Don't be sad behind my back

——A night of intoxication in midsummer——

Han Yi stood in front of the bedroom window, with his mobile phone next to his ear.

The cold eyes seem to be covered with wind and snow, throwing the swaying green leaves outside the window, the heat wave is transpiring the ground, the golden light pierces the eyes, just looking through the window, one feels stuffy and dizzy.

Cheng Xiao took out the cake from the refrigerator, cut a large piece and put it on a plate.He took out two transparent glasses from the cupboard and poured lemonade [-]% full.

After Cheng Xiao finished all this, he took out his mobile phone from his trouser pocket, leaned against the dining table and started playing.But he didn't concentrate on playing, and looked at the bedroom door that was not closed tightly from time to time.

Han Yi has nothing to hide from Cheng Xiao, except for his family.Han Yi never mentioned it, and Cheng Xiao didn't ask, and even politely avoided it, which seemed to be a tacit understanding.

Cheng Xiao only likes Han Yi, and doesn't care about the others.But only family, that is the root of Han Yi's illness, it is impossible not to care.

Rather than not asking, it is better to say that you dare not ask.

He is very afraid, afraid of asking sensitive questions, afraid of arousing Han Yi's shadow, afraid that Han Yi will panic like last time in the bathroom, afraid that Han Yi will be silent for a moment... the most afraid of his own recklessness will eventually make Han Yi bear the burden as a result of.

He loves him so much, holding him in his hands, how can he be willing to let him feel even the slightest bit of sadness.

Love is vigorous, love is careful.

Han Yi hung up the phone and opened the bedroom door.

"It's okay, Cheng Xiao."

Han Yi's voice was relaxed and joyful, and the stone hanging in Cheng Xiao's heart finally fell to the ground, and his mind stopped thinking wildly.

Great, fortunately, I finally breathed a sigh of relief.

"Really? That's the best, let's eat cake."

Han Yi's eyes flickered when he heard "cake".

"I knew your eyes would light up when you heard the cake..." Cheng Xiao smiled and said, "Last time I saw that you liked the mango inside, so this time I asked my mother to put more."

The two of you chatted with each other one sentence at a time, laughing so hard that they looked up to the sky.

until……

"Cheng Xiao."

"Ok?"

"You, you don't want to know... that phone call just now?"

Han Yi seems to be very good at observing people's hearts.

Cheng Xiao was stunned, he wanted to know, but he didn't dare to ask.

"Actually, it's nothing...just, it's me..."

Han Yi seemed to have his throat clamped, unable to speak.

A few seconds later, he said two words with difficulty and clumsily: "My dad."

Cheng Xiao had a hallucination, feeling inexplicably weird and inconsistent.

It was like spelling an unfamiliar word, very blunt and vague.

"He asked me if I made any trouble, and nothing more."

Cheng Xiao nodded and kept his head down.

Every time Han Yi's family is mentioned, the atmosphere becomes heavy.This is also the reason why the two have been reluctant to mention it, and it is always difficult to resolve.

This is the first time Han Yi talked about his past and family.

For some reason, Han Yi didn't want to think about it anymore.

If there must be an explanation, it is that she does not want to hide anything from Cheng Xiao.

Han Yi couldn't remember the life in Qingqing Kindergarten, and only a few vague images flashed in his mind, the stones at his feet, the overturned dinner plate, the wet clothes, and... the panic when he ran away.

When he was in elementary school, Han Yi would get up very early to go to school every day, because he was afraid of bumping into Han Teng, so he could only run away while Han Teng was still sleeping.

I didn't eat in the morning, so I was hungry, and I didn't say anything about the stomachache.

Without water to drink, one becomes thirsty.

After school at noon, grandma promised to pick Han Yi home for dinner. Han Yi was very happy, and he also had family members to pick him up.

He waited and waited at the door, until there was no one at the door, until the other children came back after eating, and waited until there were 5 minutes before class, but nothing came.

At that time, there was a boy who asked his father to wait with Han Yi, but Han Yi refused, because he didn't want to delay others.

Grandma said she forgot to play mahjong, Han Yi didn't cry or make trouble, and went to school and went home obediently.

At that time, the only person who crossed the road holding Han Yi's little hand every day was a traffic police uncle in his 30s.

The traffic police uncle said the most: "When I see you, I think of my son. He is so old. I am too busy with work and have no time to accompany him and his mother. I always feel sorry for them."

Two years later, the traffic police uncle was transferred away, and Han Yi was holding the candy in his hand, which was rewarded by the first class teacher in the examination, and stood by the roadside waiting for a long time.

Perhaps at that time, Han Yi began to think about the significance of these things.

