Between lines

Chen Tingbai had convulsions, and Hu Cong was worried that he would stay alone like this, and was always afraid that something would happen to him.But Chen Tingbai's face was even uglier than before, and his voice was as cold as in an ice cellar.

He doesn't want anyone to accompany him, and he refuses to let Hu Cong stay in his room no matter what.

When he was picked up by Chen Tingbai, Chen Tingbai had passed the time when he was very angry. Although he usually had a cold face, he could still hear a little tenderness.At least Hu Cong had never seen such an expression tonight, fearing that he would be really angry, Hu Cong could only leave obediently.

He was quite sensible, and before going out, he put two pillows behind Chen Tingbai's back, so that Chen Tingbai could lie on the bed with his back, looking a little more energetic, and would not fall off the bed.

The door of the room was gently closed, leaving only Chen Tingbai in the room.

Except for the sound of breathing, there was no movement, and a needle could be heard.

Chen Tingbai didn't know when Xu Shaohua would come back, or if he would not come back tonight.But he still wanted to wait, to give himself an explanation.

In this position, he can examine his own body.

Ever since Chen Tingbai knew about his situation after his accident, he began to loathe his body.Whenever he was alone and could look down at his own body, he felt that his gaze cast on him was not called looking at you and being yourself, but an examination.

It's like looking at someone else or looking at an object.

After all, wherever he looked, he didn't feel anything.Treating him gently and carefully, or venting anger and bruising himself all over, this body will not give him any response.

It won't hurt, and it won't feel comfortable.

Only the word numb is left.

At that time, Chen Tingbai woke up every day thinking about how to die, could he just disappear in place?

He once tried to kill himself with his right hand, which was still free to move, but a person who needed help from others to eat, drink, and scatter, could not do without others, and was discovered immediately.

Of course, the follow-up was the father's taciturnity with tears in his eyes, and the mother clutched her hand tightly and cried begging him not to think about it. They only had a son like him, and they would never accept a white-haired man giving a black-haired man.He suddenly discovered that the grade group leader who was so consistent in school had already grown some gray hair, and he never thought of suicide again.

But it doesn't mean that he accepts himself. He has worked hard to make money for so many years, not that he is short of money, but that he wants to tell others that even though he is disabled, he is not disabled.But every guest who enters the text for the first time, or the client artist collector at the auction, will examine him from top to bottom, and then the first sentence he will say is "Mr. , then know how to operate”

And he could only look up at them, either without saying a word, or with a smile that he thought was fake.

You see, there is a difference between a healthy person and himself, and he can only look up at them all his life.

This "they" also includes Xu Shaohua who will not come back tonight.He also found it funny, if it wasn't for him, people like Xu Shaohua, from talent to income, wouldn't be in his eyes.

Not to mention the flamboyance that a discerning person would know at a glance, how could he, Chen Tingbai, not see it.

But he thought about that time when his leg was injured, Xu Shaohua treated him so well in the hospital, held his hand tightly for him, and even fed him red bean soup.

I also thought of the sickness in winter, the pot of Sydney with rock sugar brought in such a cold day, and he helped himself apply chilblain ointment in the text.

In the six years since the injury, the first year in the hospital, doctors and nurses came in every day to check my body, change dressings and catheters, like a corpse.

In the second year in the rehabilitation hospital, he picked up the building blocks that he didn't play with when he was a child and built them one by one. It took a long time to re-learn simple self-care.After that, the words were opened, and then the lines were formed.

As the mother said, his son is improving every day, and every year is better than the previous year.

But Chen Tingbai knew clearly that these were not progress in his eyes.To be precise, it might as well be called compensation.But no matter what, he couldn't fix himself.

He had to admit it even if he didn't want to, he just had low self-esteem, he used to stand so high, this fall directly threw him into the mud, he couldn't even get up, he couldn't get up in his life.

The current him seems to really fall because of a little bit of kindness from others.Even though Xu Shaohua's acting skills were too clumsy, Chen Tingbai couldn't take his eyes off the adoration he cast.

