Please don't be so hard on me!

On the evening of the second day, Miao Cun waited for a long time in the activity room. The doctor on duty kept saying that Mr. Luo was on his way, so Miao Cun also waited quietly. After waiting for a long time, he finally arrived at the busy Luo Yuanhe.

For this result, Miao Cun's heart was very calm, he would not vent his noise, and he would not insist on eating that flavor of ice cream as he did when he got sick, not Elephant, not vanilla, not 180g , it won't work.

Professor Zhou said that knowing how to compromise and reconcile is a sign that his disease is getting better.

"In this world, only sick people have the opportunity to be self-willed, and normal people are always understanding life."

"Normal people are pitiful."

Luo Yuanhe finally cleaned up the new house thoroughly yesterday.He handled the discharge procedures for Miao Cun and took him back to his new home.

Whether it's the color of the sheets and wallpaper, or the cedar forest-like fragrance in the air, or the studio, they are all familiar to Miao Cun.

Hanging on the wall are several works of Miao Cun, which he once gave to Luo Yuanhe. The pinyin of his name is mentioned in the lower right corner. One of the paintings is a profile silhouette. The whole painting has only two colors, one One is a dark blue similar to Klein's, and the other is a deeper blue-black, which is an attempt made by Miao Cun when he first came into contact with expressionism, with thick and bold strokes.Miao Cun pointed and recognized it: "It's you."

"When?" Luo Yuanhe questioned him.

Miao Cun thought for a while: "One winter, we went to sketch on the Sino-Russian border."

"Heihe."

Following these two words, what came to mind was the Russian red-roofed church across the river, the vast land covered with snow, and the exposed black treetops. But, like a string of ellipses in winter.

That morning was really cold. At night, the temperature dropped to minus 35 degrees. When they looked at the thermometer, the words they spoke suddenly condensed into hoarfrost, giving the words substance.The tents of the frontier men were thicker than quilts, and the stoves burned continuously, but that did not help.In order to record the color of the night at high latitudes, they set an alarm and went out to look at the sky every two hours.The tent door was only opened a thin crack, and the wind choked the broken snow into his breath, and even the respiratory tract felt a burning cold feeling.

They wore fleece liners, down jackets, and military overcoats, with heaters and paints in their arms, quilts wrapped in quilts, and cashmere gloves on their hands. When mixing colors, Miao Cun leaned on Luo Yuanhe's shoulder.

They witnessed many kinds of blues that night. When they were coloring, they were not a faithful record of nature, but a record of atmosphere, emotion, moonlight, bonfire, tree shadows and rivers. Some were as thick as a winter night, and some Painted on it, even if there is no moon in the painting, it can remind people of the tenderness under the moonlight. The next day, the stretched white canvas is like a blue gradient color spectrum, which they left for the tent owner.

Miao Cun raised his hand and touched the expressionist oil painting. The brush strokes had dried up, and he permanently preserved the mood when painting with a firm posture.With a thought, he unscrewed the paint and mixed a few strokes on the palette: "Heihe blue." Continue to add white paint: "Don river blue." As blue as the moonlight, he raised his eyes, looked at Luo Yuanhe, and said firmly, "Luo Yuanhe is blue."

In a trance, I heard the wind passing by Lin Shao, and the bonfire was burning.

Thanks to the blessing of living nearby, I no longer have to get up early every day to squeeze the elevated highway. Miao Cun went to the hospital for class after getting enough sleep. Luo Yuanhe would accompany him until noon, and had lunch with him before going to the hospital. A trip to school or the studio, and then come back after three o'clock.

The venetian blinds on the glass windows of the communication room were never closed, and Miao Cun didn't know that Luo Minghan, who he thought always broke his promise to him, was actually watching him outside every afternoon.

Assistant Xiao Lin couldn't tell the difference on the first day. When he saw him walk into the waiting room, he thought it was Luo Yuanhe who had left and returned, and asked in surprise, "Why are you back?" Then he slapped his forehead belatedly: " Oh, it's another Mr. Luo."

