Don't be sad behind my back

——It’s really cold in winter——

It was rare for Han Teng to stay at home, but no one came back from the house for several days in a row. He was the only one. The takeaway boxes were piled up at the door, cigarette butts were stuck in the ashtray on the coffee table, and the surface of the furniture was covered with a thin layer. thin dust.

The TV was on, playing an old movie, but no sound.

Han Teng slept on the sofa, watched TV when he woke up, and went back to sleep when he was sleepy.

There seems to be no worries or worries.

Wen Shan's shop has been closed for several days, and she has been in the hospital.

"Mom, go to work, I'm fine."

Han Yi smiled at her, and moved his arm wrapped with the bandage slightly.

Wen Shan was startled, and immediately refused.

"No, I have to watch you, in case you..."

She didn't say any more.

Because she was afraid, everything that happened that day was vividly remembered.

Han Yi was kicked by Han Teng, his stomach was bleeding, and his chest was hit hard again. He immediately coughed up a mouthful of blood, and then passed out.

In addition, the left knee fractured, and the numbness after the sharp pain was the harbinger of the fracture.

After waking up, Han Yi has completely changed. He is depressed, gloomy, silent, doesn't think about food and drink, begins to lose concentration, and is in a daze all day long. Sometimes he doesn't sleep all night, just staring out of the window.

The frightening thing is that Han Yi's face is expressionless, as usual, with a calm expression, but he is crying silently.

Wen Shan couldn't remember how long Han Yi hadn't shed tears, except when he was a baby, Han Yi never seemed to cry.

This scene made Wen Shan feel dazed. She didn't even dare to admit that this was her son.

Wen Shan heard it once, Han Yi seemed to be muttering in a low voice, but only for a moment, not sure, as if saying...

Cheng Xiao...

Han Yi seemed unable to wake up.

A few days later, Wen Shan finally got scared. She always thought that Han Yi was just in a bad mood and depressed about her body.

She remembered what the doctor said, and took Han Yi to the psychiatric department.

If the house had no walls or eaves, and only a few rotten beams remained, then Han Yi's inspection results were the sharp ax that destroyed the last support of the house, and also shattered a woman's last hope.

Major depressive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder.

It is preliminarily judged that the patient has been ill for many years...

Patient with suicidal tendencies...

recommend hospitalization...

……

It was only then that Wen Shan discovered that there were marks of sharp objects piercing Han Yi's wrists, all of which were cut off after a small incision, and there were about four or five here and there.

The doctor attributed this to the patient's less serious suicidal tendencies and self-control.But just in case, it is better to be hospitalized for observation.

Depression treatment takes at least half a year and a year. Severe depression is almost endless. It is really difficult to recover, and hope is almost slim.

Han Yi could only suspend school.

So Wen Shan didn't dare to leave, she was afraid of what Han Yi would do.

She was afraid that once she left, Han Yi would not be there.

Often when parting from life and death, sensibility occupies people's emotions, which is attributed to feelings.

"The store can't ignore it."

"It's okay, mom is here with you."

"You don't need to accompany me, I can't do anything with this pestering me."

"That's not OK."

Han Yi didn't say any more.

After a long time, he said calmly, "Don't buy the medicine yet, and I won't be hospitalized. Can we go home?"

Wen Shan shivered.

"No! The disease can be cured!" She said excitedly.

"The money is not enough..." Han Yi said softly: "I still have to go to a divorce lawsuit and find a lawyer... Grandma has not been in good health recently, and she has to take medicine and be hospitalized... The medical expenses are too expensive, let's die first gone."

"No... How can the disease be cured?!"

Han Yi has been treated harshly since he was a child. He has nothing, and he wants nothing if he is sensible.

When I owed the mortgage, there was a quarrel at home because of Han Yi's tuition fees. Han Yi, who was still in elementary school, knew that the family owed so much money. He was very sad. He didn't want to go to school. He was a burden to the family.

His past didn't even grow weeds, and it was always barren.