Look at it now, even if the clothes, pants and even socks are well worn, it is still difficult to hide Chen Tingbai's deformed body.

One of his left and right hands is due to years of dependence, and the other is due to years of disuse. The gap is not the slightest difference. It's a twisted circle, it's difficult for Hu Cong to stretch it out for him normally, and it hurts too much if he tries a little bit harder.

The two legs are not like a normal person's legs, they look abnormally thin through the trousers, and the entire palm of the feet is stuck to the sheet. Although he is wearing socks, he knows that his toes are as early as fingers It's all buckled into the soles of the feet.

This is his current body, Chen Tingbai.

But this is not him, Chen Tingbai shouldn't be like this.So he had to wait until Xu Shaohua came back tonight no matter what.

When Xu Shaohua opened the door, Hu Cong was sitting in front of the coffee table in the room.

Startled, he pressed his finger on the switch and turned off the light heavily.He played too crazy today, even drank a couple of sips of wine at night, Xu Jiaxu advised him not to go back after drinking.

He still managed to come back. Today is enough for one day. If he doesn't go back to the hotel, it will be too much. We still know how to measure it.

I had no choice but my cousin drove the car back for me. Fortunately, my cousin lived in the town and it was not far from the hotel, so I could walk back.

Hu Cong didn't say much, he didn't complain, he just said that Chen Tingbai was waiting for him in the next room.But the more this happened, the more flustered he felt. He knew that this time, it might not be so easy to justify.

The two of them stepped into the next room, Chen Tingbai saw Xu Shaohua coming in, he asked Hu Cong to go out and wait outside, he had something to say to Xu Shaohua alone.

As soon as Hu Cong stepped out, Chen Tingbai immediately said, "Are you satisfied today?"

Xu Shaohua felt the same feeling in the bar that day again, the feeling that although Chen Tingbai was looking up to him, but prevailed over him, at this time he didn't dare to play any tricks at all, so he obediently said: "I'm sorry, I lied, I shouldn't have left you home today, the main reason is..."

Chen Tingbai interrupted him, he never liked to listen to explanations, let alone at this time: "There is no need for explanations, just put the car keys, we are done."

"What are you doing?" When Xu Shaohua heard this, his heart immediately panicked.It's strange to say that he knows that he doesn't like Chen Tingbai, but when he hears that Chen Tingbai is going to break up, he feels scared.

It's just that after staying with Chen Tingbai for a long time, he can't learn to express his emotions well, his heart is flustered like a wilderness, but his face is frowned, and he can only ask angrily: "Is it possible to make trouble with this kind of thing?" Are you breaking up? How old are you, are you breaking up like a child?"

"Xu Shaohua, am I just a joke in your eyes?"

Chen Tingbai called Hu Cong in, carried him on his back, and said this before going out.

They went to the front desk and checked out. After thinking about it, Chen Tingbai gave the key of the other car to the front desk and asked him to hand it over to the gentleman who checked in with them tomorrow.

Hu Cong ran up to get the wheelchair luggage in the back, but Xu Shaohua was still in a daze. He didn't expect Chen Tingbai to be so resolute this time, and he didn't even give him time to say something nice.

This night is the Spring Festival of 2020. Thousands of families gather together, except for Chen Tingbai and Hu Cong, who are on the highway.

Chen Tingbai was still in pain. Hu Cong was worried that he was uncomfortable and drove slowly, but Chen Tingbai asked him to drive faster for the first time, and then drive faster. He never wanted to go home more than this moment .

There was still a tinkling sound from the trunk of the car, and Hu Cong whispered, "Could it be that Xu Shaohua broke our car?"

Chen Tingbai responded after a while before he said: "Have you forgotten? The cigarettes, wine, sugar and tea we bought at the mall that day, originally thought that we would always bring something when we went to someone's house, but today he probably bought it himself." Didn't find it, otherwise I could give him some more face."

He laughed himself after he finished speaking. He knew that Xu Shaohua didn't open the trunk to put the things he bought into it today.

Or he didn't buy anything at all.