If you break your promise, you can write it off with an apology, and the bonds between people will eventually be broken.

That winter, it was too dark in the morning and the road was slippery. Sudden hypoglycemia caused Han Yi to fall on the snowdrift by the side of the road.

That was when Han Yi felt the most helpless, he didn't dare to go home or go to school, the blood gushing from his temple dripped down his cheeks.

He was afraid that his parents would know, and he was afraid that the school teacher would tell his parents.

Because all this is my own fault, it will delay my mother from going to work, it will make my father angry, and it will make the family waste medical expenses in vain.

Han Yi still went to school, washed the wound with ice water, and passed the day feeling dizzy. Fortunately, her mother worked overtime, and fortunately, her father went out to drink.

Han Yi sat on the bed, talking about his past with downcast eyes, but there was a smile on the corner of his mouth, as if he was telling someone else's story.

Later, in the third and fourth grades, Han Teng smashed his grandmother's house because his grandmother said that Wen Shan had an affair and cheated. He wondered why Wen Shan agreed to marry into the Han family so quickly. She must have been dumped because she was pregnant, and she wanted to find someone quickly. Married, to avoid gossip.

From then on, Han Teng and Wen Shan quarreled every now and then, and Han Teng would even commit domestic violence.

Han Yi was dragged to the hospital for four or five paternity tests in those two years, and the results were all the same, but it was useless.

In the three years of junior high school, he was frightened, turbulent, frail and sickly, with bruises all over his body, but Han Yi knew that he was powerless, and there was no point in doing anything.

Cheng Xiao leaned forward and hugged Han Yi, his heart was sore that it seemed to be bleeding.

But I don't want Han Yi to apologize: "I'm sorry, what I said...but...but I really don't seem to...have any happy ones...I really...try hard to think...but there is still nothing...I can only Thinking of these..."

Cheng Xiao didn't speak, and only responded with tighter and tighter hugs.

Han Yi once thought about the meaning of himself.

What is Han Yi's meaning? Obviously, his parents don't like him that much, and they don't care about giving birth to him. Now they only care about monitoring and controlling, and they are full of suspicion and vigilance towards him.

The answer is that it doesn't make sense.

Han Yi's growth is accompanied by constant thinking. Even if there is a short-term emotion, he will think about the solution rationally afterwards.

At the beginning, I just let myself no longer pay easily and wait with full expectation.

Then there is restraint of emotions, suppression of feelings.

Experience one by one, give up one by one, less and less emotions and feelings are left, and people become more and more indifferent and lonely.

Being cold-hearted is also a way of self-protection.

Don't care, don't think about it, because there is no need for it.

It doesn't make any sense anymore.

"But, until I met you, Cheng Xiao."

Cheng Xiao said tremblingly, "What..."

Han Yi smiled: "It's worth going through this journey, and the past also has meaning, just to meet you."

Cheng Xiao stared at the pair of black eyes that were close by, and he suddenly understood.

Han Yi will not stick to the past, will not stand still, and will not live in the shadow of the past.

He can make peace with all misfortunes and not be held back by the past.

Clean and chilly.

This is also the reason why Han Yi is pure.

Therefore, Han Yi will not be depressed, will not be sad, and does not need sympathy, poor.

Cheng Xiao let go of Han Yi, with gentle eyes, rubbed Han Yi's head and said, "Stop talking about this, let's go, I'll take you out to play."

"Okay! Last time I passed by a dessert shop, there was a cake I wanted to eat."

"Okay, okay, there's a new movie released recently, a horror movie, do you want to go?"

"go with!"

Han Yi doesn't need sympathy and pity, and he doesn't care, let alone no one is qualified to do so.

People who are connected with each other know that the only way to comfort him is to treat the past as withered petals like Han Yi.

Like a snow lotus blooming in the polar region, it keeps withering and reborn. The fallen petals are covered with wind and snow, and go away with the wind. Every time they bloom, they are more tenacious and resolute than before.

When Cheng Xiao and Han Yi finished changing their clothes, Cheng Xiao's cell phone "ding dong", and Han Yi's cell phone buzzed.

It's a WeChat group message.

The group name is four expressions, two dogs, and two lovers.

Yang Tian: @cheng xiao@han yi, are you two free? Don't patronize dating. I'm playing with Ah Zhe outside, come or not.

Yang Tian: It's rare for Ah Zhe to come out once. Let's have a little get-together?

Zhang Sizhe: Brother Xiao and Brother Han, it’s rare for your Ah Zhe to take a vacation, come on, come on "cry" "cry" [cry]

Cheng Xiao and Han Yi chuckled.

