I Reasonably Suspect That My Cat Is My Ex-Boyfriend

My cat is a douchebag.

When I first saw the cat successfully opened the drawer with cans, I should have taken precautions against it. Unfortunately, at that time, I just thought that my cat is really smart and good at thinking.

Later, the cat began to challenge himself constantly, opening the sliding door of the bathroom and the double door of the wardrobe one after another.He jumped into my neatly folded clothes and was so comfortable that he ignored my anxious calls when I was looking for him outside.

Later, through observation, I found that when a cat opens a sliding door, it will first stuff its claws into the gap, and then use the principle of leverage to pry the door open; when it encounters a double-opening door, it is even worse, directly hooking it with its claws, and violently pulling it open.

For the cat's safety, I installed hasps on all the doors and windows in my house, so as not to give my cat any chance to die.

As everyone knows, when I observe the cat, the cat also observes me.

I considered all the doors and windows in the house, but forgot the gate alone.

I really should do a set of Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms before opening the door, as someone suggested on Weibo.

The cat went out three times without warning.

After the sister from the property management office downstairs knocked on my door for the fourth time holding my cat, I asked the master to turn the door lock up and down. When going out, the door handle had to be lifted up to open it.My cat lost the advantage of its own weight and licked its paw resignedly.

I think if I give him a chance, my cat may become the first cat that can box since the reform and opening up in China.

But in the end the cat outdid himself.In the morning, I took the cat to the pet store for a bath. When I went back to pick him up at night, the clerk told me embarrassingly that my cat had successfully unlocked the cage door, and then unscrewed the cubicle door, and fled to the gap in the bathroom. No matter how you call it, you can't come out.

I walked over and called the cat softly, and the cat came out without hesitation and plunged into my arms.

"I have washed cats for five years, and I have never encountered such a thing." The clerk scratched the back of his head.

is a king.

That night I dreamed that my cat became a locksmith, carrying a stack of small advertisements, avoiding the security guards in the middle of the night, sneaking into the doors of the old community that were opened and forgotten to close, and climbing the stairs to the house. Put dog skin plaster on the door.

When someone really shuts himself out because he is collecting quilts or posting couplets, the cat will rush over wearing gray-blue overalls, a peaked cap, and a small box in his hand. Get stuck in the crack of the door, swipe and pull a few times, and then charge someone 100 yuan confidently.

When I first started working, I was also blackmailed like this.

At that time, my ex-boyfriend and I were both in debt. In order to save money as much as possible, after calculating the cost of living under different plans, we chose to live in a small apartment 25 kilometers away from my company and 30 kilometers away from his company. .

I remember that I was really dizzy that day. After get off work, I grabbed a bunch of black objects and rushed home.

Because the house was only rented not long ago, the landlord only gave us one key, and we haven’t had time to get a second one, and I leave work earlier than my ex-boyfriend, so I have always kept the keys.

When I stood in front of my house and pulled out a bunch of clinking long tail clips from my pocket, my heart was broken.

Back to the company?The last bus is gone, and it will take at least an hour to take a taxi back and forth.I wanted to cry, so I called and asked where my ex-boyfriend was. If I haven’t left the company yet, I’ll wait a little longer and I’ll go back to get the key.

The corridor was pitch black, and there was a chuckle from the receiver of the mobile phone. My ex-boyfriend said he was coming soon and told me not to go anywhere.

I was sitting on the stairs dozing when he arrived.According to what my ex-boyfriend said later, I leaned against the wall and hugged my knees, especially like a homeless animal, miserable.

My ex-boyfriend pulled out a subway card from his wallet familiarly, shuttled through the crack of the door a few times like a conjurer, and with a twist of his wrist, the door opened, and it took only 2 minutes.

"Security is still not enough," the ex-boyfriend shook his head towards the door, put his arms around me who was staggering as I was about to enter the door, and pulled me back, "Huh? That's it? No pay?"

I squinted my eyes and leaned forward to kiss him.The ex-boyfriend was dissatisfied: "Not enough, my appearance fee is very high."

I knelt down and reached out to untie his waistband.

So that night I was pressed on the bed by him and charged a full two hours of "fee".

I felt hot in the middle of the night, and wanted to spread out, but my ex-boyfriend refused to let me go, and hugged me back even tighter.I quite like how clingy my ex-boyfriend is. Although life is a bit tight these days, I have everything I need, and I am very content.

But later, when our debts were almost paid off and we successfully moved to a more spacious apartment closer to the company, my ex-boyfriend, who was supposed to be as happy as me, didn't show much. He lowered his head and didn't know what he was thinking. Not as clingy to me as before.

He has concerns, very serious concerns.

One morning when I woke up, there was nothing beside me, and the quilt was cold to the touch.

The ex-boyfriend got up early, but he didn't know where he went.The breakfast he prepared for me was still on the table outside as usual, and I was a little depressed. The food was very delicate, but I couldn't taste it at all.I went back to my room and unplugged my fully charged phone and called him.

No one picked up.

It's a rare day off, leaving me alone at home like this, won't my ex-boyfriend's conscience hurt?

I didn't wait for him to come back until evening.

I could tell by the look on his face that he couldn't believe what he said next.Sure enough, my ex-boyfriend said apologetically that he had gone to a social event, and his long eyelashes were drooping, covering his expression, and I smelled the faint smell of cigarettes on him.

Oh, entertainment, one-on-one entertainment?The ex-boyfriend never smoked, so it should be the guy across from him.Tsk, that guy still has bad habits.

I didn't say anything, and entered "what to do if my boyfriend cheated on me" in the computer search box with a normal expression.

I want to be calm, I want to be calm.

It's a pity that I only worked hard to maintain my calm until before going to bed at night.

Nestled in the arms of my ex-boyfriend, I raised my face and asked him carefully if there were other vixens outside. The arms of my ex-boyfriend stiffened for a moment, then he lowered his head and kissed my lips firmly.

"No, and there will be no third party who can separate us."

"I'm sorry, I'm too busy with work to neglect you."

I chose to believe him, but I was a little unwilling: "Then you see that other couples have engagement rings and so on, do you think we can also buy a pair to wear?"

The ex-boyfriend took a deep breath, without answering me, kissed from the top of my head to my forehead, to the tip of my nose, all the way down, and finally dropped a kiss on my ring finger.

I took it as if he had received my cue.

But for the rest of the day, there are a few days a month when I wake up with nothing around me.

My ex-boyfriend went to socialize again.Hard.

I now reasonably suspect that my cat is my ex-boyfriend.

Evidence Seven:

My cat can pick locks, my cat always likes to sneak out.