Chu, Han and early Han Dynasty

(11)

Liu Ying is not the only attendant by me, another person named Shu Sun Yuan, about four years older than me, is the last son of Grand Tutor Shu Sun Tong.On weekdays, when Liu Ying went to school with everyone, it was my uncle Sun Yuan who served me, and when Tai Fu and Shao Fu taught alone, it was the two of us.Perhaps it is to conceal people's eyes and ears, my existence is as unknown as Shangshan Sihao.

But the irony is that no one knows, but Liu Ruyi knows.

Sometimes I feel that Empress Lu and Madam Qi are really mediocre—the two brothers kiss too much.But after thinking about it again, what's the use of their blind date, the struggle for the throne is really a battle of life and death, and who can be in love with whom.

The first day I met Liu Ruyi was actually the second day I read as a servant.My father left behind my homework, so I went to get a blank bamboo slip for use.The door was suddenly pushed open halfway, and someone rushed in excitedly and called "Brother", almost staggering me.

"Who doesn't have eyes—"

"As one wishes."

"I know, I know." The boy called "Ruyi" rolled his lips and glanced at me, "There is one more, who is this?"

"Back to King Zhao." Uncle Sun Yan smiled and said, "This is the last son of Marquis Liu, Zhang Pijiang."

"Liuhou..." He frowned and ignored it immediately, "Brother, the peach blossoms that my father gave to Ruyi bloomed last time, let's go and see them together?"

"But..." Liu Ying looked distressed, "Young Fu has given you homework."

Liu Ruyi was about to get angry, but Uncle Sun Yuan seemed to be used to coming out to smooth things over: "Your Highness the Crown Prince, you can go with King Zhao if you wish. As for the homework, it's better for Yuan and Zhang Shidu to deal with it, isn't it?"

His eyes were smiling and as quiet as autumn water, so he looked over like this, bottomless.I understood what it meant, and said: "This statement is extreme."

(12)

"Uncle and grandson..."

"If you don't mind, you can call Yuan Shaoqing."

"Suddenly remembered when you and I were young."

"Oh?"

"That day when I saw Yun Jue Shang Xiao, I was afraid that the King of Zhao would intervene if he got annoyed, but who knew that he was a master with seven orifices. He really lived up to his reputation."

"A well-deserved reputation? Shaoqing, why don't you tell me what others have passed on?"

"'The appearance is smart, but it is the same as Liuhou, that is...'"

"What is it?"

"'That inexplicable evil spirit does not know who it looks like.'"

(13)

The day your majesty saw Shangshan Sihao serving the prince, I also waited beside him.The old king lost his mind for a moment after learning the reason. He looked around in a daze, and then saw me.

I can't believe it's the eyes of one person.Even Han Wangxin back then, half of his hatred was mixed with human disdain and contempt, and his eyes were completely like a wild beast, as if he was eating meat and he couldn't understand his hatred.

Furious, astonished, sad, ashamed.

Only now did I realize how I behaved just now—frowning slightly, I called softly, "Your Majesty."

That's what my father always did when he gave advice.

I watched him leave, and his back was more than ten years old in just a moment.He understands that the position of the prince cannot be shaken, and his beloved concubine and the most cherished child are destined to die tragically—following his footsteps.

But so what.

His breathing was hot and cloudy, and his palms were soaked in cold sweat, which was extremely sticky.

What does it have to do with me.

(14)

Shu Sun Yuan is actually a very strange person.He is indeed like a gentleman in the book, "serious, stingy, and sloppy", but he is still a little more tactful and sophisticated.

Not a counselor, but a courtier.He does not have the wisdom of nothing, but only knows when and why is the most suitable, and it is natural and clear like breathing.

——So, Shu Sun Yuan will not be Zhang Pijiang's confidant.

"He just knows what to do, he can't see through and has no intention to see through everything in the world. He knows that everything Zhang Pijiang does is right, no matter how painful he is, it is good for the overall situation. He is too stupid to understand why Zhang Pijiang has fallen to this point."