Luo Minghan came more often, and Xiao Lin was no stranger to it.

When he came, he didn't do anything, just watched Miao Cun outside, and also held some conference calls, all in business English, which Xiao Lin couldn't understand very well.Fortunately, the hospital is a high-end and expensive private hospital, and waiting rooms like this are only open to the family members of the parties concerned, so they will not disturb anyone.

Luo Minghan always left at the end of the class, quietly, without leaving a single word.

"You can wait for Miu Miao to chat with him after class," Xiao Lin tried to suggest, "He is improving so fast now, you will be surprised."

But Luo Minghan told her not to tell anyone.

·

Every day after class in the hospital, Luo Yuanhe would take Miao Cun around and help him retrieve the past images and emotions bit by bit.

He took Miao Cun back to the old studio in the past, which has long been abandoned, but it has always been preserved.It was a wing room in a small courtyard, outside was a tall acacia tree, and every summer during the summer vacation, the acacia flower bloomed, pink, like a bird's crown, fluffy and scribbled. Vigorous, that is Miao Cun's favorite month of the year.

The old-fashioned brass lock was inserted into the long key, and with a click, the lock cylinder was opened, and the opposite door was pushed open from the middle, and the dust floated in the afternoon sun for a while.

The inside is still the same, full of plaster statues, and there are two easels facing each other, but there are no canvases on them.Behind the wall is a low lattice cabinet that is as wide as the room, and the paint tubes are dazzling.

Miao sat down on the chair, forgot to dust off the dust, and raised his hand, as if painting, but there was no painting in front of him, and no pen in his hand.

The yard is very old, and the owner has moved overseas, and everything is left to relatives to take care of, so the concrete floor is still rough and uneven. Miao Cun couldn't figure out how he laid the floor here. Later, Luo Yuanhe moved a place for him. When Zhang Xingjun came over, Miao Cun had even more reason not to leave, and spent the whole summer vacation here.

He likes it best at ninety in the morning, when the sun has climbed as high as the ridge of the roof, and Luo Yuanhe comes over with soy milk and fried dough sticks, stepping on the fallen flowers all over the ground.

Because the Albizia julibrissin flower fell very distressed, Luo Yuanhe and him painted with the Albizia juliensis flower, and the pigment solidified the Albizia juliensis flower on the painting, just like insects solidified in the golden sap, becoming amber that will never dim.

When Miao Cun thought of this, it was as if he had retrieved a piece of a lost memory puzzle, and immediately asked, "The painting of Albizia julibrissinus..."

What fell with the voice was the white cloth that Luo Yuanhe lifted.It's strange that no dust has ever risen on it.Under the soft light, one after another of the past studies were stacked neatly on the ground. Luo Yuanhe held the white cloth, looked at him with both eyes, and said softly: "Here."

There are even immature works by Miao Cun when he was ten years old.

Miao Cun squatted down, turned over one by one, and gradually became a sitting cross-legged posture, "I have copied Schiller before."

"This human body...is distorted enough."

"This is when I first started practicing light and shade and warm and cold." Miao Cun couldn't help laughing, "What a dirty color scheme."

"This still life is not bad."

The alley outside the studio is covered with golden ginkgo leaves, and it is silent when you step on it.There were few people here, and a few sparrows were parked on the wires. Miao Cun looked up at the high blue and gray walls and the vermilion lacquered gate, and put his hands in his pockets: "Why hasn't the landlord taken back the house yet?"

"I bought it." Luo Yuanhe said casually, "Now the landlord is me."

Surprised, Miao Cun turned around and saw Luo Yuanhe's calm expression.

"Have you bought it? Just this room, or the whole yard?"

"Have you ever seen a courtyard house sold separately?" Luo Yuanhe patted his forehead.

Although this is not a central location, the price of the courtyard is sky-high no matter what. Miao Cun didn't expect Luo Yuanhe to be so rich, so he couldn't help asking: "When did it happen? Did it double?"