Cheng Xiao picked up the phone and made a voice: My wife and I are going out, where are you two, send a location, we will go there right away.

Yang Tian: Okay, Xiaoer.

Zhang Sizhe: "Excited" "Excited" [Excited]

It happened that Yang Tian and Zhang Sizhe were near the movie theater, and the four went straight to the new horror movie.

Yang Tian was eager to try: "Horror movies are not scary at all, you just think that they are all pretending, so you won't be so scared."

Zhang Sizhe didn't want to watch it at first, but was coaxed into it by Yang Tian's instigation and sweet words.

"Really, really... You, don't lie to me, my God."

Zhang Sizhe trembled.

There was a piece of eerie background music at the beginning of the movie, Zhang Sizhe didn't care much, Yang Tianxian said "Fuck".

Afterwards, almost cutting a shot, Yang Tian has to be vigilant. If it is a person, Yang Tian can barely hold on. If it is a ghost in the next second, Yang Tian will directly eject from the spot and start.

Zhang Sizhe was fascinated by watching it, but he was only fascinated by the suspenseful plot, and almost ignored that it was a horror movie.

And the other two...

Han Yi lowered his voice in embarrassment and indignation: "Hands, hands away!"

Cheng Xiao's hand got into Han Yi's clothes, and rubbed Han Yi's thin waist.

"Let me cuddle for a while, I'm afraid."

Han Yixin said that you haven't watched the movie for a few times, and you just sat down and went back and forth, and you are still smiling and saying that you are afraid?

But unable to withstand the sensitivity of his waist, Han Yi quickly softened, let out a "hum", then immediately covered his mouth and glanced around.

Cheng Xiao clung to Han Yi's ear and teased softly: "Don't worry, there is no one around, and Yang Tian and Zhang Sizhe won't sit with us, so no one will hear you if you yell softly."

It was only then that Han Yi realized that there was no one around, and his body tensed up. Cheng Xiao also noticed it, and continued to talk nonsense: "Do you know that it is very dangerous to go out to watch a movie with someone who is plotting against you?"

Han Yi knew now, because those hands stretched from his waist into his pants.

After a short stalemate, Han Yi finally couldn't take it anymore and kissed Cheng Xiao.

Yang Tian was still in shock when he came out, Zhang Sizhe had been discussing the case with Yang Tian, ​​but Yang Tian couldn't listen to a word.It wasn't until I entered the private room of the hotel and drank half a glass of ice water that I calmed down.

Cheng Xiao smiled and said, "I'm so scared hahaha! Who swore just now that horror movies aren't scary?"

Zhang Sizhe: "I still feel that the hero...Yang Tian? My God, wake up, my God!"

Yang Tian rubbed his face fiercely: "I said Ah Zhe, can we stop this topic? My mind is full of images of the hero turning into a ghost, and what! What about you two? Are you really not scared? You two Are you so courageous?!"

The two were guilty and silent, with smiles froze on their faces.

Cheng Xiao "coughed": "We are really not that scared, oh, hurry up and eat, hurry up."

During the meal, Yang Tian got a little overwhelmed by drinking, and dragged the others to another bar.

It was the first time for Han Yi to come to this kind of place. When he first came in, he was fascinated by the feasting lights, English rock songs in his ears, men and women playing cards and rolling dice together, everything was strange and novel.

Cheng Xiao has long been used to the strangeness, and has been dragged to this kind of place many times by his buddies.

Cheng Xiao has been holding Han Yi's hand since he first came in, while holding the phone with the other hand.

As soon as the four of them sat down, two beautiful girls came over with wine glasses.Obviously, one was directed at Han Yi and the other at Cheng Xiao.

"Excuse me, can I add a WeChat?"

"Little brother, can you add a contact information?"

Han Yi instinctively hid beside Cheng Xiao, and Cheng Xiao also generously hugged Han Yi in his arms, slightly curling his fingers, with his knuckles hooking Han Yi's cheeks.

"Sorry, he can't, and neither can I."

The two young ladies smiled reluctantly and awkwardly, seeing that the relationship between the two seemed unusual, and left wisely.

Yang Tian ordered a table of drinks in twos and twos, but Zhang Sizhe didn't drink, so Yang Tian specially ordered Coke for him.

"I wish Brother Xiao and Brother Han a happy marriage for a hundred years, a deep love between husband and wife, an early birth to a precious son, three years to embrace the two, five years..."

Cheng Xiao hurriedly stopped him: "It's all right, you should drink less."

Yang Tian drank more and more, Cheng Xiao had a good capacity for alcohol, and also drank a lot for Han Yi, he didn't want Han Yi to drink too much, after all, Han Yi's stomach has always been bad.

