Chunyin

"Believe it or not, even if I forget you, I can still find you."

I leaned down to kiss him, my face was covered with tears, and the bitter taste flowed into my mouth, and I pressed it against his ear, and I asked again in a hoarse voice: "Do you believe it or not?"

Guangling didn't speak, just raised his hand to gently caress the back of my neck, which was a familiar and intimate comforting gesture.But I don't want reassurance.He was silent, indifferent, talking about him from left to right, trying to calm things down, but never gave me a positive response.He didn't seem very surprised even by my questioning and my speculation about the past, as if he had heard such questioning and crying many times.

It seems that he has heard many times the love I have endured for many years and needs to be poured out.

Because he had heard it many times, he was neither surprised nor moved by it.Just like the gods have eternal expectations, but mortals can only sing songs about life and death.Perhaps in his view, even my love is eternal.Life and death in the morning and evening, the cycle goes on and on.The same stories and similar words happen repeatedly in the world every day.

He is used to it.

My enthusiasm slowly cooled down, and then I slowly realized that Zhuang Ziyu was still the invulnerable Zhuang Ziyu.

But how to explain the tears of that night?

It was as if the god's invulnerable golden body had a secret crack that night, and a lonely tear fell from it.

I sat up and looked down at him quietly.

He didn't speak, and I didn't speak, just like this stalemate.

All around the fog billows, the wind and the snow suddenly.

After a long time, I said quietly: "Master, there is a saying in the world that is to enjoy yourself in time. A flower blooms like a flower, and a person's life is too short, so there is not so much time to waste. If you don't say it again, I will lose my life forever." It's over."

Hearing this, a gleam of pain seemed to flash across his eyes, and after a while, he finally spoke.

He asked me, "How did you find out? I met you a long time ago."

"I saw that painting, flood, lotus and silver dragon, I guess." I said.

He smiled lightly and said, "It really is that painting."

What is "it really is that painting"?

He continued to ask me: "There are some other paintings inserted in that painting tube, have you read them too?"

"Didn't read it," I said, "I saw that one and couldn't wait to find you."

Hearing this, he smiled again.He sat up, grabbed my cold hands and held them, a warm current flowed slowly from his palms.I looked at him and reluctantly accepted his comfort. My body, which was tense because of the cold, disappointment, and anger, was surrounded by this warmth, and slowly relaxed.

He lowered his eyes and stroked the back of my hand with his fingers.

"Izumo, you should take a look at those paintings." He said, "Take a look, and you will know that the forgetting and searching you mentioned are not easy things."

"...What are those paintings?"

"It's some broken chapters." He said slowly, "There are the formulas I taught you, the route to the East China Sea, your friends in the heavens, things you borrowed but haven't returned, and things you promised but didn't return." The things you can do...are things you wanted to catch but couldn't catch, and you wanted to find but couldn't find them in the past."

I was stunned for a long time, and asked: "...then you are also among them?"

He raised his eyes: "There is also me."

I looked at him, feeling a lump in my throat.

Want to catch but can't catch, want to find but can't find.

These fragments are evidence that Izumo struggled to die.After he died, all the evidence was left to Guangling, and he kept the evidence within easy reach.Eternal life and immortal memory seemed to be a curse, and he just watched Izumo, Song Zhuo, Fang Bozhou and Liang Lanyu struggling to die again and again.

I feel sad, for myself and for Guangling, the destiny is so tricky.

"If you don't understand," he added, "just imagine that from now on, you can only remember the past five years."

"Liang Lanxuan, you will forget the words and books you knew when you were young, your parents and brothers, your teachers and classmates in Taixue, how you were born and how you died, you will lose and forget as you walk, and finally become A wild ghost of unknown origin by the Bitterwater River."

"How did you find me? You lost yourself."

"When I find you, you'll just ask me, 'Who are you? Who am I?'"

It was that night, in Ji'er Lane in late spring, in the shadow of willows, Liang Lanyu found him aggressively——

Do you know who I am?

where have you seen me

I don't know.

never.

The tip of my nose was sore, and tears suddenly fell.

I have clearly understood the reason why Guangling is obsessed with the soul, but I still have a little pathetic attachment: "But I still have at least a hundred years of memory... I can stay in the world."

"Stay in the world..." Guangling smiled, and there was a sense of sadness in the smile, as if being teased by the fate again.

"He probably thought the same way." He was talking about a distant Izumo. "In the beginning, I didn't want him to enter reincarnation, but he escaped first."

"Izumo, although the fate of the five lives and five lives is determined by fate."

"But the world is yours to go to."

He said, "It was you, who escaped."

I was stunned.

He suffered so much that he escaped into samsara, and I suffered so much so that he escaped outside samsara.It is true that our country is easy to change and our nature is hard to change, but fate is not a huge trap from which we cannot escape.

I couldn't speak, I trembled all over, and subconsciously wanted to withdraw my hand from him, but he grabbed it.

He grabbed my hand and moved back hard, pulling me to him.

I looked up at him, not knowing what to say.

He asked, "Are you running away again?"

The god's golden body showed cracks again, and he was about to shed tears.

Under the shadow of fate, I tremble all over, but I just want to kiss that crack.

I lifted my face and kissed his eyes.

It was snowing all over the sky.

This time he hugged me tighter.