Wen Shan buried her face in her hands, her shoulders trembling.

"I'm sorry... Mom is sorry for you... I owe you too much... I didn't treat you well when I was young... You didn't have enough food and clothing when you were young... Now you are sick... Mom didn't find out after being sick for so long..."

Han Yi didn't respond, just stared at the ceiling.

"It's okay, it doesn't matter, it's over anyway."

Wen Shan couldn't help crying.

This is what hurts her the most.

As a mother, even an outsider would think that it cannot be written off, Han Yi just accepted it.

Wen Shan didn't even have the chance to make amends.

"It's all my fault...I wish I had seen him clearly earlier...This family wouldn't be like this...I thought he would repent one day...I think...I worked so hard for this family...I still serve him when I go home ...I don't need him to do any housework...he just reacts slowly...I'm sure one day I can see how much I've put in...I understand now...he's just bullying me..."

Wen Shan pressed the corner of her eye.

"Han Yi... You said I asked him for a divorce, can he..."

"He is like that, and there will be a day like this sooner or later." Han Yi said indifferently: "He doesn't recognize me now, thinks that I'm protecting you, and he is against him. The anger is on me. If you want to divorce him, he will do the same." I think it was me who instigated it, so I won’t do anything to you, at most, I’ll come at me with a few words of scaring.”

"So you don't have to be afraid. If you leave early and get free, you don't have to be terrified every day."

Han Yi's words hit the nail on the head, every word made sense, Wen Shan didn't say anything for a long time.

Wen Shan was indeed afraid that Han Teng would retaliate, and Han Teng would definitely do the same.

She never thought that her marriage would come to this point.In fact, this ending was doomed from Han Teng's first domestic violence, but because of her bottomless concessions and compromise, she still had unrealistic expectations for marriage, which made Han Teng even more aggressive and unscrupulous.

In addition to having to endure more than ten years of torture, Han Yi was forced to bear all of this from birth, and even in the end, Han Yi was required to cut off all of this and accept the subsequent price alone.

She so hoped that Han Yi could blame her and blame her so that her shame and remorse could be redeemed.

It's a pity that Han Yi has never been like this, he has always accepted it silently.

"It's okay", "It doesn't matter", "It's over".

Like three sentences of judgment, condemning her conscience all the time.

Han Yi closed his eyes, as if he was about to fall asleep.

Wen Shan looked at Han Yi, and felt that he was almost the same as before. The severe depression seemed to be less obvious than the rumors. Although Han Yi would also suffer from illness, most of the time it was normal.

What she didn't know was that Han Yi had a tendency to be depressed in the early years. He just got used to it, got used to it, learned to control it, and lived with it for many years.

For example, if you take a large amount of poison at one time, you will die directly, but if you take a non-lethal dose for the first time, and then increase it every day, not only will you not die, but your resistance to poison will also exceed normal.

Han Yi has lived with depression for many years.

Wen Shan finally went to work. The end of the year was approaching, and the shop was extremely busy, and she even had to work overtime.

She saw that Han Yi's mood had been very stable, and he had not done anything violent. She could only visit Han Yi at night, and then went to stay at her grandmother's house.

Wen Shan was fooled once again, Han Yi was too good at controlling himself, he was full of vigilance and vigilance towards himself.

He has become more and more out of control. When the disease broke out, his soul seemed to be pulled out abruptly. The consciousness of his limbs and brain was floating in the air, and his eyes were white. The disease occupied him and controlled him.

When he woke up, he found that his arms and wrists were covered with blood-oozing scratches, and there was nothing he could do.

Until one time, there was a circle of deep tooth marks on the inside of the wrist that was not bound by the strap.

Afterwards, he woke up in the middle of the night, awakened by his own voice, his face was wet, and a large area of ​​the pillow was soaked.

A week passed in such a daze, the hospital bed gradually devoured a person's will, and the four corners of the house trapped a person's heart that wanted to be free.

He can perceive his body more clearly than anyone else.

