to go to New York, it's too cold there."

"Yeah." Tong Yixin finally decided to struggle to get enough water on the bedside table. His blurred vision made his hand misjudge, and a large glass of water splashed all over the bed, scalding his hands.Tong Yixin cried out in a low voice, and was completely stunned. His hands hurt, but he didn't want to move.

Yan Xuan heard it, and was anxious: "What's wrong?!"

Tong Yixin held up his mobile phone and didn't speak. He touched the wet bed and suddenly wanted to cry.Maybe a sick person is just so fragile, because of such a small thing, his emotions are about to collapse.

It was too quiet over there, Yan Xuan asked again: "What's wrong?"

Tong Yixin had a high fever, sat on the drenched bed, and fell into a daze for a while.

Yan Xuan asked again what happened.

Tong Yixin burst into tears, not the kind of silent tears, but cathartic. He covered his eyes, threw the phone on the bed, sat on his knees and began to cry, moaning, "I'm so uncomfortable..."

Yan Xuan panicked: "Baby, what's wrong with you? Turn on the light!"

Tong Yixin said: "I'm so uncomfortable, I'm really uncomfortable..."

Yan Xuan was so anxious that he didn't know what to do: "What's wrong? Are you sick?"

"Hmm..." Tong Yixin cried for a while, feeling that he shouldn't make him anxious like this, so he turned on the light tremblingly.

The light exposed his embarrassment. He looked at Yan Yao's anxious eyes, and a sad thought came to his chest, and he said in a self-defeating manner: "I don't think I can live with you forever...Yan Yao, why? What to do...what to do...I feel so uncomfortable."

Yan Xuan's eyes were also red, and he looked at Tong Yixin unsteadily.

Tong Yixin lay down in a dry corner of the bed, huddled into a ball, and said, "Are we going to separate? Why can't you stay by my side forever."

He doesn't want to complain, but he is sick, and he really wants Yan Xuan to be with him and love him, why should he hold back all the time?

"I'll be with you, I'll be with you," Yan Xuan had never seen Tong Yixin look so vulnerable, his heart ached to bleed, "I'm here."

"What's the use... It's useless at all... You won't come..." Tong Yixin curled up, he muttered a few words, then closed his eyes in a daze, as if hearing Yan Ling He said something again, but he finally gave in and fell asleep regardless.

When he woke up, it was already afternoon, and Tong Yixin had slept for more than ten hours. He felt refreshed and his head didn't hurt much anymore. 37 degrees five, still burning, but not too serious.

He ordered takeaway porridge for himself, drank half of it, and suddenly remembered something belatedly, and hurriedly opened WeChat, and sure enough, he saw the call records between Chen Chen and Yan Xuan, which lasted for two hours.

"What can I talk about for so long?" Tong Yixin patted his head, trying to recall, and suddenly remembered the clip where he vented hysterically to Yan Xuan, and blushed in embarrassment.

Although it is true, but... Yan Xuan is also very innocent.

Tong Yixin actually knew that it was also because of his own incompetence. If he could also go to the United States to study and work, would the problem be solved smoothly?He considered whether to go to graduate school, but due to various considerations, he didn't have the courage to burn the boat like this.

Tong Yixin took some medicine again, turned on the computer and carefully checked the several admissions pages that he had collected before, and found that each one matched his requirements.It's too expensive to study MBA, and I can't afford it. If I study humanities, it's not impossible...

While he was researching the admission requirements, someone knocked on the door suddenly, and Tong Yixin was distracted to recall whether he had ordered a courier, while walking towards the door.

The knock on the door became more and more urgent.

"What's the rush..." Tong Yixin was speechless when he heard someone outside the door shouting anxiously: "Tong Yixin, open the door!"

He thought he was hallucinating, and looked at the cat's eyes in disbelief.

Yan Xuan stood outside the door, behind him was the brilliant afternoon sun, slanting in through the corridor window, the hairspray on his hair was not washed off, the strands were messy, his eyes were red, as if Didn't seem to sleep well.

Tong Yixin hurriedly opened the door, surprised and unbelievable: "Why did you come?"

Yan Xuan didn't speak, and strode over, wrapped his arms around his waist, and touched his forehead with the back of his hand.It didn't feel that hot, so he breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Go, go to the hospital first."

Tong Yixin's heart was overwhelmed by great ecstasy, like riding a roller coaster, his eyes stared at Yan Xuan without blinking: "I'm fine, I just measured it, it's more than 37 degrees."

"No, let's go, listen to me," Yan Xuan grabbed Tong Yixin's hand, entered the bedroom, and said, "Hurry up and change your clothes."

"Oh." Tong Yixin was very happy, and said the word "oh" in a charming way.

He slowly unbuttoned the pajamas with his fingers, stared at Yan Xuan's eyes, and hooked the corners of his lips.Clothes fell to the ground.

"It's a bit cold." He approached Yan Yao step by step, climbed onto Yan Yao's neck, and said softly, "I want to hug."

Yan Xuan was worried about his body, and wanted him to go to the hospital quickly, but it was impossible to refuse his hug anyway, and hugged his waist reflexively.

"Dear." Tong Yixin raised his head, rubbed Yan Yao's chin lightly, running all the way, some small stubble appeared on Yan Yao's chin, which hurt people very much.Tong Yixin squinted his eyes slightly, like a stealing cat.With a slight force on his arm, Yan Xuan lowered his head and kissed his lips.Yan Xuan kissed back obediently.

The gilded sunlight generously sprinkled the room, and during the time of a kiss, Tong Yixin felt that he had come up with a wonderful solution-resign and go to the United States.

He thought: Why should Yan Xuan choose?I should give him everything he wants.

The author says:

Note 1: Foucault pendulum: a device to prove the rotation of the earth.

Note 2: legalclinic: the law school will give students the opportunity to practice practical exercises; biglaw: a large law firm, a comprehensive law firm, with many employees; reception: social activities, giving students opportunities to expand their network.

Alas...back to this difficult choice.