Chen Tingbai closed his eyes and wanted to rest for a while, no longer thinking about how ridiculous his life was today.

But it suddenly occurred to my mind that six years ago, on the night of his accident, he was lying on the road, waiting for the ambulance to arrive, and then he became paralyzed.

Today, he was lying in the hotel waiting for his boyfriend to come back, and then broke up with him.

It was as if he had been waiting, but it never seemed to turn out well.

No matter how fast I drove, it took nearly six hours to arrive at the community at dawn.

Chen Tingbai's complexion was already very strange. He had to use his willpower to support him all the way, so Hu Cong didn't care about parking the car in the underground garage first, but directly parked at the door of his house.

I also thought that Chen Tingbai couldn't sit in a wheelchair at this time, so he could only carry Chen Tingbai on his back, kick the door with his feet, and shout at the door at the same time.

Mr. Lu never thought that his son would become like this in less than two days. He was really shocked, and he responded without wearing shoes, and kept asking: "What's the matter? What happened? What? How did it become like this? Why are your hands so cold? Hu Cong, how did you take care of your master?"

Chen Tingbai really didn't want to talk anymore, but he didn't want his mother to keep screaming in front of his ear, so he could only say: "Mom, I'm going to be really uncomfortable and tired. I want to take a hot bath. Can you help me?" Shall I put some hot water on it? Hu Cong is such a small man, it's hard to carry me on his back."

Teacher Lu realized it when he heard it, and hurried into the bathroom to help him turn on the water, while Hu Cong helped him change his clothes and prepare to take a bath.

Put away the bath water, pick up Chen Tingbai and soak in the bathtub, then support Chen Tingbai with one hand, and help him wash with the other hand.

Chen Tingbai looked at his body in the water, and suddenly felt that the sound of Hu Cong stirring the bathtub was very noisy.He wanted to stay for a while, so he raised his left hand and rubbed against Hu Cong and Hu Cong, saying: "Go out and find two big towels, I don't want to use the ones in the bathroom, I always feel unclean."

After a sleepless night and feeling uncomfortable, Chen Tingbai's voice was as hoarse as sandpaper scraping the ground.

Hu Cong was afraid that he would have any accidents again, so he didn't dare to walk away. Chen Tingbai supported his body with his right hand and said to him: "Go quickly, I will feel more comfortable now, and I can sit still. Are you going to grab a bag now?" Yes, you will still go and get it, while I am still sitting, go quickly."

Teacher Lu cooked a pot of ginger soup, brought it out from the kitchen, and prepared to drink it for his son when he came out of the bath, but found that Hu Cong came out of the room.

"Xiao Cong, why are you outside? Where's Xiao Bai? Have you finished washing?" Her heart was in her throat, and her voice changed tone in fright.

Hu Cong was frightened by Mr. Lu's question, and vaguely felt how stupid he would be when he came out, so he replied: "Master is about to wash, he wants to soak himself, I'll come out and get him a towel. "After speaking, he turned his head and walked to the bathroom, and quickly opened the door of the bathroom.

Teacher Lu followed closely behind.

Then Hu Cong was so frightened by the sight that his legs went limp, and he sat down on the ground.

Chen Tingbai was completely submerged in the water, and bubbles were bubbling from his mouth and nose to the surface of the water.

Teacher Lu picked up Chen Tingbai, then patted Chen Tingbai's face and kept shouting: "Son, son, wake up, don't scare mom..."

until crying out loud.

Chen Tingbai actually had nothing to do, let alone suicide.

He just looked at himself in the water, and suddenly felt that he wanted to bury his whole body in the water, as if there was only the sound of bubbles in the water, and his heart could slowly warm up with the temperature of the water.

As soon as he heard his mother crying, he opened his eyes. Chen Tingbai's eyes were very red. I don't know if the bath water got into his eyes or he was choked by the water, he would cough, or there was something else that Mr. Lu said. He didn't have time to think about the reason, his voice was hoarse, mixed with crying, he asked his mother: "Mom, why is it me, your son?"

——Why me?

——Why is it just me?