Leaning against the railing, he whispered endlessly in the night, with a gentle smile.

"You understand, right. Yun Jue."

(15)

"There are rabbits, pheasants, and pheasants..."

I hummed softly, and Uncle Sun Yuan turned his head to look at me: ""Tu Yuan"?"

"Ah."

"Stop singing." He paused, "It's disrespectful."

"At the beginning of my life, there was nothing to do..."

"Are you... angry?"

"Shaoqing is that carefree cunning rabbit."

"...my praise."

"As for Pijiang, it is the wild pheasant caught in the net."

He looked at me for a long time and sighed, "I'm still sleepy."

(16)

The emperor died, the prince succeeded to the throne, and the servant became a servant.

I thought the throne would change Liu Ying, just like his father, who was born in a poor peasantry but eventually tempered the ruthless spirit of an emperor.But I still think too simply, he is too weak to resist his mother, not even his younger brother.

The duty of the attendant, apart from timely remonstrance, is to take care of the emperor's daily life.Naturally, in order to protect Zhao Wang Ruyi, he insisted on living together with the two of us, and my uncle Sun Yuantong and I have a thorough understanding.

But he is still too naive, Lu Zhi will not let Liu Ruyi live, nor will he in this era.

——Zhang Shizhong, such as... King Zhao, I ask you to take care of him.

- Sincerely.

I watched the back of Liu Ying and Uncle Sun Yuan leave and closed my eyes, and I clenched the flagon in my sleeve.

(17)

The smell of wine permeated wantonly in the room, and Liu Ruyi asked vaguely from the bed behind him: "Brother...?"

"Return to King Zhao," he turned around and saluted, and the response was fluent, "Your Majesty went out to hunt this morning, and you were sleeping peacefully so I didn't call you."

He was already awake, and frowned rather displeasedly: "Then why are you here?"

"His Majesty entrusts the minister to—"

"lie."

"Your Majesty asked the minister to take care of King Zhao."

"You're lying." He tilted his chin slightly, looked at me and asserted without hesitation, "You came to kill me."

"As for the Empress Dowager." I picked up a few cups and calmly said, "Master, please give this to King Zhao Ruyi."

"Ha." He sneered, "Sure enough, it's Lu Zhi." He said again: "I'm curious... If I didn't expect it wrong, Zhang Shizhong... Eleven?"

"Zhao Wang Mingjian."

"She would be at ease letting a yellow-mouthed child do the assassination."

"There are other people waiting outside, so you don't need to worry about it. Besides—You are only fourteen years old, King Zhao, and you are also a serious problem for the Empress Dowager."

He was silent for a long time and said, "Sure enough, you're smart—that's why I hate you, from the first time I saw you."

"Truly and frightened."

"I never thought of competing with him for the throne."

"I understand."

"That's why King Zhao died because of the way of the world."

"It's not that your brother doesn't want to stay."

"Well said." He narrowed his eyes happily, and said in a mocking tone, "You are so pitiful."

"Yes."

"Gu said you are so pitiful."

"I know." I smiled lightly, "You don't need to explain."

"Well, that's fine." His hand that took the wine glass was trembling, and I saw deep and shallow moisture in his eyes, "Your name...is Zhang Pijiang. Dai Gu...sends a message to His Majesty."

"promise."

"You said: 'It must be that Ruyi is living without intention...'" He drank the wine straight down, and then coughed hoarsely, almost tearing his throat, "cough..." I just sigh that Ruyi and elder brother... were born at the wrong time ——'"

"'Ruyi, I have never complained to my elder brother...nor...to my Majesty.'"

(18)

Never complained.

It was so naive that I almost laughed out loud.I want to say how can you not complain, how can you not want to, King Zhao, and then I saw how he died.

That's with a smile.The face was almost distorted, the face that was originally as charming as Mrs. Qi's face was bruised and purple due to the poison, and against that smile, it was extremely ironic and weird.

