Oral period

"My previous personality... how should I put it?" Xia Jingzhe turned over, as if thinking about how to speak, her voice was intermittent and not as clear as usual, "It's actually not as bad as it is now."

Zhen Xiao responded, indicating that he was listening.

"Maybe it's because the rebellious period came too late. Before high school, I was very good. My parents were away all the year round, and my grandmother was not in good health, so I had to be sensible early, save my worries, and not cause trouble," he raised an arm , covered the faintly hot eyelids, and sighed softly, "Although no one cares, but after all...the family conditions are good, and I haven't suffered much. I have been very simple since I was a child, and I trust others easily. What can I say? Let’s just say, now that I think about it, I might be short-sighted.”

Zhen Xiao blinked in the darkness, and swallowed back the phrase "You are almost the same now".

"...I have never had many friends. Sometimes I play with others and seem to get along well, but I will be excluded without knowing it. It seems that they have an invisible circle and I can't fit in. At first I thought the problem was Me, it’s because I’m too straightforward, and I’ll always treat anyone well if I want to make friends with him. I don’t know how to measure, and I make others uncomfortable. Later..."

Oh, you're still being nice to others——Zhen Xiao still didn't say it, and suddenly remembered a certain comic of his, the protagonist's character was somewhat similar to what he described in his words, and everyone in the comment area was "distressed" "Pleasant Personality" and "Me Too".

No wonder he didn't like that manga very much when he first read it. If it wasn't for the author's special status, he would quit within about three pages.

This time Xia Jingzhe paused for a long time, and even had the idea of ​​skipping this topic. After all, he took a deep breath and gathered enough courage to look back at the past in the long silence: "It was only later that I found out that someone said three things behind my back. Dao Si, say that I am a wild child abandoned by my parents..."

Father goes to jail, mother cheats, illegitimate child—there are all kinds of speculations. It doesn’t cost a penny to spread rumors, but if everyone spreads rumors about one person in the group, they can get more “benefits” from false talks.

"I'm so afraid of ghosts, because at that time, they didn't like me, and they would hide in front of my house in the dark, pretending to be ghosts to scare me," the young man said, as if mocking himself, "I never get tired of it... Maybe it's interesting to see me ashamed .”

"This happened in kindergarten. Later, when I went to elementary school and moved to another place, the classmates around me changed. No one knew my family background, so I wouldn't be rumored, but... maybe it was because of my family background. I said I was afraid, even if we got along well at that time, I still felt awkward, and felt that someone was talking about me behind my back—I wanted to get along with everyone, and I was afraid that I would offend the other party, but I wanted to hide and not associate with anyone... ..."

In the silent darkness, a hand gently stroked the top of his hair, and touched it gently.

"There is still a difference between being cheerful from the heart and pretending. They are not stupid, and they have seen my nature clearly over time-it's not that I don't have friends, it's just that I don't have that kind. How should I put it, a heart-to-heart friend .”

"Until I met him."

Sensing the faint smile in the other party's words, Zhen Xiao's hand on top of his head froze, and continued as if nothing had happened, as if he was soothing some small animal licking its wound.

"He is different from others. He is a little fool who just met me for the first time and believed in me no matter what. He will listen to me carefully and believe whatever I say, no matter what kind of person I am or how my family conditions are. Maybe I never thought about whether I would harm him..." Xia Jingzhe put down his arms, looked at the empty darkness in front of him, but remembered the spring evening when he was seven years old, the sunset was rich, and it coated the long-lasting memory Warm Light, "His eyes are beautiful. When he looks at me, his eyes are always very focused, as if I am the only one in the world."

"Later, I sometimes thought, if before high school, my parents, my classmates, even random strangers, who looked at me seriously like him and listened to what I wanted to say, would never OK... I might not be what I am now."

"Last time you asked me what I thought of him. In fact, I didn't mind him leaving without saying goodbye. There is no feast that never ends. People always leave. I just can't figure it out. Since I have to leave sooner or later, why do I have to watch him?" Seeing those eyes gave me a taste of being treated sincerely... I was really angry, but I couldn't help it, every time I thought of his eyes, my heart softened and I forgave him again."

"This is the answer to the question at the beginning——Zhou Xiao, the way you look at me is very similar to his."

So even if you have a cold and bad personality, you always play tricks on me in different ways, and you made a feud on the first day we met, and you haven't been able to settle the matter until now... I will still repeat the same mistakes and hand over my rusty sincerity to you.

Is it a confession? It doesn't seem to count, but it's more like vomiting for a while, making people unable to answer.Xia Jingzhe closed her eyes, and followed her drifting memories to think about that person, only to find that she had unintentionally told a lie.

