The world map and the only you

Why separate?

Tong Yixin couldn't answer such a complicated question for a while. Looking at Yan Xuan's crying face, he thought it was cute for no reason, and joked: "Why are you crying like this all of a sudden? It seems that my writing is not bad."

Yan Xuan cried even more ferociously, and said with tears all over his face: "I don't understand."

Tong Yixin patted his head to coax him like coaxing Xiaoguai: "Don't think about it if you don't understand it. If you cry again, your eyes won't be able to see."

Yan Xuan couldn't stop sobbing: "If you cry ugly, you don't want me?"

Tong Yixin was helpless, he couldn't bear to see a big man sitting on the ground crying like this, and said harshly: "No more."

Yan Xuan was taken aback for a moment, this answer deviated from the script, he reacted for a moment, tears welled up again: "You just love my face!"

Tong Yixin said: "That's right, if it wasn't for Yan Kong, no one would love you."

Then Yan Xuan fell into a deeper silence.

Tong Yixin couldn't figure out what he was thinking about again, so he also sat cross-legged on the carpet beside him, stroking his head gently and tenderly.After a while, Yan Xuan said: "You said you love me." He hadn't heard this word for a long time, and at first sight he was so happy that he had indigestion, "You love me!"

He tried not to cry: "What if I'm not handsome anymore?"

"Old and ugly."

"In case...you meet someone who looks better than me, in the past two years, have you..."

Yan Xuan couldn't continue speaking halfway through.

He positioned Tong Yixin's position, and persuaded himself not to do so, over and over again.Countless times in his deepest dreams, he thought of Tong Yixin, and thought of him and another person with a blurred face living together happily.After waking up, I don't know where I am, and I don't know for a moment whether I should feel happy for the other person's happiness, or feel sad because this happiness has nothing to do with me.

There are actually many things that are more important than love, ego, ideals... But the only thing that makes people linger in dreams at midnight is the "he" or "she".

"No," Tong Yixin knew what he wanted to ask, tugged at his ear, smiled warmly and said, "What should I do, I haven't met anyone prettier than you."

"You are the cutest." He said with a smile, smiling, and a little bit like crying.

Tong Yixin held Yan Xuan's hand, looked at his weeping face, and suddenly thought, why do I have to love Yan Xuan?

Probably love is a war of war, right time, favorable location, harmony of people, all of which are indispensable.It's like a precise experiment, not romantic at all, and even the catalyst must be added just right.

If love is really a glass of water, for some people, experiencing it once in a lifetime is enough to drink it up. If you miss it, then it is very likely that in such a long life, there is no special love or hatred to grow.

But if you think about it carefully, is he so good that "it's up to you" and "incomparable"?Could it be that the contradictions and estrangements at the beginning were all due to cause and effect without beginning or end?

Probably not.

"once having seen the best, the rest is not worthwhile looking."

It could only be him, that's all.

"I haven't been doing well." Yan Xuan twitched, his eyes hurt from crying, and he tightly clenched Tong Yixin's hand.

"It's always you who come to me."

"You have come to San Francisco 39 times, just wait for me to come back to find you one last time."

"I didn't come back either, I didn't make it."

"Am I really sorry for you?"

"I won't do this anymore, I really won't... Am I really bad."

Yan Xuan's uneasiness and guilt were mixed with love, in the space covered by incandescent lights, on the soft white carpet, Tong Yixin told Yan Xuan plainly: "You are not bad."

He said: "I waited to come this time, the most important thing is that you are by my side."

He hugged Yan Yao, comforted his restlessness, and pressed a gentle kiss on his ear.Everything is fine and they are still there for each other.

Yan Xuan cried till the end and lost his strength, the Spring Festival Gala had already been staged on TV.Tong Yixin was so hungry that he couldn't bear it, so he forced Yan Xuan to stop babbling, and hurriedly prepared hot pot.Yan Xuan didn't dare to dawdle, and set up the hot pot stall.The Spring Festival Gala skits on the TV were noisy, Yan Xuan stared blankly at the steaming steam rising from the hot pot, crying too hard, the sequelae was slow reaction.

Tong Yixin felt that this might be a good time to go over and have a chat, he tentatively said, "Have you counted how many times I fly to San Francisco?"

"Huh?" Yan Xuan couldn't hold back his energy, nodded in a daze, and said in a low voice, "You come to find me almost every shift."

Tong Yixin thought of the time in the past, and said with emotion: "Yes, it seems that I have been there many times..."

At that time, as soon as he got out of the shift schedule every month, he immediately posted a message and tried to change shifts with his colleagues.After arriving in San Francisco, Yan Xuan would come to the hotel to find him, or he would go to Yan Xuan's house for a two- or three-day date.Their love is put together by such fragments, and then connected in series by countless video calls.Those "missing you", "love you", and "good night" are all separated by a screen, which seems unreal.

However, they also met for a longer period of time. Yan Xuan would return to China during the two-week Christmas vacation, and he would also go to see Tong Yixin before starting his internship during the summer vacation.Later, they actually went to the Maldives together, to Canada to see the turquoise lake in Banff, to Thailand, to Yunnan and Chengdu, but they have never had the chance to go to Europe.

In fact, every meeting is very, very happy, like fireworks, blooming fiercely.But at the beginning, no one seemed to have thought about it—or maybe it was deliberately avoided—that at the end of the fireworks, there was Qingkong, as vast as ashes.

"Actually, you have come to me many times." Tong Yixin scooped a spoonful of fish balls for Yan Xuan with a large spoon and put them in his bowl to appease his tired little heart. bad."

Yan Yao wanted to beep again, he blew on the fish balls, and murmured: "Only 6 times... 33 times less than you."

How can you count them so clearly?Tong Yixin smiled through the steaming mist, and said nothing, he didn't want to make the atmosphere heavy again, so let's wait for Yan Xuan to calm down.

After eating, Yan Xuan dragged his soul in a cloud to wash the dishes, walked out of the kitchen, saw Tong Yixin sitting on the sofa and patted the side, beckoning him to sit down.Yan Xuan was even more aggressive, he directly pillowed on Tong Yixin's lap, turned his head and hugged Tong Yixin's waist, acting like a spoiled child.

Tong Yixin touched his head once and for all, like teasing a kitten, and there was another sketch in the Spring Festival Gala, Tong Yixin just felt incomprehensible, and didn't see half of the smile.Suddenly, Yan Xuan said something like a mosquito, and Tong Yixin felt a small vibration in his leg.

"Huh? What did you say?" Tong Yixin turned down the volume with the remote control.

Yan Xuan muttered sullenly: "I want to have a good chat."

"Okay," Tong Yixin really felt that Yan Yao was so cute today, he gently scratched Yan Yao's neck, "Where do we start talking?"

Yan Xuan didn't look up at him, grabbed his hand and scraped his palm, and said, "Since... when did you want to separate from me for the first time?" He wanted to eliminate the hidden dangers of the past one by one , but the premise is that he needs to know where the pitfalls of the past are.

Tong Yixin pursed her lower lip and asked, "Do you really want to know?"

"Hmm..." Yan Ling didn't dare to listen, but he didn't break anything.He put on a pitiful expression where Tong Yixin couldn't see.

Tong Yixin thought for a moment, then whispered, "Probably it should be..."

"Make sure you don't return to China on the day you graduate."

The author says:

I abused myself w(Д)w... I'm going to start remembering killing Ang, it won't be too long