He said, you are so pitiful.

I almost subconsciously turned my back and ran out of the house.Yes, I understand why I am sympathetic to him—whether I feel relieved for my father or become his successor, in the final analysis, I am just a sacrificial offering of the family.But why?Why did he mention it?His mercy?His pride?That kind of thing... that kind of thing—

It was as if a fire burned from the throat to the abdomen.

I think I was scared after all.Ability that is not acquired through experience, even if you have it, you can't bear it.I want to meet someone like crazy, the person who gave me everything, my father, even, Qu Nihou.

—A counselor is not a soldier, nor a dead man.

His words pierced through his mind like lightning.

—You can kill, but not blood.

enough……

——A counselor forced to be stained with blood...

Don't say enough!

——It’s just an abandoned child.

"what……"

The pain was almost suffocating.The vision became clear and blurred, and he couldn't help leaning down——

"Zhang Shizhong...? Zhang Shizhong? Zhang... Bijiang?!"

In a trance, I heard Shu Sun Yuan's surprised cry.

It seemed as if he could detect the silent mourning coming from the inner hall behind him.

(19)

I couldn't tell when and where I was, and I was in a daze.

"Are you awake?" Someone reached out to touch my forehead, "The medical officer said that you are in a hurry and need to rest more, so don't rush to get up."

"... Shaoqing?" I was in a daze for a while and finally recognized the person's identity, and he responded with a smile as usual: "It's me."

"What time is it?"

"The child's hour is coming."

"His Majesty--"

"Your Majesty wants you to go back to the palace to recuperate, and you don't need to come to the palace in the next few days."

"Shaoqing...don't lie to me."

"I didn't—"

"Your hands are cold."

He looked at the palm subconsciously for a moment, and sighed for a long time: "I really can't hide it from you."

"What did His Majesty say?"

"Your Majesty told you... to go to his bedroom immediately after waking up."

(20)

Almost as expected, the moment I closed the door and stepped into the inner room, I was crushed to the ground with great force.The already not sober mind was even more confused by the impact, the shoulders and legs were restrained, and a hand was directly stuck in the throat.I heard Liu Ying panting violently and asking in a very low voice: "Say! Who is the one who killed King Zhao?!"

The discomfort in my throat made me unbearable to cough: "Cough... If your majesty really only asks this matter, why is it so... so grand."

"..."

"Your Majesty, don't you already have the answer?" I sneered, "I'm afraid it's exactly what you thought—it was the minister who killed Zhao——"

"To shut up!"

The dizziness hit the brain directly, subconsciously bowed and coughed, and then was suppressed more violently.He finally looked like his father—yelling like crazy, "Why?! Why do you—"

"'Ruyi has never complained against her elder brother.'"

I can even imagine his shocked face.

"Cough...'Nor...cough...never complained to His Majesty.'"

"what……"

"The words have been delivered by the minister. Also, King Zhao said that he never thought of competing with you."

So everything is just your unreasonable speculation, I can see the short sword in your robe, and the flustered expression after you are often in a trance.You and the Empress Dowager are the ones who hold the sword, and I am just a sword to fulfill your wishes.

Yes, the people in the palace don't need to be stained with blood, everything can only be pushed on the abandoned son.

regret?Or angry?The feeling of suffocation was overwhelming, and I almost spoke with some joy: "Your Majesty...are you going to kill the minister?"

His movements froze for a moment.

"Your Majesty, do you hate me so much that you want to kill me with your own hands?"

"so what?!"

"Then kill it.

"When I was one year old, Han Wangxin once said that he would rather I had never been born. When I was two years old, Hu Yuhou said that I should not be born in this world. If I were not for my father at the age of ten, I should be buried in the hands of the late emperor. Now your majesty wants to kill my ministers—just abandoning me. My son, you can just kill him, and it will satisfy the hearts of the world. I am a minister who everyone wants to kill, and your move... is very satisfying, Your Majesty."