He can't remember the eyes of his childhood playmates, laughing and crying, gentle and focused - once those labels are attached, the last thing that emerges is always a pillowy face, a pair of calm water eyes, shrouded in cold mist , There is a real and fake smile hidden in the fog, it is too hazy, and it seems to be affectionate in a trance.

No one spoke for a long time, he realized something belatedly, was stunned, and then explained embarrassingly: "I don't think you are a substitute, it doesn't mean that, but... there is always a process, right, like— —”

Zhen Xiao interrupted him in a warm voice: "I know."

Some people are not as calm and innocent listeners as they appear - they just act well and go unnoticed.

Speechless for a while.

"It's getting late, go to sleep, and I'll let you listen to nonsense for a long time," Xia Jingzhe turned over and looked in his direction in the dark, his voice seemed to become a little clearer, with a subtle hint of pampering, and again Like an ordinary tease, "But you are also quite rude. After listening to it for a long time, there is no response at all. It's half a catty."

There was a brief rustle of the bed being rubbed, and then it quickly returned to silence. He seemed to have really fallen asleep.

Zhen Xiao didn't take back the hand that was resting on his pillow, and just put it there so not too far away, awkwardly, clearly almost touching the soft hair of the person next to the pillow, but he seemed like a man who was restless. A chaotic gentleman has never crossed the line.

What are you talking about? He is actually the playmate who left without saying goodbye. The departure that time was not a betrayal. He lost his memory, that's why he couldn't recognize him, and did those stupid things of fighting each other.

He still believed in him as he did when he was a child, he could give him the attention he expected, and he would never leave again...

There was a voice in my heart chattering endlessly, almost bewitching, reminding him that Xia Jingzhe was hard-spoken and soft-hearted, that he still had feelings for him as a child, that he would not really not forgive him, that if he said it, he would be beaten up at most, and he would lower his dignity and eat the bitter fruit —It's not that bad actually.

The young man looked out of the window with mixed emotions, only to remember that the curtains had already been drawn and the moon was no longer visible.

After a long time, he sighed silently. The hand far away from the person next to the pillow clenched his fist tightly, and his nails dug into his palm, but his tone was as calm as usual, even deliberately lightened, as if he was afraid of waking him up: "Xia—"

Almost at the same time, Xia Jingzhe's cell phone on the bedside table suddenly lit up, and the loud ringing overwhelmed his voice.

The other party seemed to swear in a low voice, and it took two seconds to reach out to answer it. Looking at the incoming call information on the screen, his eyes sank, and he subconsciously turned on the light: "My mother... What's going on at this time..."

The field of vision suddenly brightened, and Zhen Xiao realized that his eye sockets were very red and slightly swollen—I don't know if it was his illusion, but after answering the phone call, the other party's already fair face seemed to turn pale again, and the blood faded away. His eyes became redder.

There were people talking on the other end of the phone all the time, but Xia Jingzhe didn't answer, she just listened silently, clutching the quilt with one hand, tightening it tighter and tighter, her knuckles were so white that they turned blue.

Zhen Xiao looked at his expression, hesitated for a moment, then stretched out her hand, put it on the back of his cold hand, and patted lightly.

However, in the next second, Xia Jingzhe suddenly grabbed his hand, trembling faintly as if he was climbing on driftwood, his palm was soaked in sweat, very cold, like a desperate water plant.

"Well, I see..." The person who had been silent for a long time finally spoke, his voice barely remained calm, but his breathing was trembling.

After hanging up the phone, the phone fell straight into the bed. Xia Jingzhe lowered his head, hugged his knees and curled up slowly, holding his hand but did not let go.

"My grandma...isn't well, she's being rescued," Zhen Xiao heard his voice, broken into pieces, and muffled from under the quilt, "They bought me a plane ticket at seven o'clock, and they're about to leave , Aunt Xu's side..."

Maybe it was because he remembered Xu Qing's words before going to bed, "I will make porridge for you tomorrow morning", his voice choked up, and he added "Sorry" in a low voice, like a child who missed an appointment.

"It's okay, let me tell you, you..."

She grabbed his hand tightly, interrupting his unfinished words.

Xia Jingzhe tilted his head to look at him, his eyes were filled with moisture, like the water vapor was about to condense before the rain, and it made people breathless - when he left him ten years ago and left without saying goodbye, it was also before dawn, like this weather.

"Zhouxiao," the young man asked softly, "Can I bite you?"

——"Bite me if you are afraid."

Zhen Xiao was slightly startled, it was the first time that she didn't want to hear her name from him so much, she was silent for a moment, then suddenly stretched out her hand and pulled him into her arms - letting the other's sharp canine teeth dig into the flesh, it wasn't the shoulder that hurt.

What do you think.

I have tasted the feeling of being valued by others and lost it, so I yearn for the attention of my parents, fight with my hands, and leave behind irreparable regrets...

Why did he think that Xia Jingzhe would forgive him.