he is afraid, he pretends

a few hours ago.

Ruan Shumu stood in the cold sea water, her brain seemed to sense that she was about to die, and she showed her every detail of her life in the past 20 years.

From the moment she was conscious, she was like a horse with a bridle, with a whip behind her constantly waving to drive her forward.

She really hated Wen Siyuan when she was a child.

At an age when most children can't concentrate and only think about having fun, Wen Siyuan does the opposite. At a young age, he has self-discipline and self-improvement that many adults cannot achieve.

Such a person lives next door to her, and she is doomed to never escape the fate of being compared, being compared, being abused and urged, and finally being compared again and again.

Like chasing ducks, Ruan Shumu spent the night studying at key high schools and key universities. Every day was like a fish being stranded on the shore and dying.

Occasionally, when she was out of breath, she would think, is this how most people live?

If she lived like this, she might not know the meaning of life until she died.

Maybe life is meaningless, Ruan Shumu sometimes thinks.

These messy and dangerous thoughts repeated over and over again, and finally stopped appearing in Xiaoshan.

In the past 20 years, under the repeated influence of parents, the words smart and successful are almost equated with Wen Siyuan.

As for Wen Siyuan, he was rigorous, serious, dull, and boring.

Xiaoshan is one of the best people Ruan Shumu has ever met, but her personality is completely different from Wen Siyuan.

She is warm, sunny and full of life.

Ruan Shumu used to find it hard to imagine that there would be someone who loves life in this world.

What is it like to love life?

Later she found out.

It is the crabapple that looks forward to early spring from winter, and the summer watermelon from spring, and looks forward to enjoying the coolness in the autumn wind when the topping is hot, and imagines snow paving the road in winter after picking up the fallen leaves in autumn.

Ruan Shumu remembered that Xiaoshan often said that there is nothing impossible in this world, as long as the heart is persistent enough, the impossible will become possible one day.

She lowered her eyes to look at the sparkling sea, thinking, you see, there are still things that cannot be done.

Life is probably indeed meaningless.

The water did not reach the waistline, and then spread to the chest.

Ruan Shumu walked faster and faster step by step.

Only this time, there was no rein around her neck and no whip swung behind her.

It was she who ran.

The water was up to his chin, and Ruan Shumu choked in a mouthful of seawater.

Just go one step further...

Ruan Shumu opened his legs and was about to move forward when his arm was suddenly pulled back by a strong force.

The big movements splashed water, and Ruan Shumu only vaguely saw a figure, and was dragged away from the coast.

She subconsciously wanted to struggle, but unexpectedly, the man was so strong that she couldn't move at all.

This beach is not a tourist area, and the only people who come here on weekdays are the nearby residents. In addition to the remote location, there is a high probability that there will be few people in the afternoon on weekdays.

Ruan Shumu was dragged to the beach and waited for a while before she could clearly see the person who pulled her out.

She looked at the baby-faced young man in black and black pants in surprise.

The young man also soaked his whole body thoroughly in order to pull her, water dripped from his wet hair, and water droplets rolled down from his fair cheeks.

Ruan Shumu recovered slightly.

She had a good impression of Wu Luming, so she calmed down a little and asked, "Why are you here?"

"I heard that Wen Siyuan is getting married, so come and have a look."

As Wu Luming spoke, he glanced at Ruan Shumu, and sat down on the beach. After sitting down, he raised his head and smiled softly at Ruan Shumu: "Sit down for a while, even if you go into the sea now, I will still take you pull out."

Ruan Shumu thought for a while, and finally sat down beside Wu Luming: "Why did you hear that you have no contact with him?"

Wu Luming leaned his hands behind his back and closed his eyes facing the sun: "Well, he made an agreement with my mother that he can't contact me until he has taken care of everything in his family."

Ruan Shumu was stunned for a moment when she heard the words, and quickly apologized after recovering: "I'm sorry, I asked him for a favor, there is no such thing as marriage."

The young man didn't respond immediately.

The sea echoed with the sound of sea water lapping on the shore.

Ruan Shumu didn't get a response, and turned her face slightly to look at Wu Luming.

The young man's fair face was vaguely sick in the sun, his eyelashes were stained with water droplets, and the water droplets rolled down slightly trembling.

Wu Luming opened his eyes and looked at her, then smiled softly again: "I guessed it. It is indeed possible that he doesn't want me, but it is impossible to marry someone else when he still wants me."