Consciousness slowly moved away, and suddenly all confinement was loosened.In a trance, a faint fire ignited in the room, and he held an oil lamp and looked down like an emperor from a high position: "Do you want to die?"

"No." Without knowing why, he responded with a smile, "But if His Majesty wants to, I will let His Majesty deal with it."

"Ha." He laughed shortly, "But unfortunately, I have no intention of killing you right now."

I was almost dazed when the sharp object pierced my ankle, and then I realized that I was screaming, never before... screaming.The pain from that night three years ago came to my mind, and I thought jokingly, fortunately it was not wood.Blood oozes from his lower lip, and the taste of rust in his mouth is surprisingly sweet.

"Emperor Gao once said to me that killing your enemy is worse than destroying it." He approached playfully, his pupils glowing with fire, "Try it today...it's true. Zhang Shizhong, what do you say? What is it called in the art of war? 'Attacking the heart is the first'? Zhang Shizhong's art of war was always the best among the three, do you understand the truth?"

"Does it hurt?" He stroked his chin in the cold, and he smiled secretly as he got closer, not at all like the gentle boy in the daytime, "If you can scream with this little pain, you will probably be called dumb later. throat?"

"Zhang Shizhong knows that you are now in the position of servant, what is your duty?" He continued without waiting for me to speak, "Admonition? Serving the emperor's daily life? It's just part of it——Lu Wan, the king of Yan, was once a high-ranking official. As the emperor's servant, he did his best for it."

It seems that there are some dangerous words and phrases lingering in my mind, I can't distinguish them clearly and dare not pursue them.

He pressed up again, reached the top of my hair with his right hand and loosened the hair tie, his fingers sank into the long hair and brushed the pinnae of the ear: "If the man looks like this, he is really a monster. Zhang Shizhong, tell me, did Emperor Gao Regret, did not touch Liuhou?"

What is he saying……

"You still don't understand?" He leaned into my ear and whispered, "I want you to sleep with me."

Something choked for breath.I opened my eyes wide in panic, and my whole body and even my fingers suddenly felt as warm as ice and snow.I once imagined that I would die here, and that I would even be tortured by him in every possible way just now, but I never thought about it... no, I was vaguely aware of it, but I didn't dare to think about it.

I thought that was impossible.

He took off his coat and threw it aside casually, and leaned straight towards my waist.Shame mixed with fear stimulated my whole body to tremble, and I tried my best to control the trembling in my voice: "Your Majesty, stop."

He is silent.The belt fell apart easily, leaving only a jacket.

"Your Majesty, stop!"

He laughed mockingly: "Why?"

Immediately he was stunned, the coldness pierced through his clothes and reached his waist, I grabbed the short knife he put in his outer robe and tried to calmly say: "Pingchen killed a prince yesterday, today I don't mind killing another day."

His face showed a bit of bewildered blankness, I added with a light smile: "I believe that the Queen Mother doesn't mind."

That's what you mean by attacking the heart first.

I saw him look confused and strange, and eventually even childlike, weak and frightened.I think he was pathetic after all, but he never regretted his actions.

As you said, dead hands.

"roll."

The knife was still in his hand, and his ankle hurt as if he would fall to his knees the next moment.The bloodstains continued, but the distance of five feet had never been so far away.My field of vision was shaking and spinning, and I collapsed powerlessly.

Not so good...

The aroma of pine and bamboo lingered in the nose, someone shouted something vaguely, the voice was hoarse and anxious.

"help me……"

There's no way of knowing what's coming out of your mouth, just speaking is like trying your best.

"Young Master."

(21)

It's like having a very long dream.

Traveling through time and place as if out of shape, waking up in a trance and then sleeping again.The dream goes back to the first birth, or even the past that has only been heard.