Luo Yuanhe was amused by him: "The year before last, it was okay, when I bought five paintings, now there are three."

"Ah?" Miao Cun was heartbroken: "I have lost so much."

"It's my paintings that have increased in price."

"..."

Even though the property right was obtained the year before last, it is clear that no one has lived in or used the yard in the past three years. Only the firmness of the acacia tree and the cleanliness of the studio reveal the information that people often patronize and take care of it.

"Are you going to move here?"

But this place is far away from the university town, it has crossed two districts. Luo Yuanhe's pursuit is "more money, less work, closer to home", so it should be impossible to seek far away.

"What do you want to use it for?" Luo Yuanhe asked Miao Cun noncommittally.

Miao Cun thought seriously, his eyebrows relaxed, "Open a gallery, hold an art exhibition, or rent it to others as a studio, just like you did back then."

"It wasn't me back then, it was us back then." Luo Yuanhe corrected him indifferently, without emphasizing it, as if it should have been said so.

Miao Cun suddenly forgot what was on his lips, and only glanced away flusteredly.

·

Luo Yuanhe's method should have been communicated with Professor Zhou in advance, because when Miao Cun was in class the next day, Professor Zhou asked him with a smile if he had regained his past mood.

Miao Cun was confused when he returned: "I don't think about it." He said willfully.

"why?"

"Because I have to solve a very difficult problem after I'm done."

Professor Zhou was very patient: "What's the problem?"

Miao Cun was stopped by the question, he was at a loss for a while, and honestly said: "I don't know yet."

Professor Zhou was taken aback, and then leaned back with a smile. He nodded, and his smile was still unfinished: "I'm writing a popular science book about autism. If I don't include you in it, my case will be half as boring!"

Luo Minghan didn't know what they were talking about so happily, but seeing that Miao Cun pursed the corners of his lips to Professor Zhou, he felt at ease.He went on a business trip to another city yesterday morning. After finishing the matter, he declined all offers from the organizer, flew back at noon, and stayed all night for another night. He was exhausted by now.

When Miao Cun came out, he saw him falling asleep on the sofa, the coffee was still steaming at hand.

"Why did you come out?" Assistant Lin looked at his watch, "It's not the end time yet."

"Professor Zhou asked me to fetch a document for him."

Assistant Lin immediately understood that this was a kind of test, to test the extent of Miao Cun's willingness to interact with others.She found the document according to Miao Cun's report and handed it to him.

Miao Cun took the few thin pages, turned around and walked back to the communication room. When he reached the door, he stopped hesitantly and looked at Luo Minghan.

"Put him a blanket," he said. "Have you got a blanket?"

In fact, the air conditioner is on, so it won't be cold, but Assistant Lin still found a blanket for Luo Minghan to cover according to his words.Miao Cun entered the communication room with a heart, handed the documents to Professor Zhou, and said, "I would like to ask for half an hour's leave."

Professor Zhou didn't ask why, but just nodded.

Miao Cun returned to the waiting room and sat down on the warm fabric sofa.

The feeling of the sponge and spring sinking extended from reality to dream, Luo Minghan's closed eyes tightened, and then he woke up.Seeing Miao Cun sitting beside him facing the sunset, he thought it was a dream.

"drink water?"

Hearing his voice clearly, Luo Minghan woke up as if he had just woken up from a dream. He was startled and panicked for a moment, and was about to stand up while leaning on the pillow. Miao Cun asked unhappily, "Am I scary?"

Assistant Lin snorted, and handed the paper cup filled with warm water to Miao Cun, and Miao Cun handed it to Luo Minghan.

"You were sleeping soundly, and Miao Miao just came out," Assistant Lin explained jokingly, "I didn't betray you."

"It happens to be relatively free today, so I will pick you up early." Luo Minghan still kept his identity firmly in mind, and he didn't dare to show any lies.