So he decided to do something.

Because he almost gave up treatment, he knew that he would die at any time, this was not decided by him, but by the God of Death.

He hardly eats rice every day, feels no hunger, and takes medicine as food, needle holes and black and purple bruises all over the back of his hands and arms, is chained to the hospital bed all day long, and suffers from heart-rending pain. Cough, tingling in the knee, cold extremities caused by unhealed stomach bleeding, unbalanced heart rate, and dizziness.

He would tremble all over because of palpitations, would often take medicine and would vomit, with stomach acid and blood mixed in.

During the day, Wen Shan was not there, and the nurse sister came to check on her condition.

Han Yi sat up, with a gentle smile on his face, and his complexion was obviously much better. No matter how he looks like this, he doesn't look like a patient.

"I'm in a good mood today, and my complexion is much better than before."

Han Yi smiled: "Yes."

Han Yi looked harmless to humans and animals, but his sharp and cold edges were worn away by his illness.

The nurse sister took extra care of him and often said some funny things to make this beautiful angel with broken wings happy.

Han Yi glanced at the clock on the wall, and said to the nurse sister: "Sister, can I go for a walk in the backyard? The ward is too stuffy, and my chest feels a little uncomfortable."

The nurse sister hesitated for a while, Han Yi was indeed trapped in the ward every day.

"But your legs..."

"It's okay, just stand in the backyard and get some air."

"How do you feel now, are you unhappy or depressed?"

"No, I'm fine now, I just lay down for too long and just want to go out."

The nurse sister has always been responsible for taking care of Han Yi. Except for the first few days when the child was accompanied by family members, she was left alone after that. She actually felt sorry for Han Yi, and her care for him obviously exceeded her job.

"Is it okay? Sister, this belt is really uncomfortable."

"Okay, the outdoor environment is also helpful for the condition. I'll help you remove the bandages, but don't stay too long. Your knees can't catch cold. I'll help you protect your knees and keep them warm. It can be ruined if you get the root of the disease, it hurts every year when the season changes, my father is."

The nurse sister not only wrapped Han Yi's knees tightly, put a circle of warm stickers around them, took apart a pair of thick socks she bought for Han Yi to wear, and found a scarf to wrap around him, saying: "I My father nagged me every day that I had to protect my ankles so that I could not catch cold, and that I had to wear a scarf in winter, otherwise my neck would get windy and my body would be cold."

Han Yi smiled and thanked.

The sister nurse supported Han Yi who was on crutches, and led him to the backyard of the hospital.

"Don't stay too long, Xiao Han, it's cold outside."

"it is good."

"Do you have a mobile phone? Go back and call me. I'll hold you up and don't fall."

"It's okay, sister, you can go to work."

The sister nurse tucked the scarf for him, and turned to work.

The back of the nurse sister disappeared from sight.It was cold and windy outside, Han Yi looked at the snow on the ground, and murmured subconsciously: "Winter is so cold..." Then he turned and left the backyard.

"what?!"

Cheng Xiao grabbed the phone, and the interface stayed in the WeChat chat box.

Contact: Yi;

December 12th at 7:12;

are you sick?Are you ok?

23:00;

Good night……

December 12th at 9:06;

Pay attention to your body and don't get too tired.

23:00;

Good night……

December 12th at 11:07;

When I get back, let's have a good chat, shall we?

23:00;

Good night……

December 12th at 14:06;

wait for meThe game is over.

23:00;

Good night……

"Han Yi, he... rest... learn..."

Cheng Xiao grabbed Yang Tian's shoulder, his eyes were empty, his expression was fearful and flustered, he repeated every word in disbelief, his voice trembling already.

"Hugh... learn..."

Why doesn't Yang Tian feel regretful and bitter.

"He hasn't been back since he asked for leave. It was only last Thursday that I heard that Han Yi had dropped out of school. I don't know the exact reason. It is said that it is because of his health."

Yang Tian let out a long sigh.