The man with delicate features looked at the ruined auxiliary car and didn't notice the blood on his lower lip. He turned his back, and the next moment he knelt down in front of the old man and put on his shoes respectfully; The flames of war were as bloody as the sky, and that night he galloped towards the cold stream; even the emperor I had never really looked at, I saw him laughing and talking nonsense about sharing a share with me, blood dripped from his fist , Then he fell behind the haystack, numb and broke the long arrow in his chest.

Immediately I saw that man, he was leaning against the wall and holding a bamboo tube in his hand to listen to his sister-in-law's angry words, he was wearing a black robe and brought a woman to drink a cup with him, the two above him were tied together, their eyes were smiling, they were handsome, and finally saw him □The upper body playfully watched the thief boat go away, waded across the river, and then fell down.

But on purpose.He raised his hand to cover his eyes, his lips moved slightly like a wry smile, and his voice was inaudible.

"...Chen Ping...you are crazy."

It seems to understand something, but it seems to have never understood.When the man got up, his gaze was cold, as if he could see through everything, and then he just sighed.

Even if it is the posture of heaven and man, it has fallen into dust after all.

Someone's voice lingers endlessly.

You are too proud and too humble.

Darkness erodes vision.

You are young, but you think you are old.

Like being at the bottom of a weak river, breathing long and silent.

You want to take on everything too much, but forget the limits of your abilities and the bottom line.

There was light spreading in a trance, and when I looked up, I saw the man with his usual smile, and couldn't help but suffocate.

——It’s just a weird brat.

Startled, then shed tears.

Everything goes away.

(22)

The wound didn't run through the ankle as I imagined, but it was deep enough.At that time, what Liu Ying was holding was his hairpin, which had already been taken out and returned to its original owner by her uncle Sun Yan.He didn't mention Liu Ying's reaction, only said that the Queen Mother seemed to have done something to Madam Qi, and that His Majesty couldn't afford it.To add one last sentence, the Empress Dowager said that you and I do not need to take care of His Majesty this month.

"I'm really grateful." I responded jokingly.He said angrily: "If the Queen Mother doesn't say anything, is it possible that you still have to enter the palace to serve His Majesty? Do you know how badly you were injured this time?!"

"How much?"

"There is a tendon injury, and it's almost broken." He glanced at me displeased, "Thanks to your young age, otherwise the root cause of the disease would easily remain. The medical officer said, at least two months of recuperation. Just stay here, don't even think about it." Take a step outside..."

Up to now he has not proposed to send me back to Liuhou Mansion, not even to inform my family.We've been together for three years, and we understand each other not to mention our heart-to-heart.He understands that I can't expose myself in such a state of embarrassment to Zhang Buyi's sight, my duty and my pride don't allow it.

"Shaoqing." I directly interrupted his chatter, "I want to see Shangshan Sihao."

"It's embarrassing for the waiter." He still smiled lightly, but there was no smile in his eyes, "Si Hao lives in the palace, it would be easy if you and I were still in the job..."

"I want to see my father."

"...Do you want to destroy your leg?!" He seemed really angry, "Don't be self-willed, you know where Liu Hou is now----"

"I know." I raised my hand and clenched his sleeve tightly, "I think I know, so I need verification... So, Shaoqing, help me one more time... I beg you."

(23)

When did you notice it?

Maybe it was the moment of remembering the old agreement, maybe it was the rare moment when they heard their love put into words, maybe it was the day when Emperor Gao passed away.

I got the news from Liu Ying, and I went out to see the imperial doctor running around. After a little thought, I can understand what happened.I think I was crazy that day, and actually stopped that man from driving.The hair tie was ink stained into his palm, and as he drove away, I finally realized what was out of the ordinary.

He didn't look at me, the whole time.

Even if they dared to use their friendship as a bargaining chip, they still couldn't let it go at this moment.So, so----

"Several gentlemen, the younger generation has a doubt, and I hope you can answer it."

"If so, let's say it."

"Bigu, can you really become a Taoist and cultivate an immortal?"

"can."

"Then if you want to cultivate immortality, why not?"