Miao Cun had a very calm expression on his face, as if he was looking at him from afar, with probing and puzzled eyes.But he didn't expose Luo Minghan, he just said "hm", "Then let's go."

"No." Luo Minghan lost his footing, and after a messy silence for two seconds, he explained, "I suddenly remembered that I still have something to deal with. I'll pick you up after I'm done."

Miao Cunzhong sat down on the sofa again, "Then are you leaving now?"

"I……"

"Wait a little longer." Miao Cun said, "I want to sit with you for a while."

Assistant Lin stared cutely, rolled his eyes around, and walked away lightly and wittily.She also didn't know if Miao Cun had discovered that these were actually two brothers.

Luo Minghan didn't dare to act rashly anymore, he coughed and sat upright on the sofa.

The two didn't speak for a long time, Miao Cun propped his hand on the sofa, making a deep palm print.He leaned over, closed his eyes and kissed the corner of Luo Minghan's lips, then opened his eyes, and looked into Luo Minghan's eyes very close. Actively kissed him.

The second hand of the classical clock made a ticking sound.

Miao Cun later sat in Luo Minghan's arms, embraced by his hands, kissed until his clothes were crumpled.

When he went back to class again, his lips were rosy and slightly swollen, and it seemed that he had done nothing wrong.Professor Zhou said meaningfully: "I know what the problem you want to solve is now."

"What is it?" Miao Cun himself hadn't figured it out yet, and he hoped that Professor Zhou could point it out for him.

"I can't tell." Professor Zhou kept a secret with him.

Every time I come here, the Land Rover is parked in the open parking lot of the hospital.Luo Minghan sat down and went in.His coat fell off, and he loosened his tie knot irritably, lit his cigarette again, and held on to the steering wheel without moving for a long time.

An immoral, twisted sense of guilt consumed him.

It bewitched him like opium.

Even if he knew well that he was stealing the kiss that belonged to Luo Yuanhe, even if he knew that he was just a substitute, he couldn't control it, and he loved it.

He was so despicable that his soul dragged his body and sank into hell.

He went again the next day.

The same goes for the third day.

On the fourth day, before Miao Cun came out, Luo Yuanhe suddenly arrived early.

The scene was so weird that even Assistant Lin didn't know how to greet him, so he could only walk out of the room despondently against the wall.

The words of the two brothers are far stranger than before.

"Don't lie to him while he's sick." Luo Yuanhe's words were objective, but not pleasant, like a sharp thumbtack in Luo Minghan's heart.

He looked at Luo Minghan, his attitude was not tough, let alone barbed, but stated a fact: "If Miu Miao can distinguish you and me, he will know that you lied to him. If he can't distinguish, your deception more selfish."

"When he recovers, I will disappear completely."

Luo Yuanhe was noncommittal to his words, and thought for a while: "Miao Miao has remembered a lot of things from the past recently, if you really can't let go, you can try to tell him that your name is Luo Minghan."

"What do you remember?" Luo Minghan's eyes lit up, but his heart sank.

His anticipation, nervousness, and fear all turned into a kind of imperceptible embarrassment, which was seen through by Luo Yuanhe.

"I haven't thought of you yet." He gave a direct answer.

Luo Minghan clenched his fists tightly, as if he was going to get angry, but he didn't have a stance, he put on his coat and passed Luo Yuanhe.

Luo Yuanhe looked at the angry and hurried back: "When he recovers, I will tell him that Xishuangbanna was spent by you with him, and I will let him choose by himself."

Luo Minghan's footsteps froze slightly, "No need."

He didn't have to humiliate himself, the words Luo Minghan meant nothing to Miao Cun, even if he told him the truth, it would only make him loathe that memory together.Will like him, but it's all an illusion in a dream.How can it be true in a dream?

"I will pick him up later tomorrow." Luo Yuanhe finally said.

When the time came, Miao Cun took half an hour off as before, and when he came out, no one was seen, only Assistant Lin was sorting out the materials.

