I was on the clouds

The phone beeps for a group message.

Ye Xi picked up her phone and looked at it. It was the only group she didn't block. This group gathered people from all corners of the country, from 12 to 53 years old, with different ages, different occupations and different life trajectories.

The only thing in common is that they all suffer from depression, this absurd disease that can devour a person's energy and soul bit by bit.

When Ye Xi was a carefree girl, she had also heard of its great reputation. At that time, she could still laugh from the bottom of her heart, so she didn't know that there would really be an invisible and intangible kind in this world. Emotional illness can kill people.

However, what is even more frightening is that most people don't understand it, accusing them of suffering for nothing.

She laughed at herself, picked up her phone and clicked into the group.

At this time, the news in the group was swiping the screen, Ye Xi patiently looked over one by one, and the blood all over his body began to cool down little by little.

A friend of the group, a ball, committed suicide yesterday. He climbed to the top of the building in the middle of the night and jumped off the seven-story building. Before leaving, his last words were "Come on everyone, work hard, I can't hold it anymore" .

The tears that Ye Xi had just stopped fell down again. At this time, there was no great joy or sorrow in her heart, only a slight numbness. Her whole soul was rusted and could no longer function as vividly as before.

She remembered that Yi Wanzi was from Anhui. He had just finished the college entrance examination this year. A few days ago, he was still discussing with a group of friends which university to apply for. At that time, she said that he could not apply for a good major in Qingbei with his scores. When diplomatic relations were resumed, he regretted that he wanted to go to Tsinghua University and become an alumnus with her.

"After going to university, a new life begins, maybe I can feel better", this sentence is followed by a smiling and crying emoji.

But hasn't the new life started yet? Why did he choose to end it all of a sudden?

She shed tears expressionlessly, put down her phone and turned on the Do Not Disturb mode, folded the quilt neatly, went into the bathroom and began to wash, and then opened the refrigerator to make a pack of cereal, during which she kept crying, but at this time she The soul and body are perfectly separated, the soul is withering, and the body will continue.

The bowl of cereal was empty, and her eyes were still watering, showing no signs of stopping.

Ye Xi needed to do something to distract her, so she opened the app of a certain novel. The strange thing is that she didn't see the update. The author updates every day, even if there is something urgent, she will ask for leave in advance. She refreshed it again. Look at the interface, and sure enough there is no update.

She put down her phone in doubt, and ran to the author's Weibo.

The last post was posted two days ago, and it was an advertisement for the publication of a new book.

Out of some kind of subtle sixth sense, she suddenly felt an ominous feeling in her heart, and this feeling lasted until she turned on the phone again at two o'clock in the afternoon - the great author had cancer, and his physical condition deteriorated sharply. Currently undergoing chemotherapy in the hospital.

The world is so impermanent, Ye Xi's heart suddenly turned cold.

Swiping her fingers on Weibo, she silently flipped through the 1+ comments below, all of which were praying for blessings from her fans.

She left Weibo after leaving a sentence in the comment, "Pray for only Yuda's speedy recovery".

Now she has no more strength to grieve, an irresistible tiredness swept over her, her vision began to blur, and her steps began to become weak.

Here it is again, this feeling again.

This happens to her body every time she is depressed, and now she is able to keep calm, not as frightened as she was at the beginning.

She leaned on the wall and moved to the bed a little bit, pulled out the quilt and hugged it in her arms.

She was the only one in the house, and she was destined not to be able to call for help. This time was very difficult, because it was a double torture, both physically and mentally.

She tried her best to open her eyes, but she still couldn't see anything clearly, her vision was blurred, and she could hear her own heavy breathing and her increasingly rapid heartbeat. She sweated a lot and left a lot of physiological pain. Sexual tears, she wanted to wipe them away, but at this moment she couldn't even move a finger.

Then let it be!

Either it beat her, or she beat it.

In this war, she once again lost the concept of time, and the short time was infinitely extended. She thought of relative speed formulas, relative length formulas, relative mass formulas, relative time formulas, mass The energy equation, light is C for all frames of reference, the laws of physics are equivalent for all frames of reference...gravitation is equivalent to acceleration, and gravity is the curvature of time and space.

Einstein is really great, Schrodinger's cat is also very powerful, Fermi's paradox is a bit scary, followed by the Riemann conjecture, then the real variable function, and finally the unforgettable face of Teacher Fubian.

She has always been worried about the fact that she did not consult Fubian teacher with the Riemann conjecture, and of course the 99 points after the final exam that made her choked.

And Demidovich almost didn't finish.

When all kinds of mathematical formulas and symbols filled her head, she began to count to seven, and jumped over when she encountered a multiple of seven. This time she finally had a little concept of time.

She counted bit by bit, and unconsciously counted to 680 seven.

680 eight, 680 nine, seven hundred one, seven hundred two, seven hundred three, seven hundred zero...

A hexagonal snowflake fell down from the darkness, beautiful crystals cut through the darkness, shining with moving light.

The doll of Santa Claus stands in front of a huge Christmas tree, the tree is covered with twinkling lights and beautiful gift boxes, snowflakes like goose feathers are slowly falling, and a snowflake with an unusually beautiful shape falls on the palm of Santa Claus .

Every snowflake is unique, a magical masterpiece of nature.

She looked at the snowflake carefully, just like the little prince looked at his rose.

She stretched out her hand to touch it, only then did she realize that she was wearing a thick red wool glove with white rabbit fur sewn around the edge.

She hasn't worn this style since she was eight years old. She raised her head by pulling the rabbit fur, and saw a crooked log cabin next to the Christmas tree. The roof was covered with a thick layer of snow, and hanging There is a sign that says 'MerryChristmas'.

The snowflakes fell one after another and piled up quietly, and Santa's boots were covered with snow.

She raised her steps and saw the pair of little red shoes on her feet without any surprise, and the white rabbit fur of the same style on the edge.

She raised her foot and stepped on the thick snow. Before she could take the next step, the whole world suddenly shook. The snow on the ground flew all over the world, and she also fell upside down with the snowflakes flying all over the sky. Shaking, Santa Claus, the Christmas tree, and the log cabin seemed to have taken root, and they were motionless in such a jolt.

The world stopped shaking for a while, and some noisy sounds began to appear in the silent world. These sounds were very complicated. At first, it was like the sound of a pile of cardboard boxes rubbing and colliding with each other, and then the sound of mobile phone ringing and motor vehicles. .

She hugged the Christmas tree and stared blankly at the snow waves rising and falling on the ground.

"Hello, is this Ms. Chi Xiangnuan? This is your courier. Please sign for it."

This is the voice of a young man in his 20s, with a burst of vigor.

"Okay, thank you", the voice was sweet, with a soft milky voice.

The world she lived in suddenly began to shake upside down again, the swaying snow waves slapped her face, she blinked her eyes, and felt that the voice was a little familiar.

The water, the huge whitebait, the deep sea without a gleam of light, these dreams that were about to be forgotten by her reappeared in her memory, and for the first time, her brain, which had always been functioning well, had a brief blank in the dream.