"If you have other desires in your heart, do it against your heart."

(24)

I assert that my father is still in Zhongnan, just because Zhongnan is in Chang'an, and the two actually look at each other.Uncle Sun Yuanzhi couldn't stop him, so he just insisted on walking with me.The mountain road is still flat, so he rides with me.The two of them were silent all the way, until he saw an old man lying on the edge of the forest not far away, he said: "Go and ask about the situation on the mountain."

He dismounted from his horse and walked towards him, and asked the old man a salute, but the other party seemed to ignore him, so he had to give another salute and then returned, saying: "Old man..."

"It's very big." I couldn't help laughing, and took off the cane hanging on the horse's side to get off the horse. He frowned and hesitated to speak, and finally sighed and reached out to help.

A little closer, I motioned for him to let me go forward alone.At this time, less than ten days have passed since the day of injury, and he should not try to walk, but now, he has no time to worry about it.

When he was less than ten feet away from the old man, he turned over and looked straight up.He was dressed in short brown, and his beard and hair were all white and scattered, but he was not unkempt.I was stunned and was about to salute, but he closed his eyes and kicked off the cloth shoes on his feet, and said in a hoarse voice: "Young child, get down and take the shoes."

I was shocked when I heard the words, subconsciously clenched the cane so tightly that it was almost embedded in my palm, and I noticed that my voice was trembling: "Old man... what did you say just now?"

"I said, boy." He opened his eyes lazily, with a look of contempt and amusement, "Go down and take the shoes."

(25)

The slightly sloping slope made it difficult for me to walk. Even if I set the speed to the slowest, the more severe pain in my ankle was disturbing.The moment I bent down to pick up the shoes, I couldn't help biting my lower lip.Forget it, I won't become a useless person because of this moment.When I got up, I saw the old man standing in front of me, and said to me, "Put on your shoes."

So he bent down again, but it seemed to be sitting upright.When I was about to wear shoes with him, I heard him say again, which was very meaningful: "Today is not a world of war."

"Junior understands."

"In this way, what I can give you will destroy you."

"The younger generation has already gained a lot, so don't expect more."

"Now, why are you here?"

"...Pijiang just wants to see my father." I responded softly, and after putting on his shoes, I tried my best to bow down, "Student Zhang Pijiang, I'm paying my respects to my master."

(26)

"stand up."

The voice was calm and calm.I couldn't figure out what he was thinking, so I tried to stand up anxiously.Unable to balance on one leg, he staggered up, and finally got a hand from him to stand still.Just as I was about to thank you, I saw him frowning and staring at me, like staring at his disobedient grandson: "What's wrong with your leg?"

speechless.There is no way to explain it.

"Taking advantage of your youth to ruin your body casually? How can you have a temper with your father." He let go of his hands and looked me up and down for a while, "Come here again tomorrow, and I will treat you."

"This... there is no need..."

"You can't trust me?" He folded his arms and moaned, "I saved your father when he was shot into a hedgehog. Your little injury..."

I didn't mean to laugh out loud.

I just can't imagine, hedgehog-like...father...

"What are you laughing at?" Glancing over, "I'm laughing at my old man who can't even wear shoes and still treats people for injuries?"

"No...cough, I dare not."

"Tomorrow's hour, here." He didn't pursue further, turned and left, "It's not too late."

(27)

"Never change after repeated teaching." Shu Sun Yan shook his head and sighed, and finally repeated, "Never correct after repeated teaching."

But he seems to have gotten used to it even after I've tried repeatedly.He's been there for me since we first met, even when he can't understand...even when he's put himself in danger for it.

any idea.He responded with a smile.Who told Yuan to meet you.

But you, also calm down.The more you do, the more dangerous and difficult it is...to leave.

(28)

It is said that it is Chen Shi, but because of the legend, no one dares to arrive at Chen Shi.Uncle Sun Yuan sent me up the mountain halfway through Mao, and after a while Huang Shigong arrived leisurely, and when he saw us all arrived, he snorted without confidence: "Zhang Pijiang will come with me, that kid over there will go back, and we will be with you when he recovers from his injuries." trouble."