"He didn't come today." Assistant Lin said with a smile, "Mr. Luo hasn't arrived either."

The words that there is no silver here did not arouse Miao Cun's vigilance.

Assistant Lin actually didn't understand why Luo Yuanhe left and returned after 10 minutes.He seemed to simply want to avoid this direct side, to avoid whether seeing Miao Cun's face with his own eyes would be joy or disappointment.He didn't even ask Assistant Lin how Miao Cun and Luo Minghan got along and what they did these days.

Assistant Lin thought, Mr. Luo looked at the elegant and indifferent appearance of the bright moon and the breeze, and seemed to be very leisurely when facing Miao Cun, but there was probably an answer that he didn't want to face directly.

Miao Cun took a nap on the sofa and waited until Luo Yuanhe arrived.His eyes were bright and sober, and the childish ignorance gradually faded from his eyes, and he asked routinely: "Where are we going today?"

Luo Yuanhe handed him a black mask, and the two drove for an hour and arrived at the Academy of Fine Arts before the sky darkened.

The lights in the teaching building and the studio were all on, and there were students coming out for dinner on the road. Both teachers and students wore black masks and walked slowly from the road they used to walk until they reached the studio under the name of Luo Yuanhe.On the way, he was recognized by a few sharp-eyed students, Luo Yuanhe had to pull off his mask to deal with it, and answered a few questions from them.The senior sister named Min Si who has a good relationship with Miao Cun is also there, and she keeps staring at Miao Cun: "Why do I think you look so familiar?" She was puzzled.

Miao Cun winked at her.

Min Si had a sudden realization, and whispered in his ear: "Well, you little Miao Cun, you're here on a date with Mr. Luo, right?"

Before Miao Cun could explain, Min Si had already smiled and walked away, waving his hand: "Mr. Luo, happy Friday!"

A group of girls walked away with a smile, walked to Beihong Tower, and turned the corner to the confession bridge on the river.Luo Yuanhe listened to Min Si's whisper, and he tried his best to ask casually: "You mentioned to Min Si that you like me?"

Miao Cun was stunned, and suddenly turned his head to look at him, even if he only showed a pair of eyes, he could see his astonishment.

Luo Yuanhe stopped, and heard Miao Cun ask reflexively: "I...do I like you?"

Luo Yuanhe hooked off his mask and looked at him helplessly, his elegant and handsome face was vaguely angry: "Miao Cun," he rarely called him by name, "Is your illness a bit outrageous?"

Miao Cun was aggrieved.

"Can you even forget that you like me?"

Miao Cun glanced away, and said in a soft and guilty voice, "I don't seem to have confessed to you."

"Because—" Luo Yuanhe almost blurted out the past entanglements, but he held back and paused: "Think again."

Miao Cun curled his lips, thinking that Luo Yuanhe's angry and helpless appearance was a bit amusing.

"On February [-]rd in Montmartre, Paris, I sold paintings with you all night, and you owe me a bet." Luo Yuanhe helped him recall one by one.

"In front of the love wall, you learned 'I love you' in fifteen languages ​​from that gypsy performer, and you said every sentence while looking at me."

"What," Miao Cun retorted instinctively: "How is it possible, I dare not look at you at all."

Luo Yuanhe looked at him with a heavy face, and ordered him: "Don't you remember clearly, continue."

Miao Cun looked at the small arched Confession Bridge under the night: "We went to see the Louvre, and a sister accompanied us..."

"Jess."

"I thought she was your fiancée..."

"Just classmates."

"The last painting in Montmartre was painted by us together. A guest asked a question, but I couldn't understand it. Tell me, that person praised me for painting better than you."

Luo Yuanhe didn't speak.

"Did you make it up?"

"She said your boyfriend is more beautiful than a painting."

Miao Cun's face under the mask quickly heated up: "Why did you lie to me at that time?"

"How do you want me to translate with you?"

"Then what did you answer?" Miao Cun remembered after asking, Luo Yuanhe replied "merci" - thank you.