Han Yi was a little drunk, leaning his elbows against the table and propping his head.Hearing Cheng Xiao's cell phone ringing, followed by an unfamiliar voice: "I'll go out for a while, sit still."

Han Yi's eyes were almost closed, and he nodded slightly.

After waiting for a few minutes, Han Yi opened his eyes slightly, feeling that his throat was a little dry, and seeing a can of Coke on the table, he opened it and drank it.

Why is it getting dizzy...it's so hot...I can't open my eyes...my lips seem to be numb...thirsty...

When Cheng Xiao came back, Han Yi was almost lying on the table, with a freshly opened can of Coke in hand.

Cheng Xiao walked over quickly, put down the cake in his hand, hugged Han Yi in his arms, and looked at the can of coke again.

It's over, the little idiot Han Yi doesn't know that carbonated drinks can speed up the absorption of alcohol. He wasn't drunk in the first place, but after drinking so much Coke, he will definitely be drunk and pass out.

Cheng Xiao called Han Yi a few times.

"Baby, baby? Is it hard? Can you hear me?"

Han Yi let out a "huh", and realized that he was hugging a familiar body, and felt better when he smelled the familiar breath, so he burrowed into that body again.

Yang Tian was already drunk, Zhang Sizhe helped him to the bathroom, and Han Yi finally opened his eyes noisily.

"Cheng... Xiao..."

"Well, baby, do you want to eat cake, the one you said you wanted to eat this afternoon."

"I, we... aren't... here, in a bar? Where... Where did you come from..."

"Little idiot, it was sent by the rider brother."

"Oh...I, I want to eat..."

"it is good."

Cheng Xiao opened the box with one hand, and inside was a piece of delicate chocolate cake with a fork attached to it.

Seeing Han Yi like that, Cheng Xiao probably couldn't even hold a fork steadily, so feed it by himself.

The drunk Han Yi was exceptionally obedient, sipping the cake in small bites, with the tip of his tongue occasionally brushing the corner of his mouth.

The squinting fox eyes look more enchanting and charming under the red and yellow light, the flushed cheeks and ears, and the slightly parted lips are all reflected in Cheng Xiao's eyes.

Han Yi was lying in his arms, with his upper body touching and his waist sunken, in a position of complete dependence.

Cheng Xiao was afraid that he couldn't bear it anymore, and finally waited until Yang Tian and Zhang Sizhe came back.

"My daughter-in-law is drunk, I took him home first."

"Okay, okay, okay... take good care of... my brother Han... Xiao'er, actually... brother Han... really... really, really special, I like you... don't look at him... cold of……"

Cheng Xiao smiled: "Well, I know. The two of us will leave first. Ah Zhe, look at him."

Zhang Sizhe: "Don't worry, you two go first, take Brother Han to sober up."

Cheng Xiao brought Han Yi out with a half hug and half hug, and called a car to go home directly.

Han Yi stumbled into the door, stumbled into the bedroom, saw the familiar bed, and lay down directly.

Sitting next to Han Yi, Cheng Xiao asked, "Bao'er, daughter-in-law? How about changing clothes and lying down?"

Han Yi gave a "hmm", vaguely, and still lay on his stomach.

Cheng Xiao couldn't keep his eyes off the drunk Han Yi for a moment, if Han Yi wasn't drunk, with such a soft and obedient appearance, he really wanted to bully him severely.

"Cheng Xiao..."

"Ok?"

"Sorry……"

Cheng Xiao was taken aback: "What's wrong? You didn't apologize to me."

Han Yi's face was buried in the quilt, and his voice was muffled: "I... I, I didn't... I'm not... I won't tell... I'm afraid, I'm afraid... I'm afraid you will... Yes, you won't like it I'm..."

"I'm afraid...I'm afraid...I'm not good enough for you...You will...don't like me...I'm afraid...I'm afraid you don't want me...My family, relatives...these...I'm afraid of you After I know... I will go away..."

Han Yi didn't know whether it was because of drunkenness or what, but his eyes and nose felt sore.

Then I seemed to be hugged, leaning against the warm embrace, I could feel the other person's heartbeat through the clothes.A cello-like low voice rang in his ears.

"Don't be afraid, don't be afraid..."

Like stringed music, it can resonate with the soul.

"I won't, I won't leave, I won't dislike you, our baby is so good...don't be afraid, don't be afraid...I'll be worried..."

Han Yi seemed to be drunk in this calm and melodious lingering, this place made him feel at ease, he didn't want to leave, he would rather drown here, lying forever in this midsummer intoxicated night.