"then you……"

"I miss him a little bit, so I came to see him."

Ruan Shumu listened to Wu Luming's words, and for some reason, her eyes turned red.

Neither of them spoke for a while.

The sun gradually sank to the west.

Ruan Shumu suddenly asked again: "Have you seen him?"

"I don't see him." Wu Luming answered softly, "It's fine if I see him, meeting him now will break the balance that was so hard to establish between him and my mother."

"I know why they have achieved such a balance." Wu Luming suddenly turned sideways and looked at Ruan Shumu.

In the next second, he pulled out the longevity lock on his neck from the collar of his clothes, and gently shook the row of bells under the lock: "They want the same thing, I live well."

Living well sounds like a jokey expectation.

Because it is too broad, it may even sound inexplicable to ordinary people.

But Ruan Shumu had just experienced suicide, so she didn't respond for a while, but just stared at the longevity lock on Wu Luming's hand, as if in a trance.

"Wen Siyuan gave it to you?" She asked after a long time.

"Yeah." Wu Luming pinched the small bell in the middle of the fat lock, "I had an accident in high school, I almost died, and I woke up after being in a coma for more than half a year. Although there were some external factors in it at the time, it is undeniable that the biggest reason It’s still because I have a weak sense of survival.”

The fingertips rubbed back and forth between the fat locks.

"I felt very tired at the time. The beginning of each new day was an invisible pressure on me. Ordinary people do wrong things, which can be slowly forgotten and erased in the long river of time, but because of my memory Great, must clearly remember every wrong thing I did, every dark thought I ever had, they snowballed in my mind, bigger and bigger, bigger and bigger, and finally rolled me too Go in, and go to perdition together.”

Ruan Shumu listened to Wu Luming's words, his expression was inevitably tainted with astonishment.

She squeezed her dry lips and asked, "Then why did you choose to wake up again?"

"The six months in the coma were actually not unconscious all the time. Sometimes I could hear my sister and my mother crying very vaguely. Because of my mistakes, they were blaming themselves. Once I die, it will be even bigger. Mistake, this mistake will fall from me, onto them, and possibly everyone involved at the time, who was completely innocent. I want to take it easy, but not in this way."

"After waking up, I slowly figured out a lot of things. There are rich people and beggars in this world, there are winners and there are also losers. There are so many people of all kinds, and everyone lives under their own pressure. The difference It only depends on the size and form. When you feel that you are about to be overwhelmed, it seems that the only way to put down the burden and run is not the only way to unload the things in the burden a little bit, unload it to the bearable range, and then you can continue to walk.”

Wu Luming's voice was very calm.

But it was precisely that tranquility that made the tension in Ruan Shumu's mind snap.

She couldn't help covering her face, buried her head in her knees, and sobbed softly.

The sun was setting, and the evening wind was tainted with coolness.

When Ruan Shumu was getting tired from crying, she suddenly heard the sound of a piano.

She raised her head suspiciously, and found that it was the voice from Wu Luming's cell phone.

She glanced and found that what Wu Luming was playing was a call record.

After all, she had listened to the music for more than twenty years, even if the piano sound was played intermittently, it didn't affect her to immediately recognize that it was the town song of their town.

Knowing the meaning of the song, Ruan Shumu wiped away tears and complained: "It's really ugly."

Wu Luming chuckled lightly: "It's true that he doesn't play as well as his sister."

Ruan Shumu couldn't cry anymore, so she rested her chin on her knee.

Slightly regaining her usual temper, she asked, as if she was talking to someone: "He said he won't give up on you, so are you really waiting for him?"

Wu Luming flicked his hair disheveled by the sea breeze: "Brother Yuan is a very special person. He can always easily resolve many things that I can't understand no matter how I think about them. I still have a lot of confusion about this world. I still want him to answer for me."

Ruan Shumu murmured: "There are billions of people in this world, there should be many people who can answer you."

Wu Luming blinked his eyes slowly, watching the sunset on the sea level.

"Well, there should be many trees in this world." He said softly, "But after I saw him, approached him, and hugged him, there was only one tree left in this world."

The author has something to say:

There should be two more chapters. After the two chapters are over, there are still some unanswered questions. I will explain them through Fanwai. Fanwai will write a Xiaoming’s perspective and a Xiaowen’s perspective. Hehe, hehehehe