"You were still competing at the time...I didn't dare to tell you...for fear of the impact..."

"So...you two really..."

Are you two really separated?

Cheng Xiao took a heavy breath. The news just now was like a heavy hammer hitting his chest. At this moment, his chest was compressed and he couldn't breathe.

"Ah."

Yang Tian was silent.

"But I don't accept it." This sentence was almost squeezed out of Cheng Xiao's teeth, persistent and unwilling.

"Xiao'er, you..."

It was the first time Yang Tian saw Cheng Xiao who was full of hostility. His eyes were sharp and firm, sunken in the shadow of the brow bone, his jaw was tense from clenching his teeth, and his hand holding the wall was clenched. With a fist, the whole person is like a lion staring at its prey and ready to go.

That look seemed to say: "I will not let him jump into the abyss alone."

Yang Tian turned sideways, leaned his back against the wall, and looked up at the window.

Yang Tian: "Oh, Han Yi... I remember when I first met him, he was very... like an empty shell, and his appearance was also cold... But, after getting along with him, I found that Han Yi is actually very pretty. Lovely……"

Cheng Xiao turned his head and glanced at him.

Yang Tian hurriedly stopped: "No, no, I'm not..."

"It's okay, he's really cute."

Yang Tian sighed.

"Actually, we can all see that Han Yi only seems to be more real when he is with you... and he is really happy."

"So... I don't know why the two of you broke up, but I can't figure it out. Wouldn't it be better to live a real life? He was so happy and comfortable before... Why did he do this..."

Cheng Xiao suddenly realized something, and said to himself: "Maybe, he..."

Something is going to happen to his house, or something has already happened.

Yang Tian: "Huh?"

Cheng Xiao: "Nothing, thank you."

Yang Tian: "Don't worry about thanking you, think about what to do."

The ready bell rang.

"Okay, let's go, don't throw away your studies and career just because you broke up with your love."

Cheng Xiao smiled: "No, otherwise my wife's efforts will be in vain."

"Tsk."

Just as Cheng Xiao was about to enter the classroom, Yang Tian called him to stop.

"Actually, I still really hope that you can chase him back. There must be some reason in between. Both of you are my friends. I just hope that both of you can be well."

Cheng Xiao was stunned.

Yang Tian waved his hand: "Let's go."

Cheng Xiao doesn't know how this week has passed, studying, training, studying, training, repeating these two things every day, exhausting both mentally and physically.

He doesn't like to laugh so much, and he doesn't make jokes or slapstick.

Sometimes when I go to class and listen to it, I get used to patting the people around me.

But just as he stretched out his hand, he patted the air.

He looked at the empty desk for a long time.

Then quietly lowered his head and raised his hand to wipe the light from the corner of his eyes.

He is the only one left in the dormitory, he will suffer from insomnia when he sleeps on his own bed, or dream of Han Yi leaving him, dreaming of Han Yi lying in a pile of medical equipment, dreaming of Han Yi lying in a pool of blood, often in the middle of the night Woke up with tears on my face.

Only sleeping on Han Yi's bed will be at ease, because there is still Han Yi's breath on it, they are very happy and happy in their dreams, just like in the past, so real.

But every time Cheng Xiao wakes up, he finds that the empty dormitory is real. He has to relax for a long time, and even forces himself to continue to sleep, trying to catch the tail of the dream in a hurry. He knows it's just a dream. But he just didn't want to wake up.

After that, he felt that he might have hallucinations. During the physical education class, he felt Han Yi was nearby, and seemed to see him, just outside the fence, but in the blink of an eye, that figure disappeared.

Cheng Xiao shook his head mockingly.

The breath on that bed became weaker and weaker, Cheng Xiao tried desperately to keep him, but he was like the wind, he couldn't catch up, and he disappeared without a trace.

He lay on that bed, wrapped tightly in the quilt.

"It's so cold in winter..."

After school on Saturday, Cheng Xiao saw an unexpected person at the school gate.