Luo Yuanhe took out something from his pocket, and by the moonlight and street lamps, Miao Cun recognized that it was the red string that Luo Yuanhe cut and put in his wallet.

"You gave it to me with your own hands." Luo Yuanhe held it up, just like the zero o'clock of that winter night half a year ago: "It's always the same as what you have in your hand, Miao Cun, I hope you can recall the mood of that day."

"Does it have to be now?"

"It must be now."

"why?"

Luo Yuanhe is a person who rarely persecutes others. He has always only done his own thing and lived his own life well, and he is unwilling to force or trouble others. To some extent, this can be regarded as a kind of indifference.For the first time, Miao Cun was pressed by him every step of the way.

"Because I dare not wait any longer." From a distance of two steps, Luo Yuanhe looked into his eyes calmly.

The little red rope was held between his fingers, and it was floating in the early winter breeze, like a spider's silk, as if it would go with the wind in the next second.

"I cut it once," he asked softly, "I don't know if there is a chance to tie it back now."

Miao Cun hesitated for a moment, and finally took the red rope.

Year after year on New Year's Eve, he tied his right hand with his left hand to help himself.

Year after year of summer vacation, he ran to his mother's grave, accompanied by wind and grass, thinking about what love is.

He compared the rope to Luo Yuanhe's wrist, twisting it intricately bit by bit, and knotted it, as if weaving inch by inch of memories into it.

"Cuncun, if you don't understand love all the time, how will you live your life well?" Those eyes, wrinkled early because of overwork, looked at her so worriedly.

That afternoon, he ran to the grave desperately and said to his mother, I know what it feels like to love someone, I will love, I am not a monster.

Another afternoon, someone cursed him with red eyes to expose him, saying that he didn't understand love at all, and whoever fell in love with him would be in bad luck for the rest of his life.

Someone taught him that love is warm, soft, like flowing water, and like wings.

He had been taught that love was rare, that most of them were just pretending to be normal, and he was just a slow learner.

In the night sky, a bunch of fireworks exploded out of nowhere, which is very rare in a city where fireworks and firecrackers are prohibited. Everyone raised their heads, wondering which fool was so ignorant of the sky, but this bunch of firecrackers exploded so beautifully, In an instant, Miao Cun's face was illuminated.

A hot tear fell on Luo Yuanhe's palm.

"I remembered, Brother Luo." Tears kept falling down one by one, but Miao Cun said with a smile, "I remembered everything."

He didn't know why, but when he remembered the moment of his love for Luo Yuanhe, his heart hurt like a knife, so that he couldn't breathe at all.

·

The first time he saw Miao Cun, Professor Zhou realized that it was another person who walked into this room today.

Miao Cun completed all the tests calmly, including written test measurements, long interviews, eye contact and interaction, and even a certain degree of stress test.He has no stereotyped behavior, no anxiety, no avoidance, he is calm and polite throughout the whole process, smiles, greets people back and forth, and maintains the social boundaries of adults. No matter from which latitude, he is already a qualified normal person .

When all this was done, it was already afternoon.Miao Cun opened the door, and finally thanked Professor Zhou. When he turned his eyes, he saw Luo Minghan walking from the end of the corridor.

"Today..." Luo Minghan wanted to ask why it was such a coincidence so early today, but from Miao Cun's eyes, he realized that something has changed since this moment.

"You don't have to come here again." Miao Cun closed the door of the communication room and let go of the doorknob, "Luo Minghan, I've already remembered everything."

"Miao Miao—" panic was engraved in Luo Minghan's eyes, he called him hastily, his Adam's apple rolled, but he didn't know what to say.

Miao Cun hooked his lips: "Thank you for being with me for so long, although it was in a deceptive way, I don't think we will have to see each other again."

"Miao Cun!" Luo Minghan swallowed, and took a step forward.

Miao Cun passed by his side and stopped: "You should know that every time I kiss, I regard you as Luo Yuanhe."