Uncle Sun Yuan gave me a helpless smile, then galloped away on horseback.I tried my best to keep up with Mr. Huang Shi, and asked cautiously: "Master, Pijiang must stay here...will you stay until you are injured?"

"do you have any opinion?"

"Don't dare. But Pijiang's clothes are still in Chang'an, whether..."

"Deep mountains and old forests, who cares what you wear." He paused, "Besides, it's your father's house, so just use his clothes and change it."

"Father... Father's house?!" I grabbed his arm and yelled out of control, "Where is father?! Is he here?!"

He didn't say a word, until I realized my unreasonableness and let him go, he said slowly: "Not here."

Even knowing that hope is slim, those two words still hit me like a blow to the head.I muttered in a trance: "Then, where is father...?"

"Follow Chisongzi." He replied angrily, "Go to Yuntai."

(29)

The furnishings are the same as those at home, the same, extremely simple.In the corner of the bedroom, there are several desks, and the bamboo slips and silk scrolls are stuffed to the brim.

Recalling the military camp back then, when I was young, I tried my best to explore the white silk——

The wind generally slips from the fingers.

Light robes and belts, toast to the moon.The affection in the ink stains is so strong that it cannot be resolved, and the face is as beautiful as a crown jade, and it fades away from the eyes.

Suddenly, he burst into tears, not bearing the consequences and not thinking about the consequences... Crying sadly.I never thought that I would lose control to this point, and I couldn't explain my emotions and choked my chest.Whoever stepped into the room took off the silk from the shelf and stuffed it to me.

"I haven't seen him draw, when did he accumulate so much." Fuzzily heard him say, "Your."

Tears were wiped away and poured out again, but I couldn't see clearly anyway.And he sighed: "You shouldn't come...why did you come."

"I want...I want to see him." Unconsciously repeated, "I want to see him."

"Why?"

why.

Enduring boundless pain for chasing for so long.

Why?

"Because... Bijiang, I'm afraid."

They say, it's okay, you can do it, you're just too young, let me help you.But no one will tell me that you were wrong from the beginning.

"Always, I've been afraid... I'm afraid that the next step will be so wrong that I can never recover."

The desire to see him laugh and hear him say it's all right, don't be afraid, almost overwhelmed my reason.

"In the end...I want to feel at ease..."

help me.

"Want to know he's always been there."

If I were not Zhang Pijiang, I would have no scruples to ask.Why must he leave even though he is thinking about it, why his figure is always standing in the distance, why he can never see clearly where his eyes are.I could even yell at him because of it, why must it be, why, leave me alone.

"Want to know he hasn't forgotten us."

But I am.I know all the reasons he holds, but what is the use of knowing, it only increases the hopelessness: knowing that no one will relieve my panic when I wake up several times in the endless night.Who roared, why, this is too ridiculous and strange.And I wanted to follow him to explode like that, but I can't deny it, because I...

"I want him to take me away."

(30)

You... Eleven.When he left, your elder brother was only at the age of curly hair.He left just in time, but also too early.If you are old... Listen, now you are good at strategy, but your mind is not mature enough.You can only enter the game when you are in critical condition, and it is even more risky to use yourself as a bargaining chip.If you are in control, letting go temporarily will not lose everything.They are not indifferent puppets, and you are not a fairy with boundless magic power. Even your father will not try to protect everyone.

You are not like him, not only because you are immature, but also because you are too deeply influenced by that kid.Don't think about replacing him, don't think about being him.No matter how difficult the situation is, there are ways to reverse it, but if you set up a situation for yourself, you will be powerless in the end.

You were raised by them, but you must remember that you cannot be them.You have a long way to go, you will meet many people who can teach you, you will learn from them, you will be like them - but you can only be yourself and become no one.

The author has something to say: